🫧Chloe's Curiosities Captivated🫦

[cascadiabound]

I'm wondering if the averse reaction to the word obey have to do with the unfortunate interpretation of what it is to obey.

PERSONALLY speaking, I understand obedience to be a full submission to the direction of the authority even when that decision isn't one I would have naturally chosen because I trust that authority completely. I recognize through consequences the authority's decision is best for me. As the one in charge of decisions, I make sure not to take advantage of the one trusting me. They have to be given a reason to trust and that trust must be reinforced and rewarded constantly. I need to not only show you I am capable of being in charge but make it so obvious trusting me is the right idea you will want to do anything I say.

I agree with what several people have said about "obey" -- I think especially in our current political climate "obey" has a lot of authoritarian overtones.

For me "obedience" is completely caught up in "submission" and for either of those things to happen I have to have trust in my D.

There are Littles and subs who have a very wide brat streak. I do not think that bratty/you can't make me/etc is necessarily at odds with submission or even obedience. It can be a delightful and loving part of the dynamic. But for those who are brats (which I am not, so my sense of this comes from other people sharing how this works for them), they need to find a partner who loves that part of them, can play with and around it and it adds to the heat of sexual play etc. I've seen some Ds refer to themselves as "brat tamers" - idk exactly what they mean by that and I imagine it is different for each person, but if I had to guess, they enjoy a bratty sub/little and funishment* might be part of their dynamic.

*funishment: any play that masquerades as punishment but is all in fun and for the enjoyment of both.

 

[BrendaBear]

.... and funishment* might be part of their dynamic.

*funishment: any play that masquerades as punishment but is all in fun and for the enjoyment of both.

Oh yes!!!! That is perfect!!! Exactly what I desire!!! I haven't heard that before, but it so perfectly describing my thoughts about it!!

 

[Qky75]

I agree with what several people have said about "obey" -- I think especially in our current political climate "obey" has a lot of authoritarian overtones.

For me "obedience" is completely caught up in "submission" and for either of those things to happen I have to have trust in my D.

There are Littles and subs who have a very wide brat streak. I do not think that bratty/you can't make me/etc is not necessarily at odds with submission or even obedience. It can be a delightful and loving part of the dynamic. But for those who are brats (which I am not, so my sense of this comes from other people sharing how this works for them), they need to find a partner who loves that part of them, can play with and around it and it adds to the heat of sexual play etc. I've seen some Ds refer to themselves as "brat tamers" - idk exactly what they mean by that and I imagine it is different for each person, but if I had to guess, they enjoy a bratty sub/little and funishment* might be part of their dynamic.

*funishment: any play that masquerades as punishment but is all in fun and for the enjoyment of both.

Nice descriptive word....funishment has all the right nuance

 

[cascadiabound]

Nice descriptive word....funishment has all the right nuance

The word is not my own, but that particular definition is mine.

 

[Qky75]

The word is not my own, but that particular definition is mine.

Also forgive my ruining the moment but I'm about to explode...... She said she has to trust in her D ahem...ok out of my system now.

 

[cascadiabound]

Also forgive my ruining the moment but I'm about to explode...... She said she has to trust in her D ahem...ok out of my system now.

Which is why I prefer PYL as opposed to Dom/Domme/Dominant/Brat Tamer/MyKeeper/whatever. I was deferring to the linguistics that have thus far been adopted in this thread.

But FYI and if this helps people have conversation without leaving anyone out or anyone getting butt hurt over a failure to use their preferred label.

PYL= pick your label: Dominant side of the slash

pyl= pick your label: submissive side of the slash

 

[Chloe_Harper]

Which is why I prefer PYL as opposed to Dom/Domme/Dominant/Brat Tamer/MyKeeper/whatever. I was deferring to the linguistics that have thus far been adopted in this thread.

But FYI and if this helps people have conversation without leaving anyone out or anyone getting butt hurt over a failure to use their preferred label.

PYL= pick your label: Dominant side of the slash

pyl= pick your label: submissive side of the slash

I appreciate this. I do use the language I tend to defer to in my own dynamic. I do love hearing what language they prefer and seeing their little explanations as to why when they provide them. PYL/pyl is a great tool though thank you for your infinite wisdom!

 

[Qky75]

Which is why I prefer PYL as opposed to Dom/Domme/Dominant/Brat Tamer/MyKeeper/whatever. I was deferring to the linguistics that have thus far been adopted in this thread.

But FYI and if this helps people have conversation without leaving anyone out or anyone getting butt hurt over a failure to use their preferred label.

