Ask Doctor Liz ... Again

[AlexBailey]

Dear Dr Liz,

After 11 years we are finally kid free and I want to go out and try new things.

Hey Doc,

What was I doing wrong? It took me a lot longer than 11 years to raise my kids.

- Looking for the Kellogs - Mericle-Gro cereal.

 

[JerseyJade]

Liz, I want to thank you for helping my friend get over her fear of dicks. Thanks to your new hypnotic therapy sessions that you provide now, she's a total fucking slut. I'm so proud of her.

You're a genious, girl friend!

 

[GuySLut]

One eye moves more than the other. Should we be concerned?

 

[JerseyJade]

One eye moves more than the other. Should we be concerned?

Well Liz did say there might be some side effects.

 

[whenagain]

"You're late for you appointment. The clock's been running.
Would you like to get started now or not?"

Dear dr Liz. . . Um, I forgot my question staring at those legs in those heels. . .

 

[LizVegas79]

"You're late for you appointment. The clock's been running.
Would you like to get started now or not?"

I'm 3/4 finished already

Oh good. I'd be happy to help you finish your stress management session if you like.
What would you like to talk about today?

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr Liz,

After 11 years we are finally kid free and I want to go out and try new things. Meet new people and make some non-parent friends. Find a new hobby. My wife does not. I want to do this together, but she isn't willing. I don’t want to change who she is but feel like a little compromise would go a long way. Do you have any suggestions of how I can approach this with her so she understands how much this means to me? I want to grow closer together and if I do all this without her I fear we will just grow apart.

Dear Kid Free,

You are at a VERY serious crossroads in your marriage.

For 11+ years the primary focus in your marriage has probably been your children. For both you and your wife. Now that you don't have that mutual focus, you are both going to start asking yourselves WHAT NOW?

You have obviously already put some though into this so I strongly encourage you to NOT avoid this conversation even though it sounds like you're wife isn't seeing the benefits to your suggestions just yet. I urge you to press her on this. Gently.

If by going out and meeting new people who are kid free you mean swingers, that might be a really big step for her. Try to find something at first that you mutually enjoy that isn't as sexual. Maybe join a wine club or take painting or art classes together. Meeting and talking with other couples WILL definitely help her loosen up and become more receptive to meeting new people.

From there, the kinds of new people you seek out will be up to you both. Maybe buy or rent an RV and hit the road a bit. The swinger/swap lifestyle is very popular out on the road and it would be a gentle, happy accident, way of introducing her to it if that is your goal.

But take it slow and talk with her about it every step of the way.

"I want to grow closer together and if I do all this without her I fear we will just grow apart." is a GREAT place to start.

Good luck and keep me informed of your progress and/or challenges.


- Doctor "Take A Road Trip Together" Liz

Hey Doc,

What was I doing wrong? It took me a lot longer than 11 years to raise my kids.

- Looking for the Kellogs - Mericle-Gro cereal.

 

[LizVegas79]

Liz, I want to thank you for helping my friend get over her fear of dicks. Thanks to your new hypnotic therapy sessions that you provide now, she's a total fucking slut. I'm so proud of her.

You're a genious, girl friend!

One eye moves more than the other. Should we be concerned?

Well Liz did say there might be some side effects.

I'm so happy I could help!

Fear of Dicks (FoD) is much more common that a lot of people think. Sometimes when we're adolescents and we see our first ones when we aren't quite ready to it can be very traumatizing. Some of them are crazy big! And some of them, well some of them just look really weird. Especially when they are in their non-aroused state.

This can cause a lot of girls to have performance anxiety that is similar yet opposite to boys. "What if I'm not pretty enough to make him hard?" can be emotionally debilitating for a girl going thru the anxiety and doubt that comes with her changing body as she develops into a woman. When she carries this anxiety into adulthood she kind find herself afraid of most social situations and seek to self-isolate. This is obviously very not healthy.

