A Salute To Your Penis

[herecomestherain]

shereads you may find pleasure aperving at Rate My Boner -- the current most highly rated (sunny) is an attractive if perilously overinflated "package". Have fun.

http://www.ratemyboner.com/ratemy/boner

 

[Guest]

Dick of man, I love you.

(Just joining in the penis worship, in my own way).

Cool thread, Sher, and it did all need to be said.

I happily worship the penis for hours... licking it, sucking on it, nibbling it... and when he has his legs up over my shoulders and I'm pinned in place, there is nothing better. I often tell it how much I love it. The dick is my best friend.

He treats me really good, too.

Lou

 

[NoJo]

Here's a weird thing about the penis that I never knew until I gained weight:

It begins inside. It's not just tacked on.

So, when you gain weight, the beginning end is deeper from your outer skin, and the fucker shrinks .

Not only that, but the skin you have that used to cover the shaft, now it's extra. And it starts to move towards the end!

So, one day it's a bit colder than normal, and I'm walking from the bus, and I start to get shrinkage. And it feels weird. So I get to work, and go to the restroom to check it out. And what I see is, my standard circumsized average-length member, shrunk to nothing inside my fattened groin, looking like a little knob with a foreskin! And I start to pee, and I MISS HIGH!

so I clench my ass and hope no one notices the little puddle on the floor until I can regain some normalcy, finish my business, clean up, and exit before anyone else walks into the restroom.

Don't think that a penis has only one way of embarassing you! And I defy any woman to tell a pussy-story that even comes close to that level of frustration.

MY best friend, "The Fat Man", described the shrinkage phenomenon to me a couple of years ago, when he finally came out of a long period of denial about his weight (> 20 stone : nearlt 300 lb).

I'm about to post a tribute to The Fat Man, as he's very dear to me.

 

[Guest]

Penis Song

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy.
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick.
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons.
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.

~Monty Python

 

[shereads]

Penis Song

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy.
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick.
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons.
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.

~Monty Python

Thank you. I need to go fix my mascara now; this song always gets to me.

 

[LadyJeanne]

I often tell it how much I love it. The dick is my best friend.

He treats me really good, too.

Lou

It's good to have friends. Especially the kind that are always so happy to see you they start to drool, just a little.

 

[shereads]

It's good to have friends. Especially the kind that are always so happy to see you they start to drool, just a little.

You have a cocker spaniel too?

 

[LadyJeanne]

You have a cocker spaniel too?

Funny you should mention that. My penis of choice lives with a sandy spaniel, 15 years old, mostly deaf and nearly blind, with a bad hip. None of these features prevent him from (1) gluing himself to me if there are salsa chips anywhere near my hands, or (2) whining like a, er, sad puppy when the bedroom door is closed.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Still, awfully decent of amicus. I was just actually beginning to grapple with the morally, ethically, and philosophically difficult position of suspecting I might miss him.

Now I'm happily back to wishing he'd just bugger off.

Shanglan

 

[shereads]

Still, awfully decent of amicus. I was just actually beginning to grapple with the morally, ethically, and philosophically difficult position of suspecting I might miss him.

Now I'm happily back to wishing he'd just bugger off.

Shanglan

I wish I could hate him, but he reminds me too much of a family member. Just makes me sad.

 

[BlackShanglan]

I wish I could hate him, but he reminds me too much of a family member. Just makes me sad.

Sometimes you just have to throw 'em back and hope they grow a little.

Shanglan

 

[Guest]

... My penis of choice ...

I LOVE that line!!!

Yes, and the drooling, just a little, is something I also love. Friends like that are priceless.

 

[shereads]

My penis of choice lives with a sandy spaniel, 15 years old, mostly deaf and nearly blind, with a bad hip. None of these features prevent him from (1) gluing himself to me if there are salsa chips anywhere near my hands, or (2) whining like a, er, sad puppy when the bedroom door is closed.

He sounds sweet. And do you get along with the dog, as well?

 

[Guest]

my penis salutes YOU

 

[LadyJeanne]

He sounds sweet. And do you get along with the dog, as well?

He's a good boy. I give him plenty of treats. It's a beautful thing.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Re: my penis salutes YOU

SALUTE!

I think it is funny that I already had this file made

Priceless!

 

[shereads]

Re: my penis salutes YOU

SALUTE!

I think it is funny that I already had this file made

Looks like a counter display at an Italian deli.

 

[Guest]