Ask Doctor Liz ... Again

[Mkmydaze]

So Doc,

My girlfriend says I have a problem. She’s this real Uptown Girl, you know the kind who is always in a New York State of Mind? Anyway, she believes I’m obsessed with Billy Joel, always going on about his songs. I told her I was under a lot of Pressure at work, and that this is My Life. She says it’s A Matter of Trust, and that I should not pretend I’m An Innocent Man in all this. Seriously! It’s not like I’m going around like an Angry Young Man, pretending to be a Big Shot or anything. I believe in Honesty, but sometimes I just can’t help it, and I Go to Extremes. Just last night, I was giving her this awesome foot massage and telling her She’s Always a Woman to Me and that I love her Just The Way You Are, when she start’s yelling at me and saying she’s Movin’ Out!

Doc, I know you’re a Modern Woman, and I’ve been thinking about asking you for help for The Longest Time. What should I do?

Signed, Captain Jack

 

[BarbarianTaco]

Hi Doc

So question how does a transportation less, nearly forty-year-old virgin with confidence issues do about finding his first love? I know it's not an easy question but It is my current predicament!

Would love any answers. Hopefully its something I can impliment

 

[cheekygirl75]

Dear Tangled,

Yes, there is.

First you need to trade in whatever your driving and buy a new Volkswagon.

Second, you need to go to a candy store and buy a bag of hard candy. Put 3-5 of the hard candies in your mouth and keep refreshing them as they melt as you go about your day speaking with whoever you need to speak with. Two - three weeks of this will give your tongue the strength and dexterity to pronounce all those crazy German words once you resume you studies.

Third, go buy a Moen showerhead. I especially recommend the Enliven. I promise, it will have you speaking in tongues in mere seconds.


- Doctor "I Need Another Shower" Liz

Thank you! I have to admit, I was kind of hoping the cure would require another person and their tongue, but if I can't have that, candy will do

I'll have to wait on the new shower head though... living with 3 other adults and 2 kids and one shower means not enough time or hot water for that!

 

[LizVegas79]

Thank you! I have to admit, I was kind of hoping the cure would require another person and their tongue, but if I can't have that, candy will do

I'll have to wait on the new shower head though... living with 3 other adults and 2 kids and one shower means not enough time or hot water for that!

Dear Showertime-less,

I'll give you my address. You can come by anytime that's convenient and use my shower. Of course, you will need me to show you how to use the showerhead properly, which very possibly might lead to some farfugneuton tongue action


- Doctor "My Swedish Is A Little Rusty But You Won't Care I Promise" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

So Doc,

My girlfriend says I have a problem. She’s this real Uptown Girl, you know the kind who is always in a New York State of Mind? Anyway, she believes I’m obsessed with Billy Joel, always going on about his songs. I told her I was under a lot of Pressure at work, and that this is My Life. She says it’s A Matter of Trust, and that I should not pretend I’m An Innocent Man in all this. Seriously! It’s not like I’m going around like an Angry Young Man, pretending to be a Big Shot or anything. I believe in Honesty, but sometimes I just can’t help it, and I Go to Extremes. Just last night, I was giving her this awesome foot massage and telling her She’s Always a Woman to Me and that I love her Just The Way You Are, when she start’s yelling at me and saying she’s Movin’ Out!

Doc, I know you’re a Modern Woman, and I’ve been thinking about asking you for help for The Longest Time. What should I do?

Signed, Captain Jack

Dear Captain Jack,

It's pretty obvious to me that you need to apologize to your girlfriend and tell her that she was right. And I mean right away, too!

I'm sorry to break this to you sweetie, but you do indeed have a BJP (Billy Joel Problem). A pretty fucking serious BJP.

However, you're in luck. You've come to the right place for treatment. It just so happens that my brother had a pretty serious CBP (Christie Brinkley Problem) while we were growing up and I was able to help him get over it the same way I am going to help you get over you BJP.

Click here.


