What is a fake Dominant?

[raven2]

yea! Thank you for the great suggestions. I know I just need to be bold but then that ruins it for me during. This would best be a conversation before sex not during for me as I seem to check out mentally and wish during...

He LOVES to take pictures of me... I will suggest the hand print!

hugs! --HKS

I have to agree also. I think a good pic of hand prints or some colorful parts would be a good idea.

 

[ppaddleman]

fakes

I would define a dom as anybody who can dom the sub at his feet.

What's called a "fake" dom is simply a dom who's not a very good dom. The whole word "fake" is the wrong word.

 

[FurryFury]

yea! Thank you for the great suggestions. I know I just need to be bold but then that ruins it for me during. This would best be a conversation before sex not during for me as I seem to check out mentally and wish during...

He LOVES to take pictures of me... I will suggest the hand print!

hugs! --HKS

Don't blame you, I hate discussing such things during sex but OTOH if they are going to ask, sometimes I'm going to tell.

*snickers*

Fury

 

[HotKittySpank]

I would define a dom as anybody who can dom the sub at his feet.

What's called a "fake" dom is simply a dom who's not a very good dom. The whole word "fake" is the wrong word.

This makes sense to me. I think some people are naturally disposed to this but don't really understand that what they are doing is being dominant in a relationship either mentally or physically. Perhaps the sub doesn't understand either - they just knew later that it was a bad relationship.

Perhaps the notion of a 'fake' should really be an inexperienced or not yet fully realized Dom?

Certainly those of you who are a Dom had to start somewhere? Early relationships were probably not as fulfilling as the ones you have now - now that you know what you are doing... make any sense?

my two cents (again) : ) --HKS

 

[FurryFury]

This makes sense to me. I think some people are naturally disposed to this but don't really understand that what they are doing is being dominant in a relationship either mentally or physically. Perhaps the sub doesn't understand either - they just knew later that it was a bad relationship.

Perhaps the notion of a 'fake' should really be an inexperienced or not yet fully realized Dom?

Certainly those of you who are a Dom had to start somewhere? Early relationships were probably not as fulfilling as the ones you have now - now that you know what you are doing... make any sense?

my two cents (again) : ) --HKS

That does make sense.

Then again there are the lying twits . . .who claim to be Doms. If they actually believe it themselves, that's REALLY scary.

Fury

 

[Emma_Ray_Garrett]

Certainly those of you who are a Dom had to start somewhere? Early relationships were probably not as fulfilling as the ones you have now - now that you know what you are doing... make any sense?

my two cents (again) : ) --HKS

This is VERY true. I knew I had this need, drive, a hunger almost, to lead in almost every situation. It wasn't obsessively. I mean, if I wasn't the right person for a job, I didn't jump in and try to tell those who knew what they were doing how to do a job I had no idea about. I know, personally, some so-called Doms who are really just overbearing, DOMINEERING, assholes who are constantly talking out their asshole, LOL.

But those relationships I had where I wasn't running the show, or my partner didn't do what I clearly told him/her to do, were very very unsatisfactory. And thankfully, I found someone who helped me make heads and tails of what was going on inside of me.

 

[Guest]

Already dove into that abyss and failed miserably darlin'. i'll stay back here away from the edge and cheer on the rest of you.

Me too... I've been a part of this sermon before..
*shrug*
Screw it.... You bring the cards????

 

[catalina_francisco]

REAL Doms/Teacher's don't use books, they teach by DOING, and SHOWING, like binding you and then hey, yeah, wanna use that nice big thick book NOW maybe? LMAO!

(Silly mood!)

Fury

LOL, he has actually used a thick book for paddling!

Catalina

 

[dexwebster]

Perhaps the notion of a 'fake' should really be an inexperienced or not yet fully realized Dom?

Certainly those of you who are a Dom had to start somewhere? Early relationships were probably not as fulfilling as the ones you have now - now that you know what you are doing... make any sense

I don't know about this. To be honest, I think it's a bit unfair to newbies (she says, a whopping six months into the public scene)

I'm more with Netzach on this one. I don't think it's "fake" so much as it is "bad", as in "people who should know better". I do think a novice can make mistakes that fall into the same kind of behavior as a "fake" dom, but it's not a matter of posing or attempting to mislead someone. It's just learning.