If your friend needs anymore advice about how to deal with dicks (HTDWD) let me know. Or feel free to offer some suggestions of your own. I know that you yourself have never had to deal with FoD, but your guidance and expertise with making them happy/ecstatic I'm sure would be very useful.


- Doctor "Side Effects, Schmide Effects" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

"You're late for you appointment. The clock's been running.
Would you like to get started now or not?"

Dear dr Liz. . . Um, I forgot my question staring at those legs in those heels. . .

Dear Forgetful,

I didn't quite get all of it. Something about, "whoa, fuck" and "so fucking gorgeous" and "god I'd love to ...." but then all I heard were a series of half-muttered words and low, frustrated growling and self admonishment.

Maybe if you lay back and try to get comfortable. Maybe you should loosen your belt and undo your zipper a little too. The circulation in your pants seems to be causing you some discomfort.

There, now can you remember?


- Doctor "Relax, Loosen Up, Tell Me Where It Hurts" Liz

 

[CuMex1]

"You're late for you appointment. The clock's been running.
Would you like to get started now or not?"

Wow Doc, those are some nice long legs and smooth skin you have there!

 

[ouchfeelsgood]

Sorry, I'm just trying to drive some business to my thread and see if anyone else is interested.

Well, you definitely "elevated" my level of interest.

 

[LizVegas79]

continued ...

Dear Dr. Liz,

What’s the best place to non-awkwardly meet a woman in her late 30s/early 40s? They’re so attractive to me but I can never tell if the feeling is mutual. I’m 26, is there a way to know if an older woman is into you?

Dear Shopping Above Your Pay Grade,

Unfortunately the non-awkward part will remain completely impossible for you for at least the next 5-10 years.

As a 26 year old man, you are completely incapable of either recognizing, or properly picking up on, the obvious but subtle signals of amorous interest that women in their late 30s/early 40s send out to you.

The good news is, you are basically irresistible, sweet candy to us so we are willing to forgive a lot of awkwardness to get our fix of sweet, young, yummy goodness.

The truth is, we probably fantasize about you almost as much as you fantasize about us. Well, okay, maybe not "almost as much". Maybe more like 20-25% as much. But that's still a significant amount of desire which you can and should be capitalizing on.

I'm about to break major Girl Code here but I believe it is for a good, mutually beneficial cause.

So listen up ....

Oh darn, I just remembered I have to be somewhere. I'll try to remember to circle back to your question the next time I drop by Lit.


- Doctor "You're Going To Love My Answer, I Promise" Liz

Dear Hopefully Still Listening,

Okay, where were we?

1) You're hopelessly out-matched.
2) But you're basically irresistible candy to us.
3) And we actually do fantasize about you - although no where near as much as you fantasize about us - so, you can use this against us if you're smart.

Here's the deal: women in their late 30's/early 40's are insecure AF. I know because I am one and trust me, we do compare notes. All the freaking time whenever we get a chance.

So, the best way to get us to give you an audition opportunity is for you to wow us with a compliment. But not too many. Or over the top excessive and cheesy. Because then that just makes it obvious you're trying to get in our pants. We know you want to get in our pants. We may even want you to get in our pants. We just don't need to be reminded of it. Make sense?

So one or two polite, flattering compliments about what we're wearing, our hair, our smile, our eyes, our nails, or how we just blew off your competition two minutes earlier can go a long way towards forgiving whatever next probably stupid thing that comes out of your mouth. (do NOT make your first, or even your second compliment about our boobs, our ass, or even our feet - there will be time and place for that later, I promise)

Second, or I guess fifth lol, do not try to impress us. You should let us know you have a job and that you don't live with your parents, but subtlety. If you've been somewhere interesting recently, dangle it out there and then see if to ask to hear more. If we don't, move on.

Third, or I guess sixth, try to make us laugh, or at the very least smile at something you say. A quick-witted observational joke about your surroundings or current events works well on me, but so does self-depreciating humor. Self-depreciating humor gives you your first clue if you've got a prayer too. If we correct you and say something like "Well you don't seem as out of shape as that guy" or "I bet you have better manners than that guy over there" it means you haven't blown it yet. If we touch your arm it means you either need to buy us a drink, or buy us another drink, or ask if we're hungry and want to split an appetizer.