- Doctor "Too Cool For School In The Nineties" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Hi Doc

So question how does a transportation less, nearly forty-year-old virgin with confidence issues do about finding his first love? I know it's not an easy question but It is my current predicament!

Would love any answers. Hopefully its something I can impliment

Dear Can't Find Love,

You're fucked and you will remain a virgin unless you listen to me very carefully and do absolutely everything I say.

a) unless they live in Manhattan or San Francisco, all guys need a sweet ride to get a girl, especially a hot girl - which is definitely what you need if you're almost 40 and never been with the fairer sex before. If money is the issue, consider getting a used motorcycle. Motorcycles are total panty-droppers for some girls (especially girls like me ). I suspect your confidence issues may impair your ability to go out and buy a motorcycle though, so at least go out and get a cool scooter to double down on a cute-nerd game.

b) play the cute-nerd game. Cut your own hair, get a pair of big black glasses (even if you don't need them to see) and wear jeans and t-shirts with a sports coat and canvas tennis shoes. This will not only make certain women (NOT women like me though lol) consider pity-fucking you. If you pull off the look right it will probably land you a 6-figure job at a tech startup even if you have absolutely zero skills. This strategy will work especially well if you live in a city that has very very few tech start-ups.

c) once you have a scooter, and a couple of pity-fucks with hot women and a fat tech nerd job under your belt, THEN you can focus on finding the love of your life. Watch some Adam Sandler movies to get an idea of how to recognize under the radar perfect women in the workplace or at the grocery store or your local Starbucks. Then catch up on your Amy Adams and Sandra Bullock movies and when you feel that you're ready, move on to Jennifer Aniston's filmography. Do not ever EVER quote any lines from these movies to a woman though. These are for research only. (note: quoting SOME Adam Sandler movies when you're on your A-game cute-nerd game MIGHT be acceptable in the right situation and with the right woman, but if you aren't sure what you're doing err on the side of caution).

d) change your username. BarbarianTaco sounds like a woman who is an exercise freak with body shaming issues. Try CuteNerd99 or, if you must, TacoLover99,999 (TacoLover is very popular with guys trying to be cute, but fyi most woman don't find it very cute at all so I suggest going with CuteNerd instead)

Come back here and let me know how it's going. Oh, if by chance you're an accountant - I'm hiring! See my recent post about the job. It cums with perks that you will no doubt love (it's called the JJ Accountant Perk ) .


- Doctor "Nice Girls Like Nice Cars" Liz

 

[Jacques_Corbin]

Dr Liz, can you recommend any strategies on balancing work and home. I am pretty good at disconnecting work from home. When I have a bad day, I am quieter, and take a longer shower. My wife, on the other hand, while I understand things are stressful at her career, it's all she talks about, and it is driving me up the wall. It's no good for her either, because home is where she is supposed to relax and feel at ease. I have tried listening and discussing, tried just listening, and even told her she needs to leave that shit at work and that I need her here with me. I have resigned myself to just riding it out, until things even out with the staffing problems and drama. By driving me up the wall, I mean that in addition to working full time, I am picking up the majority of the housework, because she gets home, it's "I'm hungry" or "I'm jumping in the shower" or she just plops down and watches tik tok incessantly.

What do you advise? Also, feel free to PM if you want anymore information, but I request that any details shated via PM reamin confidential between us. Thank you.

 

[LizVegas79]

Dr Liz, can you recommend any strategies on balancing work and home. I am pretty good at disconnecting work from home. When I have a bad day, I am quieter, and take a longer shower. My wife, on the other hand, while I understand things are stressful at her career, it's all she talks about, and it is driving me up the wall. It's no good for her either, because home is where she is supposed to relax and feel at ease. I have tried listening and discussing, tried just listening, and even told her she needs to leave that shit at work and that I need her here with me. I have resigned myself to just riding it out, until things even out with the staffing problems and drama. By driving me up the wall, I mean that in addition to working full time, I am picking up the majority of the housework, because she gets home, it's "I'm hungry" or "I'm jumping in the shower" or she just plops down and watches tik tok incessantly.

