How do you recognise a big cock without seeing it?

[anthrodisiac]

I'd also like to shout out @Mtnmike, who apparently thinks everything on this thread I've said is worthy of a "Haha " reaction.

It's nice my comedic genius is appreciated. You're appreciated too, dude!

Edit: I'm so stoked for when Mike to gets to this comment Much love xx

 

[Mtnmike]

I'd also like to shout out @Mtnmike, who apparently thinks everything on this thread I've said is worthy of a "Haha " reaction.

It's nice my comedic genius is appreciated. You're appreciated too, dude!

Edit: I'm so stoked for when Mike to gets to this comment Much love xx

Lurking around don't understand everything you're saying but you people crack me up with some of this

 

[anthrodisiac]

Lurking around don't understand everything you're saying but you people crack me up with some of this

To be perfectly honest, none of us know what we're saying either.

But hey, no polar bear attacks yesterday, so that's a relief!

 

[TheLobster]

Also, for the love of God, if you're going to use metric have the common decency to use a period for the decimal place instead of a comma!

Using metric has an immense positive effect on your mental health, which often results in a compulsion to do other things like the sane rest of the world does.

 

[Husky_Embrace]

It's almost like I did that on purpose or something like the freaky little chaos goblin I am

Also, for the love of God, if you're going to use metric have the common decency to use a period for the decimal place instead of a comma! 36,54 is just a list of two integers!


I only have two feet to stack, you can stack five? What are you, a starfish? No wait, those are heads, not feet... So what the hell monstrosity are you???
Wait, I know. One that uses commas instead of periods for decimal places

You're on to me! Maybe don't doubt the person with 5 brains! The dot for decimals leads to confusion when the people that use dots for every thousand meet.

1.2555 inch = 3.7665 barleycorn = 1.255.5 thau.

What is that notation!?!?

Interestingly google made it sometimes comma's and sometimes dots, while I only typed dots throughout. Why is the world so confusing. As a usability expert this grinds my balls. Are balls also a type of Imperial measurement? Maybe cocks? Slits? Areola? Cracks?

"Yesterday I had a cock two slits long."

"Really? Mine was only balls deep. Two balls to be exact "

 

[anthrodisiac]

Using metric has an immense positive effect on your mental health, which often results in a compulsion to do other things like the sane rest of the world does.

You've seen me in here. Do I SEEM like the type of person who wants to do things the way the sane rest of the world does?

On a completely unrelated note, I've both never used the metric system or had positive mental health. Correlation doesn't mean causation!

But it's damned suspicious...

You're on to me! Maybe don't doubt the person with 5 brains! The dot for decimals leads to confusion when the people that use dots for every thousand meet.

1.2555 inch = 3.7665 barleycorn = 1.255.5 thau.

What is that notation!?!?

Interestingly google made it sometimes comma's and sometimes dots, while I only typed dots throughout. Why is the world so confusing. As a usability expert this grinds my balls. Are balls also a type of Imperial measurement? Maybe cocks? Slits? Areola? Cracks?

"Yesterday I had a cock two slits long."

"Really? Mine was only balls deep. Two balls to be exact "

Oil and water. Cats and dogs. Fire and ice. Electron and positron. Commas and decimals. Unmixy things — forever enemies, secretly lovers in some mad scientist's equation.

If the world were not confusing, we would not be confused by it. So... That probably means something

We should just go back to cubits and call it a day, honestly. And toss out the whole notion of decimals. Who needs 0.01 of anything, really?

 

[anthrodisiac]

I say we ditch the metric system. Ditch the imperial system. Adopt the one true standard that all of us share, that can best unite us, for we are more alike than I differences! So, I bring forth my proposal, yet again:

I say we lobby the International Organization for Standardization for the standard anus, so that we may have a definitive way to measure cock size. For science.

We can use anus standardization for measuring more than cock size if you want. But why on earth would you want to measure anything else?

 

[stickygirl]

I say we ditch the metric system. Ditch the imperial system. Adopt the one true standard that all of us share, that can best unite us, for we are more alike than I differences! So, I bring forth my proposal, yet again:


We can use anus standardization for measuring more than cock size if you want. But why on earth would you want to measure anything else?

There is an Imperial standard for sizing vaginas: I've often heard people distinguish between cunt and fucking cunt. I presume a fucking cunt is larger but I suppose it could be a fractional notation.

Different topic, but why don't men make any noise when they fuck, apart from the self-important grunt at orgasm? Is it the same as when they use powertools, because they tend to be focused on the work in hand at that point so don't talk or grunt. Maybe we should take comfort that the reason a man doesn't verbalise during sex, is because he is intent on doing a good job and not simply that he can't multitask: fuck and talk ?

Okay, that said, please carry one dick-calibrating.

 

[TheLobster]

Different topic, but why don't men make any noise when they fuck, apart from the self-important grunt at orgasm? Is it the same as when they use powertools, because they tend to be focused on the work in hand at that point so don't talk or grunt. Maybe we should take comfort that the reason a man doesn't verbalise during sex, is because he is intent on doing a good job and not simply that he can't multitask: fuck and talk ?

We don’t want to disturb your concentration, as you lie back and think of England.

 

[Husky_Embrace]

I say we ditch the metric system. Ditch the imperial system. Adopt the one true standard that all of us share, that can best unite us, for we are more alike than I differences! So, I bring forth my proposal, yet again:


We can use anus standardization for measuring more than cock size if you want. But why on earth would you want to measure anything else?

We could cut out the middle man on the back and use the middleman on the front?

