🫧Chloe's Curiosities Captivated🫦

[Strixaluco]

There are, after all, caregivers who aren't dominant, and Littles who are... I know one couple personally, in the local BDSM society. Then the Little gets capitalised.

 

[Strixaluco]

But I've been reading these beautiful things written here about a Dom... and so much of that is what I desire, and feel like I badly need. I'm not a Little, although I relate so much to what you all wrote about it. I need to be in restraints to tell me I am desired and loved. It is a huge thing to me. But... as someone who has always had to kind of take on everything in order to do anything... I just assume that following "orders"? Not likely. The smart ass runs deep in me. But.... there are things I can imagine (fantasize) about being ordered to do that just make me squirm and make inappropriate noises to.

We all have out own combination of things that we need, desire, accept and have as limits. And it can be totally whatever...

Others have written a lot about obedience, bratting and brat taming already. I have to add one thing: I've heard from many brats, that bratting for them is about testing their Dominant: are they safe enough to be trusted?

Some only need to test that in the beginning, and will then fall gratefully into submission. Some need their Dominant to prove their worthiness over and over again, constantly. So "make me" is a common phrase for them.

I don't do bratting as in "make me", I'm just a funny little smartass at times - usually resulting in us laughing ourselves silly.

Maybe I have it all wrong... maybe with the right Dom, I would be so much more gratified to "serve"? My personal thoughts have always been about pleasing my lover. Making them feel so good, they will not want to get rid of me. But.... today I find myself wondering about what it really means to obey.

What does that mean? What are you asked to do? Please help me to understand this aspect better.

Oh yes. It definitely depends on the partner. Very few subs would submit to whoever dominant. Some of us are and need to be pickier than others. I was totally taken by surprise by how easy it was when I met the right person.

Right from the start I had the feeling that I can trust him to take care of me. The feeling was immense, and basically I was his from that point. Submission was easy since then.

Now he has given me a few rules that are difficult at times... Like not crossing my arms or feet in his presence. Not to fickle with my hair in his presence. Etc, all together 5 rules like that. He was his personal reasons for those, for example fingering my hair or clothes is very restless and disturbing for him. Well, I need my stims at times, so I simply stim on him instead... (We're seldom out of arms reach from each other when we are together - even at dinner table we connect our feet under the table.) And I may always ask for a permisssion, but often he moves my hair out of my face instead. Sometimes even before I ask, and it's so gentle!

What am I asked to do? Certain positions he likes or finds useful. Spinning a circle - a lot! I found it weird at the very first, then I realised 1) he won't ask me to do something he doesn't truly like and 2) how exceedingly much he indeed likes to look at me from all around... Yeah, dressing up or down isn't quick! No wondering if he likes how I look, I get plenty of evidence every time we meet. And except for my hands that are behind my head, I get to do it they way I want - including rubbing myself on him teasingly... Fun for us both! Many small things that may sound weird are actually meaningful between us two. They might not be with someone else.

I get asked to do things in a way he likes. Takes out the guesswork from me. In a way one reason I have to do is to trust that he has his reasons. He doesn't like ordering things I don't like though, so we're working within the space that we both like.

Oh and one major thing he asks for is communication. Plenty of it. I have never been able to speak in such a vulnerable way as with him, and with my history that's saying a lot!

We also don't really have punishments. Funishments are not really a thing without bratting, but as I always try my best, punishments are not really worth it either, when failing is unintentional.

He likes having control. I like not having to control things - being able to give that control to him as I can trust I won't have to regret it. But I'm not some doll without a will, any more than a child is. He reminds me that I can ask and wish for things. Rather often I get granted my wish - he loves to please me as well. Especially he likes to bring me pleasure. Loads of it. Probably even more than receiving.

I'm rambling, I wonder if you get anything out of it. See ya later, I gotta rush to doctors appointment.

 

[AlwaysDancing]

Well to be honest, I'm always offended by capitalisation in this sort of context, but I won't hold it against you (anyone), it's just a personal thing.

Some life long couples don’t want to be married because it’s just a ring.
Some want and need that ring because it means so much.

For one person it’s just semantics. For the next, there is great meaning.

For one person it adds enrichment. For the next, it’s as enriching as dry toast.

Each to their own and let them be. Not worth being offended. Not worth defending.

I like the using the capitalized and lower case letters.

 

[base10]

For one person it’s just semantics. For the next, there is great meaning.

This is how I look at it. To me, it's semantics. It's also not for me to tell someone what works or what's important to them

 

[UsuallyPresent]

This is how I look at it. To me, it's semantics. It's also not to me to tell someone what works or what's important to them

Agreed, with one other caveat - we can effectively communicate. Else vgf ddet ut wolocg, ya know?

 

[BrendaBear]

Agreed, with one other caveat - we can effectively communicate. Else vgf ddet ut wolocg, ya know?

Yeah... what he said...

I liked the capitalization after I learned why they were doing it.

At some point, someone made a big point of trying to "correct me" about what my opinion was on stuff - I wasn't impressed. I've been this way for my whole life, and I'm not young. So for some youngster to tell me that I'm wrong... I think I just extracted myself from the conversation because I don't enjoy exchanging ideas with someone who is rigid and thinks they have it all figured out anyway.