What do you advise? Also, feel free to PM if you want anymore information, but I request that any details shated via PM reamin confidential between us. Thank you.

Dear Tired of Listening,

Your wife sounds like a 'formidable' woman I suggest you try listening to her rather than what I suspect you are doing - offering snap judgment solutions to whatever's challenging her at work.

Many times, people, but I admit, especially women, talk around the subject they really want, or need, to talk about. You are hearing her talk about work all the time. But maybe what she's really saying is that she needs a vacation, or at the very least, a distraction.

These past two years have been hard on everyone. Especially strong, A-type personalities. But, sometimes in very, very different ways. Those of us who lost our jobs in the beginning of the pandemic or whose work/life schedules were turned upside down or re-arranged dealt with it in various different ways. Sometimes, one of those ways was denial that anything was wrong or different or extra challenging at all. And now, after two years of denial, they're burnt out and are running on empty physically, mentally and even spiritually.

For those whose work life was put into hyperdrive by the pandemic (like healthcare workers, teachers and small business owners to name just a few) they have been running on empty for a long time now too and they NEED a break. They NEED a vacation. A long, pampered vacation. If that's not possible now because of staffing shortages or whatever where your wife works, sit her down and PLAN a future vacation somewhere nice together.

You don't even have to pick the dates yet. You can discuss different options tonight, tonight, until next week or even next month. Merely having something nice to look forward to could be all the short-term "therapy" that she needs so that she can start to come home and relax and leave her work at work.

In addition to that, pick up the slack you sexist fuck! Do a little extra housework and more of the cooking and meal planning too! Order out more. Restaurants are still struggling and experiencing staffing shortages. Take-out is easier for them AND for you. (and there's no dishes either!)

Lastly, don't "resign" yourself to anything. That is a recipe for added stress on you and her and will only ultimately lead to arguments. I'm not sure what your sexual relationship is like with your wife or if you have children living with you, but if your sexual relationship is good (and playful sometimes ) and you don't have kids at home or there's a way to ship them off to their grandparent's house one night, maybe have her come home and find you stirring a pot or doing the dishes wearing nothing but an apron and big smile (sporting a tent in that apron is optional and may or may not require having her favorite style of porn muted but playing on your TV - which I guarantee will get her off talking about work ).

Try thinking of this as your temporary challenge to find a solution to, not her problem that she has to change and let me know how it goes.

Of course, if you have more details you would like to share or a follow-up question to ask, my office door is always open - even when I'm with another patient lol


- Doctor "You Want Formidable, I'll Show You Formidable" Liz


(for those of you who don't know, Jacques called me 'formidable' on the Would You Have A Threesome With The Previous Two Litsters? thread. I was less than pleased )

 

[Jacques_Corbin]

We are planning a trip to Miami in March. Also, I do all the cooking, and the dishes, and the laundry, since before Christmas. DO NOT call me a "sexist fuck"

Second, I did not mean "formidable" as an insult. I am still unclear as to how it is. But, I meant no disrespect, sincere apologies if it was taken that way. One would hope that if I had misspoke, you would have let me know directly, and without cursing. I would have apologized. My mistake for thinking you have at least that much class...

Also, I refer to my own wife as "formidable". She is. She is strong willed, and does not let people run her over. She speaks her mind, unapologetically. I would have it no other way! In addition to that, she is gorgeous, intelligent, competitive, driven, but also passionate, caring, and courageous. This spectacular woman could have any man she wants, but she chose me. She wants to have children with me. She has her own career, her own car, and makes enough to live comfortably on her own. She does not need me. She is a gift from God, and I treat her that way.

But, I do appreciate you taking the time to read, as least part of, my query, and taking the time to respond, however hastily, and without choosing your words. Thank you.