For our female inclined we'll give out a strapon at their 18th bd, so they won't be forgotten.

 

[stickygirl]

For our female inclined we'll give out a strapon at the 18th, so they won't be forgotten.

Is that a golfing term?

 

[TheRedChamber]

...a man doesn't verbalise during sex, is because he is intent on doing a good job and not simply that he can't multitask: fuck and talk ?

Hey, we are already multitasking...we're trying to make you cum and trying not to cum ourselves all at the same time.

And...um...no, maybe we aren't very good at it

 

[Husky_Embrace]

<...>
Different topic, but why don't men make any noise when they fuck, apart from the self-important grunt at orgasm? Is it the same as when they use powertools, because they tend to be focused on the work in hand at that point so don't talk or grunt. Maybe we should take comfort that the reason a man doesn't verbalise during sex, is because he is intent on doing a good job and not simply that he can't multitask: fuck and talk ?

<...>

Apparently I'm the classy guy you seek.

"Is it big enough?"

"Is this as good for you as it is for me?"

"I didn't hurt you with that slap on your ass?"

"Are you sure I should shut my mouth?"

Is that a golfing term?

Is that something women don't do?

 

[stickygirl]

Apparently I'm the classy guy you seek. I'll be the judge of that

"Is it big enough?" Of course it is, darling

"Is this as good for you as it is for me?" I'll let you know in five minutes

"I didn't hurt you with that slap on your ass?" Were the last words he ever spoke

"Are you sure I should shut my mouth?" Yes, because I can't close my eyes and imagine you're Chris Hemsworth

Is that something women don't do? Putting a flag in it doesn't make it yours

 

[MillieDynamite]

Um, baby, it isn't that big!

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Too much science. You just need a ruler.

Rulers tend to be two-dimensional and lack the girth required for accurate internal measurements.

What you actually need is a calibrated speculum...

 

[stickygirl]

Rulers tend to be two-dimensional and lack the girth required for accurate internal measurements.

What you actually need is a calibrated speculum...

We use these in engineering - quite handy for measuring nuts and there are larger versions, but as you can see these extend to seven inches; more than enough for most cases.

 

[alohadave]

View attachment 2598911
We use these in engineering - quite handy for measuring nuts and there are larger versions, but as you can see these extend to seven inches; more than enough for most cases.

I see that 1/128 inch scale. You can't fool us.

 

[BobbyandtheCabin]

I'm ashamed to say when I was younger, the condoms I had used to have "king size" plastered all over them. I'd keep one in my wallet then leave my wallet lying around in our student halls (there was never any cash to put in it ). It had mixed results, as you can imagine. Mainly that people found it hilarious and started giving me joky nicknames I won't share in here to preserve my anonymity . Once or twice though, it planted a seed...

 

[Smuttyandfun]

Take it up the ass. You'll know if it's big or not.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I'm ashamed to say when I was younger, the condoms I had used to have "king size" plastered all over them. I'd keep one in my wallet then leave my wallet lying around in our student halls (there was never any cash to put in it ). It had mixed results, as you can imagine. Mainly that people found it hilarious and started giving me joky nicknames I won't share in here to preserve my anonymity . Once or twice though, it planted a seed...

Ah, that's why he's called the Marlboro man!

 

[EvaLane]

Picture this!

I’m on a beach in Australia, somewhere very remote and for whatever reason, there’s just me and a scattered group of passerby, all men.

Suddenly!! Out of NO WHERE!! I am stung by a jellyfish right on my foot!!!

We have no service! No lifegaurd!!

Everyone around me is panicking, but luckily my (sitcom) media training came in handy because suddenly I remember!

“Someone has to pee on me!”

Now here’s the question for the class -

Who do you think volunteers first?

A) The guy with the biggest ego
B) The guy with the biggest dick
C) The guy with the biggest watersports kink

yes I know it’s a myth, but who would realistically have vinegar on hand??

 

[LostHorizon]

A) the guy with the biggest ego who has the smallest dick and can’t manage to pee because he is self conscious with everyone staring at him.

So option D, the guy with the biggest urge to pee has to step in and do the job.

 

[stickygirl]

Picture this!

I’m on a beach in Australia, somewhere very remote and for whatever reason, there’s just me and a scattered group of passerby, all men.

Suddenly!! Out of NO WHERE!! I am stung by a jellyfish right on my foot!!!

We have no service! No lifegaurd!!

Everyone around me is panicking, but luckily my (sitcom) media training came in handy because suddenly I remember!

“Someone has to pee on me!”

Now here’s the question for the class -

Who do you think volunteers first?

A) The guy with the biggest ego
B) The guy with the biggest dick
C) The guy with the biggest watersports kink

yes I know it’s a myth, but who would realistically have vinegar on hand??

The group dyke, because women just get stuff done

 

[BobbyandtheCabin]

Picture this!

I’m on a beach in Australia, somewhere very remote and for whatever reason, there’s just me and a scattered group of passerby, all men.

Suddenly!! Out of NO WHERE!! I am stung by a jellyfish right on my foot!!!

We have no service! No lifegaurd!!

Everyone around me is panicking, but luckily my (sitcom) media training came in handy because suddenly I remember!

“Someone has to pee on me!”

Now here’s the question for the class -

Who do you think volunteers first?

A) The guy with the biggest ego
B) The guy with the biggest dick
C) The guy with the biggest watersports kink

yes I know it’s a myth, but who would realistically have vinegar on hand??

Trick question, the answer's
D) Bruce Willis was dead all along