AH - not a safe space

[TxRad]

It's certainly interesting, in a Jerry Springer, train-wreak kind of way. I've only been to the forums a few times, but I read a lot of stories. What initially brought me to the Author's Hangout was to maybe see an inside scoop into the minds of some of the authors here. I recognized SR's name from his story file (I'm a fan btw). I've been, let's say, surprised by my findings here. The demeanor of some of the most recognizable names on Literotica is similar to pouty children.

Like I said, stick around. It takes a little time to figure out who is what. I was here when Pilot made his first post. He and I got into it at first but i soon realized what his style of posting was and that he had a lot of information that was right on target and true.

Then several people came along that he shut down with the straight of things and that pissed them off. it's been a war since with them attacking Pilot at every turn. Time for it to stop.

 

[AH_Mod]

Like I said, stick around. It takes a little time to figure out who is what. I was here when Pilot made his first post. He and I got into it at first but i soon realized what his style of posting was and that he had a lot of information that was right on target and true.

Then several people came along that he shut down with the straight of things and that pissed them off. it's been a war since with them attacking Pilot at every turn. Time for it to stop.

I agree. SR71s posts to the thread were brusque, but it is the off-topic attacks against him that set off the degradation of this thread for the last two pages of posts. Prior to that, while there were heated responses, they were on topic.

I'm going to leave the thread as it is for now, in order for members to review what happened and consider it. Further off-topic in-fighting that follows this post will be removed, however. That includes responses to removed posts, even if the responses themselves aren't a problem.

 

[NotWise]

It's certainly interesting, in a Jerry Springer, train-wreak kind of way.

Made me laugh. I've never watched Jerry Springer, but I've seen the inevitable highlights. I got on here recently myself and expected that MAYBE things would be a little different than this -- or on any number of other recent threads.

On the other hand, I think most of the people who were trashing each other on this thread have at one time or another in my (recent) experience, been helpful, insightful or better.

Envision my anonymous self standing up from the crowd and naively pointing a bony finger at Naoko where she stands on the stage. "You had to know how this would work out." I bellow. "Why would you make this happen?"

 

[SamScribble]

Envision my anonymous self standing up from the crowd and naively pointing a bony finger at Naoko where she stands on the stage. "You had to know how this would work out." I bellow. "Why would you make this happen?"

From my experience, Naoko is someone who says what she feels needs to be said. I don’t believe that she sets out to cause ructions. The problems – both here and elsewhere – arise when people decide that they are obliged to attack another’s opinions. Fred is not a bad person simply because he/she holds a different view to the one which I hold. Let’s stop attacking the person and start discussing the ideas. Just a thought, boys and girls.

 

[HectorBidon]

Men and women - if you know a woman who has suffered harassment and you want to say you are sorry she had to experience that, don't go on about it. Just post a rose here.

Bless me, mother, for I have sinned. My last confession was forty years ago.

One evening, when I was in sixth grade, I was out walking with my buddy. A girl---I didn't know her, she was maybe a year or so younger than me---rode by us on her bike. I was in an exuberant mood and ran after her, holding on to her pannier and howling like a lunatic. She was very frightened and struggled to keep her balance. My buddy, usually the more outrageous of the two of us, was appalled and called me to task. But I felt no remorse. I had meant no harm. I had only been horsing around.



Another evening, twenty some odd years later, I was at a conference and went to an interest-group reception. I'd somehow missed lunch. I grabbed some hors d'ouvres and a beer. I noticed an attractive female attendee and homed in. I regaled her with business small-talk, up to the point that while she was telling me about some of her projects I just stood back and eyed her lasciviously. This made her very uncomfortable. "I am a married woman," she said, and she excused herself. I blamed it on the beer and went back to my hotel.



For the pain that I caused these and other women I am truly sorry. I sincerely hope that they were strong enough to put these incidents behind them.

 

[JackLuis]

From my experience, Naoko is someone who says what she feels needs to be said. I don’t believe that she sets out to cause ructions. The problems – both here and elsewhere – arise when people decide that they are obliged to attack another’s opinions. Fred is not a bad person simply because he/she holds a different view to the one which I hold. Let’s stop attacking the person and start discussing the ideas. Just a thought, boys and girls.

Now you're just being... sensible.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

Now you're just being... sensible.

Sam is a gentleman and a scholar and as wrong as can be.

 

[JackLuis]

Sam is a gentleman and a scholar and as wrong as can be.

I thought you were banned JB?

 

[NaokoSmith]

Bless me, mother, for I have sinned.
...

...

That's nice, I can take a day off now.


One person PMed me after seeing the bile in this thread that she is thinking of never posting stories on this site again. That does make me sad and I will try to persuade her to think it over.

What I'm saying to my fellow women writers is, that you can post in here if you realise there are a lot of asshats talking sh!t and let that just float by you. There are a lot of good people here. However there are a couple of people who aren't good at being community members, who feel anxious and jealous when there is some kind of community being set up to support writing and who do all they can to disrupt and sow discord in that community.

