What's a Submissive to Do?

[Willowy1]

Remarking only on the first post...


As for myself, there's no way I can even get to "that part" of a relationship without knowing/having substantial feelings for someone.

For their safety, for mine, and partly because (and I know I'm probably the minority here) I feel icky getting sexual (and especially anything kinky) if I don't have the emotional bond behind it.

To quote Marquis, and to be the antithesis thereof, I do not have my heart "shielded by my pecker", but quite the opposite.

I'm the same way. I could not be a sub to someone whom I didn't trust and/or have at least strong friendship feelings for. I'm kinda new to this whole D/s relationship thing, so I chose my first Master very carefully. He's a very close friend whom I have known for 8 years (since I was 13). I didn't know that he was into D/s relationships until I brought it up and said that I had been reading this board alot, and had decided to find a Dom.

I think alot of people are like that LNE. and <3 the Marquis.

<3

Willow

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Many of you are wise and insightful and I thank you all.

Unfortunately I am no closer to knowing how to play this out than I was before posting. I am obviously quite smitten and want this to work out but refuse to give up wiitid for him or anyone.

I have asked himto read this posting and hopefully he may benefit from the insight posted here.

d

 

[saw_man1]

Hey Look Over Here

I have asked himto read this posting and hopefully he may benefit from the insight posted here.
d

Just in case he does read this;

Like the sands of time through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives!

 

[FurryFury]

Just in case he does read this;

Like the sands of time through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives!

I used to love that show.

How about this idea?

"Eat dessert first you never know how much time you have."

Fury

 

[saw_man1]

"Eat dessert first you never know how much time you have."

Fury

Damn. For some reason that phrase gave me a very naughty thought!

 

[FurryFury]

Damn. For some reason that phrase gave me a very naughty thought!

Why how terrible!

*looks shocked but amused*

Fury

 

[Ashtyn]

Its possible that you can't get your point across. If you're working in the realm of submission you might not be able to lead him to where you need to be. You don't want to force him to dominate you because thats not D/s but you also don't want to ignore your needs.

It can take years to establish trust, in some instances, so I think communication in this instance is necessary. If it's been months and he still isn't able to effectively dominate you then you need to sit down and find out how long he needs to bring your relationship to the level you are seeking.

Many D/s relationships have power struggles in the beginning when the dominant and submissive are feeling one another out and getting the ground rules established. However, D/s is occuring. Ultimately, you need to look out for you. It's not topping from the bottom to explain what you need and what you're desperately asking him to give you. It still leaves the choice in his hands essentially. He can choose to take the journey with you, or not.

 

[A Desert Rose]

... A D/s relationship isn't about just giving a Dom whatever He wants. It's about the mutual gratification and satisfaction of BOTH parties. Any Dom to argue this point is a selfish a-hole who needs to get his head out of his arse! You're obviously feeling uncomfortable with this whole situation, and I think you should say something.

I don't mean to offend you or start an argument. But for me it IS all about what the Dom wants. That's what D/s means to me. Obviously, you have a different view and that's fine.

My satisfaction and gratification comes from serving Him.

And none of this has anything to do with this topic. So, I'm bowing out now, BB. ;-)

 

[shy slave]

I don't mean to offend you or start an argument. But for me it IS all about what the Dom wants. That's what D/s means to me. Obviously, you have a different view and that's fine.

My satisfaction and gratification comes from serving Him.

And none of this has anything to do with this topic. So, I'm bowing out now, BB. ;-)

I think it was Analize who had the sig line 'Its all about him'
That made sense to me.

To me, it is all about the Dom, once you are in a relationship.
But getting to that point is not easy.
Finding the right person and working out if his wishes meet your needs is a minefield at times.

From BB's first post I agree with Nets comments

Sounds like it could be going nowhere. Submission's great and all but if you are really talking about needs and someone is using those needs to string you into a romantic relationship before they ever touch any of them, I have to wonder if his needs will ever overlap yours.

Why the patience test? To make sure you are good and seriously enmeshed before you find out that he hasn't got the skills or inclination to play the way you like to play?

He has to touch the pyls needs before getting to a point of it becoming "all about him."

Does that make sense to anyone else or is it just me?

 

[lne_iii]

I think it was Analize who had the sig line 'Its all about him'
That made sense to me.

To me, it is all about the Dom, once you are in a relationship.
But getting to that point is not easy.
Finding the right person and working out if his wishes meet your needs is a minefield at times.

From BB's first post I agree with Nets comments


He has to touch the pyls needs before getting to a point of it becoming "all about him."

