❓ PLP Inquires II ❓

[Dribble]

10.20.21

I'm slacking on questions!

How able are you to engage in a conversation with opposing opinions without getting emotional? Are you cold and logical or can you just not help feeling passionate about your opinion? Do you like hearing differing opinions or do you feel defensive when someone disagrees? Do you feel like you've ever accomplish what you want during a civil debate?

I have zero patience for ignorance. Ignorance is a choice. Why would I lower myself to educate...or debate...or interact with someone I have no respect for? They don't want a debate...they want to argue. Big difference.

I am passionate about many things. Human rights is right up there. I always accomplish my goal. But my goal isn't to change their mind.

 

[Karabare]

10.20.21

I'm slacking on questions!

How able are you to engage in a conversation with opposing opinions without getting emotional? Are you cold and logical or can you just not help feeling passionate about your opinion? Do you like hearing differing opinions or do you feel defensive when someone disagrees? Do you feel like you've ever accomplish what you want during a civil debate?

I get fiery but not emotional. I'm overly confident in myself and that my way is the right way. Sometimes differing opinions are educational, sometimes they show you how dumb the other person is.

 

[AlpineFresco]

10.20.21

I'm slacking on questions!

How able are you to engage in a conversation with opposing opinions without getting emotional? Are you cold and logical or can you just not help feeling passionate about your opinion? Do you like hearing differing opinions or do you feel defensive when someone disagrees? Do you feel like you've ever accomplish what you want during a civil debate?

I am well aware I feel defensive when someone challenges me, but hopefully I can overcome that and listen. I'm also well aware that's always as fast as it could be.

Do I like hearing different opinions? Honestly depends where they're coming from. If from someone who isn't arguing in good faith then no. If from someone who just wants to railroad and isn't interested in two-way dialogue, then... sometimes, as they may still have things to say that are interesting/meaningful/useful for me to hear.

I think I vary, though. Some days, I can absolutely be a bit more objective, and other days that's harder and I don't manage.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

10.25.21

Initiation

Are you a natural initiator or do you sit back and wait? Does it change depending on what you're initiating? Do you initiate sex more or less? Do you initiate conversations more or less? Plans? Hard conversations?

If you're always the initiator in circumstances, how does that make you feel? If you don't initiate, what keeps you in the passenger seat?

 

[cheekygirl75]

10.25.21

Initiation

Are you a natural initiator or do you sit back and wait? Does it change depending on what you're initiating? Do you initiate sex more or less? Do you initiate conversations more or less? Plans? Hard conversations?

If you're always the initiator in circumstances, how does that make you feel? If you don't initiate, what keeps you in the passenger seat?

I generally wait, though it does depend a little on what I would be initiating. I especially don’t tend to initiate sex or friend/group hang outs. What keeps me in the passenger seat for sex is just never having a relationship where I had the opportunity to initiate first. Plus also fear or rejection I’m sure.

For getting together with friends or a group activity, that comes from experience. I seem to be someone who is always slightly out of synch with everyone else, so my plans often don’t get a good response. And that just makes me depressed, so I stopped doing it except with a few select very close friends.

Hard conversations I’m getting better at initiating… I still need to work on it, but I at least have started a couple!

 

[AlpineFresco]

I think the 'hard conversations' point is by far the most interesting here.
Initiating those depends sometimes on who feels the need to - it's very much not always something both parties feel equally (or perhaps one doesn't know such a conversation needs to be had).

I've certainly got better at it over time. I suspect a big part of how someone gets used to this is how those conversations are received - if received in a calmer fashion, it's probably easier to broach difficult subjects in the future, even with different people.

All that said, I'm also curious what other people here would define as 'hard conversations'.

 

[Dribble]

One can only be turned down a given number of times before either one stops trying or seeks it elsewhere. Same is true for anything. One can only have a hard conversation so many times before one stops trying. Or accepting an apology. Or putting up with a lie.

The number one reason people stay together when they shouldn't is blamed on "for the kids", but in reality it is fear. This is not something you really want to teach kids...but they are fast learners no matter how much you try not to.

 

[Dribble]

All that said, I'm also curious what other people here would define as 'hard conversations'.

Example: Your drug use is controlling everything in your life.

I know...I am working on it.

One year later: Your drug use is controlling everything in your life...

That's when the really hard conversations happen cause it isn't just about addiction...but the desire to do nothing about the addiction

 

[Paul_Chance]

10.25.21

Initiation

Are you a natural initiator or do you sit back and wait? Does it change depending on what you're initiating? Do you initiate sex more or less? Do you initiate conversations more or less? Plans? Hard conversations?

If you're always the initiator in circumstances, how does that make you feel? If you don't initiate, what keeps you in the passenger seat?

I'm a natural initiator. Over the years I've come to prefer the term "catalyst". Whether it's professionally or personal I take pretty much the same approach. I enter the circumstance, assess it, and then take (what I consider) the best action. I've got a terrible bias toward action. What action depends on the circumstances so it does change. If you think of any human encounter as an energetic encounter, the objective is to put the good energy into the encounter. If it needs leadership, start moving and take leadership. If someone else already has the lead, then be as the wind and slip under their wing and lift them.