 

[base10]

Does anyone else have a problem staying "in character" when engaging in kinky play? Whenever I'm engaging in playtime, when being dominant in the moment; I have a hard time staying the firm and controlling dom. Something always happens where I laugh or have to crack a joke or make a comment. Keeps things light and fun, but also breaks up the intensity of the moment (which is both good and bad).

 

[BrendaBear]

Does anyone else have a problem staying "in character" when engaging in kinky play? Whenever I'm engaging in playtime, when being dominant in the moment; I have a hard time staying the firm and controlling dom. Something always happens where I laugh or have to crack a joke or make a comment. Keeps things light and fun, but also breaks up the intensity of the moment (which is both good and bad).

I love that. Absolutely, love that.

 

[F3x0r]

Does anyone else have a problem staying "in character" when engaging in kinky play? Whenever I'm engaging in playtime, when being dominant in the moment; I have a hard time staying the firm and controlling dom. Something always happens where I laugh or have to crack a joke or make a comment. Keeps things light and fun, but also breaks up the intensity of the moment (which is both good and bad).

I've certainly had that in the past, sometimes things are absurd or just plain funny. I think as long as it's not at the expense of your partner and it's, like you say light, I don't think it's a bad thing at all.

 

[base10]

I've certainly had that in the past, sometimes things are absurd or just plain funny. I think as long as it's not at the expense of your partner and it's, like you say light, I don't think it's a bad thing at all.

No, it's never at the expense of her. A lot of times it happens when I have what I think it's a really good idea in my head (either a position to put her in, or something to say), and then I go for it and it just doesn't work

 

[BrendaBear]

Years ago, I read about some women shooting some photos for a photo spread. They were professionals, and absolutely knew what they were doing.

So the model, is sitting in a chair and the photographer was carefully wrapping the ropes around her to get the look, just right. Then when one of the model's boobs popped out, they both started to laugh, then both were out and they both were laughing too much to get the rope work finished up. I don't remember more, I just loved the idea that even in a professional context, they were laughing and having fun with it - which too me, is the point... at least a big part of it.

And I still smile thinking about the tied up woman laughing so much her boobs would not be contained!

 

[F3x0r]

That's pretty much nail on the head, it's all part of the fun, part of the play.
Some of the things we do, are funny, and if you are in the right partnership it's fine to laugh. It's relaxing as well which helps with other situations.

 

[base10]

Years ago, I read about some women shooting some photos for a photo spread. They were professionals, and absolutely knew what they were doing.

So the model, is sitting in a chair and the photographer was carefully wrapping the ropes around her to get the look, just right. Then when one of the model's boobs popped out, they both started to laugh, then both were out and they both were laughing too much to get the rope work finished up. I don't remember more, I just loved the idea that even in a professional context, they were laughing and having fun with it - which too me, is the point... at least a big part of it.

And I still smile thinking about the tied up woman laughing so much her boobs would not be contained!

If we're not all having fun, what is the point of all of this???

 

[BrendaBear]

If we're not all having fun, what is the point of all of this???

Exactly!!!!

 

[UsuallyPresent]

Does anyone else have a problem staying "in character" when engaging in kinky play? Whenever I'm engaging in playtime, when being dominant in the moment; I have a hard time staying the firm and controlling dom. Something always happens where I laugh or have to crack a joke or make a comment. Keeps things light and fun, but also breaks up the intensity of the moment (which is both good and bad).

Been there, inappropriately laughed then. For me, it's a matter of the relationship. Some folks like their sexplay cut and measured and strict, others may be utterly chaotic including swapping roles without warning. Most folks (IMO) are somewhere in the middle.

This is yet another reason learning about each other before entering a scene is important. Sometimes that's a 2 minute conversation before an awesome scene, and other times longterm relationships can get stressed. Learn about each others' 'landmines', the bits that are hidden in plain view that will still cause them to blow up if infringed on. Another is to keep communication open - the penultimate reason for safewords.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

Does anyone else have a problem staying "in character" when engaging in kinky play?

So, that can depend on the "character" you are portraying.

Whenever I'm engaging in playtime, when being dominant in the moment; I have a hard time staying the firm and controlling dom.

Staying firm and controlling can take an enormous amount of effort. It can also be surprisingly draining on some people.

Something always happens where I laugh or have to crack a joke or make a comment. Keeps things light and fun, but also breaks up the intensity of the moment (which is both good and bad).

Laughing at something will almost never ruin the moment. It might change or alter it, but ruining those times with laughter is difficult. The cracking a joke that depends on you, your partner, and the type of scene. That comes with self-control if you don't want to put that energy out there.

There is nothing wrong with keeping things light and fun. I have found myself in scenes where my previous Dom had a set plan in mind, but I didn't know the plan, obviously. Simply my behavior and reactions were enough to alter his plans and let the scene naturally flow. It didn't ruin anything. We discussed it after, what he had visualized and what went differently. This isn't the same as you joking, but the point stands.

