Who thinks chatting sexually on Lit is cheating

[satindesire]

Wow, that's pretty expansive in the definition of cheating. So if I am turned on doing my ass with a dildo (strictly an example for debate purposes!) but not comfortable with doing it front of my wife I cheated? I don't think so.

Wow, talk about MORE deliberate obtuseness.

What I mean by "If you can't do it in front of your partner." Does NOT MEAN...."AM I COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO DO IT IN FRONT OF MY PARTNER."

Come on. I already explained this TWICE in this thread.

Here: http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=34194071&postcount=52

And here: http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=34192304&postcount=43

If your partner would be pissed off for 'catching' you or seeing you do xyz with someone else, then obviously your partner would probably call that 'cheating'.

I'm not explaining this to anyone who won't 'get it' again.

 

[Epmd607]

Impure desires and thoughts of another separate from your universal partner is cheating sayz Ceiling Cat:

"U no wantz neibor cheezburgerz! No wief, no gurlz, no menz, no abimalz, NO BUKKITZ! DEY NOT UR BUKKITZ, K? dey da LOLrus' bukkits."

I get turned on when my friend's gf comes over and eats something I've made. My wife would be pissed if she knew how I was cheating with my cheezburgerz.

 

[satindesire]

Impure desires and thoughts of another separate from your universal partner is cheating sayz Ceiling Cat:

"U no wantz neibor cheezburgerz! No wief, no gurlz, no menz, no abimalz, NO BUKKITZ! DEY NOT UR BUKKITZ, K? dey da LOLrus' bukkits."

I get turned on when my friend's gf comes over and eats something I've made. My wife would be pissed if she knew how I was cheating with my cheezburgerz.

Hahaha! XD

Epic win.

 

[jdc38]

Wow, talk about MORE deliberate obtuseness.

What I mean by "If you can't do it in front of your partner." Does NOT MEAN...."AM I COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO DO IT IN FRONT OF MY PARTNER."

Come on. I already explained this TWICE in this thread.

Here: http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=34194071&postcount=52

And here: http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=34192304&postcount=43

If your partner would be pissed off for 'catching' you or seeing you do xyz with someone else, then obviously your partner would probably call that 'cheating'.

I'm not explaining this to anyone who won't 'get it' again.

Gee, excuse me for not reading all your posts and synthesizing them. I was reacting to one post and read the words as they were written. I stand by my comments.

 

[satindesire]

Gee, excuse me for not reading all your posts and synthesizing them. I was reacting to one post and read the words as they were written. I stand by my comments.

Excuse you for commenting to me under false assumptions because you were too lazy to read the entire thread?

No. I won't excuse you for that.

 

[TypicalDeviant]

Gee, excuse me for not reading all your posts and synthesizing them. I was reacting to one post and read the words as they were written. I stand by my comments.

You don't need to read everything a person writes to avoid using "reductio ad absurdum".

 

[Yesspleasse]

You don't need to read everything a person writes to avoid using "reductio ad absurdum".

I have no idea why we should avoid that. It's commonly used to test a statement.

Anyhow, the more interesting point, IMO, is not whether or not it is cheating, but whether it's necessarily a bad thing. Which it isn't. Though it can be, depending on personal circumstances.

But as a few have said chatting here and there is an outlet for a lot of people. Sure, sometimes chatting is a sign the relationship is in trouble but not always. And what if the chatting is just sharing sexual ideas and experiences with someone? Really, that's cheating?

Spot on and sensible.

 

[jdc38]

Excuse you for commenting to me under false assumptions because you were too lazy to read the entire thread?

No. I won't excuse you for that.

We all have different opinions here. I respect those of others even though I may not agree with them. I try not to get snotty with others or be condescending, "sweetie."

Regardless of reading one of your posts or all I simply disagree with your take on things. There are a multitude of opinions here and I of the opinion that chatting with someone is not cheating. That simple.

 

[jdc38]

You don't need to read everything a person writes to avoid using "reductio ad absurdum".

Who says I was trying to avoid it.

 

[satindesire]

We all have different opinions here. I respect those of others even though I may not agree with them. I try not to get snotty with others or be condescending, "sweetie."