Does that make sense to anyone else or is it just me?

Right.

If it being "all about him" doesn't do it for the pyl, then soon it will be all about him because he'll be without.

 

[WriterDom]

It could be that you were conquered and now he as moved on to his next conquest.

I'm not saying this is the case, but someone needed to say it.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I think it was Analize who had the sig line 'Its all about him'
That made sense to me.

To me, it is all about the Dom, once you are in a relationship.
But getting to that point is not easy.
Finding the right person and working out if his wishes meet your needs is a minefield at times.

From BB's first post I agree with Nets comments


He has to touch the pyls needs before getting to a point of it becoming "all about him."

Does that make sense to anyone else or is it just me?

It is all about how you want to do things. In my case if a male sub behaved in the same manner, I would send him packing. he would not be for me because D/s comes first with me and romance is not really my focus at all. To each his or her own. It seems both people have different ideas about how things should proceed, and that is never a good sign.

Eb

 

[HotKittySpank]

It is all about how you want to do things.

To each his or her own. It seems both people have different ideas about how things should proceed, and that is never a good sign.

Eb

But... if you are willing to give it a bit more time and communication...

I've been thinking about this thread for a few days and yes, while I did find the 'check-list' idea funny, I also stated that it could be highly useful to those too shy to ask. That said, perhaps you are mismatched but you will not know unless you find that means of honest communication what ever it may be. Clearly you had it at some point but have lost it recently for some reason.

For me, a check-list would not work... perhaps a glass of wine, a non-stressful environment where no one is feeling overshadowed? Despite what some say, in my relationship it does take two. If one of us isn't communicating effectively, it fills us with stress and misplaced resentment.

Sometimes it takes years to nurture what you need but it is worth the wait. Patience. Long term relationships are rarely only physical. Open communication and the closeness it brings can only makes the sex better. You must be open to growth and change and support that in one another. I am not the same person I was ten years ago and neither is he.

Ok- off the soap-box.

 

[SirFace]

But... if you are willing to give it a bit more time and communication...

I've been thinking about this thread for a few days and yes, while I did find the 'check-list' idea funny, I also stated that it could be highly useful to those too shy to ask. That said, perhaps you are mismatched but you will not know unless you find that means of honest communication what ever it may be. Clearly you had it at some point but have lost it recently for some reason.

For me, a check-list would not work... perhaps a glass of wine, a non-stressful environment where no one is feeling overshadowed? Despite what some say, in my relationship it does take two. If one of us isn't communicating effectively, it fills us with stress and misplaced resentment.

Sometimes it takes years to nurture what you need but it is worth the wait. Patience. Long term relationships are rarely only physical. Open communication and the closeness it brings can only makes the sex better. You must be open to growth and change and support that in one another. I am not the same person I was ten years ago and neither is he.

Ok- off the soap-box.

Well, I think your soap box is exactly perfect for me. Add to that the desire to please and trying to read the others wants and desires and then determining what "you" want or need is difficult and takes time and patience.

 

[HotKittySpank]

Well, I think your soap box is exactly perfect for me. Add to that the desire to please and trying to read the others wants and desires and then determining what "you" want or need is difficult and takes time and patience.

Many thanks Dearie.
At times the things I read in reply make me want to cry.
Tad too sensitive I suppose...
: )

 

[Blushing Bottom]

...and the saga continues.

I have just this moment been promised an "ass blistering" tonight for my whining about my sex life in public. We shall see, he teases me with thrests of spanking, caning and bondage all the time. He even has brought the silken ropes to my house but has not yet used them. We see each other at least once a week and talk daily. I am given tasks and suggestions but no real hard core play as yet. I'm holding my breath on this one.

d

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have just this moment been promised an "ass blistering" tonight for my whining about my sex life in public. We shall see, he teases me with thrests of spanking, caning and bondage all the time. He even has brought the silken ropes to my house but has not yet used them. We see each other at least once a week and talk daily. I am given tasks and suggestions but no real hard core play as yet. I'm holding my breath on this one.

d

I will send some good vibes your way if you think it might help...I hope you get a taste of what you are craving as I know what a pain it can be waiting and wanting and wondering when it will happen.

Catalina

 

[HotKittySpank]

I have just this moment been promised an "ass blistering" tonight for my whining about my sex life in public.
d

Lucky girl, perhaps all you needed was to be a bit wicked? ; )

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

He does not allow topping from the bottom and I admire him for that. And you are right, I would lose respect for him if he allowed me to direct our expressions

I have just this moment been promised an "ass blistering" tonight for my whining about my sex life in public.