Scene work, play time, whatever you want to call it, changes with every dynamic. Now? Sometimes there's a giggle from one of us or I try to be funny, and it lowers the intensity of the scene for a moment. It doesn't end it. Neither of us is upset because we are both happy to be experiencing this time together in whatever capacity that looks. And laughter? It becomes a key component to us. If we are laughing, then we are happy. We can recenter and slide back into character after the giggles come out.

 

[base10]

There is nothing wrong with keeping things light and fun. I have found myself in scenes where my previous Dom had a set plan in mind, but I didn't know the plan, obviously. Simply my behavior and reactions were enough to alter his plans and let the scene naturally flow. It didn't ruin anything. We discussed it after, what he had visualized and what went differently. This isn't the same as you joking, but the point stands.

That is always the case with me. A lot of time, I have a general idea of where I want to go, but so much of it is also based on her reaction in the moment. Paying very close attention to what is working for her, and how she is reacting to each thing. And to me, that isn't even a partner to partner thing. The same person won't always have the same reaction to the same thing.

I find reading the reactions and body language of my sub to be the most intense thing I'm doing during playtime

 

[Chloe_Harper]

That is always the case with me. A lot of time, I have a general idea of where I want to go, but so much of it is also based on her reaction in the moment. Paying very close attention to what is working for her, and how she is reacting to each thing. And to me, that isn't even a partner to partner thing. The same person won't always have the same reaction to the same thing.

I find reading the reactions and body language of my sub to be the most intense thing I'm doing during playtime

Then, I think you already have your answer. For you, it sounds like going in with a plan is the way to go, but, being reactionary to her responses and altering your plan as you go, that's a great thing.

If you're worried about ruining a moment with a joke or comment, do a check-in instead. It will be something that breaks the intensity while also helping you both remain in character. And, during check-ins, jokes are sometimes welcome, as it's already drawn both parties out enough for it to not be jarring or like ice water splashed over you in the heat of the moment. Check-ins are necessary for both parties anyway.

 

[BrendaBear]

...I find reading the reactions and body language of my sub to be the most intense thing I'm doing during playtime

https://media1.tenor.com/m/qeoF4y5gb6wAAAAC/aww-smile.gif

 

[base10]

So, that can depend on the "character" you are portraying.

It's usually that of a controlling dom thinking of her as a slave or toy to be played with. Behind that character, what I'm really tying to generally do is turn her brain off and get her deep into subspace

 

[base10]

Then, I think you already have your answer. For you, it sounds like going in with a plan is the way to go, but, being reactionary to her responses and altering your plan as you go, that's a great thing.

If you're worried about ruining a moment with a joke or comment, do a check-in instead. It will be something that breaks the intensity while also helping you both remain in character. And, during check-ins, jokes are sometimes welcome, as it's already drawn both parties out enough for it to not be jarring or like ice water splashed over you in the heat of the moment. Check-ins are necessary for both parties anyway.

I'm not worried about it, and it never really breaks a scene. I do just wish I was better at holding the tension in the moment vs my natural urge to break the tension with a light hearted comment.

 

[BrendaBear]

If you're worried about ruining a moment with a joke or comment, do a check-in instead. It will be something that breaks the intensity while also helping you both remain in character. And, during check-ins, jokes are sometimes welcome, as it's already drawn both parties out enough for it to not be jarring or like ice water splashed over you in the heat of the moment. Check-ins are necessary for both parties anyway.

Girl, we need to talk about your experiences... they sound much deeper than anything I have gotten to do...
https://media1.tenor.com/m/F5f5QQIUqdwAAAAC/intrigued-annie-murphy.gif

 

[base10]

Girl, we need to talk about your experiences... they sound much deeper than anything I have gotten to do...
https://media1.tenor.com/m/F5f5QQIUqdwAAAAC/intrigued-annie-murphy.gif

I was not lost....the FBI knew where I was the entire time

 

[Chloe_Harper]

I'm not worried about it, and it never really breaks a scene. I do just wish I was better at holding the tension in the moment vs my natural urge to break the tension with a light hearted comment.

Practice Practice Practice. I say this as someone who still needs it myself on the subbie side, but also, and stay with me here, as a theater person and DnD player. Any environment where you are playing a character holds that potential for our everyday self to come out and be silly. Sometimes it's welcomed silliness. When it's not, shift your eyes to something not funny. Maybe it's her face, maybe it's her breathing, maybe it's where your hands currently reside on her body. If you feel your mind switch to a comment you don't want to make, then find that focus spot, and bring yourself back to the moment.

 

[base10]

Practice Practice Practice. I say this as someone who still needs it myself on the subbie side, but also, and stay with me here, as a theater person and DnD player. Any environment where you are playing a character holds that potential for our everyday self to come out and be silly. Sometimes it's welcomed silliness. When it's not, shift your eyes to something not funny. Maybe it's her face, maybe it's her breathing, maybe it's where your hands currently reside on her body. If you feel your mind switch to a comment you don't want to make, then find that focus spot, and bring yourself back to the moment.

I really like this idea, shifting your eyes somewhere else. Thank you