What do you tell the kids

[intothewoods]

he's certainly not traumatized in any way, again he's been raised in a M/s household all his life, it's all pretty normal to him. yes i am verbally reprimanded in public and around the kid, but then he's reprimanded in front of me so i figure we're even on that count. at times i'm physically disciplined in public, but never when t. is with us. he is aware that i am physically disciplined and punished at times, he often knows/senses the tension in the house when i have something like that coming to me. but he is certainly not a witness to it, or to the aftermath (tears, significant bruises, etc.), nor is he aware of the extent.

Is the punishment eroticized in front of him?

 

[gingermango]

Is the punishment eroticized in front of him?

I certainly hope not. That's asking for a whole host of trouble (on a lot of different levels).

 

[ownedsubgal]

Is the punishment eroticized in front of him?

it's not eroticized period, punishment isn't a sexy thing around here.

 

[intothewoods]

it's not eroticized period, punishment isn't a sexy thing around here.

Gotcha.



One thing that is tricky is the extent to which you feel you must keep your relationship dynamic private from the neighbors, coworkers, etc. I personally wouldn't want my child to feel like he has to keep secrets on my behalf.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Gotcha.



One thing that is tricky is the extent to which you feel you must keep your relationship dynamic private from the neighbors, coworkers, etc. I personally wouldn't want my child to feel like he has to keep secrets on my behalf.

well of course i have no coworkers, and my social life is limited to friends, family and acquaintances of my Master's. we're in the stuck-up suburbs, people here don't really seem to desire to get to know their neighbors. Daddy's son hates the kids around here, and will only socialize with the kids in his grandma's (Daddy's mom) neighborhood. she's 10 mins away and babysits for us often. if the neighbors here notice anything at all, it's only that i rarely leave the house. as far as Daddy's family, they just see us as having an old-fashioned type of relationship and everyone thinks it's sweet. when we've had sleepovers and such over here for t., sometimes the kids do seem to be confused about exactly who/what i am and will make comments to t. i don't act like a mom, i don't act like Dad's girlfriend. i overheard t. telling some kids once, when they asked who i was, "oh, that's my Dad's girl." i thought that was cute and accurate at the same time.

so really there are no secrets for him to keep, anything that he's exposed to we see as being part of a happy, well-functioning, loving Owner/slave dynamic.

 

[taniaaust1]

i too wonder how on earth one is meant to hide this lifestyle from ones kids if one is living it 24/7 .. it goes far beyond just sex. They could obviously see im like a slave to Him.

my Doms boys know He's in this lifestyle (19 yrs and 16/17 yrs) .. it would be hard to kind of hide as He has a fully set up dungeon room and most of His friends etc are in the scene too. His submissives (several of us).. serve Him (not sexually) including when His children are about.
(i assume the kids thou know He has more than one having sexual relationship with Him and probably hear Him playing in the dungeon at times).

my own children (not living with me)... my own girls (20 yrs and 17 yrs) think im weird and if asked i'd tell them about this lifestyle, i wouldnt try to keep it secret, they know im into kinky sexual stuff..but dont know that im a slave.

My own 20 yr old, when she was only 15 yrs, used to completely shock me with her own sexual knowledge, she was into kink stuff even back at that age, (thou she'd NEVER seen or heard me do anything, i wasnt even into this scene back then).
At 15 yrs she got her tongue pieced and i asked her why it had been pieced like that etc.. and was nearly bowled over with her reply about it being so she could give her boyfriend better oral sex . At 17.. she was getting better spanking sessions than i was (i could clearly hear them.. thou she's Dominant in nature, she loves to play submissively). (we havent discussed this stuff, it's just been hard to hide things).
...........................

Someone here said something about SSG's lack of control over her boy and that it's probably due to the fact that she's punished in front of him. From my own experience i'd like to say that that may not be the case.

im naturally submissive (very strong willed but a natural sub). Both my own children are far more dominant (extremely Dominant) in nature than i and due to that i tend to get constantly walked over by them. They are extremely disrespectful to me due to it.

