Alex's Daily One Liner Thread

[TomBoner]

There's too much blood in my alcohol system.

Comeon back alex. We need you here dude.

 

[TomBoner]

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

 

[TomBoner]

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

 

[TomBoner]

Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

Saying on a poster found in the restroom of a family diner I ate lunch at this weekend:

The two most over-hyped, and rarely true, statements ever uttered: The joy of natural childbirth and the satisfaction of owning your own business.

 

[TomBoner]

It's bad luck to be superstitious

I'm beginning to think Alex has bid us adieu.

 

[TomBoner]

If you are not committing any sins, you are probably not having a lot of fun.

 

[Indienne]

Haikus are easy.
But sometimes they don't make sense.
Refrigerator.

This made me laugh. Thanks, Tom.

 

[TomBoner]

This made me laugh. Thanks, Tom.

Glad I could help Indienne!

 

[TomBoner]

Are you into casual sex, or should I dress up?

 

[TomBoner]

Most women don't know where to look when they're eating a banana.

 

[TomBoner]

Who was the first to see a cow and think "I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"

 

[TomBoner]

They call it "pms" because "mad cow disease" was already taken.

 

[TomBoner]

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

 

[TomBoner]

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

 

[TomBoner]

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

 

[chatman2]

chatman2

A lover once told me:

Her husband had just told her"He was going to get some strange! She replied," I'm going to get some familiar!"