Ask Doctor Liz ... Again

[JerseyJade]

"Oh fuck. Did I forget to have JJ blow my accountant again this month?
I hate when he doesn't send our rent check in on time just to get back at me.
Not funny Andrew! You could just remind her you know! It would be a lot easier!!!"

Fucking Andrew. I told you he was no good.

 

[ShaneoD]

Fucking Andrew. I told you he was no good.

I didn't see the "ing" I almost said "Some guys have all the luck"

 

[LizVegas79]

"Oh fuck. Did I forget to have JJ blow my accountant again this month?
I hate when he doesn't send our rent check in on time just to get back at me.
Not funny Andrew! You could just remind her you know! It would be a lot easier!!!"

Fucking Andrew. I told you he was no good.

I didn't see the "ing" I almost said "Some guys have all the luck"

As soon as we get back inside the building I'm firing his ass - right after I kick it!!! :caning:

I mean, how hard is it to find an accountant who's willing to work for BJ's?!!
I mean, that's why they call it Indeed.com right?

 

[JerseyJade]

As soon as we get back inside the building I'm firing his ass - right after I kick it!!! :caning:

I mean, how hard is it to find an accountant who's willing to work for BJ's?!!
I mean, that's why they call it Indeed.com right?

Maybe you'll have better luck finding a good accountant on inneedofabj.com, Liz.

 

[LizVegas79]

Maybe you'll have better luck finding a good accountant on inneedofabj.com, Liz.

Are you sure that's a real website, JJ? I just tried it and it didn't work

I'm thinking I'll just put the job posting up on Indeed and on Linked-In along with a picture of you next to it.

Do you want me to say that you like to swallow? Or should we wait and ask him in the interview if he prefers it messy?

 

[ShaneoD]

Are you sure that's a real website, JJ? I just tried it and it didn't work

I'm thinking I'll just put the job posting up on Indeed and on Linked-In along with a picture of you next to it.

Do you want me to say that you like to swallow? Or should we wait and ask him in the interview if he prefers it messy?

You should make the interview a real test, like that scene from Swordfish

 

[JerseyJade]

Are you sure that's a real website, JJ? I just tried it and it didn't work

I'm thinking I'll just put the job posting up on Indeed and on Linked-In along with a picture of you next to it.

Do you want me to say that you like to swallow? Or should we wait and ask him in the interview if he prefers it messy?

I don't do messy, Liz. You know that.

 

[LizVegas79]

You should make the interview a real test, like that scene from Swordfish

I'm not familiar with that movie but I'll take your word for it Shane because that's a great idea thanks!

I don't do messy, Liz. You know that.

Oh that's right. So all that petty cash I gave you last year for dry cleaning expenses was for .... ???

 

[JerseyJade]

Oh that's right. So all that petty cash I gave you last year for dry cleaning expenses was for .... ???

Um... car payments?

 

[LizVegas79]

Um... car payments?

Oh that's right. You opted out of the company car I offered to give you.

 

[JerseyJade]

Oh that's right. You opted out of the company car I offered to give you.

Only because you promised me a Lexus but instead it was a Volkswagen. You didn't think I'd notice, huh?

 

[Booboobear84]

As soon as we get back inside the building I'm firing his ass - right after I kick it!!! :caning:

I mean, how hard is it to find an accountant who's willing to work for BJ's?!!
I mean, that's why they call it Indeed.com right?

Look we have to pay our own bills too. BJs would definitely lead to a reduced rate. And excellent service.

 

[LizVegas79]

Only because you promised me a Lexus but instead it was a Volkswagen. You didn't think I'd notice, huh?

My husband pointed out that cute girls rarely ever know shit about cars. (yes, my husband thinks you're cute - you don't need to rub it in ) I didn't know shit about cars before I met him so sue me, I took a shot that maybe he was right. (please don't fucking sue me! I hate fucking lawyers. I mean, I hate lawyers and I hate having to fuck them whenever I need them. )

 

[LizVegas79]

Look we have to pay our own bills too. BJs would definitely lead to a reduced rate. And excellent service.

