Women of Lit: A Safe Place To Share

[forgotmyantidepressants]

That’s infuriating. They are all so damn sure their magic wand can change you. Assholes. Block and move on.

I don’t despise all men. But some of them raise their hand and demand the honor.

You could put that one on a t shirt

 

[genzsub]

I need to vent, if that is OK.

There is a person with whom I'd engage in voice occasionally. We've interacted over at least four years. My memory is bad when it comes to that period. This person is a person who violates boundaries. A lot. I was in a very bad state and he manipulated me into engaging with him, even though he is married. I spent time after every session thinking about how I hated myself, and about how I would feel if I were his wife.

Things got intense, and then would wane for months or more. Most of the waning was because I would feel revolted, so I'd not talk. I consistently told him that I didn't like what we did, even though I was occasionally doing it with him, and he'd override my boundaries again and manipulate me into doing things.

Having said all that, tonight I asked him if he had ethics. He answered some questions, then I mentioned the self-loathing I felt every time after we engaged. To him, this was a surprise and a shock, though throughout our interactions, I'd always illustrated that I hated myself and I hated him, to some extent. He said he thought I was playing that up. The truth was, I was being serious all along.

So I told him I thought it would be good to end it. He agreed. I think it chilled him, but I'd been telling him all along.

I am tired and I hated that he was able to manipulate me like that, and that I was not strong enough to tell him to fuck off in a way that would have saved myself.

I go to sleep and wake up to such a heartbreaking story and such great responses! I just want to hug all of you, some to give comfort and some out of gratitude for being here.

My heart aches for what you went through @Desiree_Radcliffe but I can so identify with your struggles with your sexuality. So many of my friends struggled with accepting that they aren't hetero only to feel set free once they came to grips with it and allowed themselves to say, "fuck society's expectations." I know this might sound trite but sometimes people just need to hear this: You are NOT broken. There is nothing wrong with you. You are worthy of love even if it is not sexual. You do NOT deserve whatever shit some guy puts you through for their own pleasure.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

Ok mini vent: a guy PMs me out of the blue
Him: your husband is a lucky man
Me: I know he is but what makes you say that
Him: I also like to get pegged
Me: ah. Well good luck finding someone
Him: oh. Ok.

Dude how did you think this was going to go? I don’t know you! You just reach out out of the blue with no direction and then what? I’m gonna yank out my strap on and give you my address? How was this playing out in your head?

 

[dombeotch]

Ok mini vent: a guy PMs me out of the blue
Him: your husband is a lucky man
Me: I know he is but what makes you say that
Him: I also like to get pegged
Me: ah. Well good luck finding someone
Him: oh. Ok.

Dude how did you think this was going to go? I don’t know you! You just reach out out of the blue with no direction and then what? I’m gonna yank out my strap on and give you my address? How was this playing out in your head?

I know a man that wood gladly help him..

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

I go to sleep and wake up to such a heartbreaking story and such great responses! I just want to hug all of you, some to give comfort and some out of gratitude for being here.

My heart aches for what you went through @Desiree_Radcliffe but I can so identify with your struggles with your sexuality. So many of my friends struggled with accepting that they aren't hetero only to feel set free once they came to grips with it and allowed themselves to say, "fuck society's expectations." I know this might sound trite but sometimes people just need to hear this: You are NOT broken. There is nothing wrong with you. You are worthy of love even if it is not sexual. You do NOT deserve whatever shit some guy puts you through for their own pleasure.

I appreciate that. I've gotten so much abuse from men here over the years, that I started to accept that that was how I was supposed to be treated. Because of how I was raised, I have a huge thing about looking for validation--any kind of validation, and at 39, I am only starting to remove the fucks from my field.