 

[FurryFury]

Me too... I've been a part of this sermon before..
*shrug*
Screw it.... You bring the cards????

Lordy Almighty but I HATE sermons!!!

*gags*

I don't remember one but anyway, I probably fell asleep or something.

Fury

LOL, he has actually used a thick book for paddling!

Catalina

*lets out a long sigh*

Who's the lucky girl?

*smiles and dreams*

Fury

 

[sensitive peaks]

There were too many responses to read, but I will say that perception is reality. The only fake thing about someone is the way we perceive them. They are who they are regardless of what we think. I fantasize often about being submissive and finding a man who will bring all the bittersweetness of that relationship out. I don't fantasize about being raped or having a man abuse me. I fantasize about having a man know just what I want even if it requires a high level of stimulation. Does that make any sense at all? I don't want to be forced to blow some guy in a public restroom. I want to be forced back against a luxurious couch with a blazing fire in a fireplace and beg some man to bring me to orgasm. Putting yourself in a vulnerable position always has its risks which is probably why I've never gone through with it. I'm rambling.

 

[FurryFury]

<snip> I will say that perception is reality. The only fake thing about someone is the way we perceive them. They are who they are regardless of what we think. <snip>

I'd have to disagree with the above. People are fake in so many ways. I've met plenty who present themselves to be what they are not, haven't you?

As for what you would and would not like, I totally understand what you are saying there. I might have some different ideas but that is why communication and understanding is so darned important.

Fury

 

[HotKittySpank]

I fantasize about having a man know just what I want even if it requires a high level of stimulation. Does that make any sense at all?

THIS - I completely am in sync with (sigh). The idea is that he must know how to read you at that moment - to know how far to push to get just the right "level". Hence the idea that someone should be experienced or know you very well or be able to watch and read the subtle cues you give.

If it is only one sided, the cues will be missed, the opportunity ruined and possibly the relationship damaged. This goes both ways and it crosses from sex into every part of the relationship. If you push too hard or bend more than you are truly willing then eventually something will break.

--HKS

 

[FurryFury]

THIS - I completely am in sync with (sigh). The idea is that he must know how to read you at that moment - to know how far to push to get just the right "level". Hence the idea that someone should be experienced or know you very well or be able to watch and read the subtle cues you give.

If it is only one sided, the cues will be missed, the opportunity ruined and possibly the relationship damaged. This goes both ways and it crosses from sex into every part of the relationship. If you push too hard or bend more than you are truly willing then eventually something will break.

--HKS

Yes, I agree it does make for a nice fantasy.

Fury

 

[ammre]

I'm being lazy and i haven't read all the responses so far. sorry...

but for my 2 cents...

dominance is a personal thing, but who is dominant is in the eye of the beholder.

maybe miss or sir z feels an urge to be dominant. I feel an urge to be submissive, we met. They don't have what im looking for in a dominant. I don't feel i can trust them to have power over me. They are not my definition of a dominant. Maybe they are someone elses, but they are not mine.

i think the "false dominants" run either along the lines of rapists/serial killers and in MY opinion (becasue of what i want in a dominant) someone who is just out for their own satisfaction without a thought or care to their sub. (i like imagining myself as a very expensive toy, you want to use it but not ruin it.)

 

[HotKittySpank]

(i like imagining myself as a very expensive toy, you want to use it but not ruin it.)

LOL - I love that! I'm with you totally. --HKS

 

[Pure]

amre said,

Am: i like imagining myself as a very expensive toy, you want to use it but not ruin it.)

P: we may say, then, that the "dom/me" is NOT fake, or inept, or clumsy, or green, or larcenous, or plain sham if he or she makes use of this human toy, on his or her own terms, but without ruining it in the near future.

 

[ammre]

Am: i like imagining myself as a very expensive toy, you want to use it but not ruin it.)

P: we may say, then, that the "dom/me" is NOT fake, or inept, or clumsy, or green, or larcenous, or plain sham if he or she makes use of this human toy, on his or her own terms, but without ruining it in the near future.