PYL= pick your label: Dominant side of the slash

pyl= pick your label: submissive side of the slash

What if currently your relationship is purely one sided? Does that make me both caps and lowercase or my lust in caps and my hand in submission?!?

 

[BrendaBear]

Which is why I prefer PYL as opposed to Dom/Domme/Dominant/Brat Tamer/MyKeeper/whatever. I was deferring to the linguistics that have thus far been adopted in this thread.

But FYI and if this helps people have conversation without leaving anyone out or anyone getting butt hurt over a failure to use their preferred label.

PYL= pick your label: Dominant side of the slash

pyl= pick your label: submissive side of the slash

Oh.... I'm such a romantic... I thought, "obviously, it is Person You Love"

 

[Chloe_Harper]

What if currently your relationship is purely one sided? Does that make me both caps and lowercase or my lust in caps and my hand in submission?!?

Yes.

 

[Qky75]

Oh.... I'm such a romantic... I thought, "obviously, it is Person You Love"

She wants to love you PYT pretty young thing
You need some lovin' TLC ..

 

[BrendaBear]

She wants to love you PYT pretty young thing
You need some lovin' TLC ..

Yes.... yes, I do.

 

[cascadiabound]

What if currently your relationship is purely one sided? Does that make me both caps and lowercase or my lust in caps and my hand in submission?!?

I think that may make you the ultimate self serve DIY switch

 

[barefootgirl69]

I would like to pose a question... I think anyone who knows me, knows I'm not someone to obey. I'm going to do, what I want to do. I think my spirit animal is probably a cat, because... well yeah.

But I've been reading these beautiful things written here about a Dom... and so much of that is what I desire, and feel like I badly need. I'm not a Little, although I relate so much to what you all wrote about it. I need to be in restraints to tell me I am desired and loved. It is a huge thing to me. But... as someone who has always had to kind of take on everything in order to do anything... I just assume that following "orders"? Not likely. The smart ass runs deep in me. But.... there are things I can imagine (fantasize) about being ordered to do that just make me squirm and make inappropriate noises to.

I love the idea of wearing a collar - a day collar, and at the right time, a proper collar. I love the idea of being lead with a leash. Being his (or her) property. And they in turn, are mine. But... what does it mean to obey?

Maybe I have it all wrong... maybe with the right Dom, I would be so much more gratified to "serve"? My personal thoughts have always been about pleasing my lover. Making them feel so good, they will not want to get rid of me. But.... today I find myself wondering about what it really means to obey.

What does that mean? What are you asked to do? Please help me to understand this aspect better.

You don't have to be little or submissive to want that. You could simply be a bottom.

To obey? For me, it's putting my book away when he tells me it's time to sleep. It's eating when he reminds me that I need to.

It's not always about "him being bossy" - it's him knowing what you need and caring for you. Being submissive is trusting him enough to take care of those things and remember that he does it from a loving pov.

As a good girl, I want to do that. I want to please him, make him smile, not disappoint him. That would tear me up.

All littles are different and it's important to find a partner right for YOU, not others.

 

[BrendaBear]

You don't have to be little or submissive to want that. You could simply be a bottom.

To obey? For me, it's putting my book away when he tells me it's time to sleep. It's eating when he reminds me that I need to.

It's not always about "him being bossy" - it's him knowing what you need and caring for you. Being submissive is trusting him enough to take care of those things and remember that he does it from a loving pov.

As a good girl, I want to do that. I want to please him, make him smile, not disappoint him. That would tear me up.

All littles are different and it's important to find a partner right for YOU, not others.

That, is so beautiful!!! Oh my god... so beautiful... yeah, that's totally what I want and need....

 

[Qky75]

View attachment 2496779

 

[cascadiabound]

You don't have to be little or submissive to want that. You could simply be a bottom.

To obey? For me, it's putting my book away when he tells me it's time to sleep. It's eating when he reminds me that I need to.

It's not always about "him being bossy" - it's him knowing what you need and caring for you. Being submissive is trusting him enough to take care of those things and remember that he does it from a loving pov.

As a good girl, I want to do that. I want to please him, make him smile, not disappoint him. That would tear me up.

All littles are different and it's important to find a partner right for YOU, not others.

This is exactly how I see "obey". He never tells me/asks me to do anything I don't want/need to do anyway. He helps me take better care of myself, he holds me accountable to the goals I/we have. It's not primarily about doing things he wants selfishly for himself, though it may be about what he prefers/desires.

Because I am at least in part (probably a large part) a service sub - I want and need to know what he wants/needs so I can provide that - because that is a need in my relationship/submissive DNA.