I am not ashamed of my asexuality. Like, I am just not attracted to people in the same way that most people are, and it's not even that I wouldn't want to have sexual activity. It honestly is that I just thought I was one way because that is what everyone else wanted and accepted. I knew, from how my life went down (no boyfriend, going to a women's college, etc.) that I had been all along, but no one talked about asexuality as an orientation from my generation. It was only a few years ago that I began to understand it. But it's hard to break that people pleasing cycle.

So, now I don't keep up or allow many conversations from men either from here or the chat site. I have gotten better about trusting my instincts and knowing when someone is out for number one. Sure, I don't get very many PMs. I get a lot of abuse for my different stances. But I honestly feel better than I have in a long time to be able to speak about it. It's not perfect, because I occasionally fuck up, but it's better because I know that I am not obligated.

Thank you and everyone, once more, for being kind about this. This is not something I can express in any other forum. I have a difficult time even telling my therapist that I hang out here. I appreciate the compassion and support.

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

Ok mini vent: a guy PMs me out of the blue
Him: your husband is a lucky man
Me: I know he is but what makes you say that
Him: I also like to get pegged
Me: ah. Well good luck finding someone
Him: oh. Ok.

Dude how did you think this was going to go? I don’t know you! You just reach out out of the blue with no direction and then what? I’m gonna yank out my strap on and give you my address? How was this playing out in your head?

I don't get this. Like, why even be sadface that you have been rejected when it's clear that you were being random in the first place? Like, what the heck?

I find a lot of the male submissives I've encountered here to be pretty demanding for people who claim to be submissive. No one is entitled to your time!

 

[JennyCapricorn]

I don't get this. Like, why even be sadface that you have been rejected when it's clear that you were being random in the first place? Like, what the heck?

I find a lot of the male submissives I've encountered here to be pretty demanding for people who claim to be submissive. No one is entitled to your time!

There are a lot, and I mean a lot, of attempts to top from the bottom on here. Or not understanding that submission doesn’t mean being completely passive while I do all the work of the conversation. I’ve found maybe 2 good partners here in a year. (eTA male sub partners)

 

[dombeotch]

I appreciate that. I've gotten so much abuse from men here over the years, that I started to accept that that was how I was supposed to be treated. Because of how I was raised, I have a huge thing about looking for validation--any kind of validation, and at 39, I am only starting to remove the fucks from my field.

I am not ashamed of my asexuality. Like, I am just not attracted to people in the same way that most people are, and it's not even that I wouldn't want to have sexual activity. It honestly is that I just thought I was one way because that is what everyone else wanted and accepted. I knew, from how my life went down (no boyfriend, going to a women's college, etc.) that I had been all along, but no one talked about asexuality as an orientation from my generation. It was only a few years ago that I began to understand it. But it's hard to break that people pleasing cycle.

So, now I don't keep up or allow many conversations from men either from here or the chat site. I have gotten better about trusting my instincts and knowing when someone is out for number one. Sure, I don't get very many PMs. I get a lot of abuse for my different stances. But I honestly feel better than I have in a long time to be able to speak about it. It's not perfect, because I occasionally fuck up, but it's better because I know that I am not obligated.

Thank you and everyone, once more, for being kind about this. This is not something I can express in any other forum. I have a difficult time even telling my therapist that I hang out here. I appreciate the compassion and support.

Hun, we all fuck up. As long as you can be yourself, be proud of what you want and what you do. No one has the right to judge you. No one of us is better then you. We are all different and that's ok. Like I said the only one you need to like is yourself. And yes sometimes we don't like ourselves. But that's part of life as well... No one's perfect. But we try!

 

[dombeotch]

I don't get this. Like, why even be sadface that you have been rejected when it's clear that you were being random in the first place? Like, what the heck?

I find a lot of the male submissives I've encountered here to be pretty demanding for people who claim to be submissive. No one is entitled to your time!

Believe It or Not hun in a dominant submissive relationship. The submissive holds all the power at the beginning of a relationship and even throughout the relationship. Without the submissive there wouldn't be a relationship and the submissive sets the limits of what relationship there is. So in actuality a dominant couldn't survive without a submissive.

