all of a sudden passion suddenly

[HarryHill]

Bah. That video was such a turn off.

Try this one

 

[Tsotha]

Try this one

Aw yeah. Blues Brothers. Thumbs up.

Damn, I wish that bar was here. I'd never leave it.

 

[butters]

Try this one

awesome

 

[HarryHill]

a poet's words can
crush the grain on its stem
freeze water where it stands
call down the moonless night
and banish stars from murky heavens

if you let them

or if they have that way
that way of taking words and spinning them
of teasing and twisting zeros and ones
into living pictures
perfumes and textures

their words can
lift a veil
bring dawn to eyes that hurt for lack of light
bring solace to a heart grown small for want of joy
bring visions of a future's promise held

if you let them

..2:09
Words: Have no department of weights and measures,
warning which volatile combination when mixed together
consume or freeze these hearts so fond of playing with fire
or mixing ice and spirits in a drunken orgy of seduction.

Todays bing
2:24

 

[butters]

..2:09
Words: Have no department of weights and measures,
warning which volatile combination when mixed together
consume or freeze these hearts so fond of playing with fire
or mixing ice and spirits in a drunken orgy of seduction.

Todays bing
2:24

arc de triomphe - paris, the city of... traffic!

 

[bogusagain]

I'm in lust with the mix of disgust, sarcasm and humor....this is great!

Thanks. I don't think we've met before but I have my moments and I'm an easy pick up.

 

[todski28]

Ha clipped short
a lie of a laugh sarcastic start
Sure you can go there till
the sink hole drops

opens a cavernous maw
and the ha becomes
pearls of throaty laughter

the type that makes you feel
small

cheap and want it lay down
and let the earth close over you

 

[Matryoshka]

actually, guys, if we disagree, it wasn't by much, but possibly for different reasons

We haven't heard back from Matryoshka. I doubt the criticism killed her, something else? Your fault, tso pointing her to the shadow.

No No corpse here. I had to go soon after I posted, to leave for work. I'd have loved to stay and take part in the conversation.

I appreciate all critiques. I have a feeling you all went easy on the newbie, but it's appreciated and I'll consider all suggestions. Thank you.

Now I will go back and read the others I've written to see if they can be improved upon before sharing.

 

[todski28]

lips painted in black
to taste of dark chocolate and clover
in coquettish temptation
skin white as powdered snow
on smooth mountain peaks

The beat thump, thump, thumps
sinuous sway, stalagmites form
thicken from base to tip

glacial slow, in icy steps
stalactites shear the floor
pointed sharp
breath sticks in chest
the reveal agonized and demands
to be watched , beholden
As winter shimmer falls in snow flake
sparkle

the beat thump, thump, thumps

 

[butters]

^ lots going on

the chocolate and clover, the light v dark, bitter v sweet... running throughout. thump thump thump the heartbeat of the night....

 

[Remec]

Egg-Hunt

It was an empty basket,
not for lack of trying,
but I wasn't sure what
the end of the day
was going to be about
until I saw the stains,
black and green,
on her knees and hands,
smeared along both cheeks
of that little cherub face
she hadn't yet grown out of.
She smiled.
I smiled and held out hand.
She laughed and showed me
all the open plastic treasures
that had come within her grasp.
"All done?"
"I saved you the black ones."
I chuckled and took the sticky
licorice jellybeans she drew from
a pocket of her new dress.

 

[Matryoshka]

It was an empty basket,
not for lack of trying,
but I wasn't sure what
the end of the day
was going to be about
until I saw the stains,
black and green,
on her knees and hands,
smeared along both cheeks
of that little cherub face
she hadn't yet grown out of.
She smiled.
I smiled and held out hand.
She laughed and showed me
all the open plastic treasures
that had come within her grasp.
"All done?"
"I saved you the black ones."
I chuckled and took the sticky
licorice jellybeans she drew from
a pocket of her new dress.

Thanks for sharing this peek into her innocence and your affections. It's transparent the sticky jelly beans are more valuable than a handful of gold.
(Jelly beans are my weakness.)