I initiate sex more often than not - but I'm drawn to people who also have a strong sex drive and if they want to initiate I am more than willing to help. I love good conversations - passionate and detailed - but I can, depending on the circumstances, either initiate or provide more energy.

There are times when I just slide into the passenger seat, usually when I've assessed that what the circumstance needs to participatory energy, not initiating energy.

(And in relation to the early question, I'm very - considerate - when I move, when I act, rest assured I am acting very deliberately. I've thought about what I am doing, I have considered it, before I act or initiate.)

 

[lanceGibs]

10.25.21

Initiation

Are you a natural initiator or do you sit back and wait? Does it change depending on what you're initiating? Do you initiate sex more or less? Do you initiate conversations more or less? Plans? Hard conversations?

If you're always the initiator in circumstances, how does that make you feel? If you don't initiate, what keeps you in the passenger seat?

I initiate
Makes me feel alive
Is there any other way?

 

[AlpineFresco]

Example: Your drug use is controlling everything in your life.

I know...I am working on it.

One year later: Your drug use is controlling everything in your life...

That's when the really hard conversations happen cause it isn't just about addiction...but the desire to do nothing about the addiction

That's fair, and it's true that after some time of the conversations, if they're not getting anywhere, you then have to decide what you want to do.

I guess that's a part of what makes them hard - not just initiating them, but that the outcome might be difficult. From nothing actually moving to harsh realities being felt, they can feel like there's a lot on the line for the initiator.

 

[Wand3rlust]

10.25.21

Initiation

Are you a natural initiator or do you sit back and wait? Does it change depending on what you're initiating? Do you initiate sex more or less? Do you initiate conversations more or less? Plans? Hard conversations?

If you're always the initiator in circumstances, how does that make you feel? If you don't initiate, what keeps you in the passenger seat?

On paper, I'm a natural initiator. Instigator? I can start up conversations with people. I'm getting better at the hard conversations. But I still find them difficult. But that comes for years of not being able to talk to the person who was supposed to want to listen.

With sex, I initiate less often than I do in my head. In my fantasies. I can take charge. But it depends to be only after it has been made very clear. I'm not sure of myself. Confident. I'd like to be. And I'll work on that.

 

[Orchidea73]

10.25.21

Initiation

Are you a natural initiator or do you sit back and wait? Does it change depending on what you're initiating? Do you initiate sex more or less? Do you initiate conversations more or less? Plans? Hard conversations?

If you're always the initiator in circumstances, how does that make you feel? If you don't initiate, what keeps you in the passenger seat?

Yes to all.

What would keep me in the passenger seat? Disinterest, boredom, or when I know it's wasted energy and time.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

10.25.21

Initiation

Are you a natural initiator or do you sit back and wait? Does it change depending on what you're initiating? Do you initiate sex more or less? Do you initiate conversations more or less? Plans? Hard conversations?

If you're always the initiator in circumstances, how does that make you feel? If you don't initiate, what keeps you in the passenger seat?

In most social situations, I am the initiator and the planner. Everything. On Lit, I second guess more. I feel like I'm bothering people more. So if I notice I'm always initiating the conversation, I may stop and either assume you're very busy or just humoring me when we talk. I don't chase people.

Sexually, it feels like a healthy split at the moment. I am conscious that initiating makes someone feel wanted and needed. And try to make sure that my partner feels that from me.

Hard conversations... if we are trying to find a solution, I'll talk all day. But if I think it will just be a fight or a never ending disagreement? That I will avoid.

 

[Mei5ter]

10.25.21

Initiation

Are you a natural initiator or do you sit back and wait? Does it change depending on what you're initiating? Do you initiate sex more or less? Do you initiate conversations more or less? Plans? Hard conversations?

If you're always the initiator in circumstances, how does that make you feel? If you don't initiate, what keeps you in the passenger seat?

Well, thank fuck. I've been sitting here waiting for someone to ask this!

 

[Orchidea73]

Life is too short to wait. I am the initiator with most things and people.
…EXCEPT the hard conversations. I’ll wait that shit out for years.

Actually, on the hard talk I'm a bit like you. Depending on the subject and urgency, but I can postpone it for a long time. Sometimes there isn't a real reason but mood. I have to be in the right mood for hard conversations.

 

[AnnieLit]

10.25.21

Initiation

Are you a natural initiator or do you sit back and wait? Does it change depending on what you're initiating? Do you initiate sex more or less? Do you initiate conversations more or less? Plans? Hard conversations?

If you're always the initiator in circumstances, how does that make you feel? If you don't initiate, what keeps you in the passenger seat?

For me it changes a lot depending on what we are talking about. Plans - yes, both personal and for the family. But that's what all moms do, right?
Conversations with kids - sure.
Conversations at a party - rarely.
Hard conversations - never (if by hard you mean with adults)

Sex... That's a difficult question, because it is both yes and no. There is a pretty big disconnect between what I do and what I want to do. So yes, I do initiate. But I would love to take the passenger seat. Hard to tell for how long as I have never really tried.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

10.25.21

Initiation

Are you a natural initiator or do you sit back and wait? Does it change depending on what you're initiating? Do you initiate sex more or less? Do you initiate conversations more or less? Plans? Hard conversations?

