What ignited that first spark in you?

[Hajar]

Re: Re: Re: Sparks!

Well, actually no.

Being a powerful submissive is an oxymoron.

Submission by definition means yielding, non-resistant, docile, humble, surrendering. I don't see how "power" could possibly fit into that.

The D/s and M/s relationship is a power exchange.
The submissive gives her/his power to their Dom/me.

Certainly a submissive can exude power, attempt to use their power or retake it. Usually that will result in one heck of a spanking.

I don't and can't agree with your view on this.
I'll be back with reasons when i have some time to spare.

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Re: Re: Sparks!

Well, actually no.

Being a powerful submissive is an oxymoron.

Submission by definition means yielding, non-resistant, docile, humble, surrendering. I don't see how "power" could possibly fit into that.

The D/s and M/s relationship is a power exchange.
The submissive gives her/his power to their Dom/me.

I don't agree. If the submissive doesn't have power in his or her own right, there isn't anything to exchange. I give my power over to another when I submit, yeild or surrender. I'm full of power the rest of the time.

Certainly a submissive can exude power, attempt to use their power or retake it. Usually that will result in one heck of a spanking.

What you describe here is topping from the bottom, otherwise known as manipulation. It really has nothing to do with having power. If I choose to take my power back, that is my right, however it effectively ends the D/s relationship. Taking my power back doesn't result in a spanking for me. It results in being released.

 

[lindiana]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Sparks!

What you describe here is topping from the bottom, otherwise known as manipulation. It really has nothing to do with having power. If I choose to take my power back, that is my right, however it effectively ends the D/s relationship. It doesn't result in a spanking for me. It results in being released.

I agree.

And as for my definition of submission, folks, I got that right out of Websters. There was, as stated, no mention of the word "power" under the definitions of submit or submission.

As for controlling vs powerful, well...I would point out my comment on the "What Not to say to your Dom/me" thread, where I admitted that on more than one occasion I told my previous Master he was not a Master, he was a control freak.
Controlling and power are two different things entirely.
Don't make me get my Websters out again, please.

 

[sigsauerprinces]

on submissives having power: of course we have power-if we didnt, what would we be giving the Dominant when we're submitting? thats what it's called power =exchange=. i've heard it said before by Dominants-"i dont want to dominate someone who's a pushover, who has no sense of self worth, or of her own power". why do they say that-because theres no power exchange because the person doesnt have any power to begin with. and if you want to go further you could say that the more power a sub has, the better sub he/she is, because he/she is able to give up more power to his/her Dominant

 

[lindiana]

Power

on submissives having power: of course we have power-if we didnt, what would we be giving the Dominant when we're submitting? thats what it's called power =exchange=. i've heard it said before by Dominants-"i dont want to dominate someone who's a pushover, who has no sense of self worth, or of her own power". why do they say that-because theres no power exchange because the person doesnt have any power to begin with. and if you want to go further you could say that the more power a sub has, the better sub he/she is, because he/she is able to give up more power to his/her Dominant

Of course submissives have power and there is the power exchange. What brought this all about was I said I prefer powerful MEN. I have yet to meet a male submissive that exuded strength. But I have had limited experience in this lifestyle so there are some out there, I am sure.

I do agree on the power exchange. I had one Master who wanted slaves that were "yes Master" girls. Needless to say, I lasted about two weeks I think. I can say the words, sure. But often it is followed with "but why?". He and I parted as friends and maintained a correspondence where we discussed the power exchange issue. He said he had all the power and his slaves had none. But, as I pointed out to him, without his slaves he had no power as a Master because you cannot Master thin air.

So yes I do enjoy powerful men. And no, I do not enjoy controlling men. Two different things.

 

[eroticspank]

The spark?

Well Soulfire,

It is really hard for me to actually put my finger on any one thing that was the spark for me. I think it was a gradual transformation through my sexual experiences with women, books, and videos I have watched.