When they lived with me they themselves controlled the house and i had no control over them. This wasnt cause i was punished in front of them (for i never was, i didnt even know about this scene back then).... i just had no control at all cause i was submissive and submissive to them. i struggled to act tough with them.. i struggled to punish them when they needed it.. i just rarely could do it. One could say they controlled me in many ways (and they did... Always getting their own way and forcing me to agree to things i didnt want).

 

[FurryFury]

Okay, to me there is a difference between being honest with your teens and thrusting your sexual life style in their faces. There is also a HUGE difference if your kids are younger than when they are older.

Personally, I believe that, if you are submissive to your kids, you are not parenting them. I see a lot of that in today's society. I don't think it's healthy for a family at all.

Finally, in my opinion a parent who is completely out to younger kids isn't being wise or healthy as a parent.

 

[gingermango]

Okay, to me there is a difference between being honest with your teens and thrusting your sexual life style in their faces. There is also a HUGE difference if your kids are younger than when they are older.

Personally, I believe that, if you are submissive to your kids, you are not parenting them. I see a lot of that in today's society. I don't think it's healthy for a family at all.

Finally, in my opinion a parent who is completely out to younger kids isn't being wise or healthy as a parent.

I agree with everything you wrote here.

 

[FurryFury]

I agree with everything you wrote here.

Thanks!



I expect to take some heat for it.

IMO, raising my kids has been a FAR more important thing to me than pushing my own interests.

*shrug*

 

[BeachGurl2]

Okay, to me there is a difference between being honest with your teens and thrusting your sexual life style in their faces. There is also a HUGE difference if your kids are younger than when they are older.

Personally, I believe that, if you are submissive to your kids, you are not parenting them. I see a lot of that in today's society. I don't think it's healthy for a family at all.

Finally, in my opinion a parent who is completely out to younger kids isn't being wise or healthy as a parent.

Very well said, FF. I'm sure you'll catch flak for this, but know you've got a few on your side, too.

 

[FurryFury]

Very well said, FF. I'm sure you'll catch flak for this, but know you've got a few on your side, too.

Thanks.

 

[intothewoods]

Okay, to me there is a difference between being honest with your teens and thrusting your sexual life style in their faces. There is also a HUGE difference if your kids are younger than when they are older.

Personally, I believe that, if you are submissive to your kids, you are not parenting them. I see a lot of that in today's society. I don't think it's healthy for a family at all.

Finally, in my opinion a parent who is completely out to younger kids isn't being wise or healthy as a parent.

Me too, but I'm glad you said it first.

 

[BiBunny]

I agree, too, FF. It's one reason I don't want kids. I want to not have to worry about how I live my life inside my home. What can I say? I'm selfish. But at least it's something I realized BEFORE I ever had kids, unlike a lot of people.

 

[FurryFury]

Me too, but I'm glad you said it first.

I guess I'm feeling ballsy tonight.

LOL.

 

[FurryFury]

I agree, too, FF. It's one reason I don't want kids. I want to not have to worry about how I live my life inside my home. What can I say? I'm selfish. But at least it's something I realized BEFORE I ever had kids, unlike a lot of people.

I agree with you too. You should, ideally, know yourself well before you make a decision to bring kids into the world. I wasn't that self aware. I wish I had been.

That being said, having kids is one of the healthiest things I ever did. As I've mentioned many times, I've made better decisions with them in mind than I would have for myself alone.

That's how my being submissive manifests itself. I put what I think is best for them and "man up" even when I'm not comfortable with it to make things happen that way.

My kids do not see me as the submissive sort at all.

 

[intothewoods]

I guess I'm feeling ballsy tonight.

LOL.

Where's the rousing support around here when I go uber mommy bitch? I guess I'm too much bitch, not enough mommy. Sighhhh.

 

[FurryFury]

Where's the rousing support around here when I go uber mommy bitch? I guess I'm too much bitch, not enough mommy. Sighhhh.

*HUG*

I'm not sure where and what you are referring to but . . .

*HUG*

 

[sexymom]

I think there's a fine line between "not being out to your children" and being honest with them. I don't condone lying to children in any way, yet in my world not lying doesn't mean voluntary full disclosure. There's a huge difference between telling your 10 yr old daughter that she was conceived during a sex act and having sex in her presence.

