Paul_Chance
The Watcher
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I’ve never done the task thing. I’ve never had a partner who was into it. I tend toward the more spontaneous side of the equation, sexually.
I’ve never done the task thing. I’ve never had a partner who was into it. I tend toward the more spontaneous side of the equation, sexually.
QuasiSemiDemiEsqueIsh
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I do like a task-oriented D/s dynamic. I prefer for my D/s dynamics to include at least some aspects of a 24/7 lifestyle; though I don't go for M/s or TPE, I'm definitely not bedroom-only, either.
I have a few tasks I have to do as routine for my nesting partner/daddy--mostly things like straightening up before bed and making sure he has a lunch prepared for the next day. He'll also give me tasks that aren't a usual part of our routine, e.g. he asked me to hem the sleeves of his undershirts yesterday because he noticed that they've started sticking out past the sleeves of his work shirts, and today he asked me to do some research for him about something he's been thinking of buying.
My other dom doesn't really give me any routine tasks, in part because he doesn't want to interfere with my live-in dynamic and in part because he's just not that into it. The tasks he gives me are usually along the lines of sending him specific pictures or putting nipple clamps on for a specific amount of time--often for the duration of my routine chores.
I like many styles of tasks. I prefer sexual tasks because of selfish reasons, but non-sexual tasks--and especially doing things I don't enjoy--can make me feel more submissive and, ipso facto, more connected to my partner, more cared for, and more appreciated. For me, the specific task matters very little compared to the intent behind the task and how I feel when I'm doing something that makes my partner's or partners' life/lives easier or more enjoyable.
One style of tasks I have a pretty intense love/hate relationship with is mental health/self-care tasks. As I mention pretty regularly, I was abused, and that's created some long-lasting issues. So when a partner assigns me something designed to take care of my mental health, like writing about something specific in my journal, sending pictures that I think make me look hideous, researching and enacting self-care strategies, etc., I absolutely hate it because I hate making myself a priority. On the other hand, I absolutely love that they're making my mental health a priority and "making" me do it, too. It's like when you have to hold an ice pack on your face to reduce swelling; it feels really soothing and you know it's good for you and necessary, but it's hard to maintain and just a little bit painful, and you're probably going to bitch and moan the whole time.
For the most part, both of my partners accept my word that I've done my tasks (obviously things like mending my daddy's shirts are easily visible and don't require my word). However, I usually like to show them some sort of proof anyway as a shameless attempt to fish for compliments and praise.
The partner who doesn't live with me does often ask for pictures, but that's more because he likes getting pictures of me than because he requires proof.
QuasiSemiDemiEsqueIsh
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My nesting partner doesn't have me make the bed (because making the bed actually makes it more appealing to dust mites and things, so we pull the sheets down and let sunlight get to the bed to ward them away), but most of my tasks are pretty similar to that, actually. They're not about pleasing me or getting me riled up sexually; they're usually things I'd probably be doing, anyway, just to contribute to the relationship, but having them formalized as "tasks" changes them from mundane to enjoyable.
PrettyLilPussy19
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AveryElle
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that's where we're going wrong! I need to change my nagging to be more erotic!
(/sarcasm)
Paul_Chance
The Watcher
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Since I have never done the task related thing, I have to express my thanks to everyone who has shared their experiences/preferences. It's pretty fascinating reading and has opened my eyes somewhat to why it has appeal. So, thank you all very much!
And as always, thanks to our lovely hostess for the interesting and thought-provoking line of questions. Thank you PLP.
And as always, thanks to our lovely hostess for the interesting and thought-provoking line of questions. Thank you PLP.
PrettyLilPussy19
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well thank you, Paul.
barefootgirl69
🧡 Wild Lil Cupcake
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Tasks. I remember the very first one! Long before I'd ever heard of Lit. My first Master gave me the task to buy a leash and collar and be waiting when he showed up that night. 
Many things have happened since; some good experiences, some bad.
For me, tasks should be thought out and considered. When I say I have a busy day with homeschooling and then packing a three bedroom home by myself with two little children under my feet, don't task me with coloring you a picture. Don't task me with calling you every hour, or having an orgasm every hour. Don't task me with masturbating in a parking lot when my kids are in the back seat.