When I was very young my Mom who was a nurse used to tell or show me anything I wanted to know about sex in books. So I started going to the library and reading everything I could about sex, sexual acts, orgasms, G spots etc etc. I was very knowledgable but I had not any partners yet.

Later in my vanilla sex life I mostly met submissive women and they always wanted to do everything for me....but I wanted to please them too. (I seemed to always attract those type because I am big and muscular---more so back then)
Soon I become more and more interested in pleasing the woman in bed, providing her with many orgasms, letting her direct the action....take control.

Off the top of my head three thing really effected me and helped me realize my interest in D/S.

First I had a one night stand with a woman who totally used me as a piece of meat. We fucked and fucked until she was satisfied, each time she only pleasured my dick so it could get hard and please her! Afterwards I felt so used but like it!

Second, I read EXIT TO EDEN by Ann Rice and it was a major turn on for me involving all kinds of new possibilities!

Third, I had a bondage massage where this woman tied me down for about an hour and teased me. She eventually brought me off with her hand only after I begged myself hoarse! When I came you could have put a space capsule on my dick and it would have landed on Mars safely!

Bottom line: In my vanilla life I have a strong personality and I deal with stress daily. In the bedroom I like to play the role of the sub. I let my Mistress take complete control!! I love it!

enough for now!

eroticspank

 

[DevilsAngel369]

Always been one

i've always had a dominant personality in everything that i do, so it was very natural for me to assume the dominant role in sex. However, i havent explored the true depths of the dominants for lack of a willing partner.

 

[Aeroil]

Re: Re: Re: Sparks!

Well, actually no.

Being a powerful submissive is an oxymoron.

Submission by definition means yielding, non-resistant, docile, humble, surrendering. I don't see how "power" could possibly fit into that.

The D/s and M/s relationship is a power exchange.
The submissive gives her/his power to their Dom/me.

Certainly a submissive can exude power, attempt to use their power or retake it. Usually that will result in one heck of a spanking.

*chuckles* I disagree once more, and sorry I took so long responding. the ONLY person I'd be submissive to would be my domme, or someone my domme had instructed me to be submissive to. Of course this would just be being submissive to her through them. Aside from that, I'm quiet, withdrawn, polite, but anything aside from submissive, even if it may seem that way. If someone, anyone, were to threaten me, or espically my domme, you can bet I'll have my knife out in a flash, and be ready to fight, that is something I don't yield on, I hate being threatened. Like I said though, it depends on your defintion of power.

 

[Marquis]

I had an encounter once with a sub boi and his domme at a fetish club. For days afterward I dreamed of beating up the boy, tying him up and making him watch as I raped his domme.

 

[Aeroil]

dreamed in the literal sense or fantasized?

 

[SexxyDevil69]

I cant really say that i have really done anything with it yet but i just like the idea of someone controlling me sexually...I used to have dreams of being raped and i would alwayz gt so turned on and i alwayz thought that something was wrong with me but then i realized that it wasnt really rape in the dreams because truth be told i never really struggled in them. So i guess i am alwayz been into it in a way i have just never really gone through with doing it until now....Where i am hoping i can learn more about it here and find a mistress to train me.

 

[Marquis]

dreamed in the literal sense or fantasized?

Both. I have intensely lucid dreams.

 

[Aeroil]

hehehe, well as an example, if it was my domme I, and if someone had told me they were dreaming of doing that then they'd get an elbow in the face.

 

[Marquis]

I just got off the phone with your domme, she said she's down.

 

[Aeroil]

lol, very funny marquis, but as I don't officially have a domme yet, that's not possible. Lol, I'm not about to get upset over some person online, but if you meet me in RL then you watch your filthy mouth lol

 

[Marquis]

lol, very funny marquis, but as I don't officially have a domme yet, that's not possible. Lol, I'm not about to get upset over some person online, but if you meet me in RL then you watch your filthy mouth lol

Hey man, if you're gonna stick your ass out, I'm gonna put my dick in it.