Regardless of reading one of your posts or all I simply disagree with your take on things. There are a multitude of opinions here and I of the opinion that chatting with someone is not cheating. That simple.

Good for you. Here's a cookie that says "Wow!"

 

[Yesspleasse]

....... I am of the opinion that chatting with someone is not cheating. That simple.

I would tend to agree.

Having said that, I think all scenarios are on a sort of spectrum.

There are conversations and there are conversations.

There is the conversation in general terms, even if it's explicit in language.

Then there's the conversation in personal terms, more like open one-on-one flirting.

Then there's the one where both of you are masturbating.

Where would you personally draw a line? Not between cheating and non-cheating (which I think is a bit of a red herring, given that even 'It didn't cost much, I got it in the sale' is a cheat), but between acceptable cheating and unacceptable.

Me, I'd say the mutual masturbation chat is obviously 'worse', but may be acceptable in certain circumstances.

We can surely only say such things are better or worse, in relative terms, given that almost no one is a total saint, in all honesty.

 

[satindesire]

Where would you personally draw a line?

I what is more important here is where the partner in question would draw the line.

This is the kind of situation where two people may have vastly different ideas of what 'cheating' is, and you absolutely MUST respect your partner's boundary. If you don't, then no matter what YOU think, THEY will think you are "cheating".

I fully realize that not everyone has realistic boundaries, but anything that is realistic should be respected and valued as necessary to the health and longevity of the relationship.

Secrets don't always stay secrets forever. In my opinion, it's better to 100% respect your partner's boundaries and stay within the bounds of what is cheating, because if you can't, what's the point of being in that relationship?

It takes more than love to make a happy couple.

 

[midwestyankee]

To all of you who are stating categorically that you think that sexual online chatting is not cheating: your view is irrelevant. The same goes for everyone who claims categorically that it is cheating.

The word "cheating" only has meaning within the context of a particular relationship. Only the OP and her husband can answer the question.. And since she hasn't returned to the thread in a few days, I'm guessing that she either has her answer or has decided not to ask it of the only person who can give her the answer.

It's interesting, I suppose, to hear what each of us thinks constitutes cheating. But it's mostly irrelevant to the actual question on the table—even though the OP put her question that way.

 

[jdc38]

Good for you. Here's a cookie that says "Wow!"

Here's a stick, sit on it.

 

[midwestyankee]

Here's a stick, sit on it.

Careful, son. I've seen her pick up such sticks and beat punks to a pulp and then feed them to the neighbor's hogs.

 

[jdc38]

To all of you who are stating categorically that you think that sexual online chatting is not cheating: your view is irrelevant. The same goes for everyone who claims categorically that it is cheating.

The word "cheating" only has meaning within the context of a particular relationship. Only the OP and her husband can answer the question.. And since she hasn't returned to the thread in a few days, I'm guessing that she either has her answer or has decided not to ask it of the only person who can give her the answer.

It's interesting, I suppose, to hear what each of us thinks constitutes cheating. But it's mostly irrelevant to the actual question on the table—even though the OP put her question that way.

Good post, midwestyankee. I think what you said makes sense. And that my friends should close this fucking thread.

 

[Yesspleasse]

I what is more important here is where the partner in question would draw the line.

This is the kind of situation where two people may have vastly different ideas of what 'cheating' is, and you absolutely MUST respect your partner's boundary. If you don't, then no matter what YOU think, THEY will think you are "cheating".

I'm not sure I agree that one must define one's boundaries by validation from one's partner's definitions.

Also, these things are two way. So, you may get a partner who simultaneously avoids sex but also makes it clear that the other partner is definitely not to seek it (or a simulation of it) elsewhere. I agree that the ideal solution is often for the two to open up and work it out, but maybe not always.

I fully realize that not everyone has realistic boundaries, but anything that is realistic should be respected and valued as necessary to the health and longevity of the relationship.

I don't think we should necessarily assume that finding a secret outlet for a specific thing which is lacking is necessarily unhealthy or unhelpful.

Secrets don't always stay secrets forever. In my opinion, it's better to 100% respect your partner's boundaries and stay within the bounds of what is cheating, because if you can't, what's the point of being in that relationship?

It takes more than love to make a happy couple.

You're right, in general terms, to a large extent.

