❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[DeepGreenEyes]

Grrrrr... Yes!

Fangs for summing up.

This works if you are with the right person. (Which you are. )
For someone like me, who was literally controlled to the point that she was told she couldn’t cough, this would muck it all up. I’m still finding my freedom/submissive balance, and I’m grateful that I have what I have in my life to let that happen.

(You’re a talented assessor of these things, I say...)

That part is crucial, isn’t it? Because you’re talking about consent. It’s not a conscious choice, which is the pillar of power exchange. Exchange is right there in the term. It’s just a pain in the ass at best and abuse at worst.

To a lot of people, nonsexual task stuff isn’t fun or interesting to start with, but for someone who’s felt suffocated or has a tendency to do that to themselves, I can see how it would just be a bouquet of poison ivy.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Fangs for summing up.



(You’re a talented assessor of these things, I say...)

That part is crucial, isn’t it? Because you’re talking about consent. It’s not a conscious choice, which is the pillar of power exchange. Exchange is right there in the term. It’s just a pain in the ass at best and abuse at worst.

To a lot of people, nonsexual task stuff isn’t fun or interesting to start with, but for someone who’s felt suffocated or has a tendency to do that to themselves, I can see how it would just be a bouquet of poison ivy.

Or a plastic Adirondack chair. In lemon yellow.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Or a plastic Adirondack chair. In lemon yellow.

<fist bump>

 

[Paul_Chance]

I pretty much laid em out before, so I won’t repeat myself. The cool thing is though, there’s not that much daylight between sexual and nonsexual. The nonsexual adds to the control, and the control is sexual.

Great little observation there. "What's foreplay?" "Anything you want to be."

 

[AlwaysFara]

Great little observation there. "What's foreplay?" "Anything you want to be."

This is true.
I guess non sexual tasking makes me dry.

 

[Paul_Chance]

This is true.
I guess non sexual tasking makes me dry.

Different things "work" sexually for different people. That is why I am always outright skeptical of "the rule book". It's all about variations on a theme.

 

[Threadbare42]

Adding to this discussion, I find the idea of getting a sub to perform "non-sexual" tasks while wearing very provocative or revealing clothing very alluring. A fantasy I often have involves having someone cleaning or serving food etc. while being bare breasted for instance, because it adds another level of sexual objectification to it. I don't know whether you'd still classify that as non-sexual though, and anyway that scenario would probably build up to something more overtly sexual

 

[Nzerxx]

Great little observation there. "What's foreplay?" "Anything you want to be."

Boom! Love this Paul Thank you

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#45 (how are we already on 45?!)

#45

Serious v. Silly

Do you take your kink seriously at all times? Or do you allow for moments of silliness? How do these moments affect the dynamic with your partner?

 

[AlwaysFara]

#45

Serious v. Silly

Do you take your kink seriously at all times? Or do you allow for moments of silliness? How do these moments affect the dynamic with your partner?

Sex without laughter is just not sexy.
There’s a time for intensity and a time for silly. Bring both, I’ll play.

 

[midwestyankee]

Sex without laughter is just not sexy.
There’s a time for intensity and a time for silly. Bring both, I’ll play.

What she said. Laughter is the only truly effective remedy for the absurdities of life, and all relationships generate absurdities from time to time.

 

[AlwaysFara]

What she said. Laughter is the only truly effective remedy for the absurdities of life, and all relationships generate absurdities from time to time.

Hey there. Where u been, yank?

 

[Karabare]

What she said. Laughter is the only truly effective remedy for the absurdities of life, and all relationships generate absurdities from time to time.

Succinct

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

#45

Serious v. Silly

Do you take your kink seriously at all times? Or do you allow for moments of silliness? How do these moments affect the dynamic with your partner?

Welcome back PLP, don't forget to report on to Seela's thread.

On the question: i guess we're in violent agreement. My many kinks are fun. That's what I'm after in life: some good clean, dirty fun.

If you doubt the silly, take a close look at you toy box.

We laugh in bed a lot. Leather, rope blindfold and all. Like the time the lube tube burst all over. We were pretty slippery all night.

 

[AveryElle]

#45

Serious v. Silly

Do you take your kink seriously at all times? Or do you allow for moments of silliness? How do these moments affect the dynamic with your partner?

Yaaaay she’s back!!

I take very little seriously. If I can’t laugh with or at someone (if they’re in on the joke), why am I fucking them? There’s also a serious brat side to a lot of my non-kink kink side (and in life....), that involves a lot of grins and laughter. Even when I don’t know I’m smiling.

Plus, when the Danish bed tried to eat Alpine, how could I NOT point and laugh?!

That said, sometimes a partner can be more stern, which I think is different than serious. That has more to do with my liking to receive pain than taking something too seriously. If that makes sense?

