What Are You Nosey About Today?? 🦝

[cheekygirl75]

I believe the beauty of life is in the flaws and the scars. All of us have them. They are like a living testiment to our past and our struggles. How boring would life be if we all were just carbon copies of someone elses idea of perfect. Why not embrace them and cherish them?

I don't think anyone would disagree with you, but honestly doing that is a hard journey for many of us. We're shown so many perfect faces in media and other parts of society, that's what we've been taught to strive for. It even rises to the level of morality in some cases - immoral people are depicted as looking "ugly" or "deformed" whereas "good" people are shown as beautiful.

It's a message that so many of us have deeply internalized and digging it out is a long job.

 

[Chillygirl]

own your beauty ladies. We arent here to judge you or point out your flaws. We just want to see you unfiltered in all your womanly grace. If we cant appreciate you for who you are, we probably arent worthy of you regardless.

The biggest thing I’ve noticed on lit…women with fake compliments or passive aggressive comments where later you’re like did she just insult me…and a few compliments that seem very sincere.

But the men (except for a couple of trolls) seem to have sincere compliments for the women of all shapes and sizes. They really like what they see and are happy to look.

And I know when I’ve made the “please excuse…” comment I was feeling extra insecure and wanted the “oh you look great” Pat on the back.

But maybe I’m just super cynical and bitchy.

Oh and as for liking the mirror but hating pictures…yes. I have really bad body dysmorphia…I post pics here because y’all don’t know me but on my other social media you’ll rarely see a pic of me especially my face. Lit has actually helped me build a little bit of confidence.

ETA I quoted him as an example of men’s reaction/opinions to the pics.

 

[Silk_Princess]

2. Women are trained to deferential and not overly confident. Confident women are setting themselves up to get knocked down a peg. I think it's awful and definitely something we should push back on. LW is absolutely right when she says - why can't we just say we feel beautiful today and post a picture.

This is a very astute observation, and it applies to more than photos. Thank you.

The biggest thing I’ve noticed on lit…women with fake compliments or passive aggressive comments where later you’re like did she just insult me…and a few compliments that seem very sincere.

This is one of several comments about such behavior that I’ve seen recently — i.e. women being snide to other women — and I’m nosey about where this is occurring. AmPics? PMs? Somewhere else? I don’t think I’ve seen a lot of that but perhaps I’m on the wrong threads or it is simply going over my head
.

 

[Lonelywife1205]

The point I was tying to make was if you post a picture, you obviously like it and think you look good in it….own that.

 

[Silk_Princess]

The point I was tying to make was if you post a picture, you obviously like it and think you look good in it….own that.

I’m not sure that is necessarily true of everyone who posts photos. Presumably people don’t post photos that they actively *dislike*, but I have the sense for some people, they genuinely *don’t* know how they feel about their bodies/their photos and they are seeking feedback in part to help steer their self-image to a more positive place. As an aspirational statement, I completely agree that we should aim to own our own beauty and self-regard without apology, but it can take some time (and positive feedback) for some people to get to that place. And I’m sympathetic to wherever people are on that journey.

 

[Mei5ter]

I’m nosy about something…when you post pics do you say something like “excuse the I look like I just rolled out of bed look” or some other similar negative comment? I try not to do this, but I can’t say I never have. I seriously doubt that anyone posts a pic where they truly think they look like shit. If I post a pic, it’s me, unfiltered and feeling cute. Why can’t we just unapologetically feel confident and sexy without adding the negativity?

Doesn't it also depend on the pic and the intention?

A quick Monday morning say-hello face pic? An "Excuse the bed head!" comment is fine.

If I've posted a carefully edited b/w pic of me wearing a tux, a comment like "Please excuse the natural look - I was just dashing to the grocery store to buy kitty litter!" won't quite cut it.

 

[SassySheDevil]

I’m not sure that is necessarily true of everyone who posts photos. Presumably people don’t post photos that they actively *dislike*, but I have the sense for some people, they genuinely *don’t* know how they feel about their bodies/their photos and they are seeking feedback in part to help steer their self-image to a more positive place. As an aspirational statement, I completely agree that we should aim to own our own beauty and self-regard without apology, but it can take some time (and positive feedback) for some people to get to that place. And I’m sympathetic to wherever people are on that journey.

