❓ PLP Inquires II ❓

[Whiskeyjack]

There is a difference but I’m not sure it’s one I can easily explain.. for me “ I’m in love with you” is more than just the habitual “ I love you” that you can settle into saying out of habit, I am in love with you is an action word... If that makes any sense? It’s a well of emotion that’s running through your very soul. It’s recognizing the connection between you and your partner as an active, growing thing.

Exactly what I was thinking. "I love you," when you've been married or with someone for a while, can sometimes become a bit rote. The occasional "I'm in love with you," to me means that the sparks are still there.

 

[Mei5ter]

06.28.21

In your opinion, is there a difference between "I love you" and "I'm in love with you." when said to a partner? If so, then what?

Yes.

"I'm in love with you" is the ephemeral condition of which Dale Cooper rightly said, "The symptoms resemble the onset of malaria."

"I love you" is lasting, and can be explored and discussed. How long have you loved me? How deeply? Why? Unless you're Kylie, when you just answer, "Je ne sais pas pourquoi."

Other early 1990s cultural references available on request.

 

[AmberLGreen]

06.28.21

In your opinion, is there a difference between "I love you" and "I'm in love with you." when said to a partner? If so, then what?

A think there is a big difference. “I love you” is a platonic statement in that you care deeply for somebody and want the best for them, want to protect them, feel warm that they are in your life. It is for parents, children, close friends, family, etc.

“I am in love with you” is all consuming. It involves all of the things that “I love you” does but also a desire, a want, a need.

 

[Crankbait88]

A think there is a big difference. “I love you” is a platonic statement in that you care deeply for somebody and want the best for them, want to protect them, feel warm that they are in your life. It is for parents, children, close friends, family, etc.

“I am in love with you” is all consuming. It involves all of the things that “I love you” does but also a desire, a want, a need.

Not sure I could say it any better.

 

[Orchidea73]

06.28.21

In your opinion, is there a difference between "I love you" and "I'm in love with you." when said to a partner? If so, then what?

Interesting question. This one is a bit tricky for me because we have two different words/phrases to say "I love you" in Italian. But I would say that "I'm in love with you." we generally understand it as ephemeral condition, as Mei5ter mentioned it.

So, yeah. "I love you" is somewhat more powerful and definitive.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Well, from reading all the responses I am definitely alone over here on the No side of the fence.

But, I still think there are so many expressions of love, and so much variation in how people express it - from the folks who are absorbed in the romantic expressions to those who never express it - and so many cultural and language nuances and subtleties - to me it is always far more about what they do and far less about what they say.

 

[AlpineFresco]

06.28.21

In your opinion, is there a difference between "I love you" and "I'm in love with you." when said to a partner? If so, then what?

As I think the previous answers show, it's very subjective.
And that's an interesting tangent here - what one persons means may not be what another interprets, although I'd imagine that to say you love someone you would know them quite well. Or think you do, anyway.

I do think, generally, that "I am in love with you" probably is understood to be a little more intense.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

07.12.21

What are some things that affect your self esteem? What are some things that help it grow or make it shrink? Or do you perceive self esteem as an entirely internal force?

 

[AlpineFresco]

07.12.21

What are some things that affect your self esteem? What are some things that help it grow or make it shrink? Or do you perceive self esteem as an entirely internal force?

Entirely internal self-esteem runs the risk of delusion, one way or the other. Entirely external self-esteem is purely reactionary and leads people to constantly chase outward approval - of their work, of their body, perhaps it's the validation of a parent they need, etc.

My self-esteem is a complex thing. I have hold-overs from my younger years that mean if I don't fight it, I will feel unlovable as a sexual being. I put strong value on positive comments about my body, because they've generally been extremely rare. Work-wise? I'm more confident as the years go by, and able to be unphased by a good chunk of criticism, largely because I've proven myself and continue to prove myself... so, external validation has helped reinforce what is now internal validation.

Let me give a current example of something. I am 34. I am learning, for the first time, to ride a bike. Holy fuck I feel like a failure that as a kid, I just never learned. Nobody taught me, I never went places where I could learn, and I never felt a need to make it happen. Now, I am trying to rectify this. I feel really embarrassed. I will feel really good when I achieve it - I know this because I couldn't do my job once upon a time, but now I can. I couldn't cook, but now I can. I couldn't do pullups, but now I can. I couldn't do basic home repairs, but now I can, etc, etc, etc

Success builds my confidence in my ability to tackle new challenges, and firms up my self esteem when it would otherwise be rocky. But success only comes from repeated trying, and that may need some internal self-esteem already present, or people actively supporting until enough internal self-esteem is gained.

 

[Paul_Chance]

07.12.21

What are some things that affect your self esteem? What are some things that help it grow or make it shrink? Or do you perceive self esteem as an entirely internal force?

I am wildly overconfident and, as near as I can tell, never had any problems with self-esteem. Consequently, I think I view it as an entirely internal force. I've explored the "wildly overconfident" thing with a counselor before. It does cause some problems and I have learned to temper it to smooth social interactions.

I look at self-esteem like this. No one can control what you think. So, if you're thinking negative thoughts about yourself - it's entirely you thinking about you. My mother said something when I was younger - she was talking to one of my brothers - and told him "never think bad about yourself, plenty of people will do that for you, so fuck them". (LOL - in the later years of my life I realized just how many life lessons my mother taught me involved profanity's.)