I think so yes. ("think so" becasue it is late for me and there may be some light word usage i might change)

 

[ammre]

but you also have to know that ruining a human toy can be a psychological thing too.

Call me needy but i want a little something too, a guy tried to be my Dom once and he was all about the "oral servitde" which would have been fine had there been a simple kiss, a nice stroke or some form of acknowlagement or thanks, but he barely ever touched me and slowly that was driving me nuts in a not good way. I got out of that for mental health reasons. Sort of the diference between being a sub and being gullible, i guess.

 

[HotKittySpank]

but you also have to know that ruining a human toy can be a psychological thing too.

Yes- This is usually done very slowly and methodically. When this happened to me, I suddenly snapped after about a year into it. I was so angry with myself for letting it go that far - I let him treat me like a piece of trash and I felt like one too. Once I realized/woke up it was over right then and there. I threw him out and never saw him again. There was no mutual respect between us - only his use.

Thankfully one can move on and find someone better - : ) --HKS

 

[Pure]

amre and hks

i hear you amre. but i don't play of that issue to the extent of 'sub benefits' (self assessed) for i don't think a dom-- or even a husband, for heavens sake--needs to serve as a therapist.

--
i hear you hks. but i wouldn't put that fellow's acts into a frame of psychotherapeutic malpractice or negligence. he was not the professional, and you the client.

he was an adult, as were you; if you're mistreated (in your view), it's up to you to leave. although i think 'made me feel like trash' sometimes has something to it, a deeper look often shows that the person felt that way to begin with, and the bad guy, more exactly, capitalized on it. i don't mean to say i lack sympathy with you for what happened.

 

[ammre]

i hear you amre. but i don't play of that issue to the extent of 'sub benefits' (self assessed) for i don't think a dom-- or even a husband, for heavens sake--needs to serve as a therapist.

--
i hear you hks. but i wouldn't put that fellow's acts into a frame of psychotherapeutic malpractice or negligence. he was not the professional, and you the client.

he was an adult, as were you; if you're mistreated (in your view), it's up to you to leave. although i think 'made me feel like trash' sometimes has something to it, a deeper look often shows that the person felt that way to begin with, and the bad guy, more exactly, capitalized on it. i don't mean to say i lack sympathy with you for what happened.

ahh i agree, they shoudn't be my therapist, but they shouldn't be a reason tha ti have to go see one either.

As i said in my situation, i left before he could actually do damage, as i hope many people would, but i know not everyone posesses the proper capabilities and control to just stop or walk away. In my original post i said that there's something to the eye of a beholder... a person who could be MY dom is not someone who would neglect toy maintenence. I need a hug every now and than, it's not a hard thing i think.

 

[Pure]

amre

i agree in principle; my favoritie analogy is that that the person who is truly dominated is like one's prize(d) dog. (this, of course, is based only on the domination idea, and leaves aside the SM dimension if any). i wonder if that make the masochist more like a veal calf-- or a prized bush in one's garden, to be trimmed and shaped according to one's fancy!

 

[HotKittySpank]

Hmmmm...

Well, while technically an adult(barely) when this went down, I was definitely not one emotionally and to be fair he wasn't either. This person had access to information about my past that he used to manipulate me - he abused the situation to his benefit, not mine. I consider it a triumph to have awoken and found my true self - and I didn't require therapy : )

Pure - I like the analogy of bush sculpting rather than the dog. While I may be a bitch at times I don't want to be treated like a dumb animal(sorry if I offend any dog lovers). I will willingly bend and submit to the creative and talented hands of a master artisan. : ) For me these things are done delicately - just the right amount of pressure applied, subtle training done where needed.

I tend to a collection of bonsai so this really strikes a cord...

--HKS

 

[guyseeksdominatelady]

agree

I don't think having a submissive under they're control automatically makes anyone a Dominant.[/QUOTE]



so very true.
i think that the ones out there that are wanting a slave to go out and bust their ass all day, and come home on payday, only to hand the "so called mistress" their money... those to me need to get a life. they are too lazy to get out and get a job, so they have someone else bring home the money so they can spend it.