I'm not trying to top from the bottom, but a submissive's needs and life should be considered.
Some of my favorite tasks were to read a chapter of a book each day, something totally outside my norm, and write what I got out of it. Or, with another, talk it over as we both read a chapter of the same book. Tame, I know.
I love the certain amount of self orgasms before getting a phone call, I love wearing an anal plug while shopping and messaging while in the store, anxious to get home!!!
This isn't anything close to what I want to write, but it will have to do on the fly with my phone.
Many things have happened since; some good experiences, some bad.
For me, tasks should be thought out and considered. When I say I have a busy day with homeschooling and then packing a three bedroom home by myself with two little children under my feet, don't task me with coloring you a picture. Don't task me with calling you every hour, or having an orgasm every hour. Don't task me with masturbating in a parking lot when my kids are in the back seat.
I'm not trying to top from the bottom, but a submissive's needs and life should be considered.
Some of my favorite tasks were to read a chapter of a book each day, something totally outside my norm, and write what I got out of it. Or, with another, talk it over as we both read a chapter of the same book. Tame, I know.
I love the certain amount of self orgasms before getting a phone call, I love wearing an anal plug while shopping and messaging while in the store, anxious to get home!!!
This isn't anything close to what I want to write, but it will have to do on the fly with my phone.
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A
AlwaysFara
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Who knew I could have saved my marriage?
DeepGreenEyes
Whittled
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Boffo answers. Someone somewhere must call their PYL “Taskmaster.” If not, this is a notice of copyright.
I do assign tasks, and they’re often associated with self-care: eating well, taking personal time, having a treat of some kind, scheduling a massage. It’s a way to encourage health and submission. (Also I like her.) Photos are often proof.
Edging as a task builds on itself (as was said earlier), resulting in delightful self-awareness
It establishes dominance and control, and is mostly gluten-free. There’s also marking herself in harmless ways, wearing the undergarments-o-the-day and engaging in games built on affirmations I want to stress. These are reinforcing tools and designed to encourage submission, connection or reflection. On the other end, tasks can be writing sentences.
Of course I talked about the emotions these things are designed to elicit in a pyl, but assigning tasks can make a dominant feel in control and connected.
A couple of aspects of tasks that haven’t been discussed: one is the obligatory entreaty to know your pyl, and to use your words. Some tasks that you find arousing, sadistically satisfying or innocuous may flip something in your sub you didn’t intend.
The other is that a task can, for a sub who is overwhelmed or has a grinding number of commitments, become just another shitty or tedious thing in a long list of demanding obligations. When that happens, it may communicate the need for dependability, but it usually isn’t making other connections I want to communicate. There needs to be some awareness around it. Sometimes it’s best to know when to pull back on tasks.
Now changing Siri settings to call me Taskmaster.
I do assign tasks, and they’re often associated with self-care: eating well, taking personal time, having a treat of some kind, scheduling a massage. It’s a way to encourage health and submission. (Also I like her.) Photos are often proof.
Edging as a task builds on itself (as was said earlier), resulting in delightful self-awareness
It establishes dominance and control, and is mostly gluten-free. There’s also marking herself in harmless ways, wearing the undergarments-o-the-day and engaging in games built on affirmations I want to stress. These are reinforcing tools and designed to encourage submission, connection or reflection. On the other end, tasks can be writing sentences. Of course I talked about the emotions these things are designed to elicit in a pyl, but assigning tasks can make a dominant feel in control and connected.
A couple of aspects of tasks that haven’t been discussed: one is the obligatory entreaty to know your pyl, and to use your words. Some tasks that you find arousing, sadistically satisfying or innocuous may flip something in your sub you didn’t intend.
The other is that a task can, for a sub who is overwhelmed or has a grinding number of commitments, become just another shitty or tedious thing in a long list of demanding obligations. When that happens, it may communicate the need for dependability, but it usually isn’t making other connections I want to communicate. There needs to be some awareness around it. Sometimes it’s best to know when to pull back on tasks.
