❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[AveryElle]

#50 (submitted)
For subs would you want to top if a Dom asked you to?

The first part doesn’t pertain to me, so here we go.
I consider myself to have a pretty solid switchy side, but most of that is based in brattiness. Whatever topping I do comes with the implied consent that m partner can take back power at any time. I won’t spank or choke a partner - it doesn’t turn me on. But I will nip with my teeth, use my nails, or - what is most common - tease. Especially orally and aurally. Because a bit of what, when a partner decides to take back power, is beautiful. Hair is grabbed tighter, fingers dig into hips a bit deeper, or the torment I’ll get later will be stronger.

So that mean I am ever really topping? I have no idea. But the times I have the power, even though I know it will get taken back, are great fun.

ETA the most ‘dom’ I’ve gotten is blindfolding a partner. But even then, his hands were free and the underlying act was oral servitude, just with some sensory deprivation. I’m not sure that counts but it was sure fun!

 

[Mei5ter]

I can categorically state that I have absolutely no wish to be dominated or pegged, although I do appreciate the kind offer.

Forcing a submissive to take a sexually dominant role for humiliation play is another matter entirely...

 

[AlwaysFara]

I can categorically state that I have absolutely no wish to be dominated or pegged, although I do appreciate the kind offer.

Forcing a submissive to take a sexually dominant role for humiliation play is another matter entirely...

That’s in my book of hard limits.
I’ve been the top long enough in my life. Not for me.

 

[Apisto42]

#50 (submitted)


If you identify as a Dom do you have a fantasy of being dominated? Being tied, humiliated, spanked... or how would it look? If you are a male Dom would you like to experience being pegged?

No to all of the above. When I was really young (but legal) I met a partner who tried topping me. I found out it was a complete turn off. Things were much more fun when I took over.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#50 (submitted)


If you identify as a Dom do you have a fantasy of being dominated? Being tied, humiliated, spanked... or how would it look? If you are a male Dom would you like to experience being pegged?

For subs would you want to top if a Dom asked you to?

Hmm... this is a hard question.
Is it really topping if you're only doing it with the knowledge that he can throw you flat on your back and ravish you whenever he's tired of pretending?
I like teasing. I like fighting. I like being a stubborn brat.
I like biting and scratching and being on top.
But none of that makes me a Dom... it just makes me fun.

I will say - while it's totally not my thing - I don't think pegging is an automatically submissive action. Intention is everything.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#51

#51 (submitted)

Do you use your gear/toys/items across partners? Would it bother you if your partner did? Does cost matter? Is it an emotional thing?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

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[AlpineFresco]

#51 (submitted)

Do you use your gear/toys/items across partners? Would it bother you if your partner did? Does cost matter? Is it an emotional thing?

I would not use anything like this. Now type of thing is different. I could use the same type of thing if that was wanted, I would just never use the same actual thing.

But, a partner's kit? I think how the item was bought plays into it for me - that's the crucial thing. I think if something is bought with a particular other person in mind I wouldn't want to use that, nor would I want something acquired with me in mind to be used elsewhere.

 

[AlpineFresco]

#50 (submitted)


If you identify as a Dom do you have a fantasy of being dominated? Being tied, humiliated, spanked... or how would it look? If you are a male Dom would you like to experience being pegged?

For subs would you want to top if a Dom asked you to?

I do not, no. None of the above.
Now a little scratching or biting in response to what I'm doing? Absolutely welcome, but that it's a response is everything. Choosing to give power, knowing I can and will take it back whenever I want, probably harshly, that's also great fun.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Hmm... this is a hard question.
Is it really topping if you're only doing it with the knowledge that he can throw you flat on your back and ravish you whenever he's tired of pretending?
I like teasing. I like fighting. I like being a stubborn brat.
I like biting and scratching and being on top.
But none of that makes me a Dom... it just makes me fun.

I will say - while it's totally not my thing - I don't think pegging is an automatically submissive action. Intention is everything.

I’m not a brat. I’ll be on top as often as he wants me to, or, if I do and I’m not restrained. I love it rough, biting especially.
And I don’t see how pegging can’t be submissive. I’m not being contrary. I’m genuinely curious.

 

[AlwaysFara]

#51 (submitted)

Do you use your gear/toys/items across partners? Would it bother you if your partner did? Does cost matter? Is it an emotional thing?

If he showed up with a used collar, leash and 4 point cuffs I would be insulted.
As for toys, we don’t use them that much, but the toys we do have we bought together.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

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[Knoturnal]

Posted by PrettyLilPussy19
#51 (submitted)

Do you use your gear/toys/items across partners? Would it bother you if your partner did? Does cost matter? Is it an emotional thing

I have my own gear but i don't like to use across partners. It’ a cleanliness thing although with many it may be a emotional thing as well.
Actually if someone like a sub is playing with many partners or asking wanting to play i believe she should have her own gear a Dom can use on her and only her. No use spreading someones germs around. Im have no idea where someone may or may not have got thier experience but thats a first taught thing with my friends and cleaning the toys like a cross, spanking bench, etc. or other things with a mixture of water and bleach before someone else plays on them.

