Why is obesity so prevalent amongst BDSM practitioners?

[Kajira Callista]

OK, I read the article. I happen to think that most if not all of us have or are overcoming the feeling of shame or that there is something wrong with us by being in places like this forum, with like minded people. I have been around like minded people for years and accepted and understood by others. Most of us have. I do believe someplace on this board is a link to an article that states that what we are IS'NT considered an illness any longer, as long it is consentual... a step in the right direction , no?
What i would like to see (and im trying to find) are facts that state the percentage of overweight BDSMers compared to the percentage of overweight americans as a whole. Im betting that they are equal. There are tons of physical and societal reasons for people being overweight, where is the link to BDSM there? Are there psychological reasons for being overweight? Hell yes...tons of them...all proven by the same people who have said this lifestyle is a mental illness. I do believe that overweight has been said to be something that people who are unhappy become...if you are living a life that makes you happy you should then NOT be overweight...common sense yes? I have more to say but i need to go make more coffee first.

 

[A Desert Rose]

OK, I read the article. I happen to think that most if not all of us have or are overcoming the feeling of shame or that there is something wrong with us by being in places like this forum, with like minded people. I have been around like minded people for years and accepted and understood by others. Most of us have. I do believe someplace on this board is a link to an article that states that what we are IS'NT considered an illness any longer, as long it is consentual... a step in the right direction , no?
What i would like to see (and im trying to find) are facts that state the percentage of overweight BDSMers compared to the percentage of overweight americans as a whole. Im betting that they are equal. There are tons of physical and societal reasons for people being overweight, where is the link to BDSM there? Are there psychological reasons for being overweight? Hell yes...tons of them...all proven by the same people who have said this lifestyle is a mental illness. I do believe that overweight has been said to be something that people who are unhappy become...if you are living a life that makes you happy you should then NOT be overweight...common sense yes? I have more to say but i need to go make more coffee first.

Not neccessarily. What happens to women who get married? They gain weight within the first year. Why? because they are happy and content and no longer out chasing or being chased. The first year that I was married I gained 12 pounds.

Happy people can be overweight, too. Like you, I keep trying to get away from the word obese. It has different and oftentimes incorrect connotations for people.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Not neccessarily. What happens to women who get married? They gain weight within the first year. Why? because they are happy and content and no longer out chasing or being chased. The first year that I was married I gained 12 pounds.

Happy people can be overweight, too. Like you, I keep trying to get away from the word obese. It has different and oftentimes incorrect connotations for people.

well yeah i know that, was pointing out how its being assumed that unhappiness leads to overweight. And i said earlier in this thread that i dont see overweight and obese as the same thing....no matter what anyone wants to say obesity is a physical illness that is treated as a physical illness. Ive met plenty of overweight ppl into this life...in the nilla world and in my world. coffee is done

 

[Miss Oatlash]

Originally posted by The Mutt
My Mistress made it very clear. If I was not fit and trim, she would not share me with her friends. It was the greatest motivational speech I ever heard.
I want her to be proud of me. I want to look my best for her. And her friends.

I think bdsm and bigness go together because hedonism and gluttony go hand in hand.

Originally posted by rosco rathbone

This is interesting.

I am super hardcore BDSM but also very self-denying, ascetic and non-hedonistic. (Also top/dominate master for reference).

There's a monkish strain to BDSM as well as a hedonistic one, eh?

I think bdsm is no different than the world at large (pun intended). I look around and see people who are large everywhere. Statistics show that most americans are overweight...that would mean most people involved in bdsm are overweight.

Personally, I prefer to keep my body in excellent condition...and I prefer The Mutt to be fit and trim as well. So far, he hasn't disappointed me...but he has a good incentive.



Hey, Roscoe, I'd love a man who's 'super hardcore BDSM' to teach me a few things...

 

[shy slave]

This offends me.

Why would you think that I would shun you for having an opinion? I only ignore people who are unkind, catty or just generally rude to me.

Lance provides a lot of interesting opinions and googled articles. I often agree with him and do to a certain degree in this thread. And have already stated as much.

ADR and others, i am sorry if I have offended you by my last post.
I should of course realised you are a better person than that.

I must be having a bad day, have only just finished ranting on Dove's thread.

Please accept my apologies

Lin

 

[lorddragonwolf]

let me say this its not what is on the outside but on the inside that matters the most. women of all sixes are attractive to me. i look past physical beauty and look whats one the inside. usually i can tell what a person is like within a few minutes of talking to them and observing how they look at others facial expressions are the best way to see if someone is sincere about what they say. i have meet alot of nice overweight women and men who would love to meet that special someone but cant because insensitve assholes will not look past their weight.

once watched an overweight friendask a woman out and she told him she would not be caught dead with a fat man. he walked away with his head down and tears in his eyes. a few weeks later he met a woman and they have been together ever since. she saw through his weight and looked at the guy beneath the skin. He was always there for his friends and help anyone who needed it.