WANTED: Excellent, trustworthy accountant who is adept at keeping large amounts of cash off the books and filling out insurance claims so that we qualify for payments.
No base. Straight commission. (5% of the monthly cut) Excellent benefits including an employee discount at the MMJ dispensary next door
and a free monthly BJ from this girl

and random BJ's whenever she's bored and wants to practice.

Once every 3 months you are eligible for a thorough performance review by the owner in her private office. Pervs into tall, slender Latinas and cute feet are encouraged to apply.

 

[JerseyJade]

WANTED: Excellent, trustworthy accountant who is adept at keeping large amounts of cash off the books and filling out insurance claims so that we qualify for payments.
No base. Straight commission. (5% of the monthly cut) Excellent benefits including an employee discount at the MMJ dispensary next door
and a free monthly BJ from this girl

and random BJ's whenever she's bored and wants to practice.

Once every 3 months you are eligible for a thorough performance review by the owner in her private office. Pervs into tall, slender Latinas and cute feet are encouraged to apply.

Lmao!

 

[LizVegas79]

"Fuck it. Maybe I won't pay the back rent on this place.
What's the point? Hardly anyone comes by these days. I guess
no one wants my advice about their stupid fucking problems
anymore. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted."

 

[ShaneoD]

Dear Dr Liz,

Some of us do come around but are too embarrassed to mention our problems, like for instance is it normal to have a physical reaction when we see our favourite Dr has logged on, which can lead to some of us not having enough blood to run out brain at the same time.

Hope all's well and thanks for the many hours of material you provide. (well maybe apart from those ones that I have to hide in my waistband at work )

 

[Pad_Foot]

Dear Dr,
Perhaps you can help with my fucking problem
It’s a stupid fucking problem
I have no one to fuck
No one will even give a fuck

Signed
Can’t give a fuck

 

[investor2020]

Dear Dr. Liz –

I can’t thank you enough for responding to my request for help and guidance. It is a big relief to learn that I am just a normal, but perhaps a bit socially inept, adult and that all those pictures on Literotica are fake CGI images. . . well, maybe not as big a relief as I get from my occasional tension reduction exercise, but that’s not something I want to talk about right now, as I’m still a bit uncomfortable that the term “stroke” applies to serious brain problems.

But back to your response. There are a couple items you mentioned for which I need better understanding or clarification of. I know that the word “sex” has to do with both the male and female genders, but you also used the term “S-E-X” several times, which I always thought was an abbreviation for Scientifically Elevated Xrays. How does that relate to male interaction with women outside of pre-pregnancy examinations?

Also, multiple times you also mentioned the term “wrong hole” in your response about personal relationships. My upbringing in the Amish Community taught me that all things in the relationship between men and women are holy. How does the term “wrong” apply there?

I am happy to see that you and your husband have a strong marriage, blessed with children, even if there has been some discomfort associated with it. I think that must be common between married people, because I remember one night overhearing my mother once loudly and angerly saying to my father from their bedroom “if you think you’re going to put it there again, that will require another trip to the jewelry store!” So even the best marriages must have their ins and outs.

Oh, and to clear up a couple things you were not sure of, BBC is a media company in England, so reference to it in posts must be for certain radio or TV programs over there. And SPH stands for sphere, and is used in eye prescriptions, plus I see some Literotica posts about wanting to make special contacts.

And how are get-togethers with friends to discuss overseas media, large chickens, or tell and exchange good jokes and swap stories a bad thing?

There is just so much about a relationship with a woman that I don’t understand. But I do so much want to learn. Doesn’t “special place” mean the bedroom? And the term “slut” I assume you use to describe yourself . . . I mean “her” . . . must be “Simply Loving & Utterly Talented”, right? And being color-blind, I did not realize that “pretty pink taco” was the color of the food I order at the local take-out Mexican place where I hope to take a date sometime.

Dr. Liz, I will take your advice and try to just go up and introduce myself to a woman that I’d like to meat (damn auto correct, that should be "meet"!).

And about those knees you mentioned. Growing up Amish, I never got to see a woman’s knee before, or that area above the knee. Something else I look forward to.

