What's a Submissive to Do?

[satindesire]

Would I be too nosy if I asked what happened, BB? I hope it wasn't too hard on ya.

XOXO

 

[DVS]

For those of you who have voiced an opinion or interest, it has ended. I ran out of patience.

~The End~

Well, I do pitty him. He had a really good potential relationship there, and either had no idea or just didn't know how to um...handle "it".

I often wonder why it is that some guys always get the girl but can't keep her satisfied, and some guys just can't get a girl, so satisfaction isn't even in the equation.

 

[BeachGurl2]

For those of you who have voiced an opinion or interest, it has ended. I ran out of patience.

~The End~

Maybe I'm reading your tone incorrectly, but it sounds like you may be blaming yourself - that you ran out of patience. I posted quite awhile ago about a relationship that was fairly short-lived and similar things were happening in it. Like you, I struggled with how to move things along, how to get the things I needed, etc. And I tended to blame myself for it - I wasn't trusting his judgement enough, submissive enough, etc. In the end, we just weren't a good match. He wanted a doormat kind of slave - someone without a brain of her own that he could fill with whatever drivel he wanted and who wouldn't know any better but to follow along. That isn't and will never be me.

Just a few things I learned along the way, my 2 cents that probably aren't worth the materials to mine them - and I'm sure some here will choose to flame me for them, but that's okay. No matter what they say, it isn't all about what HE wants. If your needs aren't being fulfilled and he isn't open to listening to you, then it's not a good fit. That doesn't make you less submissive, it makes you human. Everyone has needs, even submissives. If he doesn't get that, then he's selfish. There's a difference between withholding those needs temporarily in an effort to train, punish or even push limits, and just plain being selfish and uncaring. Unfortunately, like in my situation, it sounds like he was more the latter than the former.

I also discovered something else. After a bit of time when you feel ignored and neglected, the trust and respect you were developing begin to wither away. I actually had 2 episodes where I used my safe word and he ignored me. The only 2 times I ever used my safe word. The second was the last straw for me. If you can't trust him, you certainly can't respect him. You trusted him with your innermost self and he used that against you by withholding the things you needed most, not out of a desire to train you, but because he could. It sounds like as soon as you voiced a need, he punished you for having it by withholding it indefinitely. How can you trust someone who does that to you?

That relationship helped me further define what it is I need from a relationship. I was able to walk away from it with a more well-formed vision of just exactly what I needed. And the realization that it's okay to have needs and to voice them and even to stick to them. It doesn't make me less submissive, as some would say. So don't beat yourself up over the loss of the relationship, try to look at it as a learning experience. You will go on and find someone you are more compatible with. And this time, you'll be more aware of who you are and where you fit in the relationship. Good luck to you.

 

[FurryFury]

I'm sure this hugs and I'm sorry.

I do think it's likely better for you though, he wasn't getting it done, you need more.

Fury

 

[chris9]

*hugs* to BB.

On the subject, in my head I believe I'm more with babiesmiles. If I want to develop a relationship for life, I want to know that I can spend LIFE with that person. And if sex, or maybe for me even more emotionally involved BDSM play enters into it too soon, chances are I close my eyes to incompatible things, because I'm (sexually) satisfied and I wouldn't want to lose this.
Even more so if, as BB said to the video, the scening means I will be ruined for all other Doms. Definitly no chance I want to take if there's the possibility that the relationship doesn't turn out well in everyday contact.