Lucky girl, perhaps all you needed was to be a bit wicked? ; )

I don't see it as lucky myself ,isn't that rewarding for insolent/disrespectful behaviour ? If thats as BB describes to the letter aren't we shifting into the topping from the bottom zone ? So in this relationship where is the greater need to to submit to his dominance of her or get a blistering beating ? I know life is far more complex than this analogy yet only have the information provided on this thread to comment on. BB states there is adequate communication just that she has not been 'satisfied' with the level of 'play' involved. I find the concept of being in the company of a dominant and 'whining about my sex life in public ' difficult enough to comprehend but to be 'rewarded' for it would frankly destroy my faith that I had in fact a Dominant in my companion at all. As described its a no win situation in my current perception. (Note I have stated this in relation to myself and I appreciate there are factors unrepresented here,it is also not my place to judge this mans dominance, I am looking at the 'scenario' as it has been presented to us for comment)

BB if you do read this I wish you best though and hope you in fact find a way to resolve to a complimentry satisfaction and integrity for all parties involved.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

rebecca I you know as well as I that there is a difference between impact play and punishment. This will be no reward but a step in the right direction.

I don't see it as lucky myself ,isn't that rewarding for insolent/disrespectful behaviour ? If thats as BB describes to the letter aren't we shifting into the topping from the bottom zone ? So in this relationship where is the greater need to to submit to his dominance of her or get a blistering beating ? I know life is far more complex than this analogy yet only have the information provided on this thread to comment on. BB states there is adequate communication just that she has not been 'satisfied' with the level of 'play' involved. I find the concept of being in the company of a dominant and 'whining about my sex life in public ' difficult enough to comprehend but to be 'rewarded' for it would frankly destroy my faith that I had in fact a Dominant in my companion at all. As described its a no win situation in my current perception. (Note I have stated this in relation to myself and I appreciate there are factors unrepresented here,it is also not my place to judge this mans dominance, I am looking at the 'scenario' as it has been presented to us for comment)

BB if you do read this I wish you best though and hope you in fact find a way to resolve to a complimentry satisfaction and integrity for all parties involved.

 

[FurryFury]

We all know that some are way into the "punish the brat, be the brat scenarios" and that's okay. I don't really see Blushing Bottom that way but anyway, it's not mine to judge though I wouldn't enjoy such a set up. I prefer the "beat, sensation and fuck the shit out of me because we both fucking enjoy it" scenarios but that's just me.

Fury

 

[HotKittySpank]

We all know that some are way into the "punish the brat, be the brat scenarios" and that's okay. I don't really see Blushing Bottom that way but anyway, it's not mine to judge though I wouldn't enjoy such a set up. I prefer the "beat, sensation and fuck the shit out of me because we both fucking enjoy it" scenarios but that's just me.

Fury

Well now, is the fur is flying? I sincerely hope not. We all have different tastes and preferences, that is how nature intended us to be. Otherwise we wouldn't need a site like this so that we can express ourselves freely without fear.

One persons spank may be another one's kiss.

ya dig?

 

[saw_man1]

Two months pass and still very little D/s.

The opinions and advice that fill the posts before me are all very worthy of serious consideration. However, it’s been over 2 months and nothing of substance has happened. 17% of the year has gone by? That’s unacceptable to me.

If nothing of consequence happened last night then I advise moving on!
We need an update BB. Come on, spill.

 

[Marquis]

What does the masochist say to the sadist?

*Beat me, beat me, beat me!"

What does the sadist say to the masochist?

"No."


I've dealt with the whole "why haven't you raped/beaten/spanked/choked/bound/instructed me yet?!" more times than I care to recall.

All it makes me want to do is put my cock in her mouth, give her a kiss on the forehead and go home.

 

[Netzach]

I guess I did 7 years unable to do any of it, so I'm making up for lost time. There are obviously times I have a headache or a very long and seemingly endless stomachache as the case may be, but ultimately my peeps know I'd rather be facefucking them, there's no ambiguity. We're also not talking about an established relationship where you fart in front of each other and watch Hogan's Heroes reruns and call it a night at times, we're talking about those first few months where you still get butterflies being in the same room, wondering when things are going to start getting going, if they are.

Look, I'm of the school of it's about me, believe me I am. I don't take well to manipulative whines and rants. But I do think that spouting "submission" to the detriment of a person's every kink is a lame tired cop out. "I'm SO submissive that if he said we were vanilla from now on, or I had to Domme him, I'd do it." Bullshit.