There are about twenty to twenty-five of these rules, but I'll just leave you with the seventh and let you go out and practice playing with fire a little and then report back.

#7) Being a little nervous, or even intimidated, can work in your favor. Letting an awkward pause or two work its way into the conversation flow can be a good thing too. Especially if you follow up the awkward pause with another casual but sincere compliment. But do not mention any ex's unless we mention ours and even then just say enough to let us know you're not an axe-murderer (btw, do NOT say you are not an axe-murderer as a joke - we figure that's exactly what a real axe-murderer would say and it makes us speed dial 9-1- in our coat pocket as we make an excuse to leave)

Just remember, if we're making a little eye contact and putting a vibe out there that we might be approachable and maybe even looking for a little fun, just keep in mind what I've already told you and just go ahead, jump right in and sink. If you approach us with respect and a little shy confidence we'll probably find it cute enough to save you before you totally drown if we're at all interested. Don't do all the talking, be willing to listen and we'll let you know when it's time to take us home and rip our clothes off.


- Doctor "You Can't Be Afraid To Talk To Me" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Do you mind telling me what the hell your tie is doing underneath my shoe?
You do realize you have a problem, right? Fortunately, you've come to the right
place for help. Tell me, how long have you been a hopeless pervert? Be honest.

 

[LizVegas79]

Damn. I forgot it was Thong Thursday. Guess I better improvise. I don't want to disappoint what few patients I seem to have left.

 

[LizVegas79]

Well, I guess I don't need these files and file cabinets anymore.
I guess I fucking cured everyone. Dammit, I didn't mean to.
Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Guess I'll have to go back to
being an expensive as fuck escort and dive bar bartender.

 

[Gamina]

Dear Dr Liz,

I think I am very sick as everytime i find a beautiful picture i fall into a deep rabbit hole that lasts for hours. What should i do

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr Liz,

I think I am very sick as everytime i find a beautiful picture i fall into a deep rabbit hole that lasts for hours. What should i do

Dear Rabbit Hole,

I know exactly what you mean. I have begged and begged and begged Sally Sparrow to shut down her Mind Bending Sensuality thread and SettledSeas to shut down his Beautiful, Breathtaking and Awesome thread. I've also tried to bribe Lukeleia to stop posting in his Lukeleia's Shrine thread but they all just tell me to fuck off and they go on tormenting me over and over and over again with new and constantly updated posts.

It's nice to know I'm not alone though. I appreciate you reaching out to me

I've found that leaning into the problem is way better (and more fun!) than trying to resist it. Instead of sitting at the dining room table, or the desk where we sort the mail and pay bills, I've found that sitting in the middle of my bed with at least one or two hand towels nearby is much more time efficient.

Oh sure, I usually start out wearing whatever I'm wearing. But I find that by sitting on my bed it's easier and quicker to peel my clothes off one by one as I kid myself that I'm going to jump in the shower and start to get ready for work any minute. Eventually I'm completely naked and my Hitachi has fallen out of the drawer onto the bed along with a bottle of lube. Before I know it I'm looking at those beautiful pictures you mentioned, reading the posts of admiration others have made and adding my own and before I know it my toes are curling and the neighbors are wondering if they should call 9-1-1.

So, "hours" down the rabbit hole get reduced to "hour or so" and I'm happy to go about my day with a satisfied smile of accomplishment on my face.

I highly, highly recommend you consider a similar strategy Gammy. And, if you want to compare notes, or share pics, let me know. I'm very open to suggestions when I sitting in the middle of my bed all alone in the house.


- Doctor "Equally Susceptible To Rabbit Holes" Liz

 

[investor2020]

Dear Dr. Liz -

Some time ago I stumbled on a site called "Literotica" while I was searching on the internet looking for new reading material. Imagine my surprise when I quickly realized that the name was short for Erotic Literature in reverse.

