Which do you prefer...married or single sub?

[Homburg]

I find that submissives who are actually submissives tend to be the best.

They tend to actually submit.

This. Very much so, in fact.

QFT.

--

I've never even READ The Story of O or anything that people consider "kinky" reading. No real desire to, either.

I started to. It sucked. Badly. I stopped. It wound up in the trash.

--

It seems to me that most single people prefer other single people, while most married prefer other married partners.

I never thought this would be true, but without any doubt being witha married man is far less complicated as a married woman then a single man. We understand each others limits and boundaries.

I think this makes sense. Married or not, ignoring the characteristics of the individuals involved, is a factor in how much commitment and level of activity/proximity that you want to provide and are willing to as well. If you are married, a married D/s partner makes a lot of sense.

In my own case, I know that I used to feel bad in a previous relationship because my second submissive slept alone at night. I felt bad when MIS was still in NY for the same reason. I hated that.

While I don't condone cheating, I can see why two married people getting together makes sense. It's just important that everyone knows what is going on, much as you do, ES, and I practice as well. That said, I've played with people who were in relationships and were not altogether verbal with their partner about what they were doing. Thus I don't particularly cast stones.

 

[rosco rathbone]

So this is what domination has come to, eh.

 

[nh23]

I've never even READ The Story of O or anything that people consider "kinky" reading. No real desire to, either.

I read it, liked it. Thought it was entertaining fiction. I will read almost anything though. I've been known to read shampoo bottles when bored on the toilet.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

.... I've been known to read shampoo bottles when bored on the toilet.

That's why I usually take a book in there with me.

 

[nh23]

That's why I usually take a book in there with me.

I always forget!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I always forget!

I'm more likely to forget to zip up my zipper on the way out than I am to forget a book on my way in

 

[the captians wench]

It seems to me that most single people prefer other single people, while most married prefer other married partners.

I never thought this would be true, but without any doubt being witha married man is far less complicated as a married woman then a single man. We understand each others limits and boundaries.

i think ths sums it up pretty well.

Then again, every now and then you get a sub like me who s clingy as hell no matter what my status is. *giggles*

I've been involved with a couple of married men. Only one do I know for sure his wife was aware of our relationship. That one was less complicated than the others (1 claimed his girl knew, but I don't think she did, and 2 claimed they were devorced, but I'm not sure they were). I'm a needy bitch, and I"m upfront with that from the begining. I demand a lot of attention, if you can't give me that, things are going to fall apart.

Jounar is really good at giving me the attention that I need. I don't think any one who had to divide their attention could keep me happy for long. It's taken a long time for us to work out the balance between outside life and us, but he's always worked hard to keep his happy. That's not something I can expect from a married man. For me, I just don't think it's fair to them for me to expect that focas on me when they have commited to some one else.

And I know there are a lot of different thoughts around here on how poly can work, it's just mathimatically impossible for you to spend the same time on your previous activities when you add in a new one.

 

[Puman]

I think this makes sense. Married or not, ignoring the characteristics of the individuals involved, is a factor in how much commitment and level of activity/proximity that you want to provide and are willing to as well. If you are married, a married D/s partner makes a lot of sense.

In my own case, I know that I used to feel bad in a previous relationship because my second submissive slept alone at night. I felt bad when MIS was still in NY for the same reason. I hated that.

While I don't condone cheating, I can see why two married people getting together makes sense. It's just important that everyone knows what is going on, much as you do, ES, and I practice as well. That said, I've played with people who were in relationships and were not altogether verbal with their partner about what they were doing. Thus I don't particularly cast stones.

This does make sense. We've experimented with third parties in the bedroom and the only time we both became uncomfortable was when it became apparent that the third party was cheating on their spouse. That left us both feeling cold and we stopped playing.

So I guess that means we'd prefer any other playmates to be single or we'd rather deal with couples or at least have consent from the playmates spouse.

 

[rida]

It seems to me that most single people prefer other single people, while most married prefer other married partners.

I never thought this would be true, but without any doubt being witha married man is far less complicated as a married woman then a single man. We understand each others limits and boundaries.

Agree.

And to be just a bit more specific: as an happily married woman, I prefer happily married men.

To me and my way of looking at relationships and human interactions, there is no conflict between been happily married and having or needing an outside relationship. Each marriage/couple works on its own principles and agreements. I take care of mine, they take care of theirs. What works for me/us might not work for them. So it is not my place to judge how they deal with theirs. That being said, I'm very picky on how I pick my dates or play partners. And even more so on who I wish to go for a relationship with.

 

[Homburg]

This does make sense. We've experimented with third parties in the bedroom and the only time we both became uncomfortable was when it became apparent that the third party was cheating on their spouse. That left us both feeling cold and we stopped playing.

So I guess that means we'd prefer any other playmates to be single or we'd rather deal with couples or at least have consent from the playmates spouse.

Yeah, I didn't really mind so much if it was just play. Some rope, some impact, etc, no sweat. When it got into sex, it felt... weird.

 

[Puman]

Yeah, I didn't really mind so much if it was just play. Some rope, some impact, etc, no sweat. When it got into sex, it felt... weird.

Yeah.

This thread has just made me realise how lucky I am to be so open with my sexuality and to have a partner who's in it with me, boots and all. If I had to indulge my kinky side behind his back I probably wouldn't do it at all (because it's simply not in me to cheat) and I'd lead an unsatisfying life. We stumbled onto the dark and kinky side as a married vanilla couple and after a bit of teething issues, we've never looked back and we simply enjoy it. Our motto is that we'll try anything at least once and together, we'll decide what to keep and what to toss..../end ramble...