 

[MaBelle3120]

Posted by PrettyLilPussy19
#51 (submitted)

Do you use your gear/toys/items across partners? Would it bother you if your partner did? Does cost matter? Is it an emotional thing

I do not use gear/toys across partners, and in most cases, I would not let a partner use gear/toys on me that have been used with other partners. For toys, its a cleanliness thing, even if it has been thoroughly disinfected, the thought of some stranger's germs would be enough to kill the mood for me.
With gear, it depends on what it is. A paddle, probably fine to use. A collar, that would be an issue because collars just feel more personal to me. Definitely more of an emotional response, but if someone is going to put a collar on me, it should be one that was chosen 'for me' and meant solely for me.

 

[Dribble]

I wont even use a rope on someone else. It was made...treated...for their enjoyment.

 

[Knoturnal]

Dribble
To do that is a large hassle anyway.
Some rope can be washed. Ive had a lot of luck but its time consuming ....of course when its dry you have to treat it all over again. If it survives

I have a rope friend that buys the braided rope at Home Depot and first takes the junk out of the middle of it then uses that for subs that are interested in rope but not willing to buy good rope. He cleans it after by throwing it in a garment bag and it goes through a cycle or more in washer and dryer.
I wouldn't use it but i've seen him do things with it i would never try but something to think about if your in a group showing new people about rope.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

.....

 

[Knoturnal]

My dude makes his own whips and floggers, sometimes re-braiding them if he doesn't like the way they handle. That's a fair bit of work. I can't imagine expecting him to make new ones for each new partner.

Besides, what the hell am i going to do with them if we split? Use them on myself? Throw them away? No, that just seems silly and wasteful to me.

As others have said, if we were talking about a collar, that would be a different matter.

Whips and floggers however inexpensive to make ( and they aren't) are very expensive things to make. Most people make them to sell and not to play with. They are very hard to clean. Most toys will become better after you have them unused sitting around for a while but how long.

if you split I would keep them if you have the chance but don't count on it. Not everyone gives them away but they should. You could use them if you find another Dom that likes to play with the same toys.

A collar is a argument saved for another thread altogether. its not a toy even though some people use them as one. And the ownership of one once given can come into dispute. To have a understanding of Ownership and other matters ask questions before things could change.

 

[Dribble]

Dribble
To do that is a large hassle anyway.
Some rope can be washed. Ive had a lot of luck but its time consuming ....of course when its dry you have to treat it all over again. If it survives

I have a rope friend that buys the braided rope at Home Depot and first takes the junk out of the middle of it then uses that for subs that are interested in rope but not willing to buy good rope. He cleans it after by throwing it in a garment bag and it goes through a cycle or more in washer and dryer.
I wouldn't use it but i've seen him do things with it i would never try but something to think about if your in a group showing new people about rope.

It is all part of the game...having them watch each step. Cutting it. Fixing the ends. Washing it. Stretching it. Waxing it. Burning it. A week of build up. Telling them why. And how it will be used. To see the attention I give it. It makes it more special. And then...they get to keep it...for me. I would never reuse rope.

 

[AlwaysFara]

It is all part of the game...having them watch each step. Cutting it. Fixing the ends. Washing it. Stretching it. Waxing it. Burning it. A week of build up. Telling them why. And how it will be used. To see the attention I give it. It makes it more special. And then...they get to keep it...for me. I would never reuse rope.

This. This is how I feel. A private wand or something that I have? So different from all this.
Some things are meant to be shared... in one relationship only.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#51 (submitted)

Do you use your gear/toys/items across partners? Would it bother you if your partner did? Does cost matter? Is it an emotional thing?

Well this is fun! I kind of disagree with everyone!

I feel like my toys are mine and I'll use them how I want. This includes things I buy and things that are given to me. I wouldn't use them with other people while with my current partner but if we split? That's a wash and keep. Maybe that's the frugal part of me. Maybe I'm less sentimental over objects. I view those things like tools, they hold no passion or sentiment seperate from the person using them.

The only line I'll draw is something handmade or something symbolic like a collar. That's a bit more than a tool as is was given or created with implied sentiment.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Well this is fun! I kind of disagree with everyone!

I feel like my toys are mine and I'll use them how I want. This includes things I buy and things that are given to me. I wouldn't use them with other people while with my current partner but if we split? That's a wash and keep. Maybe that's the frugal part of me. Maybe I'm less sentimental over objects. I view those things like tools, they hold no passion or sentiment seperate from the person using them.

The only line I'll draw is something handmade or something symbolic like a collar. That's a bit more than a tool as is was given or created with implied sentiment.

I'm with ya. Frugality and a lack of sentiment. <shrug>

 

[AveryElle]

#51 (submitted)

Do you use your gear/toys/items across partners? Would it bother you if your partner did? Does cost matter? Is it an emotional thing?

I'd like to think I'm cold and can use toys or wear lingerie across partners, but I can't. Most of the items I have, they aren't for me, they are for us. If i see a piece of lingerie that, say, someone came on...I don't think I could clean it and wear it with another person.

I'm justifying that by the fact that it does help me compartmentalize partners. Parter A's items are in one bin, Partner B's are in another. It's not a cost thing, though I try to limit the amount of money a partner will spend on objects for me - I tend to buy my own things.

I have used toys alone when the items(s) were bought with another partner in mind - see: teledildonics. But they're good toys. I can't help it

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#52

#52

Pretty basic question

In your opinion and for your needs -

What makes a good Dom/Top/PYL? What makes a good sub/bottom/pyl?

 

[LostGirlTink]

I
I read a lot about sex toy R&D. Teledildonics, people!

.

Um. Yeah, Tol and I have a review to post about teledildonics. There's one more phase of testing first. *grins* I'll message you when we post it.