You have to like it enough to post it, or you wont. This is the digital age. We take a million pictures, and we can delete the ones we don't like.

We all have good days, and bad days. Security isn't always there the way we'd like it to be. It is a process. I am sure it is one I will fight every single day, but I am damn sure going to try and make sure my own daughter doesn't fight that same fight, for the rest of her life, by making my insecurities so obvious, that she starts being insecure of herself. I hope the world is eventually a kinder place, and women can eventually get to a level of comfort where it isn't normal to start off a picture post with "ugh, I look..."

You are right. Everyone has their own Journey, and I'm sorry if I ruffled feathers by being honest. But just as I shouldn't tell anyone how they should feel (cough cough), No one should tell me how I feel. And I feel that it is extremely sad when people start their posts like that.

 

[Silk_Princess]

. . . . I am damn sure going to try and make sure my own daughter doesn't fight that same fight, for the rest of her life, by making my insecurities so obvious, that she starts being insecure of herself. I hope the world is eventually a kinder place, and women can eventually get to a level of comfort where it isn't normal to start off a picture post with "ugh, I look..."

You are right. Everyone has their own Journey, and I'm sorry if I ruffled feathers by being honest. But just as I shouldn't tell anyone how they should feel (cough cough), No one should tell me how I feel. And I feel that it is extremely sad when people start their posts like that.

I definitely share the (beautifully stated) goal and concern here. Fwiw, if feathers were ruffled (mine were not in particular), i think it not from the expression of anyone’s feelings about this practice, but rather attributing a specific intention to it (seeking attention).

 

[AlexBailey]

I'm nosey,

Does it effect how attractive someone seems to you when they have an attractive partner? Do you think other people are influenced that way?

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I'm nosey,

Does it effect how attractive someone seems to you when they have an attractive partner? Do you think other people are influenced that way?

This is a really interesting question and I honestly don't know my answer. I'm curious to hear what other people have to say.

 

[Lonelywife1205]

I definitely share the (beautifully stated) goal and concern here. Fwiw, if feathers were ruffled (mine were not in particular), i think it not from the expression of anyone’s feelings about this practice, but rather attributing a specific intention to it (seeking attention).

I certainly don’t think everyone who does it is attention seeking, but I do believe there are some people who are. I also think it isn’t just pictures, you can see it in PVM “please validate me” posts as well. It’s something I have done in the past so maybe that’s why I recognize it when I see it, or at least I think I do.

ETA maybe my recent cranky pants posts have come across that way as well. I certainly don’t mean for them to. I’m just actually in a place where it’s one crappy thing after another and I’m generally a Debbie downer most of the time lately and the last thing I want is attention about it.

 

[Chillygirl]

I certainly don’t think everyone who does it is attention seeking, but I do believe there are some people who are. I also think it isn’t just pictures, you can see it in PVM “please validate me” posts as well. It’s something I have done in the past so maybe that’s why I recognize it when I see it, or at least I think I do.

ETA maybe my recent cranky pants posts have come across that way as well. I certainly don’t mean for them to. I’m just actually in a place where it’s one crappy thing after another and I’m generally a Debbie downer most of the time lately and the last thing I want is attention about it.

I think we’re all guilty of it at some point. We’re just people and we’re not perfect. And I don’t think it means you’re a bad person if you do do it. Just know yourself.

Btw I’m sorry life is so rough lately.

 

[Lonelywife1205]

I think we’re all guilty of it at some point. We’re just people and we’re not perfect. And I don’t think it means you’re a bad person if you do do it. Just know yourself.

Btw I’m sorry life is so rough lately.

Thank you chilly

 

[Azuldrgon]

I’m nosy about something…when you post pics do you say something like “excuse the I look like I just rolled out of bed look” or some other similar negative comment? I try not to do this, but I can’t say I never have. I seriously doubt that anyone posts a pic where they truly think they look like shit. If I post a pic, it’s me, unfiltered and feeling cute. Why can’t we just unapologetically feel confident and sexy without adding the negativity?

