What is a fake Dominant?

[catalina_francisco]

Hey Catalina:
Yes, I fully admit to being a brat with regard to my submissivity (much of the fun for punishment) and imaginary fantasy lives within all of us - especially those who are authors on lit.
Perhaps, picking on Marquis wasn't nice - I do adore him and many of His posts are exactly what He claims - thought provoking - there is no mistaking His intelligence, good looks and yes, charm.
All things relative and put into perspective ............
The beauty of BDSM lies in the opportunity for us all to become our own definition of who we are .....................

(and yes, if Marquis wants to envoke punishment upon me ...... yeah ...... I'd hate that ........... the pics of some of His toys are enough to get any sub excited )

LOL, well if I were a real Dom/me, and met you, I'm sorry but the minute you began 'demandng' what I do and how, I would be walking the other way and thanking my lucky stars to have escaped a fate worse than death. Are you sure you know what role you want to play? More I read of you, the more confused about respective roles you seem, the more you sound like you are just busting to be a Dom/me in some form.

Catalina

 

[Thrall_67]

There could very well be truth in them words.......
I have topped (switched) before, however I find that I do so for another ( I have belonged to 3 different BDSM groups in the last few years - mainly cause I move alot from the west Coast of Canada to now currently in the Toronto area). People I meet at groups don't usually take me for a sub right away - till I get into subzone at the hands of a Dom/Domme who knows me and I become a quivering, pleasing, puppy .......
But topping is something I can and have done - as a sub can often have an idea of how to give back to another what they like - but it doesn't turn me on. I get no sexual satisfaction out of it. Which is why I label myself sub.

As a R/L single parent, working in a male dominated industry (of which I am the only female at our facility ......... and the boss ...........hmmmm interesting the dynamic eh?) often I find myself torn as to who I am .......... till I either begin to fanatasize sexually when I am alone or am with a play partner who tops, when my sub nature comes out clear as day. Is this not often the case with others?

PS - none-one that I know has ever run screaming from the room from a fate worse than death after a play session with me

 

[catalina_francisco]

PS - none-one that I know has ever run screaming from the room from a fate worse than death after a play session with me

LOL, perhaps they weren't 'real' then!!

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

The whole fairy tale that women buy into that we will "just know or feel" or that he will "just know what we want/need" is such a fallacy and part of why relationships are so difficult in our culture.

That coupled with the myths that men buy into make things even more messed up.

Media has undone us because we have bought their fiction and internalized it as "real."

Fury

 

[SirFace]

The whole fairy tale that women buy into that we will "just know or feel" or that he will "just know what we want/need" is such a fallacy and part of why relationship are so difficult in our culture.

That coupled with the myths that men buy into make things even more messed up.

Media has undone us because we have bought their fiction and internalized it as "real."

Fury

Very true, and one of the side effects of this lifestyle that is so appealing. It forces us into open and honest discussion of our needs and desires instead of fumbling around quessing.

 

[FurryFury]

Very true, and one of the side effects of this lifestyle that is so appealing. It forces us into open and honest discussion of our needs and desires instead of fumbling around quessing.

*nods a lot*

I've certainly opened up in every way since beginning my explorations of it and I am therefore more comfortable with every part of my life and myself. It's helped me throw off media's chains which I of course willingly and foolishly (though in some cases subconsciously) put on to begin with. They are such seductive pieces of fiction.

Fury

 

[satindesire]

I actually have blogged (wihch I do too much anyway) about that very same topic...not to hijack (although I think it's too late anyway!) but I agree with you 100%. It's hard to be a sub when the media and society around you screams about Feminism and Women's Equal Rights and blah blah blah...to me, it just seems like a bunch of nonsense that I'd rather not deal with, (I know, I know, pitchforks and torches are coming, I can feel it), voting is cool and all, but the whole "I can be a Firefighter, too, if I want" is bull-honky. Women in general are 30% smaller and physically weaker (IN GENERAL!!) than males, and so the gov. had to LOWER the weight-lifting standard for firefighters so that women could pass the tests. Now we're getting people killed because firefighters don't have to be AS STRONG to lift someone up and carry their unconcious form out of a burning building...when they're female and weigh 150 lbs, and can't pick up a 200 lb. unconcious dude, we're in trouble.

Thanks, feminists. Equal rights.....yay? Whew, that was one heckuva tangent, wasn't it?!

Okay, I admit, I'm glad I have the oppurtunity to go into the workforce and make just as much or more money than a guy, but there are some jobs WE AS FEMALES SHOULD NOT DO. In my opinion. *ahem*.

You may commence yelling at me now.