Now changing Siri settings to call me Taskmaster.
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Bramblethorn
Sleep-deprived
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I trained my partner out of this by licking her nose.
A
AlwaysFara
Guest
See. I would like that, too.
surrenderedfaith
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I do like a task-oriented D/s dynamic. I prefer for my D/s dynamics to include at least some aspects of a 24/7 lifestyle; though I don't go for M/s or TPE, I'm definitely not bedroom-only, either.
I have a few tasks I have to do as routine for my nesting partner/daddy--mostly things like straightening up before bed and making sure he has a lunch prepared for the next day. He'll also give me tasks that aren't a usual part of our routine, e.g. he asked me to hem the sleeves of his undershirts yesterday because he noticed that they've started sticking out past the sleeves of his work shirts, and today he asked me to do some research for him about something he's been thinking of buying.
My other dom doesn't really give me any routine tasks, in part because he doesn't want to interfere with my live-in dynamic and in part because he's just not that into it. The tasks he gives me are usually along the lines of sending him specific pictures or putting nipple clamps on for a specific amount of time--often for the duration of my routine chores.
I like many styles of tasks. I prefer sexual tasks because of selfish reasons, but non-sexual tasks--and especially doing things I don't enjoy--can make me feel more submissive and, ipso facto, more connected to my partner, more cared for, and more appreciated. For me, the specific task matters very little compared to the intent behind the task and how I feel when I'm doing something that makes my partner's or partners' life/lives easier or more enjoyable.
One style of tasks I have a pretty intense love/hate relationship with is mental health/self-care tasks. As I mention pretty regularly, I was abused, and that's created some long-lasting issues. So when a partner assigns me something designed to take care of my mental health, like writing about something specific in my journal, sending pictures that I think make me look hideous, researching and enacting self-care strategies, etc., I absolutely hate it because I hate making myself a priority. On the other hand, I absolutely love that they're making my mental health a priority and "making" me do it, too. It's like when you have to hold an ice pack on your face to reduce swelling; it feels really soothing and you know it's good for you and necessary, but it's hard to maintain and just a little bit painful, and you're probably going to bitch and moan the whole time.
For the most part, both of my partners accept my word that I've done my tasks (obviously things like mending my daddy's shirts are easily visible and don't require my word). However, I usually like to show them some sort of proof anyway as a shameless attempt to fish for compliments and praise.
The more I read from you, the more I like you! "nesting partner" LOVE IT!!! love it love it love it. i hope I can steal that at some point. i love it on so many levels because of the imagery. How many times have i siad and felt "i wish i could live inside you"... so both concepts work for me. Nesting as in creating a nest for both to live in, as well as living inside of/within my partner. *high five for awesomeness*
I also love the fact that your nesting partner is accepting of your other dynamic. Interesting.
So much of this I can second.
"#43
Tasks.
Do you like a task oriented D/s dynamic? Do you to give/receive frequent tasks as part of a connection routine OR does this breech to far into the 24/7 lifestyle for you?
If you do like or have experienced a task based dynamic, what kind of tasks did you enjoy giving or completing? What kind of emotions do you like the tasks to illicit? (pride, connection, humiliation, control?) How do you track or "prove" your tasks, if distance is an issue?
Do you like a task oriented D/s dynamic?
Yes, very much. Though I rarely refer to them as "tasks" I don't like the connotation of it. Nothing I do is pointless busywork, or arduous, even if it is difficult on occasion. The point is I liked to be asked to complete specific jobs, or complete assignments of many and various types. I like to actively demonstrate my commitment to my relationship, sometimes in directed ways. It helps me to keep the relationship and dynamic front and center in my mind and heart. This in turn helps calm and center me. It also helps me to know in measured ways that I am DOING something for my partner.
Do you to give/receive frequent tasks as part of a connection routine OR does this breech to far into the 24/7 lifestyle for you?
At one point they were frequent... and I liked it very much, for the above stated reasons. when i was married, it was an integral part of my marriage. When I'm in a live in or real time relationship, I regularly ask some variation of "is there anything I can do today to make your life better or easier? Is there anything that has been bothering you around the house that I can take care of? Is there anything I need to do differently to please you better?" These questions, while routine, were never asked with the intention of getting a "no" ... quite the opposite... they were my way of saying "I'm seeking a way to please you."