 

[BarbarianTaco]

Dear Can't Find Love,

You're fucked and you will remain a virgin unless you listen to me very carefully and do absolutely everything I say.

a) unless they live in Manhattan or San Francisco, all guys need a sweet ride to get a girl, especially a hot girl - which is definitely what you need if you're almost 40 and never been with the fairer sex before. If money is the issue, consider getting a used motorcycle. Motorcycles are total panty-droppers for some girls (especially girls like me ). I suspect your confidence issues may impair your ability to go out and buy a motorcycle though, so at least go out and get a cool scooter to double down on a cute-nerd game.

b) play the cute-nerd game. Cut your own hair, get a pair of big black glasses (even if you don't need them to see) and wear jeans and t-shirts with a sports coat and canvas tennis shoes. This will not only make certain women (NOT women like me though lol) consider pity-fucking you. If you pull off the look right it will probably land you a 6-figure job at a tech startup even if you have absolutely zero skills. This strategy will work especially well if you live in a city that has very very few tech start-ups.

c) once you have a scooter, and a couple of pity-fucks with hot women and a fat tech nerd job under your belt, THEN you can focus on finding the love of your life. Watch some Adam Sandler movies to get an idea of how to recognize under the radar perfect women in the workplace or at the grocery store or your local Starbucks. Then catch up on your Amy Adams and Sandra Bullock movies and when you feel that you're ready, move on to Jennifer Aniston's filmography. Do not ever EVER quote any lines from these movies to a woman though. These are for research only. (note: quoting SOME Adam Sandler movies when you're on your A-game cute-nerd game MIGHT be acceptable in the right situation and with the right woman, but if you aren't sure what you're doing err on the side of caution).

d) change your username. BarbarianTaco sounds like a woman who is an exercise freak with body shaming issues. Try CuteNerd99 or, if you must, TacoLover99,999 (TacoLover is very popular with guys trying to be cute, but fyi most woman don't find it very cute at all so I suggest going with CuteNerd instead)

Come back here and let me know how it's going. Oh, if by chance you're an accountant - I'm hiring! See my recent post about the job. It cums with perks that you will no doubt love (it's called the JJ Accountant Perk ) .


- Doctor "Nice Girls Like Nice Cars" Liz

Thanks for the advice.

All of the car and tech part will be hard as I can't drive and not the techie type nerd. I'm the comicbook guy who rolls dice in the basement type.

I will probably have to dash my hopes then. Thanks though Doc

 

[Jacques_Corbin]

Thanks for the advice.

All of the car and tech part will be hard as I can't drive and not the techie type nerd. I'm the comicbook guy who rolls dice in the basement type.

I will probably have to dash my hopes then. Thanks though Doc

I know your type. It is not hopeless brother. I met my wife at Gigabites Cafe in Rosewell, GA. Google it. The place is awesome. Check out your local game and comic shops. Strike up conversation with whoever buys D&D or Pathfinder books, ask about joining a group. Check the events the store hosts. Here in VA women love board game night. I was playing Warhammer 40000 while my wife was in a group playing One Night Ultimate Werewolf. I laid eyes on her, and ZING!

Take an interest in what girls are interested in, and be able to hold a conversation.

Also, when you go out, make sure your hygiene is fresh and that you smell good. I recommend Axe Phoenix. My youngest sister had me change to it, and my wife loves the scent of it. So maybe try that, go shopping with a close female friend or relative, and ask her advice on the scents of body washes. In addition, dress like you are going on a date. Don't be the guy in the tshirt sweat pants and crocs. Wear nice, clean, not wrinkled pants, a polo or button down shirt, and either clean sneakers or leather shoes. Penny loafers, with bright shiny pennies are classy and comfortable. Or, if you want some edge, go to a military surplus store and get combat boots.

But, in the end, attracting women is like martial arts. Do not learn to fight like me, learn to fight like you, playing to your strengths, like I play to mine. Got it? You sit down, and make a list of your qualities. I am sure you have more than you give yourself credit for. Once you have a list pick 3 to 5, and figure out how to make them work for you. Then put some thought into what qualities attract what kind of woman.