 

[A Desert Rose]

ADR and others, i am sorry if I have offended you by my last post.
I should of course realised you are a better person than that.

I must be having a bad day, have only just finished ranting on Dove's thread.

Please accept my apologies

Lin

Oh hey... I wasn't offended like OFFENDED. It just took me aback really.

I only ignore people who are mean or catty to me. I don't have a problem with people who have a different opinion than mine. I have a problem with HOW they sometimes express that opinion by trying to make mine appear insignificant.

You have never done that. And you have never been sarcastic or catty to me or anyone else for that matter.

No apology needed!

On topic.....
I agree with you LDW. People ARE more than what they look like and most of us realize that.

 

[lorddragonwolf]

On topic.....
I agree with you LDW. People ARE more than what they look like and most of us realize that.

but not enough.

 

[A Desert Rose]

but not enough.

Well that would make this a perfect world... and I'm not sure I want a perfect world, to be honest with you.

You having trouble sleeping, doll?

 

[lorddragonwolf]

Well that would make this a perfect world... and I'm not sure I want a perfect world, to be honest with you.

You having trouble sleeping, doll?

a bit need to finish laundry.

 

[Netzach]

My forebears made great candles and soap and I'm the Master of the Universe in my own avid fantasy life.

Will my self esteem ever survive the desire to tie people up? What kind of unholy freak am I?

That has to explain the 40 lbs of freshman 15 + Happy Fat.

 

[A Desert Rose]

My forebears made great candles and soap and I'm the Master of the Universe in my own avid fantasy life.

Will my self esteem ever survive the desire to tie people up? What kind of unholy freak am I?

That has to explain the 40 lbs of freshman 15 + Happy Fat.

I'm a legend in my own mind and that of at least one other person... I'm just sure I am.

 

[Lancecastor]

The Truth About CSD.

... more prolifically than I would have.

I would have cursed your ignorant attitude out. Because that's all one can offer with an inability to appreciate differing viewpoints - ignorance.

Fortunately for you, I only resort to using the vocabulary of the uneducated when I feel like I'm not being heard. Fortunately for me, you don't matter enough for me to desire to be heard. Good evening.

Esclava

I chose this post to respond to as it best represents the confusion one often sees here on the BDSM Forum between discussing ideas and discussing individuals.

This thread is allegedly about discussing why it is obesity is prevalent amongst BDSM people...so, first off, if discussing obesity stirs up defensive feelings for you or anyone posting to the discussion, please keep in mind that that's your baggage, not mine, and I'm not interested in carrying it.

the thread itself is, of course a question loaded in the negative intended by Mr blonde (we can safely presume) to create emotional discussion vs rational discussion.

It's like a "when did you start beating your wife" thread.

Then of course comes the near-impossibility of proving/disproving the theorem....because guess what...there just aren't a lot of studies focusing on chub-subs.

So, we are left largely with anecdotal observations and inferences/extrapolations from other related areas in trying to discuss the matter for real versus simply calling each other names.

In my experience...there are a lot of chubby subs out there...the ones who are most externally 'kink" (clothes, hair,etc) tend to be the plumpest....genuine lifestyle kinktypes tend to appear otherwise 'normal", I find.

I suggest that obesity has as one of a number of primary causes...low self esteem.

Medical science suggests that BDSM has a prominent element of shame and self-loathing often occasioned by childhood /early adulthood trauma/abuse.

So, it's no big leap to consider chubby BDSMers as being candidates for various forms of poor or maladjusted self image issues.

I did a couple of poll threads on Lit and found that most women here have larger than average bra and dress sizes...this of course points to chubbiness.

Putting these various elements together, it seems reasonable to suggest chubby BDSM types probably have self-esteem issues.

So far, nobody has offered any cogent alternatives.

There's been some whining, some have called me names, others have told stories about grrls that made a fat boy cry. boo hoo.

Irrelevant, though moving in a Dr Phil kinda way.

Don't blame me for Chubby Sub Disorder (CSD).....I didn't force all those twinkies down their throats.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Hey, Roscoe, I'd love a man who's 'super hardcore BDSM' to teach me a few things...

Well chuffed to share my hard earned knowledge with a fellow dominate.

First rule is...always keep 'em down.

Deuced philosophical, what?


*Lights you a cigar*

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: The Truth About CSD.

I chose this post to respond to as it best represents the confusion one often sees here on the BDSM Forum between discussing ideas and discussing individuals.

This thread is allegedly about discussing why it is obesity is prevalent amongst BDSM people...so, first off, if discussing obesity stirs up defensive feelings for you or anyone posting to the discussion, please keep in mind that that's your baggage, not mine, and I'm not interested in carrying it.

the thread itself is, of course a question loaded in the negative intended by Mr blonde (we can safely presume) to create emotional discussion vs rational discussion.