 

[Paul_Chance]

#45

Serious v. Silly

Do you take your kink seriously at all times? Or do you allow for moments of silliness? How do these moments affect the dynamic with your partner?

No, not at all. I like the difference noted above between stern and serious. Personally, there are times that are intense and focuses and times that are lightly approached with a sense of humor, especially when things go awry. Life is too serious to take seriously.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#46

#46

No.

How important to you is the word "no"? We know we should all have the ability to say no but how important to your dynamic is it to refuse a request? Tops, do you relish saying 'no' or do you like holding out? Bottoms, does your 'no' indicate a certain playfulness or are you trying to get a reaction?

 

[PrisonerOfDoubt]

#46

No.

How important to you is the word "no"? We know we should all have the ability to say no but how important to your dynamic is it to refuse a request? Tops, do you relish saying 'no' or do you like holding out? Bottoms, does your 'no' indicate a certain playfulness or are you trying to get a reaction?

It is paramount. I'm a submissive. I might not use the no. I like to yes. But retaining the license to no helps me feel safe enough to let someone else be in charge. Safewords are important, but my no means no and it is redder than red.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

#46

No.

How important to you is the word "no"? We know we should all have the ability to say no but how important to your dynamic is it to refuse a request? Tops, do you relish saying 'no' or do you like holding out? Bottoms, does your 'no' indicate a certain playfulness or are you trying to get a reaction?

As a bottom, i never say no unless i can't say yes. Even then, i'm like Fonzie trying to say 'wrong.' It's not fun for me to be disobedient, I get my joy from being in harmony with my partner. I'm much more likely to say yes when i should say no.

As a top, I say no all the fucking time. Most submissive men adore denial, and/or being made to really work for things. They love the challenge, they love being made to stretch and squirm, and they love the anticipation of the reward.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

In general, it's hard for me to say no. I always feel like I need to have a good reason, and because "I just don't want to" never feels good enough. And it should be. Hell, I shouldn't need a reason.

As far as D/S goes, it's different. I don't want to say no. Answering needs without being asked is even better, and both make me happy. I would never say no unless it was something I felt strongly about, and would likely result in a conversation and not just a bratty response.

I usually don't like being told no. But I was recently told that something was forbidden, and my God - it turned me on. I had never been told this before, and it was in reference to something I would have likely regretted if I tried it. But to know that someone cared and didn't want me to share a part of myself in a certain way...yea. It was hot.

That being said, I feel like I make a lot of poor choices and lack a certain amount of self control to do what's best for myself. If someone were to tell me "no" more often, it might do me some good overall and hold me more accountable.

Are you sure my parents didn't have you behind my back?

 

[AlwaysFara]

#46

No.

How important to you is the word "no"? We know we should all have the ability to say no but how important to your dynamic is it to refuse a request? Tops, do you relish saying 'no' or do you like holding out? Bottoms, does your 'no' indicate a certain playfulness or are you trying to get a reaction?

No is probably my most important word right now. I sprinkle it liberally throughout my day.
I don’t feel guilty about it at all, it took me a long time to get here.

When I say yes, you know I mean it.

 

[AveryElle]

#46

No.

How important to you is the word "no"? We know we should all have the ability to say no but how important to your dynamic is it to refuse a request? Tops, do you relish saying 'no' or do you like holding out? Bottoms, does your 'no' indicate a certain playfulness or are you trying to get a reaction?

A verbal ‘no’ means no for me. ‘I can’t take any more’ isnt no. Or a whimpering ‘no no no’. I can say ‘No!’ Pulling away and all that is more how I show my bratty side. I’m not entirely comfortable being a verbal brat with many people so usually turning away from a kiss or something is the playful no. Actually saying NO means no.

 

[AlwaysFara]

A verbal ‘no’ means no for me. ‘I can’t take any more’ isnt no. Or a whimpering ‘no no no’. I can say ‘No!’ Pulling away and all that is more how I show my bratty side. I’m not entirely comfortable being a verbal brat with many people so usually turning away from a kiss or something is the playful no. Actually saying NO means no.

This and This and This, too, except I’m super submissive and not a brat with him. Hardly ever. Nooooo means oh my god no I can’t believe I’m cumming again...

I was looking at it from more of a boundaries/consent thing, navigating Lit and life.

 

[AveryElle]

I like to think my facial expressions change when I actually mean it but that’s putting a lot of onus on the partner and given that my spouse is neurodivergent, I usually just say it clearly.

In life...that’s a different issue. I have found that I get more shit when I say no at work or other responsibilities.

 

[AveryElle]

This too. In my life and in my marriage, I've learned that saying yes even when I don't want to is often easier than dealing the back lash, guilt trips, and other manipulative behavior that follows.

Or half assed effort that breeds resentment. So I just do everything and live a life of almost constant stress. Wheeee!!