ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[ZRT]

Motherfucker.

Creak up, old man. Can't hear ya over here.

 

[RawHumor]

OOooh, I liked this one. He obviously knew all about me.

Good morning.
Are you near Lexington,NC?
I'm looking for a female to tie and torture me. Details later.

 

[ZRT]

OOooh, I liked this one. He obviously knew all about me.

Another infrequent male, obviously.

 

[nh23]

My opinion, of course, is that all the frequently female posters here are lying, selfish bitches.

Oh! Was that a clue?

 

[RawHumor]

Another infrequent male, obviously.

Hey! I'm male at least 97% of the time, thank you very much!

 

[gypsy*seer]

My opinion, of course, is that all the frequently female posters here are lying, selfish bitches.

Hey!

 

[ZRT]

Hey!

Are there women who desire men just as men desire them? From what I have read women enjoy their bodies being desired and not desiring men's bodies?
Are there women who give an equal amount of foreplay?
Are there women who give as much pleasure as they take and bring their men to multiple orgasms through prostate stimulation and tantra?
Are there women who don't put their pleasure first?
Are there women who intiate sex as much as their man intiates?
Are there women who do as much work during sex as the man? Do they work even when a man is on top the way a man would work when a woman is on top?
Are there women who fulfill their men's fantasies just as much as he fulfills theirs?
Are there women who don't use sex as a control mechanism?
Do you think men have as many erogenous zones as women?
Do men give more and spend more time (longer sessions) on oral sex?


Are there sexually submissive women who give much more than they take?

ARE THERE?

 

[nh23]

Are there women who desire men just as men desire them? From what I have read women enjoy their bodies being desired and not desiring men's bodies?
Are there women who give an equal amount of foreplay?
Are there women who give as much pleasure as they take and bring their men to multiple orgasms through prostate stimulation and tantra?
Are there women who don't put their pleasure first?
Are there women who intiate sex as much as their man intiates?
Are there women who do as much work during sex as the man? Do they work even when a man is on top the way a man would work when a woman is on top?
Are there women who fulfill their men's fantasies just as much as he fulfills theirs?
Are there women who don't use sex as a control mechanism?
Do you think men have as many erogenous zones as women?
Do men give more and spend more time (longer sessions) on oral sex?


Are there sexually submissive women who give much more than they take?

ARE THERE?

That's why I was asking if it was a clue! I know it's against the rules to tell us who sent it..but if we guessed!!!

 

[ZRT]

That's why I was asking if it was a clue! I know it's against the rules to tell us who sent it..but if we guessed!!!

...I wish I was that clever.

No, whoever it is admitted that they were using a different ID than their usual one. I've got no idea.

 

[RawHumor]

Are there women who desire men just as men desire them? From what I have read women enjoy their bodies being desired and not desiring men's bodies?
Are there women who give an equal amount of foreplay?
Are there women who give as much pleasure as they take and bring their men to multiple orgasms through prostate stimulation and tantra?
Are there women who don't put their pleasure first?
Are there women who intiate sex as much as their man intiates?
Are there women who do as much work during sex as the man? Do they work even when a man is on top the way a man would work when a woman is on top?
Are there women who fulfill their men's fantasies just as much as he fulfills theirs?
Are there women who don't use sex as a control mechanism?
Do you think men have as many erogenous zones as women?
Do men give more and spend more time (longer sessions) on oral sex?


Are there sexually submissive women who give much more than they take?

ARE THERE?

I'm confused - are these your words or those of the anonymous 'new guy'?

 

[satindesire]

I'm confused - are these your words or those of the anonymous 'new guy'?

That was the new guy.

I can't believe you missed that post. It was a knee slapper all right. BiBunny made me laugh so hard I choked on my pineapple juice and it came out of my nose.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PINEAPPLE JUICE BURNS WHEN IT COMES OUT OF YOUR NOSE?!

 

[MisterSir]

That was the new guy.

I can't believe you missed that post. It was a knee slapper all right. BiBunny made me laugh so hard I choked on my pineapple juice and it came out of my nose.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PINEAPPLE JUICE BURNS WHEN IT COMES OUT OF YOUR NOSE?!

Not pineapple, but orange juice is no more pleasant.

The new guy that posted that, however, is a different one to the one that sent PMs a bunch of us, although both are probably morons.

 

[BiBunny]

That was the new guy.

I can't believe you missed that post. It was a knee slapper all right. BiBunny made me laugh so hard I choked on my pineapple juice and it came out of my nose.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PINEAPPLE JUICE BURNS WHEN IT COMES OUT OF YOUR NOSE?!

My bad.

 

[satindesire]

My bad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

 

[jockdom]

I've never really gotten that metaphor. Some of the tools in *my* toolbox don't need to be sharp: hammers, wrenches, etc. I prefer "not the brightest bulb in the chandelier." It seems less ambiguous.

Allright I agree with you on this one but what about "dumber than a bag of hammers!, who is to say a hammer is dumb!

I shall rephrase mine not the brightest spark.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Allright I agree with you on this one but what about "dumber than a bag of hammers!, who is to say a hammer is dumb!

I shall rephrase mine not the brightest spark.

I like "hasn't got the brains of a rubber duck," too.

For someone who's not good at anything they're supposed to do: "About as useful as a screen door on a submarine."

 

[jockdom]

I like "hasn't got the brains of a rubber duck," too.

For someone who's not good at anything they're supposed to do: "About as useful as a screen door on a submarine."

Here's a cople I like.
As useful as a chocolate teapot.
As useful as a fart in a spacesuit.

 

[ZRT]

As useful as a fart in a spacesuit.

Try a tyvex overall with a powered air-purifying respirator inside the suit.

Talk about ten minutes of 'God damn am I never eating onions ever again.'

 

[MisterSir]

Allright I agree with you on this one but what about "dumber than a bag of hammers!, who is to say a hammer is dumb!

CAPTAIN Hammer! He can whatever he damn well pleases!

 

[Homburg]

CAPTAIN Hammer! He can whatever he damn well pleases!

"[*raises fists*] And these are not The Hammer. [*exits*]
[*returns*] The Hammer is my penis."

 

[shy slave]

"[*raises fists*] And these are not The Hammer. [*exits*]
[*returns*] The Hammer is my penis."

I need to put some pictures up.

Would MIS and Viv mind if I borrowed your hammer?

*innocent look*

 

[MisterSir]

"[*raises fists*] And these are not The Hammer. [*exits*]
[*returns*] The Hammer is my penis."

BAD HORSE!

BAD HORSE!​

BAD HORSE!

BAD HORSE!​

And so on so forth. Princess of the petite, ruler of the redheads, thy name truly is Felicia Day.

 

[Homburg]

I need to put some pictures up.

Would MIS and Viv mind if I borrowed your hammer?

*innocent look*

While it has been described, on occasion, as hard enough to drive nails, I doubt that I would wish to use it as such.

--

BAD HORSE!

BAD HORSE!​

BAD HORSE!

BAD HORSE!​

And so on so forth. Princess of the petite, ruler of the redheads, thy name truly is Felicia Day.

Do not bounce Wonderflonium.

 

[Etoile]

I Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog! Yes I do

 

[Homburg]

I Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog! Yes I do

It is a fine, fine thing.