It's like a "when did you start beating your wife" thread.

Then of course comes the near-impossibility of proving/disproving the theorem....because guess what...there just aren't a lot of studies focusing on chub-subs.

So, we are left largely with anecdotal observations and inferences/extrapolations from other related areas in trying to discuss the matter for real versus simply calling each other names.

In my experience...there are a lot of chubby subs out there...the ones who are most externally 'kink" (clothes, hair,etc) tend to be the plumpest....genuine lifestyle kinktypes tend to appear otherwise 'normal", I find.

I suggest that obesity has as one of a number of primary causes...low self esteem.

Medical science suggests that BDSM has a prominent element of shame and self-loathing often occasioned by childhood /early adulthood trauma/abuse.

So, it's no big leap to consider chubby BDSMers as being candidates for various forms of poor or maladjusted self image issues.

I did a couple of poll threads on Lit and found that most women here have larger than average bra and dress sizes...this of course points to chubbiness.

Putting these various elements together, it seems reasonable to suggest chubby BDSM types probably have self-esteem issues.

So far, nobody has offered any cogent alternatives.

There's been some whining, some have called me names, others have told stories about grrls that made a fat boy cry. boo hoo.

Irrelevant, though moving in a Dr Phil kinda way.

Don't blame me for Chubby Sub Disorder (CSD).....I didn't force all those twinkies down their throats.

You so crack me. LMAO

 

[Miss Oatlash]

Well chuffed to share my hard earned knowledge with a fellow dominate.

First rule is...always keep 'em down.

Deuced philosophical, what?


*Lights you a cigar*

And the second rule?????

Teach me...I will soon have two little subbies to play with, and I want to make sure I'm in total control.

~Bring me a martini with that smoke...~

 

[rosco rathbone]

Just don't confuse anything I've said in discussion with a lack of interest in putiing my penis inside you and moving it back and forth over and over and over.

This remark is also on point. Often, we dominate masters enjoy stirring up feelings of shame and self-loathing in our orgasm objects.

Do not try this at home kids, these men are seasoned pros.

 

[rosco rathbone]

And the second rule?????

Teach me...I will soon have two little subbies to play with, and I want to make sure I'm in total control.

~Bring me a martini with that smoke...~

The second rule is more of a martial arts master saying....the feather is heavier than the stone .


eh?

My gorean slave is mixing us two Belvedere Martinis as we speak...I've taken the liberty of ordering yours extra dry with Big Olives...that's sort of the "club drink" with we masters, dont'cha' know.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: The Truth About CSD.

... There's been some whining, some have called me names...

Point out which subbie has called you names... I'll take care of 'em for ya, big dog.

 

[Miss Oatlash]

The second rule is more of a martial arts master saying....the feather is heavier than the stone .


eh?

My gorean slave is mixing us two Belvedere Martinis as we speak...I've taken the liberty of ordering yours extra dry with Big Olives...that's sort of the "club drink" with we masters, dont'cha' know.

I knew the second rule, oh great one...teach me more!

Goddess! It IS martini time! Hooray! I'm outta here...more later, masterful teacher.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I knew the second rule, oh great one...teach me more!

Goddess! It IS martini time! Hooray! I'm outta here...more later, masterful teacher.

"To teach a student what they already know, is the very epitome of mastery".








I said that.

 

[Shadowsdream]

"To teach a student what they already know, is the very epitome of mastery".

Bravo! Simply put but undeniable.






I said that.

 

[Etoile]

Ok I may now be shunned by Etiolle ADR and Esclava but I thought The article interesting.

Yeah, I'm not shunning anybody for their opinion either. I just happen to disagree pretty strongly with Lance's implication that "most" of us watch Dr. Phil and Oprah.

 

[Netzach]

I don't even watch TV. I've never seen Dr. Phil.

I saw Oprah last month once at my mom's...she had on people who had been witch hunted into jail and proven innocent after years and years. It was pretty cool.

What was the topic again?


Oh, yeah.

Well, the biggest self-esteem deficient paraiahs I know in my local community are a skinny Dom and a big Domme. The most messed up sub girls I've gotten entangled with were one thin and one zaftig, so that's one for one. And the worst malesub screw ups I've known have been thin, almost always, thin, regular excercisers and healthy and very closeted.

But that's only anecdotal evidence to show that self-loathing and SM guilt take whatever shape.

Of course, it's anecdotal, it's not as empirical as anything on Gloria Brame.

 

[Lancecastor]

Let us acknowledge that Etoile does not watch Dr Phil or Oprah...ever...and finds the suggestion that she does quite offensive.

Nutsack watches it at mom's.