If you're always the initiator in circumstances, how does that make you feel? If you don't initiate, what keeps you in the passenger seat?

With most things, I tend to sit back and let things happen. I worry if I'm always the initiator with people that it's a sign that I'm not really welcome or that I'm imposing on them. So for things like reaching out to people on Lit, I don't do it very often, and usually only when there's already been some conversation on the boards, and even then, only if there's something specific in the public conversation that I want to go deeper with.

Once I'm comfortable with someone (and once I'm somewhat confident they're comfortable with me) I'll take the initiative with them a whole lot more. Then I don't mind making plans, starting a conversation, or whatever. But with new people or folks I don't know so well, I'll usually take a backseat and go along with whatever they want to do (within reason).

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

11.01.21

Happy November!

Do you like people coming to your defense? Do you expect it? Or do you prefer to handle or ignore situations in your own way? Does this change online vs "real" life? Do like to come to the defense of others? Do you feel loyalty when you defend or are defended?

 

[AlpineFresco]

11.01.21

Happy November!

Do you like people coming to your defense? Do you expect it? Or do you prefer to handle or ignore situations in your own way? Does this change online vs "real" life? Do like to come to the defense of others? Do you feel loyalty when you defend or are defended?

I despise the idea of loyalty overriding fact.
Coming to the defence of someone purely because they're a friend? Hell no.

Otherwise... depends on circumstances.

 

[hairball18]

11.01.21

Happy November!

Do you like people coming to your defense? Do you expect it? Or do you prefer to handle or ignore situations in your own way? Does this change online vs "real" life? Do like to come to the defense of others? Do you feel loyalty when you defend or are defended?

If I am wrong, I don't expect anyone to come to my defense. If I am called on something, then I at least want to put my reasoning for my opinion out there.
I will come to the defense of others if I feel that what is being put out there is either, not factual, or uncalled for.
If I did not defend whoever the subject is about, then I would think I am not much of a friend.

 

[Dribble]

11.01.21

Happy November!

Do you like people coming to your defense? Do you expect it? Or do you prefer to handle or ignore situations in your own way? Does this change online vs "real" life? Do like to come to the defense of others? Do you feel loyalty when you defend or are defended?

I expect people to tell the truth. To not lie to save their ass. But my experience is this is rarely the case. So no...I don't want people coming to my defense. Now here is my conundrum...I come to the defense of others...even when I wasn't asked. Why? I have looked deeply at this. No one was there protecting me from the horrors no child should ever have to go through. It is my way of fighting the fucked up scars I still carry. At least...that is my justification.

 

[Acktion]

11.01.21

Happy November!

Do you like people coming to your defense? Do you expect it? Or do you prefer to handle or ignore situations in your own way? Does this change online vs "real" life? Do like to come to the defense of others? Do you feel loyalty when you defend or are defended?

It makes me smile when people come to my defense. Partially that they care enough to. But, partially that they seem to think I need it.

Granted, I have a lifetime battle with "appropriate response" as I tend to think a flamethrower is adequate to deal with spiders. So, more often than not those that know me really well will try to step in to protect the other person from my idea of suitable reparations.

I don't do the whole white knight routine for a long time now. Not only is my armor a bit dingier and way more dented, but my sense of what attacks need defending from is pretty well jaded.

Having said that, I will in a heartbeat inform anyone that doing or saying something in front of me makes me equally culpable and I won't stand idle if they cross the line.

 

[Karabare]

11.01.21

Happy November!

Do you like people coming to your defense? Do you expect it? Or do you prefer to handle or ignore situations in your own way? Does this change online vs "real" life? Do like to come to the defense of others? Do you feel loyalty when you defend or are defended?

No, I don't like it. If I've been an asshole, I can take that but if I'm incorrectly blamed for something, no one can yell and make a fuss like myself.
But I'm loyal almost to a fault and will ride to the rescue when needed.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

11.01.21

Happy November!

Do you like people coming to your defense? Do you expect it? Or do you prefer to handle or ignore situations in your own way? Does this change online vs "real" life? Do like to come to the defense of others? Do you feel loyalty when you defend or are defended?

I don't particularly like people coming to my defense. Primarily because I'm perfectly capable of handling myself. Secondly, because when I'm done with a conversation, I'm done, and I don't want it to drag on. The only exception would be when someone is using blatant hate speech or spreading lies. But especially on Lit, it turns easily into a gang pile of people and it gets quickly out of control. There is zero difference between online and in person.

I try not to come to the defense of others either, though this is more of a struggle. But as I don't always know if they want help nor do I want to pile on, usually I keep my mouth shut. This has caused hurt feelings in the past because some people do want their friends to come back them up. But I agree with Alpine - If you're wrong, you're wrong, regardless of friendship.

The only other point I'll make is that often people feel attacked when they are simply being disagreed with. If we are having a conversation and someone takes position A and someone else takes position B then other people chime in agreeing with position B, the position A person feels attacked. I wish more people, including myself, would be more secure in their minority opinions as long as it's not harmful.

Ok ramble complete.