Another radical way to meet women and connect, get a dog. Don't get a dog just to get women, that is not fair to the puppy. Get a dog, bond with it, and it will love you and vice versa. Then, after that is accomplished, take the dog to the park, or to dog parks. If a woman sees that you are loved, then you are more loveable in their eyes. Right now, I am guessing, you are putting out that "I just want to be loved" vibe. Desperation repels women. But, if you can care for and love a puppy, then you could also do so for a human. The bond is the crucial aspect. Do not get a dog you think will attract the most women, get the dog you like the best. If the puppy is rambunctious or a little wild, just explain that you are working with the puppy on whatever bad behavior, but admit you may need to consult a professional. There is a good chance a woman at the dog park will recommend someone. Just smile and say thank you. Hell, there is a chance the trainer maybe someone you are attracted to. It's called animal husbandry for a reason. If a woman sees that you can love and care for your dog, then whatever your other flaws, you aren't that bad.

 

[LizVegas79]

We are planning a trip to Miami in March. Also, I do all the cooking, and the dishes, and the laundry, since before Christmas. DO NOT call me a "sexist fuck"

Second, I did not mean "formidable" as an insult. I am still unclear as to how it is. But, I meant no disrespect, sincere apologies if it was taken that way. One would hope that if I had misspoke, you would have let me know directly, and without cursing. I would have apologized. My mistake for thinking you have at least that much class...

Also, I refer to my own wife as "formidable". She is. She is strong willed, and does not let people run her over. She speaks her mind, unapologetically. I would have it no other way! In addition to that, she is gorgeous, intelligent, competitive, driven, but also passionate, caring, and courageous. This spectacular woman could have any man she wants, but she chose me. She wants to have children with me. She has her own career, her own car, and makes enough to live comfortably on her own. She does not need me. She is a gift from God, and I treat her that way.

But, I do appreciate you taking the time to read, as least part of, my query, and taking the time to respond, however hastily, and without choosing your words. Thank you.

Dear Defensive, Humorless and Resentful,

Based on the kneejerk sarcastic contempt dripping in your response I stand by my original diagnosis 100% and also agree with yours - you are very lucky. At least for the time being.

I suspect that unless you deal with whatever is causing the simmering rage you just exhibited, it will continue to boil up from under the surface again and again until it poisons this relationship with this "gift from God" just as it probably has poisoned other relationships in your past.

Although I'm sure the hypocrisy of resenting doing the cooking, cleaning and laundry since Christmas (one whole month! congratulations! ) - which is the spur that caused you to write to me in the first place - and the self-righteous claim that you treat her like a gift from God escapes you, it does not escape me. Or, I'm sure, anyone else who reads this toxic little exchange of ours.

Also, please DO NOT have children! If you're this frustrated after only one month of extra cleaning, laundry and cooking, you are in no shape or form ready for 18+ YEARS of much, much more of the same.

Get help. Find someone to talk to, not argue with. Fear of not deserving what you have, and/or masking an inferiority complex with self-righteous bravado, is a many layered emotional, mental and ultimately solitary prison.

Believe it or not, it is possible to feel good about yourself without putting others down. But it takes conscious, daily effort until it becomes who you are.

I hope your vacation to Miami will help you both to reset.


- Doctor "Blame Yourself First, Not Others" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Thanks for the advice.

All of the car and tech part will be hard as I can't drive and not the techie type nerd. I'm the comicbook guy who rolls dice in the basement type.

I will probably have to dash my hopes then. Thanks though Doc

Dear Dashed Hopes,

Don't give up!

If you're willing to roll dice in your basement then you need to roll the dice out in the real world and get out there and engage with it.

Take your favorite comic books and read them out in public - maybe the woman of your dreams will notice and start a conversation with YOU.

I'm not sure about JC's puppy suggestion - if you're not already the caring, nurturing type at 40 it's unlikely you're going to be able to learn how by having responsibility for any pet, least of all a dog because they require A LOT of attention and nurturing, especially when they're puppies.

What about comic book conventions? Why not try going to one in your area?

And, most of all, make it your intent to meet someone. Say to yourself, "Today I'm going to meet someone new." And even if you end up not meeting anyone, say it again tomorrow and the day after that and so on until you do.