Somewhat embarrassed at first, I will admit I did look around a bit and read a couple stories. Gross and trashy, like those paperback books sold in packages of two or three at gas station counters. I was about to close out the site when I noticed a reference to "Main Literotica Forums". Curiosity being what is is, I clicked on that link.

Presented then with a list of Forums, I chose "The Playground" thinking it would be about vacations and other delightful outings. I further clicked on several of the options, and Good Lord, they were full of pictures and short videos of naked women, sometimes with naked men, sometimes with other naked women!!! And sometimes doing all kinds of sexual things, some of them I never imagined!!

Shocked by this, I backed out of those options back to the Playground menu, and there I saw a option called "Ask Dr. Liz". That is how I found you and your pracitce, and I believe I really need your help.

Are all those pictures and videos real? I mean, not actors in those things called "porn"? I can't believe normal people do those kind of things. At least no one that I have ever encountered. And before you ask, yes, I lead a rather quiet life alone in a small apartment with a tropical fish tank.

But I can't help thinking . . . if there are really women out there who seem to enjoy those things, why haven't I met any? Or how would I go about meeting someone like that (who is not a "professional" like the women on street corners I see while walking home from the library)?

I do not have much experience in meeting women. I can count on my hand the number of times that . . . uhh, well I'd rather not say what my hand does . . . but I get tongue-tied trying to say something to someone I don't know.

Dr. Liz, please I need your help, guidance, and advice on what I can do to allow me to explore what appears to be a much more exciting world out there.


Sincerely,

Your "wallflower wanting to bloom more and not alone" hopeful new client.

 

[ShaneoD]

Dear Dr Liz,

I have noticed more imagery of long tanned legs in your posts lately, is this projection of a fantasy or just observation? I'm also having some work done at home so it's less than peaceful, what is a healthy amount of time to wait between "stress relief" as a single man?

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr Liz,

I have noticed more imagery of long tanned legs in your posts lately, is this projection of a fantasy or just observation? I'm also having some work done at home so it's less than peaceful, what is a healthy amount of time to wait between "stress relief" as a single man?

Dear Stressed-Out Home Repair Guy,

I've been told ever since I was a budding tennis player way back when I was young and innocent than my legs are my best feature. Being tall AF and half Latina, they tan remarkably fast whenever they see the sun, which is almost year round because they (and I lol) happen to live in the middle of a fucking desert.

So your observation is not a fantasy. However whether it is a projection of a fantasy I'm not quite sure. I suppose if I stood next to a tall, leggy blonde or a tall, leggy redhead, you could tell me which pair of legs you fantasize about being with the most. As it stands now, I just think you have lovely taste

As far as the stress factor of your home repair goes, although the Property Brothers are indeed from Las Vegas like me, I actually do not know them.

Nor do I have much experience in home repair.

Typically, my husband researches and hires the contractors for any work around the house that we need done, they show up while he's at work and I tell them what to do as I monitor their work in my bikini as I tan by our pool topless, get caught up on my reading and drink margaritas until I make a poor decision or three. (depending on my mood - like I said, I am half Latina so I have my needs too! - )

Whenever I feel stressed out I like to take a long, hot but not too hot shower. I do however excel at stress relief for others, especially guys wearing toolbelts.

https://cdn012.**********/uploads/photos/2021/12/109215/bdsmlr-109215-lqpV1ENsNG.jpg

So, if you know anything about electrical circuit breakers, sprinkler systems, tile repair, or interior design, maybe we can work out a quid pro quo exchange of services arrangements. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but it sounds a little naughty to me and even though I'm not "a pro" I've been told by several people that I could be if I wanted to be so think about it. Maybe we could come to some sort of mutually beneficial agreement




- Doctor "I'm Great At Stress Relief" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

"Thank you both for coming into work this morning.
I really, really do appreciate it."

 

[JerseyJade]

"Thank you both for coming into work this morning.
I really, really do appreciate it."