 

[butters]

It was an empty basket,
not for lack of trying,
but I wasn't sure what
the end of the day
was going to be about
until I saw the stains,
black and green,
on her knees and hands,
smeared along both cheeks
of that little cherub face
she hadn't yet grown out of.
She smiled.
I smiled and held out hand.
She laughed and showed me
all the open plastic treasures
that had come within her grasp.
"All done?"
"I saved you the black ones."
I chuckled and took the sticky
licorice jellybeans she drew from
a pocket of her new dress.

just awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

 

[todski28]

Double post.

 

[todski28]

sky is blue blind
black and grey shroud
cast a cloud over
child care play,

rain rises in autumn fall
to pool a puddle
asphalt bleeds rainbow
rivulets slick

A black car pulls up to the curbside

buckles and clips unclasped
an errant brick sticks from
amid the rubble ridden road-
side path

gravity grips like a tyre gaining traction
tiny lump of flesh and blood blinks
addled muddle in flooded puddle
woozy swoon
of faded colors
stunned
mullet of glossy eyes
A lump forms on her head
his broken bled a small clash
of red dilutes to pink

Blue, red, blue, red
screams a wail of mothers despair

Can what is cracked be repaired.......

a glazed lens peers pondorously
glimmer a gleam of scale flash
as I wait the results of tests

to explain the rain, the slip, the pain
and what next.

 

[greenmountaineer]

sky is blue blind
black and grey shroud
cast a cloud over
child care play,

rain rises in autumn fall
to pool a puddle
asphalt bleeds rainbow
rivulets slick

A black car pulls up to the curbside

buckles and clips unclasped
an errant brick sticks from
amid the rubble ridden road-
side path

gravity grips like a tyre gaining traction
tiny lump of flesh and blood blinks
addled muddle in flooded puddle
woozy swoon
of faded colors
stunned
mullet of glossy eyes
A lump forms on her head
his broken bled a small clash
of red dilutes to pink

Blue, red, blue, red
screams a wail of mothers despair

Can what is cracked be repaired.......

a glazed lens peers pondorously
glimmer a gleam of scale flash
as I wait the results of tests

to explain the rain, the slip, the pain
and what next.

This is frightening and powerful writing, tod. I thought the preponderence of the short lines added a frenetic sense of anxiety and impatience.

On the other hand, "gravity grips like a tyre gaining traction" slows things down a bit in order to speed up, and supports the narrative. Be that intuitive or deliberate, I thought it was a great example of how a poetic device can register at a subliminal level. Nice.

 

[todski28]

exhale loooong drawn out
shoulders hunch forward
toward a heart that
moments earlier
tried to hammer its way
from my chest

head down
four hands rest
on four knees
four feet stand
in
watery droplets

oxygen is so thin
my lungs ache
in relief.

 

[HoneyAdored]

Apples and pears
take me upstairs
Cover in cream
Then lick me clean
My cherry is burst
all over this place
It could have been worse
Just one splash on my face
Banana, banana, been in her, been outta
She was easy-peasey lemon squeezy
I scream, you scream, we all scream for icecream
and now I have run out of juice

Please be gentle with me, I have not posted her before

 

[pelegrino]

Apples and pears
take me upstairs
Cover in cream
Then lick me clean
My cherry is burst
all over this place
It could have been worse
Just one splash on my face
Banana, banana, been in her, been outta
She was easy-peasey lemon squeezy
I scream, you scream, we all scream for icecream
and now I have run out of juice

Please be gentle with me, I have not posted her before

Fine, clever rhymes! Quite playful, lighthearted and whimsical.
I liked it. Give us some more.

 

[todski28]

cute

Apples and pears
take me upstairs
Cover in cream
Then lick me clean
My cherry is burst
all over this place
It could have been worse
Just one splash on my face
Banana, banana, been in her, been outta
She was easy-peasey lemon squeezy
I scream, you scream, we all scream for icecream
and now I have run out of juice

Please be gentle with me, I have not posted her before

That is as good a first post as any tying in cherry with a virgin post fricken gold
Followed by fun flowing easy reading, made me smile with the double entendres and word play

 

[butters]

get back into these tomorrow but tods, goddamn it. double-vision. breathe.