Almost forgot, one last thing. While reading your response, I got an interruption that I received a PM (which I discovered meant Private Message). It was from someone called “Wanton Lady”, which I interpreted to mean she was wanting to meet people. She said she saw my on-line letter to you and wanted to say hello. She then asked if I was big, and did I often go down. I replied to the PM and said I was just over six feet tall, and often drove down to get the mail at the nearby post office. She did not respond with another PM, so did I misunderstand what she was asking? Boy, communication with women is difficult!

Dr. Liz, I hope my follow-up inquiries don’t send you into another tiring or exhausting episode. I truly appreciate your help and don’t want to be a bother.

Sincerely,

Your “Waiting Wallflower” client

 

[LizVegas79]

Ummmm, what about a woman accountant?

I'm not sure how I'd pay a woman accountant LOL.

She'd have to be on my team in more ways than one for starters

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr Liz,

Some of us do come around but are too embarrassed to mention our problems, like for instance is it normal to have a physical reaction when we see our favourite Dr has logged on, which can lead to some of us not having enough blood to run out brain at the same time.

Hope all's well and thanks for the many hours of material you provide. (well maybe apart from those ones that I have to hide in my waistband at work )

Dear No Reason (Maybe) To Be Embarrassed,

Thank you so much for your emotional support. It's so nice to have a shoulder to cry on.

Let me know if there's anything I can do to you. I mean, for you. Your blood circulation problem is probably localized and I bet I know a few ways to fix that for you lick-edy or splits. (I'm happy to do either for you


- Doctor "Let Me Loosen Your Waistband" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr,
Perhaps you can help with my fucking problem
It’s a stupid fucking problem
I have no one to fuck
No one will even give a fuck

Signed
Can’t give a fuck

Dear Not Giving Or Getting,

I can and I do. I'm here for you.

It's really quite simple sweetie. You have to give to get. Look at me, I give and give and give and believe me, I don't get enough either. True, I can probably get laid pretty much anytime I want since I'm a woman. All I have to do is click my fingers, or, depending on the guy, click my heels, and viola, I can usually have a standing offer pretty quick.

Now I know it's a little different for guys. But your problem is not so stupid. A lot of guys come onto me because they want to cum on me. But believe it or not, we both sort of have the same problem. Well, sort of LOL. Have you ever considered the possibility that you might be getting in your own way? Maybe you just need to relax a little and find something that makes you happy that doesn't involve "finding" someone else. Trust me, if you do that, that's exactly WHEN you will find someone else who's not only willing to give a fuck, but also maybe even care to give MORE than just a fuck.

Happy hunting!


- Doctor "You're Not Relaxing Right" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr. Liz –

I can’t thank you enough for responding to my request for help and guidance. It is a big relief to learn that I am just a normal, but perhaps a bit socially inept, adult and that all those pictures on Literotica are fake CGI images. . . well, maybe not as big a relief as I get from my occasional tension reduction exercise, but that’s not something I want to talk about right now, as I’m still a bit uncomfortable that the term “stroke” applies to serious brain problems.

But back to your response. There are a couple items you mentioned for which I need better understanding or clarification of. I know that the word “sex” has to do with both the male and female genders, but you also used the term “S-E-X” several times, which I always thought was an abbreviation for Scientifically Elevated Xrays. How does that relate to male interaction with women outside of pre-pregnancy examinations?

Also, multiple times you also mentioned the term “wrong hole” in your response about personal relationships. My upbringing in the Amish Community taught me that all things in the relationship between men and women are holy. How does the term “wrong” apply there?

I am happy to see that you and your husband have a strong marriage, blessed with children, even if there has been some discomfort associated with it. I think that must be common between married people, because I remember one night overhearing my mother once loudly and angerly saying to my father from their bedroom “if you think you’re going to put it there again, that will require another trip to the jewelry store!” So even the best marriages must have their ins and outs.

Oh, and to clear up a couple things you were not sure of, BBC is a media company in England, so reference to it in posts must be for certain radio or TV programs over there. And SPH stands for sphere, and is used in eye prescriptions, plus I see some Literotica posts about wanting to make special contacts.

