❓ PLP Inquires II ❓

[PrettyLilPussy19]

06.21.21

How honest are you? Here I'm defining "honesty" as transparency. Do you say your full truth completely or do you hold a piece back for just you to know?

 

[Whiskeyjack]

06.21.21

How honest are you? Here I'm defining "honesty" as transparency. Do you say your full truth completely or do you hold a piece back for just you to know?

It's definitely situational with me. On Lit I certainly hold some things back until I get to know someone. In my real life, I'm never dishonest about who I am, but I show different people different parts of me. I put on a different hat for my old college friends than I do for the folks at church. None of them are getting something that's inauthentic, but they each get to see different facets of me. Very few people get all of me all at once and those tend to be very close friends and immediate family.

 

[AlpineFresco]

06.21.21

How honest are you? Here I'm defining "honesty" as transparency. Do you say your full truth completely or do you hold a piece back for just you to know?

What do you mean by this? Your full truth regarding what? Hold it back from whom?

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

What do you mean by this? Your full truth regarding what? Hold it back from whom?

So... I leave questions broad and vague so the answers can interpret them the way they'd like. Please redirect this question to the appropriate party.

 

[Acktion]

06.21.21

How honest are you? Here I'm defining "honesty" as transparency. Do you say your full truth completely or do you hold a piece back for just you to know?

I don't lie. Period. Ever. What I say is the truth. Can I be mistaken? Certainly. But, if I am saying (or typing) the words, then they are the truth or what I perceive to be the truth.

But, not everything is everyone's damn business either.

***shrug*** I don't have as many brakes and filters as most anymore. No real "secrets." But, there are aspects that I'm either not super comfortable discussing, or else I don't really figure the person I am sharing with wants or needs to know.

And there are points that, quite frankly, I'm just done arguing about and ready to move on, to live and let live.

***shrug*** I don't particularly enjoy arguing. And when I already know that my viewpoint isn't shared, there just isn't any point to certain conversations when someone has made up their mind and anything that is said that doesn't agree with their viewpoint will just lead to a continual disagreement they will continually circle back to again and again, just stating their same arguments verbatim, just louder.

So, no. I don't agree that full transparency is mandatory, or even particularly desirable, even where I do not accept lying from myself or others.

 

[AlpineFresco]

OK

To me, this is a very odd definition of 'honesty' and not one I would use. 'Full truth' is also hard to figure out. A personal spiritual choice? The full set of thoughts and feelings they have on any given matter? I'll go with the latter, given the definition of 'honesty'.

Ok, so - almost nobody who functions in society always says their 'full truth completely' - unless it's going to be redefined, that's operating without a filter and voicing every thought you have. And... your boss will fire you for this! Your family probably wouldn't thank you, either... One's 'unfiltered truth' will probably have consequences, could be rather hurtful to people, and expressing it without thought may well preclude the speaker from empathy with the people on the receiving end of it.

We all choose what we say and how we phrase it (and even for those of us with trouble reading the room, there's encouragement to remember what kinds of things are appropriate and which are not in various circumstances), and that will vary based on our personalities and who we're talking to.

I would say, to me this isn't 'honesty'. My colleagues see a side to me, my family another side, my friends another side, etc... none of these sides are the same. All of them are truly, and without contradiction, honestly me - just me in different circumstances, and not the entire me.

I probably wandered off-topic.

Edit: I love Acktion's "[...] not everything is everyone's damn business either." This is true, and the judgement calls on this could (and have!) filled many many threads here before...

 

[Mei5ter]

06.21.21

How honest are you? Here I'm defining "honesty" as transparency. Do you say your full truth completely or do you hold a piece back for just you to know?

"I'm honest and straight talking, me."
"I'm just being honest and telling it like I see it."
"I'm just honest and straightforward - with me, what you see is what you get."

What these three sentences generally mean is, "I'm about to say something deliberately offensive which reveals that I am in fact unpleasant, intolerant and bigoted. I am also not smart enough to see that emphasising that my unpleasant, intolerant and bigoted beliefs are sincerely and deeply held does not make them better."

