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Anyone else?

Yes this is the story of my life and I believe part of the reason for wanting and needing to fuck my 24 year old stepdaughter. Good luck to you, talking to my wife has never helped she always says she will work on it, have had sex 5 times in 7 years!
 
I decided to reject anything that demanded that I behave in a certain way or face "Damnation" decades aho to find my own path. I am devoted to a woman who is physically incapable of meeting my needs... and I entirely reject any notion that there is a "plan" behind the daily suffering that she endures. She was a nurse... a senior nurse in ITU/coronary care for a decade before her health terminated her career and, abut a decade after that, it terminated the physical side of our marriage. She was a devoted daughter and cared for her parents as their health failed and nursed her father through cancer to the end. She also nursed her mother through dementia to the end. So, not a "bad person" and, despite her mother's verbal abuse, she remained a "nurse" to the bitter end.
Am I tempted to find other ways to meet my needs? YES.
Have I found another human being to satisfy my needs... NO.
Have I tried damned hard to find someone... HELL YES!!!
Is it heartbreaking to watch my wife slowly disintegrate in front of me, in pain that I cannot prevent knowing it is only going to get worse??? Guess my answer...
 
KentBloke said:
I decided to reject anything that demanded that I behave in a certain way or face "Damnation" decades aho to find my own path. I am devoted to a woman who is physically incapable of meeting my needs... and I entirely reject any notion that there is a "plan" behind the daily suffering that she endures. She was a nurse... a senior nurse in ITU/coronary care for a decade before her health terminated her career and, abut a decade after that, it terminated the physical side of our marriage. She was a devoted daughter and cared for her parents as their health failed and nursed her father through cancer to the end. She also nursed her mother through dementia to the end. So, not a "bad person" and, despite her mother's verbal abuse, she remained a "nurse" to the bitter end.
Am I tempted to find other ways to meet my needs? YES.
Have I found another human being to satisfy my needs... NO.
Have I tried damned hard to find someone... HELL YES!!!
Is it heartbreaking to watch my wife slowly disintegrate in front of me, in pain that I cannot prevent knowing it is only going to get worse??? Guess my answer...
Click to expand...
I fully understand as in a similar situation. I'm in the Kent area too.
 
My wife cant help it. Shes had health issues. Part of the reason i turned bi. Started exploring with men and found it to be very erotic
 
curvyjae said:
Anyone else mostly happily married? Like your life is good- have good jobs, don’t fight, all appears well, but there’s just nothing there. No spark. No passion. Literally like living with a roommate that you share a bed with? You try and try to initiate things, go on dates, do special things for them hoping they’ll return it or there will be a spark or passion, yet nothing happens. What do you do? Stay? Leave? Stay and just find someone on the side to fulfill those needs?

I can’t be the only one?!?
Click to expand...
You just described my life!
 
We live in a similar situation every once in a while we connect sexually. She is far less active, I am fighting old age every day with physical activity. While she has resigned herself to a life of wine and bad food.
 
curvyjae said:
Anyone else mostly happily married? Like your life is good- have good jobs, don’t fight, all appears well, but there’s just nothing there. No spark. No passion. Literally like living with a roommate that you share a bed with? You try and try to initiate things, go on dates, do special things for them hoping they’ll return it or there will be a spark or passion, yet nothing happens. What do you do? Stay? Leave? Stay and just find someone on the side to fulfill those needs?

I can’t be the only one?!?
Click to expand...
Define happily married …you mean 2 kids , house 2 cars a great paying job , a wife or husband that keeps you satisfied, boy, only in the movies, life is messy.
 
ace195008 said:
Define happily married …you mean 2 kids , house 2 cars a great paying job , a wife or husband that keeps you satisfied, boy, only in the movies, life is messy.
Click to expand...
I mean you don’t want to off yourself or your spouse (I’ve had that in a marriage before and thank god I got out) from the outside it looks good too. Everything is fine except lack of intimacy and rare if every sex and the sex is always routine or feels like an obligation their trying to fulfill.
 
curvyjae said:
I mean you don’t want to off yourself or your spouse (I’ve had that in a marriage before and thank god I got out) from the outside it looks good too. Everything is fine except lack of intimacy and rare if every sex and the sex is always routine or feels like an obligation their trying to fulfill.
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What a wife telling her loving , caring husband when he touches her in bed, if you want it that bad just hang it on them wall, talk about off putting.
 
Italianstallion70 said:
Sometimes the things we don't say to avoid hurting our spouse's feelings end up causing more hardship in the long run. I've been with my wife for 24 years. Prolonged dissatisfaction leads to resentment.

We all have needs. Satisfying our partner's needs is part of what love is.
Click to expand...
Absolutely true dude
 
I know that feeling all too well. Tried to spice things up but nothing seems to stick.

Thing is we really enjoy each other's company and doing things together. The love is there just not the sex.
 
Sounds like at least the last 10 years of my marriage to my first wife. I was staying until the kids got out of school. We had been sleeping in seperate bedrooms the last 2 years we were together. I had talks with her on multiple occasions about not only sex but, love, compassion, caring, a human touch. It never got through because she was so focused on the idea that it was all about sex. I said to her that one of three things was going to happen: 1) We would work on rebuilding our relationship, no interest on her part, 2) I would find a girl friend for sex and companionship, no interest on her part, 3) Divorce. In the end I was treated like the errand boy, her babysitter, and cash cow. I told her I wanted a divorce and promptly found a girl friend who helped me through the divorce. We did not last, but my current wife and I have been going strong for 15 years.