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

I would like to pose a question... I think anyone who knows me, knows I'm not someone to obey. I'm going to do, what I want to do. I think my spirit animal is probably a cat, because... well yeah.

But I've been reading these beautiful things written here about a Dom... and so much of that is what I desire, and feel like I badly need.

I think it's important to remember that though there is a significant amount of space for the spectrums of Dominants and Daddies/Mommies - they are in fact different. For example, Sammy is my subbie; she is submissive to me and I am her Dominant. I'm also her Daddy, and she my little. There are times where these paradigms overlap, but they don't have to. The D/s part is sexual, erotic, kinky, and it's own thing in and of itself. The Daddy/little part is emotional, situational, and possibly romantic at times. They can exist simultaneously or completely independently. Another part of Dominants, some are sadistic, masochistic, or they deal in the pleasure realm. I'm mostly a pleasure Dom with a sadistic streak that exists once in a while.

And then barefootgirl jumps in and mentions bottoms, which I had completely overlooked, and she's right. Bottoms, though highly co-existent with being a little or a sub, are their own thing as well.

So are you saying you want a Dom, or do you want a Daddy? Or, do you want a top?

I'm not a Little, although I relate so much to what you all wrote about it. I need to be in restraints to tell me I am desired and loved. It is a huge thing to me.

Just because you like restraints, that doesn't necessarily mean you're a little or a submissive - though, once again, there is a tendency for these things to overlap. And then, not all bondage looks the same. As another example, I'm a bigger fan of cuffs, hardware, etc.; my little treasure likes rope. You can have zero dynamic relationship and still enjoy different types of bondage kink. Again, that's a hug spectrum! Just cautioning you to not blend all these things together as they have their own unique intricacies

But... as someone who has always had to kind of take on everything in order to do anything... I just assume that following "orders"? Not likely. The smart ass runs deep in me. But.... there are things I can imagine (fantasize) about being ordered to do that just make me squirm and make inappropriate noises to.

I love the idea of wearing a collar - a day collar, and at the right time, a proper collar. I love the idea of being lead with a leash. Being his (or her) property. And they in turn, are mine. But... what does it mean to obey?

I think it's important for you to know what matters to you here. Some people are on the side of the spectrum that they only want extreme bondage sex, and rough bondage sex at that. Then there are some people who want to play with handcuffs a couple times a year. There's a massive spectrum in the middle. You need to know where you fall, and then communicate that to your potential partner so you can discuss it.

It's been answered a bit, but "obey" means different things in different contexts. The great part about all of this is you get to have a voice - you get to explore with a partner what this means to you. You don't have to have it figured out before you voice it. You can say, "I don't know a lot about xyz, but I want to explore it. Will you do that with me?" For some, obedience is extremely strict with tons of rituals, habits, expectations, etc. For others, obedience is a little easier to attain. And bratting has come up, that's a whole other scenario to deal with.

Maybe I have it all wrong... maybe with the right Dom, I would be so much more gratified to "serve"? My personal thoughts have always been about pleasing my lover. Making them feel so good, they will not want to get rid of me. But.... today I find myself wondering about what it really means to obey.

I want to please my lover at every opportunity. I want MLT to only ever think of me when the topic of sexual gratification comes up. I want to be the only thought she has when she thinks of being cared for, protected, and cherished. I'm the Dom, and her Daddy. But also, our interests also mean she will do some serving, and things sometimes get... challenging. But that's what I enjoy AND it's what she enjoys. For me, what I want in obedience out of her is pretty simple. I have a few expectations of her that she has to be mindful of throughout her day, but not many. I'm pretty easy to please with her obedience. For others, the rules are INTENSE. I don't have the brain power to keep up with that. So, like I said before, you have to figure out what obeying looks like for you and a partner.

What does that mean? What are you asked to do? Please help me to understand this aspect better.

I have control over all of my precious sub's orgasms. She's free to attain them for herself, but she is required to inform me. There are a few other rules, but not many. If she wants to share them, I'll let her do so - but you could be asked anything from presenting yourself in a specific pose, in certain attire at the door when your Dom(me) returns home from work. The tasks or expectations are only limited by your personality and imagination.

i certainly cant speak for everyone...i know for me, that i am not good at giving orders or tasks, and really have no desire to do so. i also dont enjoy the idea of "punishments". sex for me is about fun and intimacy. now, i am much better with "directions" and choosing not to follow those directions in the course of a "game/scene" there can certainly be consequences. whether its spanking, teasing, edging...its something i decide in the moment based on how im reading my sub/littles energy, mood, and needs. this doesnt work for everyone. some subs/littles need the direction, they need the punishment and i completely understand and accept that, but it isnt me as a dom/daddy. i found that finding the right partner takes so much communication, boundaries, self-awareness, and empathy. it also means "kissing a lot of frogs" in order to realize what it is that you really need. but if you are open and honest (both with your potential partners and with yourself) you can find what it is that you need and through that the ultimate pleasure and connection.