I once saw a poster about the care and keeping of a submissive that noted that we need ways to demonstrate our submission, and giving us ways is a mercy. A FREAKING MEN. That said, I know it can be time consuming or not really add value to the life of the dominant... then is when it is unhelpful. I think that is a problem much more online than in a live in dynamic.
If you do like or have experienced a task based dynamic, what kind of tasks did you enjoy giving or completing?
wow, this really varies. For me, it has very much depended upon the partner and the dynamic.
These are from many and varies relationships:
I have enjoyed typical online task type assignments like wardrobe control (send 3 pictures the night before and when I wake, he will have picked one which I will wear and send a picture of from outside the house.)
Physical/care tasks: keep an eating/exercise journal which is emailed at the end of each week. At one point, I would send a video link while I was doing my exercise for my person to join if he ever felt so inclined. I would take pictures of my food.
At one point seeing specific medical care was assigned.
I've had one person who was very good at asking how things were going at work, and when i was procrastinating, would keep on top of me to put down the internet and GO WORK. ^__^ I rarely need that, but I loathed to trade time with him for time working.
I've had times when I was able to help problem solve for my dominants: researching banking, housing, work issues. I've researched solutions and topics. I've audited a phD level class with one of my Dominants and helped to edit some of his assignments. It was USEFUL and a good thing for me because we have the same profession, so the material was incredibly useful to me.
I've searched for jobs for my dominants, and been the reason why one for his last 3 jobs (his schools were closed, or the position was temporary, it wasnt his fault that the jobs didnt stick).
In a live in situation, the majority of the housework was mine, I enjoy domestic service, so long as it is not invisible or micromanaged.
I've also had tasks that revolved around the kink interests of my partners. Those details wont be shared. Those did typically involve photo or video proof, but it was never really REQUESTED... like Quasi... it was a great opportunity to get the "good girl" or the reaction that I thrive on.
Being my person's wake up call is one I particularly enjoy.
What kind of emotions do you like the tasks to illicit? (pride, connection, humiliation, control?)
Seen, heard, appreciated, useful, helpful, controlled, owned, kept, respected, trusted, needed, wanted, responsible, depended upon.
The biggest ones are useful, helpful, wanted, and on occasion; owned.
How do you track or "prove" your tasks, if distance is an issue?
video, photo, live cam, a shared folder on drive that contained documents and writing assignments, phone calls, forwarded emails and work documents, created calendars and journals on penzu, power point presentations on google drive, etc etc etc etc etc. Very little is off limits to someone once they are my Person.
Great question, PLP. I've enjoyed reading the replies.
I'll add one more part to it:
Did you ever have a particularly good experience with a task that taught you something about yourself or really helped to reinforce your dynamic?
A few, actually.
Writing assignments to explain something to my partner about why I think a certain way or want a specific action, or react to an activity a certain way are incredibly useful. anything that forces me to be more introspective and mindful are very useful.
Assignments that really take me out of my comfort zone but that do not break the trust we have are incredibly effective and do wonderful things for the relationship. They push my 'owned" buttons. Yes, please.
I love the concept of micro-rituals as put forward by Crow Academy. Things that I mindfully do that put my relationship dynamic at the front and center of my mind, even for a moment are fantastically wonderful for me, especially if they are with the involvement of my partner. It is a moment that we acknowledge the importance between each other. That gives me a moment to express my emotional content in a safe and desired way.. .which I NEED... and to have it validated and acknowledged. As well, it makes me feel kept.
A partner who can understand and accept that, and give me those opportunities on a regular basis, without getting bored of it, and without feeling like it is a drag on his time, rather adds value to his life... worth his weight in gold.
I will always put in the effort to completing my assignments as well.