In the end only you can evaluate whether leaving or staying is better for you. Don't wait too long to decide I spent 26 years in a marriage that spiraled downwards and there are still issues I deal with from that.
 
I don't believe these posts are the exceptions. It is tough to maintain an exciting long term sexual relationship with one person. Remembering back, the first time was always the most exciting for me because that sexual tension got built up and then finally released. I believe every person on Lit is here because there is something sexual missing from their life.
 
curvyjae said:
Anyone else mostly happily married? Like your life is good- have good jobs, don’t fight, all appears well, but there’s just nothing there. No spark. No passion. Literally like living with a roommate that you share a bed with? You try and try to initiate things, go on dates, do special things for them hoping they’ll return it or there will be a spark or passion, yet nothing happens. What do you do? Stay? Leave? Stay and just find someone on the side to fulfill those needs?

I can’t be the only one?!?
Click to expand...
You're not the only one.

There's no prescription re what to do, though. Everyone's situation is different. Only you can decide what's tolerable and what's not; what's to be gained and whether it outweighs what would be lost. Not easy. But I'm not sure it's meant to be easy.
 
I find it ironic that I posted this a year ago, and nothing has changed; at all, except me. Up until the end of the summer (school summer, not meterological summer), I was still trying. Flirting, whining about not getting sex, and something in me snapped. I don't know what it was, what triggered it. I think it was someone talking about something unrelated at work, they said something along the lines of -life is short, you only live once, and living miserably for the sake of others' happiness is the slowest death- Some shit like that. As well as my mother asking me what is more important, being comfortable or happy. My marriage is like many described; he is a good guy. Nice, he works, once in a while he will help around the house especially when he sees I am about to snap (I work full time and have WAY too many duties with my job, also a doctoral student, and a mom to a teen in sports) and sometime when the floors are dirty, or the house is dirty and he is just sitting around doing nothing but watching TikTok and I am trying to do five things at once, I might agressively wash the dishes to show my discontent, but I am NOT that woman that will nag at a man to do anything. I digress...
I have tried to change myself. To not NEED sex, affection, things in common beyond a tv show or two. And it isn't working, my need for those things just keeps intensifying. Like I feel if I dont get good sex and someone to hold me soon I may literally combust from frustration. I have told him; the first time about five months after we got married. I told him that lack of sex and affection make me feel like I am not loved, desired, like I am not good enough. He tried for a week or two, and it went back to the same roomate vibe. Rinse and repeat this every few months since November/December 2019 until now. I feel nothing. I have started divorce papers; I plan on talking to him in the coming weeks and telling him all this, I've been emotionally removed from it all for a couple or more months now, and I have analyzed it all to death and just feel separating is the only choice left. But here is my issue... what if I do that. Ask him to leave, divorce him, and I am happy; but I never find exactly what I need and I am just alone. I am lonely now and have just a roomate essentially, but its so scary making huge changes.
 
curvyjae said:
I am lonely now and have just a roomate essentially, but its so scary making huge changes.
Click to expand...
Life is full of scary choices and decisions. Personally Id rather live with the choices that may or not have worked out vs regretting the choices that i wasnt brave enough to make. Only you can decide if its time to move on but on the other side of that giant hill is the freedom and associated excitement to find someone who checks all of your boxes.
 
curvyjae said:
I find it ironic that I posted this a year ago, and nothing has changed; at all, except me. Up until the end of the summer (school summer, not meterological summer), I was still trying. Flirting, whining about not getting sex, and something in me snapped. I don't know what it was, what triggered it. I think it was someone talking about something unrelated at work, they said something along the lines of -life is short, you only live once, and living miserably for the sake of others' happiness is the slowest death- Some shit like that. As well as my mother asking me what is more important, being comfortable or happy. My marriage is like many described; he is a good guy. Nice, he works, once in a while he will help around the house especially when he sees I am about to snap (I work full time and have WAY too many duties with my job, also a doctoral student, and a mom to a teen in sports) and sometime when the floors are dirty, or the house is dirty and he is just sitting around doing nothing but watching TikTok and I am trying to do five things at once, I might agressively wash the dishes to show my discontent, but I am NOT that woman that will nag at a man to do anything. I digress...
I have tried to change myself. To not NEED sex, affection, things in common beyond a tv show or two. And it isn't working, my need for those things just keeps intensifying. Like I feel if I dont get good sex and someone to hold me soon I may literally combust from frustration. I have told him; the first time about five months after we got married. I told him that lack of sex and affection make me feel like I am not loved, desired, like I am not good enough. He tried for a week or two, and it went back to the same roomate vibe. Rinse and repeat this every few months since November/December 2019 until now. I feel nothing. I have started divorce papers; I plan on talking to him in the coming weeks and telling him all this, I've been emotionally removed from it all for a couple or more months now, and I have analyzed it all to death and just feel separating is the only choice left. But here is my issue... what if I do that. Ask him to leave, divorce him, and I am happy; but I never find exactly what I need and I am just alone. I am lonely now and have just a roomate essentially, but its so scary making huge changes.
Click to expand...
It is a big step. Scary. With all that you have going on.
But you are young. You are entitled to passion in your life. And I think you will find it.
Based on nothing other than the obvious point that you are clearly a thoughttful person with a lot of energy.
I mean, the energy may get burned off by all that you do, but if you are working on a doctorate PLUS doing pretty much anything more than that, it means you have a lot of energy and reserves.

So, I believe it will work out for you.
 
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