Is the best way to deal with them to leave the board and go ... where? This is the best website I have found for chatting about writing, posting stories and getting feedback. My choice is to stay here, post as I like, because I am a big girl now and I don't care what men say about my flirting or saying dirty words or writing postmodern feminist analysis of gender as performative in the heterosexual matrix; I just like to have fun. Sometimes I am willing to do a little extra work to help others figure out how to get along on here without running foul of a few unfortunate people who are no good at getting along in a group.

The best way to deal with trolls is to ignore them. Don't give them air.

This one is for you, my fellow writer who does not want to post here any more. I hope you change your mind. I hope you look into my other thread - trolls sometimes come in there too but if you are wise you'll do like my friends in there and stand well back to get a good view of the smacking the trolls get off me.


(PS spanking is another matter, and can be arranged in my other thread for a suitable fee )

 

[Gorza]

One person PMed me after seeing the bile in this thread that she is thinking of never posting stories on this site again. That does make me sad and I will try to persuade her to think it over.

Right there is the evidence that the shitty attitude of a minority lessens us all. Free speech ain't really the universal freedom it should be if it rob another of their speech. To this writer: I am sorry, stay, write, chat, hang out, solidarity.

(PS spanking is another matter, and can be arranged in my other thread for a suitable fee )

I think I missed the sign up, as I have been bad. I suppose we need consent before we sign up others!

 

[karaline]

Firmly disagree. Drawing attention to a jerk or jerk behavior gives him the feedback he wants- he's a jerk, he doesn't care about your opinion, but you're talking about him so he wins. By deigning to notice him you legitimize him. Silence is what chills losers.

"Let's talk about it" is the girl solution to everything. I assume it works well with women, but men are generally capable of saying Yes Dear and smiling and silently thinking you're a babbling idiot. If it was commonly possible to reason jerks out of being jerks, we wouldn't need prisons.

You only win by not playing. Don't feed the trolls. My ignore list here is sizable because after an attempt.to reason with someone, I diagnose jerkism and hello ignore.

I haven't been very clear, I don't want to spend anytime reasoning with Jerks, or trying to talk trolls out of being trolls, by having a discussion I want to reach out people who might be in difficulty. Couldn't give a fuck about the trolls. Leopards, spots etc.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I thought you were banned JB?

Only in your dreams, darling.

I just read Naoko's post and it made me think.

I know women who wont come to AH, they tell me, because its larded with dolts. They post stories but cant deal with the idgits here. So the problem is diverse...assholes and asshats.

 

[HandsInTheDark]

Whatever they/we have become in what you now see didn't happen overnight--or even this year . . . or this decade. When others on the forum let bullying just continue, this is where you get to.

Let me provide (for I think the third time?) the same observation I gave to the OP - this is the internet and if people bully you here it's because you aren't pro-active enough to click the three times it takes to set Ignore. If you can't see them, they don't exist.

"But they're telling lies about me!" Yeah, people do that. My dad taught me to leave a lie in te mud, because if you touch it, you get muddy too. Ignore is how you rise above it all.

"But they're hurting my friend." Maybe you need to teach your friend how to set Ignore, and then you won't have to ride to the rescue.

"THey're coming at me with sock puppets!" It's easier to set Ignore than it is to create a sock puppet. Sooner or later they'll give up.

What comes reeking though threads like this is that the haters and the hated are all mutually getting off on their dynamic, and don't want to give it up.

 

[TxRad]

Let me provide (for I think the third time?) the same observation I gave to the OP - this is the internet and if people bully you here it's because you aren't pro-active enough to click the three times it takes to set Ignore. If you can't see them, they don't exist.

"But they're telling lies about me!" Yeah, people do that. My dad taught me to leave a lie in te mud, because if you touch it, you get muddy too. Ignore is how you rise above it all.

"But they're hurting my friend." Maybe you need to teach your friend how to set Ignore, and then you won't have to ride to the rescue.

"THey're coming at me with sock puppets!" It's easier to set Ignore than it is to create a sock puppet. Sooner or later they'll give up.

What comes reeking though threads like this is that the haters and the hated are all mutually getting off on their dynamic, and don't want to give it up.

Please quite hammering this dead horse. SR will do what he wants in his own way. Live with it.

 

[HandsInTheDark]

Please quite hammering this dead horse. SR will do what he wants in his own way. Live with it.

Granting that I've gotten repititive, but it's the only live horse on the thread. Everything else is pointless hand-wringing and accomplishes exactly nothing. And it's not targetig just SR; I offered it to the OP first.

 

[TxRad]

Granting that I've gotten repititive, but it's the only live horse on the thread. Everything else is pointless hand-wringing and accomplishes exactly nothing. And it's not targetig just SR; I offered it to the OP first.

After a while it becomes the "Are we there yet," joke. Which of course, gets on everyone's nerves.

 

[legerdemer]

nuff said...

 

[NaokoSmith]

"But they're hurting my friend." Maybe you need to teach your friend how to set Ignore, and then you won't have to ride to the rescue.

Please will you go back and read some of the earlier posts. This is what I am doing. This thread is to tell women, that they don't have to put up with men who offered to edit for them hassling them in emails to given them nude pictures, and that they don't have to put up with men hassling them in the threads on this (or any other board) in a sexual manner, or indeed for behaving in a flirtatious sexual manner.