*hugs*
I rarely post pics. I am very body conscious and very hesitant to show my face without a beard because of my smile issues. It's just me.

I'm nosey,

Does it effect how attractive someone seems to you when they have an attractive partner? Do you think other people are influenced that way?

I think you expect attractive people to be together in my mind. It seems like the longer a couple are together, the more they seem to become similar. Maybe it's just me.

 

[ydahecnot]

I posted my mug in my profile a couple of times, mainly because Rainshine and Sassy hounded, er, persuaded me. I have no illusions about my looks; I considered it a lark

 

[Paul_Chance]

I'm nosey,

Does it effect how attractive someone seems to you when they have an attractive partner? Do you think other people are influenced that way?

Hmmm this one is kind of a no, maybe, yes for me.

No, generally when I encounter people I take each one as an individual. That they have an attractive partner doesn't really influence that.

Maybe, but I do often think "what an attractive couple" and assume that "like attracts like", but then I can think of many couples I know where one partner is way more physically attractive than the other (of pretty much all genders).

And than yes because, if we're talking threesomes or group sex, than their attractiveness as a couple matters - but here I'm not really talking about physical attractiveness, but rather "attractiveness as potential sexual partners" and that for me is not just the physical, but I've found that the personalities far outweigh physical attractiveness.

I do think there are people who are influenced by it - these are the people who equate attractiveness (physical) with "Possessing Good Qualities". I've known more that my share of physically attractive fucking downright evil people to not make that mistake.

(And I was silent during the photo posting cycle because I've got complex thoughts there and I am still thinking about it.)

 

[SassySheDevil]

I posted my mug in my profile a couple of times, mainly because Rainshine and Sassy hounded, er, persuaded me. I have no illusions about my looks; I considered it a lark

I'm very glad you did.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

I've only posted my face a small handful of times. I've done it because people have asked me to. Or because I like seeing other peoples' faces and it only seems fair to reciprocate once in a while. Or because I occasionally need a pick-me-up. I don't think I'm all that good looking, but *most* Litsters on the face thread are very kind and generous with their compliments.

I'm nosey,

Does it effect how attractive someone seems to you when they have an attractive partner? Do you think other people are influenced that way?

If we're talking physical attraction, then I don't think their partner makes much difference. If both people are in the same ballpark in attractiveness, then maybe a little bit? Like, "oh, that's a good-looking couple." But if one is much more physically attractive than the other, that actually heightens the difference in my mind. "Really? He is with her?

I'm with Desiree1 when it comes to seeing it much more in attitudes. If someone's with a partner who makes them laugh, who supports them, who builds them up, that can increase the attraction. But if they're with someone who's just a negative crank all the time... then I'd have some serious questions for them, and not of the attractive sort.

 

[Dribble]

I'm nosey,

Does it effect how attractive someone seems to you when they have an attractive partner? Do you think other people are influenced that way?

Not at all. That doesn't mean somewhere in my small brain I might wonder how the fuck did that person end up with that catch? But i consider that more a me problem.

I can care less if other people are influenced that way

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I'm nosey,

Does it effect how attractive someone seems to you when they have an attractive partner? Do you think other people are influenced that way?

I think I agree that I'm more interested when someone has partner with a wildly different disposition. I don't know of it affects how attractive they are... I honestly can't think of anyone I know irl that has a partner that's SO much more or less attractive than they are.

However, based on knowledge I've gained strictly from TikTok (where I've learned many other wonderful life skills) I think it matters which way the attractive seesaw leans.

If there is a man who is incredibly hot with a woman who is more plain, fat, etc - usually he's seen as a Saint for being with her and she's made to feel like she's lucky to just be in is presence. There the disparity is just widened.

Conversely, if there is a hot women with a man who is conventionally unattractive, fat, etc - he must have an amazing personality, treat her so well, or be so funny that it makes sense in everyone's minds. There the physical attractiveness of her must be matched by something wonderful in him that bring them closer to the same "level".