 

[rida]

Yeah.

This thread has just made me realise how lucky I am to be so open with my sexuality and to have a partner who's in it with me, boots and all. If I had to indulge my kinky side behind his back I probably wouldn't do it at all (because it's simply not in me to cheat) and I'd lead an unsatisfying life. We stumbled onto the dark and kinky side as a married vanilla couple and after a bit of teething issues, we've never looked back and we simply enjoy it. Our motto is that we'll try anything at least once and together, we'll decide what to keep and what to toss..../end ramble...

Yes on the bolded part.

But I do not think is only luck: we picked a partner that is compatible with us and work hard on keeping the line of communication open.

And I too could not cheat: first thing I want to do when I experience something interesting/hear something funny and so forth is to share it with Hubby.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

So this is what domination has come to, eh.

*giggles*

 

[bigdaddymackman]

Wow,

So many different opinions.

I didn't really think that I would get this many responses to the question. The different responses also too me by surprise. It is interesting to hear the varied ideas of everyone out there.

I just want to say that I have had both types of subs (married and single) and it's funny that when I was single so was my sub and guess what... now that I'm married so is my sub.

I guess it is possible true that married prefer married and single prefer single.

The cheating question is really a non factor in the discussion as I am full aware that I am having an affair which my wife has no idea about.

If you must judge me on that so be it but let it be know that I LOVE my wife very much. My sub fulfills something my wife either cannot or will not. I have tried in many subtle and non-subtle ways of bringing the Dom/Sub, BDSM lifestyle into our marriage but she will have nothing to do with it.

That is where I stand now.

Thanks for all the comments

 

[brigid_fitch]

Personally, I prefer the kinky sex!

And if one thinks about it, if the subbie isn't willing to accept the power exchange, well then its not really a D/s situation.

That's kind of my point--new subbies don't understand that BDSM is, at its core, a power exchange. They see only the pain or bondage aspect, but believe they retain control because they can call it off with a safeword. It's like a game to many newbies--practically topping from the bottom. It's not true D/s, it's fantasy/roleplay to them.

Some are true submissives who just need to be guided. Most, however, haven't a clue and cling to some sort of romanticized version of BDSM that they've seen on CSI or random clips on RedTube.

 

[Curious_Red]

Yeah.

This thread has just made me realise how lucky I am to be so open with my sexuality and to have a partner who's in it with me, boots and all. If I had to indulge my kinky side behind his back I probably wouldn't do it at all (because it's simply not in me to cheat) and I'd lead an unsatisfying life. We stumbled onto the dark and kinky side as a married vanilla couple and after a bit of teething issues, we've never looked back and we simply enjoy it. Our motto is that we'll try anything at least once and together, we'll decide what to keep and what to toss..../end ramble...

You two seem to have it figured out!

Our dynamic is heading down the road like this. Right now, play by either of us is limited to mutual consent with the limitations being things of a sexual nature. Right now, I haven't really found a PYL to play with, but she has.

As for whether married or not, as we are consider ourselves "bedroom" subs, the PYL needs to be respectful of our boundaries and if s/he is married of their mutual boundaries. Thankfully, the Dom that plays with wifey is just this; incredibly respectul of what we have.

 

[SimonBrooke]

That's why I usually take a book in there with me.

I always forget!

I keep books in there - it's simpler.

 

[Corylea]

I keep books in there - it's simpler.

We buy books specifically for bathroom reading -- things that have numerous short pieces. My favorite is simple, cheap, and a source of endless interest: an almanac. The "Nations of the World" section is the most interesting, even if I forget a fact as soon as I've read it. Others stay with me for a long time, though. Germany is about the size of Montana? And they had the whole world trembling? Twice? What do those folks have?!

 

[Sayyid]

Um, Germany is much, much larger than Maryland.

 

[Corylea]

deleted

 

[Sayyid]

Tell them they must have fallen asleep in third-grade geography.

 

[Corylea]

Um, Germany is much, much larger than Maryland.

Sorry, I mean Montana. I was talking with my husband while typing -- always a bad idea -- and typed the wrong "M" state by mistake. No wonder you thought this was bizarre!

 

[SimonBrooke]

We buy books specifically for bathroom reading -- things that have numerous short pieces. My favorite is simple, cheap, and a source of endless interest: an almanac. The "Nations of the World" section is the most interesting, even if I forget a fact as soon as I've read it. Others stay with me for a long time, though. Germany is about the size of Maryland? And they had the whole world trembling? Twice? What do those folks have?!

Sheesh!

They're ruthlessly efficient, and they eat sausages! Don't they teach you anything in your American schools?

 

[satindesire]

Germany is about the size of Maryland? And they had the whole world trembling? Twice? What do those folks have?!

Nazism, Volkswagens, and Scheiße porn.

It's the trifecta of evil. Gawd, didn't you KNOW that?

 

[MisterSir]

Nazism, Volkswagens, and Scheiße porn.

It's the trifecta of evil. Gawd, didn't you KNOW that?

Hey, hey, HEY!

I will give you Naziism and Volkswagens, but without their love for the shittier side of things we wouldn't have 2 Girls 1 Cup! Also, I think they're in some way responsible for the creation of the Bugatti Veyron, and that's a car that can cleanse all sins.