Rafe is describing being a pleasure Dom - which is where I also find myself. I was going to explain funishments here, but Cascadia beat me to it.

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

You are so a cat

I love that you're finding parts of the dialogue that resonates with you and helps you have a better understanding of what you want/need in a Dom/Domme. Ooh, but following "orders"?

I don't think the collar symbolizes obedience for quite a few. Submission and obedience are not the same. Something I think it takes time for every sub to find in their own way.

The collar is a sign of belonging for my baby to me. It has nothing to do with obedience for us, either. Her day collar is a symbol, and I've likened it to a wedding ring, of belonging. She belongs to me - not just physically, but totally. My heart swells when I see here wearing them - and they're not even fancy! Thicker collars will be used for scenes and when we play, but they are meant to be used, and obedience isn't an option when it's on...

Ooh, ok. Pleasing is a form of serving. In a certain way, obeying can be a form of pleasing. It just depends on your particular relationship.

Obedience I think means something different in every dynamic. For me, if my Daddy tells me to do something within play, emotions and sensations are already heightened, and I find myself wanting to say "Yes, Daddy," because I know how that response makes him respond in turn. However being the brat that I am, saying no, or testing his patience, can be equally fun at the beginning of playtime if I want to bring out the more domineering, punishing, primal side of him. Obedience or non-obedience is all a part of the play, simply depending on the mood. It looks different for everyone, and both have such toe-curling, rewarding outcomes.

Brat taming, as Chloe described, is its own thing. Your threshold for this sort of play can range just like any other aspect. For me, a little brat taming is part of the fun. But I don't have an appetite for much of it, which is good, because MLT doesn't do much bratting with me.

i agree with this completely and there is great satisfaction as a dom/daddy when that submission leads to an orgasmically pleasurable and surprisingly satisfying experience for my sub/little.

Yes! I can think of nothing I enjoy more with a romantic partner than making them drown in a sea of orgasmic pleasure.

I agree with what several people have said about "obey" -- I think especially in our current political climate "obey" has a lot of authoritarian overtones.

For me "obedience" is completely caught up in "submission" and for either of those things to happen I have to have trust in my D.

Precisely. If there is no trust, in my opinion, there should be no play. I come from a fundamental religious background. The word submit is a dirty word to most people, but I know that my pet submits to me in her heart, long before she does in a scene. From her, it's an act of affection, not servitude.

There are Littles and subs who have a very wide brat streak. I do not think that bratty/you can't make me/etc is not necessarily at odds with submission or even obedience. It can be a delightful and loving part of the dynamic. But for those who are brats (which I am not, so my sense of this comes from other people sharing how this works for them), they need to find a partner who loves that part of them, can play with and around it and it adds to the heat of sexual play etc. I've seen some Ds refer to themselves as "brat tamers" - idk exactly what they mean by that and I imagine it is different for each person, but if I had to guess, they enjoy a bratty sub/little and funishment* might be part of their dynamic.

*funishment: any play that masquerades as punishment but is all in fun and for the enjoyment of both.

Yeah, the above explanation of bratting and taming a brat cannot be improved upon by me.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

Thank y'all for having such a great, open-hearted conversation publicly. I'm impressed and pleased to see Lit keeps this kind of communication going.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

Thank y'all for having such a great, open-hearted conversation publicly. I'm impressed and pleased to see Lit keeps this kind of communication going.

Thank you! I love this kind of open-minded and open-hearted conversation, and love that so many people have chose to partake in the dialogue in my little thread

 

[BrendaBear]

Thank you! I love this kind of open-minded and open-hearted conversation, and love that so many people have chose to partake in the dialogue in my little thread

Thank you, Chloe, for letting me post my quandary here. Everyone has given me so much to think about.. thank you all!!!!!

 

[Chloe_Harper]

Well to be honest, I'm always offended by capitalisation in this sort of context, but I won't hold it against you (anyone), it's just a personal thing.

Can I ask, why does it offend you? Just curious.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Can I ask, why does it offend you? Just curious.

And, if neither is capitalized, how would you tell the difference?

 

[cascadiabound]

Well to be honest, I'm always offended by capitalisation in this sort of context, but I won't hold it against you (anyone), it's just a personal thing.

I didn't make up the system. And you get to have whatever label you want. All lowercase you wish