Worst pick-up lines EVER!

[monique_minx]

Okay this one was from tonight (Friday night here), my sister and I went to the pub and these two guys were staring at us for awhile before one of them came out and said...

"Excuse me ladies, would you mind if I vomitted?"

I just had to share that one, best ice breaker I have ever heard hahaha!!

 

[thelittledeadgirl]

Bleargh! Can any attempt at a pick-up be more irritating than:

"If you don't have a boyfriend can I be your boyfriend?"

Followed by my tolerant explanation that I'm pretty much married but appreciate the complement, followed by;

"That's okay we can just fool around, your husband doesn't need to know."

From a 14-year-old boy!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Kids these days! (said from my oh-so-ancient perch of 25 years old)

 

[chronicle_tenko]

Actually I must also comment on it. It's getting REALLY creepy.

See I'm dense. Like Really Dense. Thick as a brick, and duller than a spoon, hardly cover just how totally INEPT I am at picking up signals.

But sometimes other people can be as blunt as I am, and while a girl (in some teasing way) really trying her best to hit on me while I'm at work pretending to be friendly, is occasionally nice. It buries the needle on the creepy meter when things like.....

"I bet you have no idea how tight a 15 year old is...."

Get said. I actually threw up a little in my mouth that day.

 

[thelittledeadgirl]

*Reading chronies post* Eeeeeew! Teenagers are scary sometimes!

Reorienting on the funny side of disturbing and disgusting:

"She's so hot, I'd drink her bathwater."

AND

"She's so hot, I'd eat her toenail clippings."

 

[thelittledeadgirl]

AHA! And a comeback come-on to use on those confused teens hitting on you:

"Hahahahahaha you're cute, kid. Call me in 10 years if you're still hot!"

 

[monique_minx]

Oh I agree totally...that one was just gross! Sounds like something half the high school girls around my neighbourhood would say, I detest including my own sister in that statement but she's a pretty bad offender!

Okay mine for today...

"That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed."

And...

"Come over and sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up."

 

[Trixabell]

I am sitting at the bar with my Firefly vodka in a seedy southern bar listening to a horrible cover band doing their best rendition of AC/DC’s ‘You Shook Me all Night Long’. Enter creepy guy to my right that sits next to me for several minutes just eying my cleavage before saying, “Hey there, why aren’t you dancing to this?”

I say, “I haven’t danced to AC/DC since I was in High School”. (92 grad)

His response is, wait for it……. “Oh so you mean two years ago?”

I laughed so hard I cried! I know I look younger than I am but really? Oh well it was a cheesy line but I’ll take the compliment anyway!

 

[Ahren1]

This thread is incredibly depressing.

 

[thelittledeadgirl]

This thread is incredibly depressing.

No Ahren, you've got the format wrong. Here, I'll convert it into a come-on line for you:

"This thread is so incredibly depressing, I feel like someone should give me head to make up for it! Any takers?"

OR

"This thread is incredibly depressing. Wanna fuck?"

OR EVEN

"She's so hot, I was drooling over her even though...this thread is incredibly depressing!"

Try again, why don't you?

 

[Vail_Indigo]

"your friend is hot, but shes taken so maybe you?"

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

"Damn baby, you must have a mirror in your pants, cuz I can totally see myself in them."

Or

"You must be tired, because you have been running through my mind all day"

Or

"You look tense, would you like a massage? Great, I like to start from the inside and work my way out."

 

[AliveInside]

"That outfit is quite becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be cumming too."

"Why don't we go play 'house'. You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long."


I haven't had the opportunity to try this next one, but it's so ingeniously cheesy I have to believe it would work:

"Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Just enough to break the ice..."

 

[thelittledeadgirl]

*Giggling hysterically at the cheesy lines above* Awesome! Here's a cheesy one I've seen used at drunken parties.

Only useable by males or girls with strap-ons: "Have you seen my elephant impression?"

you must wear pants with front pockets and a fly for this one. The elephant impression is performed by pulling your front pockets inside out to make "ears" and then releasing the "trunk" from the fly of your pants

The follow up line: "According to legends, elephants posed with their trunks raised are good luck!"

 

[thelittledeadgirl]

"Well, I guess I could throw a flag over your head and do you for the country..."

 

[dragonrazor]

Taken straight out of one of the American Pie movies:

"My name is Steve Stiffler, and I have an eleven inch penis...AROUND"

 

[WindsorKnot]

hahah, i'm taking notes here

 

[AliveInside]

"Is that a keg in your pants, because I just wanna tap that ass."

"The word is 'legs'. Why don't we go back to my place and spread the word?"

 

[Tio_Narratore]

"What's a loose woman like you doing in a nice place like this?"

 

[jtc071]

Give me 30 seconds you won't feel a thing.

 

[TallMan60]

"if I said you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me!"

Sadly, I have heard that joke many times for years and only now did I just get it. Sometimes I'm very slow.

 

[thelittledeadgirl]

*giggles reading down the list*

Awesome additions to the list, everyone!

"Let's play carpenter, you be bored and then I'll nail you!"

 

[FeistyScorpio]

As a redhead, I constantly have people ask me if the fire is as hot down below as it is on top. My answer to that one? You'll never know, or it was but you just put it out. ugh. Men seem to think we've never heard that one before.

 

[monique_minx]

Okay this one is a personal favourite of mine; I was heading out to the Valley for a night of clubbing (I'm walking to the train station) and this guy yells from his car as he drives past at snail's pace...

"Hey baby, how much?!"

To which I grinned and retorted without skipping a beat...

"Judging by the shit box you're driving, you can't afford it!"

 

[Niriate]

"Hey there sexy, come here often?"

Had me shivering so violently I almost spilled my drink over my skirt. I mean... if you're gonna hit on somebody, can you atleast be creative? nevermind how drunk or stoned you are, doesn't excuse you of being a pathetic copycat.

Luckily my friends and I got a laugh out of it when I replied.

"With people like you around, this was the first and last time"

 

[cowslinger64]

My face leaves at 8, be on it.

As long as I have a face, you have a place to sit.


and one I like:


Those are nice shoes, I bet they looked great when they were new.