 

[infinity706]

I what is more important here is where the partner in question would draw the line.

This is the kind of situation where two people may have vastly different ideas of what 'cheating' is, and you absolutely MUST respect your partner's boundary. If you don't, then no matter what YOU think, THEY will think you are "cheating".

I fully realize that not everyone has realistic boundaries, but anything that is realistic should be respected and valued as necessary to the health and longevity of the relationship.

Secrets don't always stay secrets forever. In my opinion, it's better to 100% respect your partner's boundaries and stay within the bounds of what is cheating, because if you can't, what's the point of being in that relationship?

It takes more than love to make a happy couple.

What about people like me that consider putting up boundaries, promoting total monogamy, damaging to a relationship in the first place? Of course, people that agree with me on that, should probably seek out polyamourous partners to begin with and make sure it's in the terms before such a relationship begins.

Careful, son. I've seen her pick up such sticks and beat punks to a pulp and then feed them to the neighbor's hogs.

We can still wish, though. I'd certainly never object to her sitting on any stick she chooses.

 

[jdc38]

Careful, son. I've seen her pick up such sticks and beat punks to a pulp and then feed them to the neighbor's hogs.

Good advice. And oh how I feel sorry for that stick.

 

[satindesire]

Here's a stick, sit on it.

Is that your stick, sweetie? I thought for a second, "That's the ugliest pussy I've ever seen!"

My mistake.

Maybe you should get that looked at. You know. See a doctor about it?

Here, here's some info that you might find useful.

http://sexuality.about.com/od/malesexualanatomy/a/micropenis.htm

What about people like me that consider putting up boundaries, promoting total monogamy, damaging to a relationship in the first place? Of course, people that agree with me on that, should probably seek out polyamourous partners to begin with and make sure it's in the terms before such a relationship begins.

I think you just answered your own question.

*************

Here's the deal. A person should NEVER put a ring on ANYONE's finger when they're not 100% sure that the communication is okay. That means, if something happens in the future, you can and WILL -TALK ABOUT IT-.

If you're saying to your wife, "Baby, we haven't had a decent sexual relationship in years. Can we please do something about this before it negatively affects our relationship?"

And if she's saying "No. I don't want to talk about it and I like it just fine the way it is."

Then you get the fuck out.

No cheating. No bullshit excuses. Just go elsewhere and look for a partner you can be compatible with.

I don't care if you have kids. I don't care if you love her. She obviously doesn't give enough of a shit about you to want to fix what's damaging YOU in the relationship, doesn't respect YOUR wants, so why be married to a woman like that?

I fight like tooth and nail to maintain the health and quality of my relationship. If I have a problem, I talk about it and fix it no matter what. I don't 'just settle'. I either get it done or I leave. And I got a damn good marriage out of that determination and stubborn goal of happiness!

Good advice. And oh how I feel sorry for that stick.

You should.

 

[jdc38]

Is that your stick, sweetie? I thought for a second, "That's the ugliest pussy I've ever seen!"

My mistake.

Maybe you should get that looked at. You know. See a doctor about it?

Here, here's some info that you might find useful.

http://sexuality.about.com/od/malesexualanatomy/a/micropenis.htm

No chance of that. I wouldn't let you near my penis - micro or otherwise. I was thinking more of something sharp and long that would reach up up through your fucking throat to shut your ass up.

 

[satindesire]

No chance of that. I wouldn't let you near my penis - micro or otherwise. I was thinking more of something sharp and long that would reach up up through your fucking throat to shut your ass up.

Oh noes! He's threatening to stab me wid his widdle penis! Whatever shall I dos?

 

[coastal-boy]

Is that your stick, sweetie? I thought for a second, "That's the ugliest pussy I've ever seen!"

My mistake.

Maybe you should get that looked at. You know. See a doctor about it?

what would it take to get you to talk to me like this? You know I lust you...put me in my place

 

[satindesire]

what would it take to get you to talk to me like this? You know I lust you...put me in my place

Hahaha! I heart you CB! You are so epic win!!

 

[jdc38]

Oh noes! He's threatening to stab me wid his widdle penis! Whatever shall I dos?

What, you morphed into Elmer Fudd? You do look a little like him.