 

[Mei5ter]

07.12.21

What are some things that affect your self esteem? What are some things that help it grow or make it shrink? Or do you perceive self esteem as an entirely internal force?

It's a mixture of both, isn't it?

Your self-esteem can be boosted through being or doing something to your own satisfaction, or through being or doing something which causes you to receive the esteem of others. Those 'somethings' will vary from person to person, and I agree with Alpine that the strongest boosts to our self-esteem don't necessarily come from things which we excel at. We all feel we should be able to do certain things because most people can and we can't, and being able to master those skills is a huge boost. I wonder whether actively trying to maximise the number of ways we can get that kind of affirmation, rather than getting our validation solely from one source (and for men that is often work alone) would improve mental health, or whether we each just have one or two things which primarily work for us and it's best to focus on those? I've no idea.

Personally, I'd qualify that by saying that it's necessary for me to value and trust the opinion of whoever is expressing a positive view of me or of what I've done. And that includes myself. If I were having a bad day, looking at affirmatory messages I've written on my mirror to give me a morning boost wouldn't help, because I wouldn't be in a place to respect my own view of myself or anything I may have achieved.

(I've never actually written positive messages on my mirror, nor anywhere else come to that, but you get the idea).

 

[hotwords229_A]

07.12.21

What are some things that affect your self esteem? What are some things that help it grow or make it shrink? Or do you perceive self esteem as an entirely internal force?

To me, it’s internal. I’m not good for my self esteem, but keeping busy and accomplishing things makes me feel the best. Also looking around and seeing good people in my life makes me feel pretty good about myself. These are the people who like me and they are good people, so that must mean . . .

Keeping a realistic view of the world, people and myself also helps.

 

[Orchidea73]

07.12.21

What are some things that affect your self esteem? What are some things that help it grow or make it shrink? Or do you perceive self esteem as an entirely internal force?

It's a mix of both, I think. Something as small as a dress, or a perfume you are wearing can boost it a little bit because it makes you feel good. Good words about your job is another big boost. It doesn't last more than a couple of hours or day, maybe. But small things like these helps. On a more deeper level though, that internal force, for me it's the sense of purpose.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

07.12.21

What are some things that affect your self esteem? What are some things that help it grow or make it shrink? Or do you perceive self esteem as an entirely internal force?

Look at me answering my own question.

I agree with most the answers above saying the outside forces that I respect commenting on issues that are important to me have the greatest affect. As an example, once a year we have an outside auditor come to my job and... audit. And the last several years, he's remarked on how thorough and organized and correct I am. That means a lot because he actually knows and he's paid to be there to find a fuck up. But my boss telling me I do a good job means less because she frankly has no idea what I do.

Some things are an internal battle no matter how much outside influence comes along. But comments on things that I am active about - the way I treat people, the way I communicate, my humor, my attitude mean more to me than things I have little influence over - my looks, my accent, my awesome tits...

I try not to allow other people to be my main source of how I feel about myself. Like an addict, that only leave me looking for another hit of "good feels" and makes me feel like shit when I don't get it. That's an important lesson that Lit has taught me.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

07.23.21

What's something most people assume about you that just isn't true?

 

[AlpineFresco]

07.23.21

What's something most people assume about you that just isn't true?

Oh come on! There are 7.9 billion people, more or less, alive right now. Most of them don't even know I exist. How can they assume anything about me?

What a question, I mean really...

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Most people assume I try very hard to come off like a twat. Untrue... It just comes naturally.

What a question, I mean really...

I fixed it for you

 

[Dribble]

07.23.21

What's something most people assume about you that just isn't true?

That i don't care.

 

[AmberLGreen]

07.23.21

What's something most people assume about you that just isn't true?

There are several things but I think the most important ones are: Strong emotionally - I am not and can be a total wreck at times. Confident - I am not and have very little confidence in my looks, appearance and personality. Level headed - I can be the most level headed person when it comes to advising others but I often jump in to things without thinking them through. Loving - I don’t love easily (my kids are the exception to that). Caring/understanding - I can be very caring and understanding but if you piss me off I have a sharp bite.

 

[AlpineFresco]

I fixed it for you

You're not wrong. It's entirely natural.

 

[Lonelywife1205]

07.23.21

What's something most people assume about you that just isn't true?

That I have a nice ass. I don’t. It sux.

Personality wise, I have no idea what people assume about me.

 

[Orchidea73]

07.23.21

What's something most people assume about you that just isn't true?

That I have a guy on Lit. lol

For real though, sometimes few people have assumed that I'm detached.

 

[Mei5ter]

07.23.21

What's something most people assume about you that just isn't true?

That because I'm a a happy and stable relationship here, I have no interest in talking to anyone else.

 

[Xerxes82]

07.23.21

What's something most people assume about you that just isn't true?

I couldn't even guess. And I don't want to try. Like at all. Chances are whatever I think you all are thinking is way more traumatic to my self-esteem than whatever you're actually thinking. I'm just going to assume that nobody gives me a second thought and go on my merry way.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I'm just surprised no one's ever had a conversation where you said "I am X" and the other person says "Oh no way! I always assumed you were Y."


People always assume I'm from Louisiana. Close but no cigar.

And people always assume they are bothering me when they PM because I must "get so many". Never a bother and it's rarely popping off in my inbox.