Honesty is too precious to waste on people like this.

 

[AlpineFresco]

An expansion of the question might be: What causes you to decide how to calibrate your filter as you interact with people?

 

[Wand3rlust]

06.21.21

How honest are you? Here I'm defining "honesty" as transparency. Do you say your full truth completely or do you hold a piece back for just you to know?

I took this as meaning.... when speaking with someone. They ask you.... something or you are talking. Do you share everything? Regardless?...

With me, it depends. I have those I share everything with, but maybe only with regards to certain aspects of my life. So it depends who I'm talking to, and what about. I think it what I'm trying to say.

 

[AmberLGreen]

Hero complex. People who do good things for the accolade and the brag. Just do the good things to be a good human. How about that?

Totally agree with this. You should do good things for people because you want to and not because you want eternal gratitude.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

06.21.21

How honest are you? Here I'm defining "honesty" as transparency. Do you say your full truth completely or do you hold a piece back for just you to know?

I've really enjoyed everyone's answers and interpretations.

For me, I'm honest about direct questions. But I rarely volunteer information about myself unless it's asked for directly. Partly because I assume if they want to know they will ask and partly out of curiosity as to what kind of questions someone else asks.

I am not honest about things that I think will hurt or offend. I won't lie but I won't answer (or ya know, the thousand ways someone from the South can deflect).

Ultimately there are very few people I feel safe enough around to be completely seen by.

 

[Orchidea73]

I'm a bit like Fara on this one. I’ve lied and I’ve told the truth. I have omitted the truth, or said nothing. It depends from people, subject, and/or circumstances.

If you ask me a direct question, chances are you will receive an honest answer. But there are things I might not want to talk about, and/or reveal, and I would say so. Or, I might give an "elaborate" answer - things are not always simple and cut in black and white - which might give you a clue to where I stand.

I try to be honest with people as much as I can. But above all, I try to be honest with myself. I'm very analytical and reflective. I strive to be as authentic as I can. Authentic is an overloaded word, which gets thrown around a lot. People might have different opinions of what authenticity means to them. So what I mean is that I try to live in alignment with my purpose and self awareness. I try to have an accurate appraisal of my strength and weaknesses, and act accordingly.

 

[AmberLGreen]

06.21.21

How honest are you? Here I'm defining "honesty" as transparency. Do you say your full truth completely or do you hold a piece back for just you to know?

I don’t let everybody know everything about me or my life. There are people that know some parts and other people that know another part. My friends, family, work colleagues, etc all know different parts of my life (some know the same parts and some know more than others). If somebody asked me something directly I wouldn’t lie but I might tell them that it was something I didn’t want to disclose to them. If there was a reason for somebody to know something then I would tell them.

I also appreciate and respect that their are parts of other people’s lives that they don’t want or need me to know about.

 

[Daisy_Love]

I try to be as honest as I feel I can be. Like Wander, Orchi, PLP I’ll be honest to a direct question but if I don’t want to answer a question that makes me feel uncomfortable etc I’ll be honest about that too. It does depend who it is as to how much I would share about myself. I’m good at deflecting when I don’t want to answer

I think it’s important to be honest with yourself, be genuine and your authentic self, not pretend to be something you’re not. People will see through you eventually. If you can’t be honest with yourself, how can you possibly be honest with anyone else.

 

[pantyboidoe]

06.21.21

How honest are you? Here I'm defining "honesty" as transparency. Do you say your full truth completely or do you hold a piece back for just you to know?

It depends on the context of the question and the person asking. Not everyone knows everything about me so I guess the degree of honesty is geared towards those asking questions. But i do my best to be as honest as i can to the greatest extent possible.

 

[Orchidea73]

I think you do, and I think you are. You’ve helped me take hard looks at myself. I appreciate your honesty.