It will happen if you make it happen!

Good luck. Go out and roll the dice this weekend!


- Doctor "Gambling For Love Is Always A Winning Bet" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Vacation Time!!!

See you all in a month or so!

It's R & R time for Doctor Liz

 

[investor2020]

Dear Dr. Liz –

I am a little confused about your being upset with me for not commenting on your knee. Please understand that I meant no disrespect. It’s just that I was initially surprised by that photo in your response. At first glance, I thought that it was one of those CGI images you warned me about, and I was startled as to why you might have sent a trashy CGI picture to me.

But upon closer inspection, I realized it was not a trashy photo, that it was a stunning picture of you, and that you were really trying to bring me out of my puritanical Amish upbringing and show me that a woman’s body attributes were nothing to be afraid of. Still somewhat flustered, as I had never viewed a woman’s legs or knees before, I began to gaze over the sleekness of the long legs, the bending knee itself, and then the silky smooth skin above the knee. Admittedly though, I began to feel an uncomfortable warmth in parts of my body and wondered if that was a “normal” reaction to your photo, and perhaps that is what you intended to happen. If so, I appreciate you trying to bring me out of my social awkwardness.

I could never be fresh with a lady such as yourself, simply out of respect for you and my being very shy and inexperienced. And I could never lie to you as that would be breaking the Amish code of behavior.

Please accept my apology for the lack of an appropriate response to your beautiful photo.

Sincerely,
Your humble Wallflower

P.S. If you feel that my treatment would benefit from additional photos of you, please feel free to include them in future correspondence.

 

[investor2020]

Dr. Liz forwarded this photo of her backyard pool area . . . no wonder she is taking a needed break from her practice.

 

[SmartIsSexy64]

See you all in a month or so!

It's R & R time for Doctor Liz

I don't know her, so I'm curious if this is actually Liz?

 

[investor2020]

Dr. Liz does seem to know how to make best use of her time away from the clinic!

 

[investor2020]

But it's good to know that Dr. Liz is keeping current on the medical journals while relaxing on the beach . . .

 

[investor2020]

It's apparent, however, that Dr. Liz's clinic staff are taking advantage of her vacation absence when taking their afternoon breaks . . .


View attachment 2132950

 

[JerseyJade]

It's apparent, however, that Dr. Liz's clinic staff are taking advantage of her vacation absence when taking their afternoon breaks . . .


View attachment 2132950

It will be interesting to see Liz's reaction when she finds out she's logging into a new forum if or when she comes back.

 

[investor2020]

I don't know how Dr. Liz finds these secluded get-away places, but she sure does have the knack!

 

[LizVegas79]

I don't know how Dr. Liz finds these secluded get-away places, but she sure does have the knack!

View attachment 2134468

I'm sorry, I'm not at liberty to say. They're invitational only. Very VIP.

 

[JerseyJade]

Yay! Liz is back!

I missed you, girl friend.

 

[LizVegas79]

It will be interesting to see Liz's reaction when she finds out she's logging into a new forum if or when she comes back.

When I logged in yesterday I hated it. I couldn't figure out where anything was and I didn't want to take the time to learn. How do you feel about it JJ?

I'm trying to be a little more accepting of the changes today though. I'm bummed I can't find my old Favorite Threads anymore. Do we all have to recreate that list? Ugh. The system wasn't letting me post anything yesterday either, which as it turns out was probably a blessing in disguise. I guess maybe because they have a limit on our signature lines now and I was way over? idk. I guess I'm willing to give it another chance. Lit is such a time suck for me though. I got soooo much done last month when I stayed off it! But, I did miss many people on here. I'm not quite ready to deal with my backlog of PM's though. That may take a little while so apologies to any and every one if you wrote to me and I don't get back to you right away. It seems like I have to go find all my fave threads again. Fortunately that new Search feature seems to work pretty well. We'll see though. I very easily might get mad/sad/or pissed off again LOL!!

Does anyone have any problems that they need me to help with? Doctor Liz is, for the moment at least, taking new appointments/questions