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

There are a lot, and I mean a lot, of attempts to top from the bottom on here. Or not understanding that submission doesn’t mean being completely passive while I do all the work of the conversation. I’ve found maybe 2 good partners here in a year. (eTA male sub partners)

Right? I've been manipulated by these male submissives who tried to force me to Domme them and it is something I am NOT interested in at all. So many times they've tried that I honestly just put in my profile that I am not interested.

A long time ago, I tried to dom a man who was my Dom but also a switch, because of that people pleasing instinct. It ended up with him being afraid his nipples were going to fall off. Like...

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

Believe It or Not hun in a dominant submissive relationship. The submissive holds all the power at the beginning of a relationship and even throughout the relationship. Without the submissive there wouldn't be a relationship and the submissive sets the limits of what relationship there is. So in actuality a dominant couldn't survive without a submissive.

Oh I perfectly get that, but there is a difference between that and being entitled and rude when you approach someone, or trying to manipulate someone to top you or do something that you don't want to do. Does that make sense?

 

[dombeotch]

Right? I've been manipulated by these male submissives who tried to force me to Domme them and it is something I am NOT interested in at all. So many times they've tried that I honestly just put in my profile that I am not interested.

A long time ago, I tried to dom a man who was my Dom but also a switch, because of that people pleasing instinct. It ended up with him being afraid his nipples were going to fall off. Like...

See at the beginning of a relationship if you explain what you want how you want it and your dominant agrees then that's how it is. But if you keep changing the rules as you go along it's manipulative by the submissive to continue.

 

[dombeotch]

Oh I perfectly get that, but there is a difference between that and being entitled and rude when you approach someone, or trying to manipulate someone to top you or do something that you don't want to do. Does that make sense?

Perfect sense. That's a submissive that wants his pleasure or her pleasure and is getting it whether you get any satisfaction out of it or not. For submissive to say this is how we're going to do it this is what I want and this is how you're going to do it it doesn't work.

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

See at the beginning of a relationship if you explain what you want how you want it and your dominant agrees then that's how it is. But if you keep changing the rules as you go along it's manipulative by the submissive to continue.

Yeah. I had been the submissive in that one. He wanted me to switch for him. I am submissive. I don't have dominant inclinations. I've also been in the IRL BDSM scene. I know how it works. But, like, you need to be a decent person and not foist your kinks on someone who is not interested.

 

[dombeotch]

Yeah. I had been the submissive in that one. He wanted me to switch for him. I am submissive. I don't have dominant inclinations. I've also been in the IRL BDSM scene. I know how it works. But, like, you need to be a decent person and not foist your kinks on someone who is not interested.

Exactly you don't start a relationship and modify the rules halfway through and say both of you have to accept them. If you're going in to a relationship dominant submissive that's the relationship you entered. You didn't enter a dominant switch submissive.

 

[lilmissdarling]

Mini Vent: (Feel free to scroll)
The double fucking standard is a joke. You disappear for a week with no warning... That's fine. I'm just supposed to accept that at face value. I don't post/log in for the weekend because of previous obligations (that you knew about by the way.) But that's where you draw the line.

Also, I saw your passive aggresive post.
Guess, I dodged a bullet there.

 

[KatieDoes]

You ladies inspired me! I put up a post for Ilona Maher in the "Female Athletes for Ladies and Lesbians" thread!

P.S. I'm a little disappointed that it is "Female Athletes" instead of "Women Athletes" but the intent is in the right place.

I legit looked through that thread for Ilona when I first saw the title and was disappointed she wasn’t there. So I’m glad you added her!

I’ve noticed that the pic threads explicitly for lesbians and ladies tend to have page after page of the same woman, for the most part. Objectively beautiful women, for sure. But they’re also almost all, young, thin, white, femme, long hair, cookie cutter. There are SO MANY ways that women can be beautiful, I was surprised that the threads didn’t include a more diversity in age, size, type, etc. I’d never say anything, because it’s not like I’m going to roll in and tell lesbians how to lesbian. (I’m not some lit dude, after all).