HA - welcome!

 

[HoneyAdored]

Awe shucks! Fankq muchly pelegrino :-D

I really appreciate the support and glowing comments Tod :-D

*Waves frantically at Butters* Hola! :-D

 

[Matryoshka]

Apples and pears
take me upstairs
Cover in cream
Then lick me clean
My cherry is burst
all over this place
It could have been worse
Just one splash on my face
Banana, banana, been in her, been outta
She was easy-peasey lemon squeezy
I scream, you scream, we all scream for icecream
and now I have run out of juice

Please be gentle with me, I have not posted her before

Nice job! Erotic with a twist of lemon....

 

[butters]

sky is blue blind
black and grey shroud
cast a cloud over
child care play,

rain rises in autumn fall
to pool a puddle
asphalt bleeds rainbow
rivulets slick

A black car pulls up to the curbside

buckles and clips unclasped
an errant brick sticks from
amid the rubble ridden road-
side path

gravity grips like a tyre gaining traction
tiny lump of flesh and blood blinks
addled muddle in flooded puddle
woozy swoon
of faded colors
stunned
mullet of glossy eyes
A lump forms on her head
his broken bled a small clash
of red dilutes to pink

Blue, red, blue, red
screams a wail of mothers despair

Can what is cracked be repaired.......

a glazed lens peers pondorously
glimmer a gleam of scale flash
as I wait the results of tests

to explain the rain, the slip, the pain
and what next.

sets the reader up with blind/shroud/black/grey - colours (or the lack thereof) to instil warning, colours of unease, omen, distress. there's an immediate contrast set up, which you follow through on with 'bleed' and 'rainbow' - not exactly 2 words you'd expect to read together and the first removing the happy overtones we associate with rainbows. by using bleeds there, you deepen the impending sense of something awful this way comes....

these next lines:

A black car pulls up to the curbside

buckles and clips unclasped
an errant brick sticks from
amid the rubble ridden road-
side path

gravity grips like a tyre gaining traction
tiny lump of flesh and blood blinks

- you use not only the visuals (black again) directing us where to look, but the overall sense i get from reading it is the ticking.... a clock ticking down, ticking away the seconds of apparent normality, counting down to the moment where all things come together in that moment of disaster, as if preplanned. btw, blood blinks is really original. Set against the ticking, is the sound of rougher, more physical obstacles, that finally cause the tick to stutter, time to slow or stop as fear alters our perceptions. The gr/yr/err/tr... the r's... sticking the hand of time

as gm said, powerful, frightening.

 

[todski28]

sets the reader up with blind/shroud/black/grey - colours (or the lack thereof) to instil warning, colours of unease, omen, distress. there's an immediate contrast set up, which you follow through on with 'bleed' and 'rainbow' - not exactly 2 words you'd expect to read together and the first removing the happy overtones we associate with rainbows. by using bleeds there, you deepen the impending sense of something awful this way comes....

these next lines:

A black car pulls up to the curbside

buckles and clips unclasped
an errant brick sticks from
amid the rubble ridden road-
side path

gravity grips like a tyre gaining traction
tiny lump of flesh and blood blinks

- you use not only the visuals (black again) directing us where to look, but the overall sense i get from reading it is the ticking.... a clock ticking down, ticking away the seconds of apparent normality, counting down to the moment where all things come together in that moment of disaster, as if preplanned. btw, blood blinks is really original. Set against the ticking, is the sound of rougher, more physical obstacles, that finally cause the tick to stutter, time to slow or stop as fear alters our perceptions. The gr/yr/err/tr... the r's... sticking the hand of time

as gm said, powerful, frightening.

Thank you for the comments I just wish I had the intelligence to focus it more than just instinctively writing.