 

[FurryFury]

I actually have blogged (wihch I do too much anyway) about that very same topic...not to hijack (although I think it's too late anyway!) but I agree with you 100%. It's hard to be a sub when the media and society around you screams about Feminism and Women's Equal Rights and blah blah blah...to me, it just seems like a bunch of nonsense that I'd rather not deal with, (I know, I know, pitchforks and torches are coming, I can feel it), voting is cool and all, but the whole "I can be a Firefighter, too, if I want" is bull-honky. Women in general are 30% smaller and physically weaker (IN GENERAL!!) than males, and so the gov. had to LOWER the weight-lifting standard for firefighters so that women could pass the tests. Now we're getting people killed because firefighters don't have to be AS STRONG to lift someone up and carry their unconcious form out of a burning building...when they're female and weigh 150 lbs, and can't pick up a 200 lb. unconcious dude, we're in trouble.

Thanks, feminists. Equal rights.....yay? Whew, that was one heckuva tangent, wasn't it?!

Okay, I admit, I'm glad I have the oppurtunity to go into the workforce and make just as much or more money than a guy, but there are some jobs WE AS FEMALES SHOULD NOT DO. In my opinion. *ahem*.

You may commence yelling at me now.

LOL!

That's a whole different direction from where I was going and not my fight at all. I happen to know a very good female firefighter btw. I don't agree with the whole there are some things we shouldn't / can't do thing just because we are females thing at all. I think if someone wants to do that and is willing to put in the work to make it possible that is great. I respect that.

I also respect your right to feel or believe the opposite if you wish.

My fight is against the "someday my prince will come syndrome and when he does, I'll know it's him, know what to do, he will know what I want and what I am thinking and so on" which is the whole other direction IMO.

No, that's crap, we have to communicate and we have to already know ourselves enough to share that knowledge.

I don't think this is a feminist issue, or at least it isn't for me. Being a Dom/ switch or a sub doesn't mean I am not a feminist or that I am, either is compatible with being any of those IMO, it's just different POV and different types of people involved and it's all good.

Lack of communication on the other hand is ruinous in any relationship nilla or (even more so) kinky, IMO.

Fury

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Media has undone us because we have bought their fiction and internalized it as "real."

Fury

I completely agree with this statement and feminism - as with everything else - is taken too far in some situations and not far enough in others.

In being a sub I am being true to myself, which is enough for me. I appreciate the opportunities that the feminist movement has afforded me as a 21stC girl but it doesn't change how i feel about men and sex.

Which brings us back to the point that a 'real' Dominant should be being true to themselves, not putting on an unnatural persona or seeking to exploit the benefits to be gained by having a submissive partner. In turn they should be recognising the truth within their partner. Submission is not consent for oppression or a licence for the Dominant partner to be permanently inconsiderate and selfish.

That to me sums up the fakes.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Personally I'm still waiting for the day women get the same pay for the same job and the same commitment to that work....if you care to research it a little (most news outlets can help there), you will find that in most professions, especially areas such as law and medicine, women are still not getting paid the same rate for the same job. Is always wise to know your subject before trying to discredit it...of course, and take advantage of the parts which suit you personally, while rubbishing the rest. IMHO, without feminism I would not be able to make the choice to be a slave and have that choice respected, just as you satindesire would not be posting to a forum like this, or even be allowed to use a computer, hold a job, or speak your opinion...ever think of that or is it easier to take it all for granted and bury your head in the sand?

Catalina

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Sorry

i believe in equal pay for equal work, and always have. i've worked for female bosses in both the military and civilian life, and thought them top notch. i had female flight surgeons while in and trusted them more than the males. i don't believe any governmental fucktard should have the authority to tell a woman what she can, or can't do with her body. i've competed with females as peers in the workplace, and whether i won or lost, i knew the better "man" won and didn't begrudge her superior skills when the winner happened to be female. i've had females teach me to be a better lover, and frankly shock my jock in the fucknasty department. Shrug. i enjoyed it.

Extreme Feminism and the conservative silverback male gorilla have no place in my world.

 

[satindesire]

Okay, I admit, I'm glad I have the oppurtunity to go into the workforce and make just as much or more money than a guy

I don't think that was me not being clear about being grateful for the feminist movement.

In fact, I'm not sure why you brought this up at all, since I thought I made myself pretty clear about my feelings. Oppurtunities such as voting, using the internet freely, and being able to enter the workforce is grand, but just as the post above me stated, extreme feminist standpoints have no place in my life.

Let me rehash this so you'll understand me, Catalina...Do I want female firefighters? Sure, why not? -IF- they have the same physical capabilities of a man. Most women won't, becuase we're generally smaller and physically weaker. Now, becuase of the Extreme Feminist Movement, a lot of feminists in the US were making heads roll because most women who WANTED to be a firefighter couldn't pass the weight lifting exams required to be one. So, they complained until the WEIGHT LIMIT was lowered.