One experience stands out in my mind, when my dominant was annoyed with me for forgetting a rule. He assigned a punishment which he felt would be menial and assumed I would breeze through just to get it done. ... he watched me pour over it for HOURS and take it FAR more seriously than he had thought I would. afterward he confessed that he had intended to make me destroy my work with the lesson being "if you waste my time i'll waste yours... if you do not follow the rules I give you, then giving them is a waste of my time and energy"... but after seeing how I approached it, he asked me to keep the resulting project for safe keeping. That he could not ask me to destroy it as I had put so much time and energy into it. I still have them to this day. I think we learned a lot about each other that day.
QuasiSemiDemiEsqueIsh
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Aw, shucks. Thank you.
I can't take credit for "nesting partner," though. It's a term I picked up in a polyamory group on Fetlife. It felt more appropriate than using "primary partner" to refer to the partner I live with, because "nesting partner" doesn't create a hierarchy.
A few, I'm sure. The one I can think of as being most influential right now is when I was tasked with writing up a contract for the dynamic with my nesting partner. Because of life getting in the way, our D/s had fallen off, and we hadn't had sex or even slept at the same time for several months, so my partner asked me to research contracts and write one up for him to look over.
While writing it, I realized that part of the problem was that we hadn't properly communicated certain things, specifically personal definitions for things that we were each assuming the other would automatically understand. Writing up the contract took about a week, and another week for negotiation and edits, and by the end of it we both felt like we were finally on the same page and it was like giving our relationship a reboot.
It's the reason I realized that I do actually like aspects of 24/7 dynamics, and that I need domination outside of the bedroom. It also helped me realize that our relationship had fallen into a pattern where he did 80% of the physical labor and I did 80% of the emotional labor, and let us come up with a plan to bring that more toward 50/50 so neither of us would feel taken for granted.
And it led both of us to realize that we have different love languages--where he's more into acts of service and gifts, I'm all about words and quality time--, so we were both trying to show our love and appreciation, but it was getting lost in translation and leaving us both feeling unappreciated. Once we realized that, we included it in the contract to help us both remember to "speak" in the other's love language.
It did more things/taught more lessons, but this is really quite long enough already. Ultimately, it has had a really big influence on both of us and on our relationship dynamic. We're both more aware of the others' needs and a lot better at communicating now.
surrenderedfaith
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Aw, shucks. Thank you.
A few, I'm sure. The one I can think of as being most influential right now is when I was tasked with writing up a contract for the dynamic with my nesting partner. Because of life getting in the way, our D/s had fallen off, and we hadn't had sex or even slept at the same time for several months, so my partner asked me to research contracts and write one up for him to look over.
While writing it, I realized that part of the problem was that we hadn't properly communicated certain things, specifically personal definitions for things that we were each assuming the other would automatically understand. Writing up the contract took about a week, and another week for negotiation and edits, and by the end of it we both felt like we were finally on the same page and it was like giving our relationship a reboot.
It's the reason I realized that I do actually like aspects of 24/7 dynamics, and that I need domination outside of the bedroom. It also helped me realize that our relationship had fallen into a pattern where he did 80% of the physical labor and I did 80% of the emotional labor, and let us come up with a plan to bring that more toward 50/50 so neither of us would feel taken for granted.
And it led both of us to realize that we have different love languages--where he's more into acts of service and gifts, I'm all about words and quality time--, so we were both trying to show our love and appreciation, but it was getting lost in translation and leaving us both feeling unappreciated. Once we realized that, we included it in the contract to help us both remember to "speak" in the other's love language.
It did more things/taught more lessons, but this is really quite long enough already. Ultimately, it has had a really big influence on both of us and on our relationship dynamic. We're both more aware of the others' needs and a lot better at communicating now.
WHERE IS A LIKE BUTTON???
Seriously, fantastically done, both of you.
I actually have an incredibly helpful Ap for that! It's called Love Nudge. Both partners fill in some questions regarding love language preferences, and it gives you a visual representation of your partner's love language range. Then it gives you some ideas of ways to "speak" to it. You can set goals and reminders (i have one set for waking my partner up and saying good night, as well as one related to speaking words of affirmation) it keeps track of your goals for you. If both partners are linked on the AP for can also give a quiet clue to your partner about how you are feeling by way of a percentage that you increase or decrease depending upon how loved you are feeling. It also has a built in message system that stores all of the "love notes" that are sent ^__^ It's a fantastically helpful ap.