I never noticed anything being said about queen couples ever. Which is interesting all by itself. I don't know man, people are weird and wonderful!!

 

[AlexBailey]

Hmmm this one is kind of a no, maybe, yes for me.

No, generally when I encounter people I take each one as an individual. That they have an attractive partner doesn't really influence that.
...

This is similar to my conscious feeling on the subject - how I hope I truly feel, but because of personal experiences I've thought about this a lot over the years. I realize that there are biases that effect me sub-consciously before I have a chance to think and reflect.

Back in high school I felt like I was invisible until one of the hottest girls in school asked me to the prom. It was almost like in that '80 movie 'Can't buy me love', where suddenly my social standing went through the roof. I was never into sports and had never had any of the jocks or the popular crowd give me the time of day - then everyone was my friend - or at least seemed that way. I was the school's chess champion who was suddenly the boyfriend of the captain of the cheer squad.

Our relationship didn't last but my new social status did. I wonder if it was a reflection of my own confidence level. Before that I was kind of an emotional basket case, afterwards I didn't worry about social standing - though I suppose it was easy once I had it. I was also more emotionally independent from my judgemental religious parents.

Later when I was hanging out with my lesbian friends, my girlfriend loved me but she took a lot of shit from other friends for being with a guy. Some of her friends wouldn't come around when I was there. There were all sorts of issues some of those girls had with men, but many had no problem with me, still my GF dealt with some fall out to be with me.

When I dated some girls in the music scene I saw lots of superficiality, with social ladder climbers and toxic personalities, so it was hard to know who was a real friend or who just wanted to get closer to my girlfriends. That said, during that time it felt like I had my pick of potential lovers - girls or guys.

My first wife ended up being fake. She thrived on having me as arm candy until I settled into a regular job to support our family. She got bitter and depressed and blamed me for everything she was insecure about. Almost all of our friends on the scene quit calling or coming around, probably largely because of the separation between those with kids and those without - but mostly because my ex-wife got nasty.

My second wife is a cute and sweet girl, an awesome mother, and works in family law. The people we hang out with now are normal salt of the earth and family types. I occasionally see old friends at shows and have seen that the 'meat market' is still in action. The attention I get from random people is entirely different whether I'm hanging with my wife or some of my other old friends who are still into the scene.

While I would like to believe I take everyone as individuals , I still find that I have biases and make instant assumptions, even on people I know, based on who they happen to be hanging out with.


- Thanks to everyone who has already responded to my noseyness.

 

[AbsintheFather]

Conversely, if there is a hot women with a man who is conventionally unattractive, fat, etc - he must have an amazing personality, treat her so well, or be so funny that it makes sense in everyone's minds. There the physical attractiveness of her must be matched by something wonderful in him that bring them closer to the same "level".

Like his checkbook

https://encrypted-tbn0.***********/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS1SdkF_bsVZ9p3fIB37pmQ7fy6pObPTYKp-6m_6F0irwjp1_03w_O21kysg5DNyO52820&usqp=CAU

 

[ydahecnot]

Waterbeds were mentioned on another thread, so now I'm nosey as to if anyone still has one? And how sex on a waterbed would work. I've only slept on one once, but I had trouble getting out of it and that was when I a teenager. I'd probably have to crawl to the side and roll off it onto the floor these days.

So... how's sex on a waterbed? Anybody get seasick?

Not as good as on a regular bed; practically speaking, much of sex depends on being stable.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

Waterbeds were mentioned on another thread, so now I'm nosey as to if anyone still has one? And how sex on a waterbed would work. I've only slept on one once, but I had trouble getting out of it and that was when I a teenager. I'd probably have to crawl to the side and roll off it onto the floor these days.

So... how's sex on a waterbed? Anybody get seasick?

Yeah, no. Tried it once. It just made everything awkward as hell. It was much better once we moved to her chair. Then the floor.

 

[ydahecnot]

Yeah, no. Tried it once. It just made everything awkward as hell. It was much better once we moved to her chair. Then the floor.

Lit is happy to help you relive the moment, Reverend