My goal (which, like most goals, I don't always achieve) is to protect my child from things which are beyond her age, and never tell her anything she's not ready for-- yet act in such a manner that as she grows older and more sophisticated, she is not surprised by the things she learns about me. In other words, to be myself to everyone in my life, as much as I can; considering the circumstances.

 

[FurryFury]

I think there's a fine line between "not being out to your children" and being honest with them. I don't condone lying to children in any way, yet in my world not lying doesn't mean voluntary full disclosure. There's a huge difference between telling your 10 yr old daughter that she was conceived during a sex act and having sex in her presence.

My goal (which, like most goals, I don't always achieve) is to protect my child from things which are beyond her age, and never tell her anything she's not ready for-- yet act in such a manner that as she grows older and more sophisticated, she is not surprised by the things she learns about me. In other words, to be myself to everyone in my life, as much as I can; considering the circumstances.

That sounds like sound parental policy to me.

 

[intothewoods]

I think there's a fine line between "not being out to your children" and being honest with them. I don't condone lying to children in any way, yet in my world not lying doesn't mean voluntary full disclosure. There's a huge difference between telling your 10 yr old daughter that she was conceived during a sex act and having sex in her presence.

My goal (which, like most goals, I don't always achieve) is to protect my child from things which are beyond her age, and never tell her anything she's not ready for-- yet act in such a manner that as she grows older and more sophisticated, she is not surprised by the things she learns about me. In other words, to be myself to everyone in my life, as much as I can; considering the circumstances.

I don't lie either. But I have no problem saying, that's private, or for grown ups or whatever. I still maintain I am not my child's friend. I'm his mother.

 

[FurryFury]

I don't lie either. But I have no problem saying, that's private, or for grown ups or whatever. I still maintain I am not my child's friend. I'm his mother.

I'm both but different things to them at different times, as needed. The older they get, the more of a friend I am.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Okay, to me there is a difference between being honest with your teens and thrusting your sexual life style in their faces. There is also a HUGE difference if your kids are younger than when they are older.

Personally, I believe that, if you are submissive to your kids, you are not parenting them. I see a lot of that in today's society. I don't think it's healthy for a family at all.

Finally, in my opinion a parent who is completely out to younger kids isn't being wise or healthy as a parent.

but for some of us D/s is not our "sexual lifestyle" but simply our way of life, it's not relegated to sexuality, kink, or even solely a particular relationship, but is more of a worldview and/or one's nature. most can agree that a parent's sex life should not be displayed in front of children, but how does one hide an all-encompassing power dynamic? and moreover, why should it be hidden?

also i can understand tania's admission about being submissive to her children, and the difficulties that can cause. for some submissives, their submission is not a choice and it is not something that can be turned off based on a particular situation or relationship (like parent/child). it's why i know that i would not make a very good mother, at least not in the traditional sense, as i would be unable to be an authority or disciplinary figure and they would surely walk all over me. it is also why it would be ridiculous for me to ever be some sort of parental figure to my Master's son. so i certainly sympathize with the submissive mothers out there, and wonder how they do it.

 

[intothewoods]

but for some of us D/s is not our "sexual lifestyle" but simply our way of life, it's not relegated to sexuality, kink, or even solely a particular relationship, but is more of a worldview and/or one's nature. most can agree that a parent's sex life should not be displayed in front of children, but how does one hide an all-encompassing power dynamic? and moreover, why should it be hidden?

also i can understand tania's admission about being submissive to her children, and the difficulties that can cause. for some submissives, their submission is not a choice and it is not something that can be turned off based on a particular situation or relationship (like parent/child). it's why i know that i would not make a very good mother, at least not in the traditional sense, as i would be unable to be an authority or disciplinary figure and they would surely walk all over me. it is also why it would be ridiculous for me to ever be some sort of parental figure to my Master's son. so i certainly sympathize with the submissive mothers out there, and wonder how they do it.

I don't think you need to hide that. While it's not my relationship model, it certainly is the way things are for plenty of families.

 

[Noira]

I'm both but different things to them at different times, as needed. The older they get, the more of a friend I am.

I am highly grateful that my mother elected to be my friend.