I've never done a proper contract, but someday... nods... someday. That was a fantastic example of exactly why it can be useful.
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
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I very much like having a structure of tasks. DGE's comments resonated with me overall.
In the past I have done tasks that pushed me or had a sexual or intimately submissive element to it, these seem to be less a driver of my dynamic these days. Tasks related to writing or reflecting or reinforcing our relationship are common and these mean a lot to me and help me maintain a power exchange connection.
Tasks related to self care have been unbelievable helpful and important to me. It has helped me to see how important it is to him that I am well cared for - not just for him, but for my own benefit.
All of this stuff engenders the kind of connection I want and crave. Because none of this is cookie cutter.... for tasks to be effective, they have to be connected to ME. Not a pyl blank canvas just waiting to be filled up with random ideas. Which does absolutely requires "using your words" -- to match the task to the person and the situation. And... recognize that sometimes tasks go wrong. They don't always have the intended effect. They can elicit strange feelings and be surprise triggers. As a pyl it is my responsibility to not just follow through on tasks I am given and accept, but to pay attention when I am not feeling okay about how it is going and communicate that in a timely way. It has only resulted in hurt feelings and disconnection when I have not been as good at this as I should have been.
Nzerxx
Really Experienced
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100% agree Superbly written Thank you so much*Runs to app store* Is there a Dom store too?
Yep
QuasiSemiDemiEsqueIsh
Really Experienced
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Thank you!
That app sounds really good. I’ll definitely look it up. Thank you, again.
surrenderedfaith
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^that is important advice. :/
PrettyLilPussy19
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#44
(Submitted with additions)
What non-sexual tasks do you perform for your Dom or ask your sub to perform?
Are there non-sexual that, whem shared, have a sexual connotation for you or your partner?
(Submitted with additions)
What non-sexual tasks do you perform for your Dom or ask your sub to perform?
Are there non-sexual that, whem shared, have a sexual connotation for you or your partner?
Wild_Honey_66
sweet freak
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I'm def a lifestyler vs. bedroom only, so anything i do for a dominant partner is going to contribute to our bond, and have a positive effect on the frequency and quality of our sexy times. Same for when I'm on the other side of the slash.
Non-sexual tasks are often not particularly exciting, but important. Self-care tasks typically head up the list. The last time i was sub/bottom to anyone, i was applying for a job that required jumping through a lot of hoops, at a time when i was really struggling with follow-through. Tasks at that time revolved around accountability. Make a daily to-do list, make calls, arrange transportation, go for physical, complete testing, etc.
As a Domme/top, my preference is naturally for other lifestylers, but they aren't always, so i adjust accordingly. My most recent partner was a LS, which gave us a much broader scope to work with. Any act of obedience made his dick hard. <giggle>
Non-sexual tasks were things like,
Eat protein at breakfast
Send me name and dosage of any new meds
Find something in your junk drawer that will fit on my keychain and send it to me
Gather items on a list in preparation for another task
A
AlwaysFara
Guest
Nothing.
We are D/s sexually, only. I am with him because I’ve been tasked enough in my life. He doesn’t do that. I don’t need daily tasks. I have enough of my own.
I will do him favors. Or things for him that he likes. Because I love him. But he does the same for me.
DeepGreenEyes
Whittled
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I pretty much laid em out before, so I won’t repeat myself. The cool thing is though, there’s not that much daylight between sexual and nonsexual. The nonsexual adds to the control, and the control is sexual.
Wild_Honey_66
sweet freak
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Grrrrr... Yes!
A
AlwaysFara
Guest
This works if you are with the right person. (Which you are.
) For someone like me, who was literally controlled to the point that she was told she couldn’t cough, this would muck it all up. I’m still finding my freedom/submissive balance, and I’m grateful that I have what I have in my life to let that happen.
I am also such a natural caretaker, that I really overtask myself, fall all over me to make him comfortable and happy.
But like I said, it does go both ways. Which I sorely needed in my life.
It does ebb and flow.