And how are get-togethers with friends to discuss overseas media, large chickens, or tell and exchange good jokes and swap stories a bad thing?

There is just so much about a relationship with a woman that I don’t understand. But I do so much want to learn. Doesn’t “special place” mean the bedroom? And the term “slut” I assume you use to describe yourself . . . I mean “her” . . . must be “Simply Loving & Utterly Talented”, right? And being color-blind, I did not realize that “pretty pink taco” was the color of the food I order at the local take-out Mexican place where I hope to take a date sometime.

Dr. Liz, I will take your advice and try to just go up and introduce myself to a woman that I’d like to meat (damn auto correct, that should be "meet"!).

And about those knees you mentioned. Growing up Amish, I never got to see a woman’s knee before, or that area above the knee. Something else I look forward to.

Almost forgot, one last thing. While reading your response, I got an interruption that I received a PM (which I discovered meant Private Message). It was from someone called “Wanton Lady”, which I interpreted to mean she was wanting to meet people. She said she saw my on-line letter to you and wanted to say hello. She then asked if I was big, and did I often go down. I replied to the PM and said I was just over six feet tall, and often drove down to get the mail at the nearby post office. She did not respond with another PM, so did I misunderstand what she was asking? Boy, communication with women is difficult!

Dr. Liz, I hope my follow-up inquiries don’t send you into another tiring or exhausting episode. I truly appreciate your help and don’t want to be a bother.

Sincerely,

Your “Waiting Wallflower” client

Dear Wallflower,

There's a lot to unpack here. But let me start out by saying that growing up Amish is no excuse for poor manners. I showed you a picture of my knee

https://cdn012.**********/uploads/photos/2020/08/93229/bdsmlr-93229-lvn6assBEu.jpg

and I asked you if it was boring and ugly. Your failure to answer that question indicates that you agreed with my insecurities about my knee.

Now, you may think that by avoiding my question you were politely avoiding hurting my feelings but in fact you just confirmed my worse fear - that you think my knee is ugly and boring.

Fortunately, many other guys (and even a few women for some mysterious reason ) on here WERE in fact polite enough to write to me and whether they were lying to me or not, took the time out of their busy lives to say some very, very nice (and a few flattering but somewhat disturbing) things about my knee.

Many said they wanted to touch it and kiss it and worship it and some even said it would be an honor to be kicked by my knee even if it meant they had trouble walking afterwards.

My point is, if you want to get fresh with a lady like myself, you may find it necessary to lie to us from time to time about how we look because we NEED to hear that you think we are pretty.

So, I'll give you one more chance ....

https://cdn012.**********/uploads/photos/2020/08/93229/bdsmlr-93229-lvn6assBEu.jpg

... don't think you're too old to go over this knee and be spanked for being a naughty boy.

Apologize, or say something sweet to me ... or so help me god I will make you cry.


More about your other issues later.


- Doctor "You Have A Lot Of Issues But That's Okay Because I Want A New Lexus" Liz

 

[cheekygirl75]

Dear Dr. Liz,

I don't know if this is a medical problem or not - I'm trying to learn German but a lot of the words just don't come out right. Are there any exercises or things I can do to help?

Sincerely,
Tangled

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr. Liz,

I don't know if this is a medical problem or not - I'm trying to learn German but a lot of the words just don't come out right. Are there any exercises or things I can do to help?

Sincerely,
Tangled

Dear Tangled,

Yes, there is.

First you need to trade in whatever you're driving and buy a new Volkswagon.

Second, you need to go to a candy store and buy a bag of hard candy. Put 3-5 of the hard candies in your mouth and keep refreshing them as they melt as you go about your day speaking with whoever you need to speak with. Two - three weeks of this will give your tongue the strength and dexterity to pronounce all those crazy German words once you resume you studies.

Third, go buy a Moen showerhead. I especially recommend the Enliven. I promise, it will have you speaking in tongues in mere seconds.


- Doctor "I Need Another Shower" Liz