Is that good? NO! That means that now pretty much anyone in relativly good shape could possibly be a firefighter, instead of the guys and gals that SHOULD be doing it, the ones who can carry 200+ pounds of dead weight plus themselves and all their equipment out of a burning building.

Am I glad that the feminist movement happened? Absolutely. Do I think it went WAAAY too far? Absolutely.

ever think of that or is it easier to take it all for granted and bury your head in the sand?

Am I burying my head in the sand just because I'm not standing on the corner with signs that say (Just as an example we'll use the issue of abortion) "KEEP BUSH OUT OF MY BUSH!" I don't think so. Not in the least. To be honest with you, me being a woman and me NOT being pro-choice has a lot of people I know all up in a tizzy. BUT, I am entitled to MY OWN OPINIONS regardless.

In any case, in a nutshell, extreme anything is bad. Feminism counts with that too. Everything in moderation, yadda yadda. The End.

 

[Marquis]

A dom(me) only has to 1. Command a sub and 2. Enjoy dominating. And the first one isn't really necessary.

The only way to be a "fake" dom is to not enjoy domination when a sub is under your command.

All of you guys are just referring to asshole doms, unsafe doms and selfish doms.

Ha ha, I like your definition even better than my own!

Son of a bitch, Marquis.

That's so hot.

Thank you sir, I take a lot of pride in what I do.

 

[Marquis]

It always cracks me up to hear subs criticize feminism. I won't repeat the excellent points made by others in response, but I'll add my own two cents.

I would hate to own a woman who thinks she should submit to all men. Doesn't exactly make her submission to me all that special, now does it?

 

[Acoradra]

My fight is against the "someday my prince will come syndrome and when he does, I'll know it's him, know what to do, he will know what I want and what I am thinking and so on" which is the whole other direction IMO.

No, that's crap, we have to communicate and we have to already know ourselves enough to share that knowledge.

I don't think this is a feminist issue, or at least it isn't for me. Being a Dom/ switch or a sub doesn't mean I am not a feminist or that I am, either is compatible with being any of those IMO, it's just different POV and different types of people involved and it's all good.

Lack of communication on the other hand is ruinous in any relationship nilla or (even more so) kinky, IMO.

Fury

Bah, Help never comes for those who need it most, no matter the situation and most certainly not in relationships. You have to go and get it yourself, or make it yourself when that doesn't work, I agree.

In fact, I'm not sure why you brought this up at all, since I thought I made myself pretty clear about my feelings. Oppurtunities such as voting, using the internet freely, and being able to enter the workforce is grand, but just as the post above me stated, extreme feminist standpoints have no place in my life.

Wait... since when have women ever not been allowed to use the internet?

 

[FurryFury]

Bah, Help never comes for those who need it most, no matter the situation and most certainly not in relationships. You have to go and get it yourself, or make it yourself when that doesn't work, I agree.



Wait... since when have women ever not been allowed to use the internet?

Since before it was invented!!!

Didn't you know?

Fury

 

[Marquis]

Fuck it.

 

[Acoradra]

Ah, my fault.

"When we invent the internet, you won't be able to use it!"

Women still need the right to use matter transporters.

 

[catalina_francisco]

It always cracks me up to hear subs criticize feminism. I won't repeat the excellent points made by others in response, but I'll add my own two cents.

I would hate to own a woman who thinks she should submit to all men. Doesn't exactly make her submission to me all that special, now does it?

I always knew you were special.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

Fuck it.

Sounds like a great plan to me!

*smiles sweetly*

Fury

Ah, my fault.

"When we invent the internet, you won't be able to use it!"

Women still need the right to use matter transporters.

Absolutely, and I for one, am willing to keep burning my bras until we have that right!

Fury

 

[Ebonyfire]

I would hate to own a woman who thinks she should submit to all men. Doesn't exactly make her submission to me all that special, now does it?

That is exactly what I have said many times with regard to men. It goes both ways.

Eb

 

[Acoradra]

Apparently supply and demand applies to D/s, how fascinating.

 

[SilencedNeeds]

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I would hate to own a woman who thinks she should submit to all men. Doesn't exactly make her submission to me all that special, now does it?

This is the best post I've ever seen! It absolutely says exactly why I won't submit to anyone but MY Master! Thank you Marquis!!!

 

[FungiUg]

I would hate to own a woman who thinks she should submit to all men. Doesn't exactly make her submission to me all that special, now does it?

I always love discovering that I am not alone in that sentiment.