I don't get that kind of greeting when I come into work.

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr. Liz -

Some time ago I stumbled on a site called "Literotica" while I was searching on the internet looking for new reading material. Imagine my surprise when I quickly realized that the name was short for Erotic Literature in reverse.

Somewhat embarrassed at first, I will admit I did look around a bit and read a couple stories. Gross and trashy, like those paperback books sold in packages of two or three at gas station counters. I was about to close out the site when I noticed a reference to "Main Literotica Forums". Curiosity being what is is, I clicked on that link.

Presented then with a list of Forums, I chose "The Playground" thinking it would be about vacations and other delightful outings. I further clicked on several of the options, and Good Lord, they were full of pictures and short videos of naked women, sometimes with naked men, sometimes with other naked women!!! And sometimes doing all kinds of sexual things, some of them I never imagined!!

Shocked by this, I backed out of those options back to the Playground menu, and there I saw a option called "Ask Dr. Liz". That is how I found you and your pracitce, and I believe I really need your help.

Are all those pictures and videos real? I mean, not actors in those things called "porn"? I can't believe normal people do those kind of things. At least no one that I have ever encountered. And before you ask, yes, I lead a rather quiet life alone in a small apartment with a tropical fish tank.

But I can't help thinking . . . if there are really women out there who seem to enjoy those things, why haven't I met any? Or how would I go about meeting someone like that (who is not a "professional" like the women on street corners I see while walking home from the library)?

I do not have much experience in meeting women. I can count on my hand the number of times that . . . uhh, well I'd rather not say what my hand does . . . but I get tongue-tied trying to say something to someone I don't know.

Dr. Liz, please I need your help, guidance, and advice on what I can do to allow me to explore what appears to be a much more exciting world out there.


Sincerely,

Your "wallflower wanting to bloom more and not alone" hopeful new client.

Dear Waiting Wallflower,

Wow, that's so funny. That's exactly how I discovered Lit too!

A guilty pleasure of mine when I was younger and had like minus-zero friends was reading trashy detective and romance novels. I don't ever remember them coming in packs of three like you do, but I do remember all the funny, somewhat suggestive book covers. When I did an internet search for "fun, trashy novels" one of the search results was Sally Sparrow's Mind-Bending Sensuality thread and even though I thought, 'oh my! that sounds rather naughty' I went ahead and did it.

Sure enough, Sally's thread had lots and lots of pictures of old book covers I remember reading when I was younger and even a few I had missed. It also included many posts and pictures featuring artistic, tastefully erotic paintings and drawings by artists from all around the world. Feeling like I had hit a literally literal jackpot of like-minded fans of old trashy novels, I explored other threads on Lit expecting to find posts by other happily married women innocently reliving their tawdry youth a little.

Like you, to my great surprise, beyond the Best Friends ... Dogs thread, Water! thread and Breathtaking Beauty thread, I was shocked, absolutely shocked in fact! to see so many threads dedicated to you-know-what (s-e-x).

Now, of course, I didn't click on any of those threads, nor have I ever clicked on them since, but I did decide to start my Ask Doctor Liz thread in case there were other people like us out there who inadvertently AND INNOCENTLY!!! stumbled across this Literotica website, which, as you mentioned, is a clever way of disguising the fact that it's actually about erotic literature and more you-know-what (S - E - X!!!)

Your apartment and fish tank sound lovely to me. But of course they would, right? Even though as you probably have already figured out from reading my posts, I have two children, which means that I have had sex TWICE! So you have come to the right place for advice because I am, obviously, basically a slut. I still remember like it was yesterday both times my husband put a baby inside me.

It hurt a little the first time because he's kind of big down, there but then I leaned into and all I can say is wow! It was amazing. The second time was even better.