Clearly you don't realise the huge pressure women are under to conform to a long outdated view of society that says women should put out sexually whenever a man asks her to, because she was wearing the wrong clothes, in the wrong place, doing something the man thought was naughty, saying something the man found provocative. I know this is very 1980s *yawn*, but in this day and age women are saying to me, they wonder if they ought to expect to be hassled on this site since it is a site that deals with erotica.

I say, well harassment is not uncommon on here, but there are ways of zoning out of it and managing to find an editor who is interested in your words, and other writers who are interested in your posts about writing. I say, talk to other women and we will collectively bust the balls of men who behave in this way.

Acksherly I don't bother with Ignore. I just skim my eyes over idiot posts and zoom in on anything I think is particularly hilarious from the trolls, or sensible and interesting on the part of posters on here whom I respect. We all have our ways of getting through, I am simply saying to women: Let's Do It. On AH. Just ignore them in whatever way suits you best, find a cool editor and keep writing.

I am not seeing any rose posted, so I am presuming no women you know have ever been harassed? What a lovely part of the world you must inhabit.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

This message is hidden because sr71plt is on your ignore list.

Oops.

 

[TxRad]

This message is hidden because sr71plt is on your ignore list.

Oops.

No Oops, harassment. Cut it out.

 

[_Lynn_]

Please will you go back and read some of the earlier posts. This is what I am doing. This thread is to tell women, that they don't have to put up with men who offered to edit for them hassling them in emails to given them nude pictures, and that they don't have to put up with men hassling them in the threads on this (or any other board) in a sexual manner, or indeed for behaving in a flirtatious sexual manner.

Clearly you don't realise the huge pressure women are under to conform to a long outdated view of society that says women should put out sexually whenever a man asks her to, because she was wearing the wrong clothes, in the wrong place, doing something the man thought was naughty, saying something the man found provocative. I know this is very 1980s *yawn*, but in this day and age women are saying to me, they wonder if they ought to expect to be hassled on this site since it is a site that deals with erotica.

I say, well harassment is not uncommon on here, but there are ways of zoning out of it and managing to find an editor who is interested in your words, and other writers who are interested in your posts about writing. I say, talk to other women and we will collectively bust the balls of men who behave in this way.

Acksherly I don't bother with Ignore. I just skim my eyes over idiot posts and zoom in on anything I think is particularly hilarious from the trolls, or sensible and interesting on the part of posters on here whom I respect. We all have our ways of getting through, I am simply saying to women: Let's Do It. On AH. Just ignore them in whatever way suits you best, find a cool editor and keep writing.

I am not seeing any rose posted, so I am presuming no women you know have ever been harassed? What a lovely part of the world you must inhabit.

I've had tons of PMs over the years. Sometimes I received more than one from the same person. A good share were sexual. If I answered them, it was with a smart-ass reply that almost always kept them from sending another PM. Of the few who tried a second time, I deleted the PM and went on with my day.

I never felt harassed in any way. If I ever do, I won't expect someone else to fight my battle for me.

Also, the way you continue mentioning editors is a smack in the face to all the hard-working people who give endless hours helping others yet ask for nothing in return.

 

[NaokoSmith]

I've had tons of PMs over the years. Sometimes I received more than one from the same person. A good share were sexual. If I answered them, it was with a smart-ass reply that almost always kept them from sending another PM. Of the few who tried a second time, I deleted the PM and went on with my day.

I never felt harassed in any way. If I ever do, I won't expect someone else to fight my battle for me.

Also, the way you continue mentioning editors is a smack in the face to all the hard-working people who give endless hours helping others yet ask for nothing in return.

That's great you have that confidence, Lynn. Unfortunately not all women who post and would like to post on here do have that confidence.

I mentioned editors behaving badly because I was told about a case where this happened. I have also consistently said there are many good editors on here who are interested in helping women writers with their writing, and that we should look for those not put up with people who are exploiting and abusing a good system.

 

[_Lynn_]

That's great you have that confidence, Lynn. Unfortunately not all women who post and would like to post on here do have that confidence.

I mentioned editors behaving badly because I was told about a case where this happened. I have also consistently said there are many good editors on here who are interested in helping women writers with their writing, and that we should look for those not put up with people who are exploiting and abusing a good system.

Someone mentioned "a" case so now it's a problem?

 

[NaokoSmith]

Someone mentioned "a" case so now it's a problem?

The problem I'm picking up on here is not men preying on women via PMs, through editing and then trying to make more out of that. It's the lack of confidence in some women, to say: "No, that's not good enough." To demand respect and to walk away and find another editor, or friend, to switch on Ignore or just to ignore, or like you do, to make a smart reply and get rid of a nuisance PMer.

 

[_Lynn_]

The problem I'm picking up on here is not men preying on women via PMs, through editing and then trying to make more out of that. It's the lack of confidence in some women, to say: "No, that's not good enough." To demand respect and to walk away and find another editor, or friend, to switch on Ignore or just to ignore, or like you do, to make a smart reply and get rid of a nuisance PMer.

Yes, I understand you were making a point about lack of confidence.