I saw someone ask a long time ago, and they were told that was what the fetish board was for. I guess being over 29 is a fetish? Anyhoo. Sometimes I do look at the pics on the fetish page, but they too often look like possibly revenge porn/posted without consent. One thing the ladies on the LGBTQ page do incredibly well is only post pics that are definitely professional and intended to be public.

It ain’t easy being a pervert with morals

 

[MidwestPrincess23]

Seems a common theme, the passive aggressive posts… I mean come on, grow up!

 

[KatieDoes]

With all the hubub over Imane Khelif I was a bit surprised that the haters didn't come after Ilona during the Olympics. I should have known they'd eventually find her.

That entire situation made me absolutely livid and heartbroken for her. To work so hard and have her moment tainted by horrible people. I was so thrilled when she won gold! I hope she sues everyone that slandered her and makes millions.

I saw people shitting on Ilona and Katie Ledecky. Katie Ledecky owns the top 20 world records in the 1500, and instead of being celebrated, she’s accused of being a man. People are horrible.

 

[dombeotch]

Mini Vent: (Feel free to scroll)
The double fucking standard is a joke. You disappear for a week with no warning... That's fine. I'm just supposed to accept that at face value. I don't post/log in for the weekend because of previous obligations (that you knew about by the way.) But that's where you draw the line.

Also, I saw your passive aggresive post.
Guess, I dodged a bullet there.

Get lottery tickets hun...lol

 

[KatieDoes]

Hey friends... rough couple days over here... anyone have any good jokes? memes? anything to make a sister smile?

I’ve got jokes. But first I’m going to tell you that it’s ok to not smile. Sometimes we feel like we have to appear happy to make others feel comfortable. We don’t. We’re allowed to be in a shitty mood, and we can take as much time to be sad as we need.

 

[dombeotch]

@Megan82

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

Mini Vent: (Feel free to scroll)
The double fucking standard is a joke. You disappear for a week with no warning... That's fine. I'm just supposed to accept that at face value. I don't post/log in for the weekend because of previous obligations (that you knew about by the way.) But that's where you draw the line.

Also, I saw your passive aggresive post.
Guess, I dodged a bullet there.

What a turdface turd. Glad you were able to dodge that bullet.

 

[KatieDoes]

I need to vent, if that is OK.

There is a person with whom I'd engage in voice occasionally. We've interacted over at least four years. My memory is bad when it comes to that period. This person is a person who violates boundaries. A lot. I was in a very bad state and he manipulated me into engaging with him, even though he is married. I spent time after every session thinking about how I hated myself, and about how I would feel if I were his wife.

Things got intense, and then would wane for months or more. Most of the waning was because I would feel revolted, so I'd not talk. I consistently told him that I didn't like what we did, even though I was occasionally doing it with him, and he'd override my boundaries again and manipulate me into doing things.

Having said all that, tonight I asked him if he had ethics. He answered some questions, then I mentioned the self-loathing I felt every time after we engaged. To him, this was a surprise and a shock, though throughout our interactions, I'd always illustrated that I hated myself and I hated him, to some extent. He said he thought I was playing that up. The truth was, I was being serious all along.

So I told him I thought it would be good to end it. He agreed. I think it chilled him, but I'd been telling him all along.

I am tired and I hated that he was able to manipulate me like that, and that I was not strong enough to tell him to fuck off in a way that would have saved myself.

There are many ways to be strong. I’m sorry that this man treated you this way, but you didn’t do anything wrong. Him being horrible doesn’t mean that you were weak. Don’t ever feel like you failed because you didn’t think like a manipulative sociopath. It’s a good thing that your heart and mind don’t work that way.

 

[dombeotch]

@Megan82