Now, of course because we're married and live together, I do, on occasion, accidentally see and sometimes even accidently touch or accidentally put his penis in my mouth from time to time. But those things just happen when you're married and I really don't mind. Sometimes when we're cuddling and trying to fall sleep, his penis will even accidently fall inside my wrong hole. Again, no big deal. I mean, it was a big deal the first couple of times because like I said he's pretty big down there and taking his huge giant thing when it's all worked up in my wrong hole is no easy task. But, over the years I've gotten use to it and even learned to love it. And it makes him sooo happy! You should hear all the sweet things he says to me when he's putting it in my wrong hole and see all the nice things he buys me afterwards. I really believe it helps keep our marriage strong because I decided that it is my responsibility to our Mother Earth not to over-populate our planet so I took a vow of celibacy after having my second child and it has been going great.

The good news is I decided to put all my s-e-x experience to good use and start this thread to help and advise other people on their (sexual - sorry! ) journeys. I confess that I very much enjoyed having s-e-x both times that I "did it" and I even posted that once on the Confessions thread here.

I know, I'm so bad, right? But I'm a woman and I'm only 42 and I'm entitled to still have my playful side!

Now like I said, I've never ever never never ever never clicked on any of those threads about White Girls Addicted to BBC (whatever that is!), or Big Cocks, or Threesomes, or Wife Sharing, or Swap Parties, (even though they all sound like so much fun!) or SPH (again, whatever that is ) but I suspect that if you have, whatever you saw there is probably CGI. CGI is what they use in Hollywood to make movies. It's all fake computer graphics. No real people. Not even any real situations. None of that stuff every happens.

It's all dirty fake news. So rest assured, you and your fish and your hand aren't missing out on anything.

There are absolutely no women out there like me who like having their husband's friends, or some ripped, rando buff guy I hardly know pull on my hair, I mean, her hair while they call me, I mean her, a dirty little cum dumpster and invite their friends to take turns with me, I mean her, three or five or maybe even ten times using my poor little innocent, oiled up head to toe body to quench all their manly beastly desires inside my pretty pink taco, my slutty slut slut-slut mouth, or my poor innocent special place over and over and over again until my husband comes home and finds me in our marital bed exhausted and smeared head to toe in sticky love goo to the point he has no other choice but to reclaim me for his own.

I mean, reclaim her and her poor innocent special place, slutty slut-slut mouth and pretty pink taco!

I mean, that stuff never ever rarely always happens (every Sunday night at our place).

I, umm, have to go lay down now. I'm a little short of breath and feel all warm like I might faint or something. I probably just need to loosen my corset and rest a little with my magic wand. I mean, a good book.

Don't worry about meeting dirty, filthy, yes-yes-yes-fuck-me!!! women. We don't, I mean, duh, they don't exist. Just go back to your fish.

Or better, yet, if that doesn't work, feel free to ask me another question. I really enjoyed answering your question. I really, really, REALLY enjoyed it!


- Doctor "Ask Me Anything, I've Done Sex Twice" Liz


oh, btw, this is my knee >>>

https://cdn012.**********/uploads/photos/2020/08/93229/bdsmlr-93229-lvn6assBEu.jpg

Knees are not very sexy are they? If ever you find yourself feeling confused about your urges or desires again, or about the pictures and videos you see on some of the other threads here on Lit, just think of my boring, stupid, ugly knee instead.

Or, better yet, when you meet a nice woman that you like, ask her if you can put a baby inside her. She will either say "Yes absolutely! Let's get married as soon as possible so that you can put a baby inside me!"

Or, she will introduce you to her knee.

Then you will have TWO knees to think about. So, it's really a win-win situation either way.

Sweet (totally platonic, non-carnal desire) dreams sweetie!

 

[LizVegas79]

I don't get that kind of greeting when I come into work.

That's because you're always late, sweetie. If you showed up on time like the other girls around here you could be part of our morning morale building routines too!

 

[LizVegas79]

"Oh fuck. Did I forget to have JJ blow my accountant again this month?
I hate when he doesn't send our rent check in on time just to get back at me.
Not funny Andrew! You could just remind her you know! It would be a lot easier!!!"