You see, you don't have to sacrifice parentage to be a friend. My parents were both parents to me too. I don't know a thing about their sex life... okay, I have an idea of it NOW, but they kept it private and everything and until I was over 18 and started poking mom with a lot more intensive questions about sex, I didn't know a thing about my PARENT'S love life. We were still 'raised properly' in that we're all capable of doing chores, homework, cooking, etc... hell, for all our friendship with our mom, I'd say my family's more capable of these things than most of my friends, some of whom didn't know how to wash laundry til they went to college.

I would've hated my mother if she had elected to be just my mother. I would have left the day I turned 18, I think. But mom decided to be our friend, to sit down and play video games with us and get to know us as more than just some overbearing person who told us to wash dishes. She was someone I could be comfortable to talk with about practically anything, and still produced an adult capable of functioning in the real world and doing everything all the other kids are doing--except, oh. I don't hate my parents, unlike a lot of my peer group!

You wouldn't believe how many kids I've met who are jealous of my mom because they believe that she is the coolest thing ever. My boyfriend adores her. I mean, who wouldn't? Well, besides adults who think they have to be adults.

But then, I haven't grown up in a kinky household. I guess that's where the friendship stops. I've talked about bondage and stuff with my mom and she thinks it's... hee. I think that was the conversation when it hit me that the way I thought about relationships was not how the rest of the universe commonly thought. She thought bondage was getting tied up so your partner could do horrible things to you and I was explaining the dynamics of power exchange without even realizing it.

Dammit, I'm cursed to be "kinky". I mean, way more kinky than my immediate family, who think blowjobs are horribly kinky, and here I am, posting on a BDSM board. Dammit!

So what DO you tell your kids? I fortunately don't have to tell my family here. I dunno, maybe I'll get stuck in a vanilla relationship... I WANT kids though... but yet, I want to be non-vanilla. It just wouldn't be enough.

but for some of us D/s is not our "sexual lifestyle" but simply our way of life, it's not relegated to sexuality, kink, or even solely a particular relationship, but is more of a worldview and/or one's nature.

See, that's my "problem". As I'm getting older and studying it more I'm starting to become painfully aware that this is some sort of mindset wired right into me. It's not a desire for kinky sex. It's my nature and it clashes with practically everyone else I talk with. Thank heavens my boyfriend's willing to play with kink too... but oy.

This is hotwired into me.

It just is.

I read through the thread, though, and it gives me hope that I'll be able TO have kids and a D/s lifestyle if I try hard enough, and still keep them seperate. I'd be so worried about that, and kids is on my to-do-eventually list. But with the desire for both... yeah, I don't know. This thread has been an excellent read, many viewpoints but it's really been a good one. All great stuff to keep in mind.

So thanks for the read, ya guys.

 

[intothewoods]

I am highly grateful that my mother elected to be my friend.

You see, you don't have to sacrifice parentage to be a friend. My parents were both parents to me too. I don't know a thing about their sex life... okay, I have an idea of it NOW, but they kept it private and everything and until I was over 18 and started poking mom with a lot more intensive questions about sex, I didn't know a thing about my PARENT'S love life. We were still 'raised properly' in that we're all capable of doing chores, homework, cooking, etc... hell, for all our friendship with our mom, I'd say my family's more capable of these things than most of my friends, some of whom didn't know how to wash laundry til they went to college.

I would've hated my mother if she had elected to be just my mother. I would have left the day I turned 18, I think. But mom decided to be our friend, to sit down and play video games with us and get to know us as more than just some overbearing person who told us to wash dishes. She was someone I could be comfortable to talk with about practically anything, and still produced an adult capable of functioning in the real world and doing everything all the other kids are doing--except, oh. I don't hate my parents, unlike a lot of my peer group!

You wouldn't believe how many kids I've met who are jealous of my mom because they believe that she is the coolest thing ever. My boyfriend adores her. I mean, who wouldn't? Well, besides adults who think they have to be adults.

Yes, being a parent just means you tell your kid to do the dishes and never have fun. When I say I'm not their friend, I mean that I am not their equal. I set the rules in the house. I expect a certain level of respect and I am the authority figure. But don't worry, we manage to have a pretty good time.