 

[Aeroil]

Hey man, if you're gonna stick your ass out, I'm gonna put my dick in it.

err, okay?...... I have no idea what you mean

 

[Marquis]

err, okay?...... I have no idea what you mean

I'm not surprised.

 

[Aeroil]

*sighs* I'm not good at getting metaphors I'm afraid

 

[robynwildchild]

first spark in you? me?

discuss she says... lol..

i think.. mmm..
lets say childhood...
my mother was not a very touchy-feeling person.. which i took as rejection in some way.. my father on the other hand was physical. mom was "don't touch, you can't have, and maybe meaning no..." then from there i wasn't really accepted in school.. i was dejected ..denied.. isolated and ignored.. most kids (boys) first response to me was to be mean and be physical...i.e.. hitting, kicking, biting,yelling and being well.. being rude which in all i pretty much mirrored back.. defensive but at the same time i learned what people want and need feel very easily..

the actual tie-in to my attraction to bdsm happened when i was dating a guy in college who i totally fell in love with.. he was far beyond any sexual experience i had at the time and unlocked a lot of things trapped in me.. him and i were very rough with each other~emotionally mentally physically.. and it released an animalistic urge in me to express.. and i liked it not really knowing or caring if it was wrong or right, it felt good.

i still haven't found what i'm looking for in that respect.. a lot of people i meet don't really understand my physical aggressions and fear them. i'm actually quite attractive but.. i still don't get the response i need from a man. i can't be with someone who is weaker than me, smaller (in mind body or soul) and/or stupid. and i think because of my attractive quality there are more men out there that are willing to kiss my ass than treat me like i need to be treated.. its not about control or abuse its about acceptance and rejection.. a play on security and trust. you deepen those bonds by what you do and how you do it.. and they can go very deep into the soul.. that's what i want.

 

[eroticspank]

Re: first spark in you? me?

discuss she says... lol..

.. its not about control or abuse its about acceptance and rejection.. a play on security and trust. you deepen those bonds by what you do and how you do it.. and they can go very deep into the soul.. that's what i want.

Well said.....

The times I have given myself totally to my Dom is when we had that.....acceptance, trust, security.

Another movie that really effected me and helped me come out BDSM wise was 9 1/2 weeks. I thought it was scary seeing that woman controlled that much sexually that she could have an orgasm on command. But you add trust, and you can submit...especially when you are accepted too!

It does go very deep!

eroticspank

 

[TaintedB]

Originally posted by SexxyDevil69
I cant really say that i have really done anything with it yet but i just like the idea of someone controlling me sexually...I used to have dreams of being raped and i would alwayz gt so turned on and i alwayz thought that something was wrong with me but then i realized that it wasnt really rape in the dreams because truth be told i never really struggled in them. So i guess i am alwayz been into it in a way i have just never really gone through with doing it until now....Where i am hoping i can learn more about it here and find a mistress to train me.

I get really turned on by rape fantasies too. A difference: I do struggle in mine. And scream. And generally have a very bad time. But I need those violent elements in order to get off on the fantasies.

There's a pretty fine line between sexual control and rape. I am never quite sure where one ends and the other begins.

Are you posting personal ads to find a mistress or are you trying to learn more about what people do and what you want first?

Taint

 

[TaintedB]

Originally posted by Soulfiregirl


Discuss....

This is totally off-topic. Why do people say "Discuss..." Where do you learn to say it? In college? On TV?

 

[lindiana]

Re: Re: What ignited that first spark in you?

This is totally off-topic. Why do people say "Discuss..." Where do you learn to say it? In college? On TV?

Saturday Night Live...Mike Myers...CoffeeTalk skit

 

[jkitten]

I had an encounter once with a sub boi and his domme at a fetish club. For days afterward I dreamed of beating up the boy, tying him up and making him watch as I raped his domme.

Am I evil for finding this totally hot?