You give me too much credit.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

I appreciate what I’ve read here about honesty. I’ve discovered that sometimes I may reveal too much to people who really don’t care. Sometimes my intentions don’t match the result. It’s not a lie, but I haven’t gotten there to complete those things YET.

I’ve lied on the past. I’ve worked hard to repair that and publicly acknowledged when I’ve made mistakes. Honesty is a curious word. There are different kinds of honesty. It is something that is constantly redefined to fit the needs at hand it seems.

 

[AveryElle]

I am sometimes brutally honest. I am sometimes a big fucking liar. I do what the situation calls for - what will probably be the best in the long run? Is this a BIG lie? I’m an open book, but most don’t ask. I don’t feel comfortable putting everything out there for the world to see, but when I do, it is authentic. I won’t lie when asked questions, but I may lie if I know a situation will hurt someone. I try very hard not to be a hypocrite (which is, to me, just lying with a fancy name). Perhaps lying and dishonesty are different sides of the same coin and I like seeing everyone’s answers.

I’m honest about who I am and what I believe. I won’t ’big lie’ to my spouse, which is why I think our version of open works well. But I’ll lie to my kid(s) about ‘yes, it’s been five minutes it’s time to go’. I think we could all use more honesty even if it hurts.

 

[Dribble]

06.21.21

How honest are you? Here I'm defining "honesty" as transparency. Do you say your full truth completely or do you hold a piece back for just you to know?

Honesty changes. I can be 100% honest today...think about it tonight...and tell you tomorrow that I was full of shit that this is the correct answer. Both days, I am being 100% honest.

We view honesty through our eyes...not theirs. So we judge. But what if the person believes they are telling you the truth? Even when we know it isn't. Maybe they are being as honest as they can be? See, if you tell yourself a lie long enough...and it doesn't take very long...you believe that lie. Forever.

So when I say most people are not honest...that is because my standard of honesty is very different and that isn't being judgemental. My standards are far more strict. I tend to look at things much deeper. This is because I have been clean a very long time...and the First Step is a step on honesty. It is impossible...at least I have never seen it...to be spiritually sound in your recovery and not be honest. When I struggle spiritually, it is always an issue with honesty.

But I don't think this is what you are asking...transparency being the key word. If you ask me a question...I will promise I will be as totally honest as I can be. If I omit something...it is not intentional...I just don't place a value on it that you may. I hold nothing back...because...why? You will find out anyway right? Isn't it better to come from me? And I use the words me and you...even though it is not me and you. But you get the picture.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

06.23.22

What's the most unusual place you've had sex? (With someone else or yourself?)

 

[AlpineFresco]

06.23.22

What's the most unusual place you've had sex? (With someone else or yourself?)

Stretching the definition of 'sex' here to include 'sexual contact', that would have been at a Buddhist monastery. Not with anyone who lived there, I should stress.

 

[Paul_Chance]

06.23.22

What's the most unusual place you've had sex? (With someone else or yourself?)

Unusual is always difficult for me - one persons unusual is someone else's ordinary. The most memorable place I've had sex, the one that always pops to mind when I get asked this question is the bathroom (not unusual) just off the floor of a print shop. What makes in unusual is - the other floor workers could clearly see the door - so, since we were doing this at work - they'd see her go in. They'd see me go in. They'd see me come out. They'd see her come out. All the floor workers would cheer and she'd take a bow.

 

[Crankbait88]

As I prefer to be comfortable when I have sex, the most unusual place, which is probably not that unusual for many, is a backyard pool.

I don't recommend.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

06.23.22

What's the most unusual place you've had sex? (With someone else or yourself?)

When my wife and I were just starting to date I stopped by the law firm where she worked and she was the last person there at the end of the day. We did it on the table in the conference room.

 

[AveryElle]

06.23.22

What's the most unusual place you've had sex? (With someone else or yourself?)

Probably the back seat of my car on a crowded military base.
Or my office in the pentagon after hours.
Alpine finger fucked me at a sold out concert.

I won’t count play parties.