ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[nh23]

I've been on CollarMe for less than a day and already I have a message from a guy who doesn't realise I am neither gay nor submissive in any way. Hoo fucking ray.

It's a great profile. I think you should add "the man who wants the room to be still" pic to it though. I really like that one.

 

[Etoile]

He's back! I need you to take care of your friend for me.

My original response to his PM was.

I'm owned. Sorry.

So today he sends me one that says:
Then take your Yahoo ID off your profile

I wasn't so nice today:
Learn to read and you'd fucking know I'm not available. It's right in my sigline. Fuck Off

What in the flying monkey fuck does a yahoo ID have to do with whether you're owned or not?

 

[nh23]

What in the flying monkey fuck does a yahoo ID have to do with whether you're owned or not?

I guess if you have a yahoo id it means you automatically like to cam for strangers. I didn't get the memo.

 

[Etoile]

I guess if you have a yahoo id it means you automatically like to cam for strangers. I didn't get the memo.

*arches eyebrow*

Man, I knew there was a reason I don't IM.

 

[ZRT]

I've been on CollarMe for less than a day and already I have a message from a guy who doesn't realise I am neither gay nor submissive in any way. Hoo fucking ray.

Given your tendency to constantly come up with this sort of thing, I think fate is sending you a message.

I guess if you have a yahoo id it means you automatically like to cam for strangers. I didn't get the memo.

Shit, I need to get a cam then.

Guess I could use some extra cash...

 

[Etoile]

I think I'll sign up for CollarMe. I signed up for Fetlife why not CollarMe? I had a mock account there to hook trolls but the wife didn't like that. Maybe if I just be ME it's okay. I could see what I come up with. I suspect the percentage of people who ignore the "NOT LOOKING" on the profile will be much higher than on Fetlife...only ever gotten one asshat on there.

 

[Etoile]

Oh...I already have one. My password was even saved in Firefox. It doesn't get any mail. Oh well.

 

[nh23]

Shit, I need to get a cam then.

Guess I could use some extra cash...

Let me know when you have it. I'll start sending you asshat PM's

 

[graceanne]

I think I'll sign up for CollarMe. I signed up for Fetlife why not CollarMe? I had a mock account there to hook trolls but the wife didn't like that. Maybe if I just be ME it's okay. I could see what I come up with. I suspect the percentage of people who ignore the "NOT LOOKING" on the profile will be much higher than on Fetlife...only ever gotten one asshat on there.

I'd swear I sent you an asshat.

I know i sent ones to bett and snowy and eg. Didn't I send you an asshat?

 

[MisterSir]

Given your tendency to constantly come up with this sort of thing, I think fate is sending you a message.

"Stop pretending, you're actually gayer than Liberace's gimp"?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

"Stop pretending, you're actually gayer than Liberace's gimp"?

Well, *that's* rather dated. Most people your age don't even know who Liberace *is.* <hand-wave> They could have at least used Thir Elton or Boy G. <eye-roll>

bwahahahahaha!

 

[CutieMouse]

I think I'll sign up for CollarMe. I signed up for Fetlife why not CollarMe? I had a mock account there to hook trolls but the wife didn't like that. Maybe if I just be ME it's okay. I could see what I come up with. I suspect the percentage of people who ignore the "NOT LOOKING" on the profile will be much higher than on Fetlife...only ever gotten one asshat on there.

Oh...I already have one. My password was even saved in Firefox. It doesn't get any mail. Oh well.

It's okay - I get one maaaaaaybe once or twice a year between Lit & Fetlife; when I had an account at CM it wasn't much higher. LOL

 

[MisterSir]

Well, *that's* rather dated. Most people your age don't even know who Liberace *is.* <hand-wave> They could have at least used Thir Elton or Boy G. <eye-roll>

bwahahahahaha!

I break the curve. It's a good thing.

 

[ZRT]

Let me know when you have it. I'll start sending you asshat PM's

MONEY. M-o-n-e-y. Cashola.

"Stop pretending, you're actually gayer than Liberace's gimp"?

There's got to be a logical reason why you manage to show up on gaydar from thousands of kilometers away.

 

[MisterSir]

There's got to be a logical reason why you manage to show up on gaydar from thousands of kilometers away.

Here's four facts about me that should explain:

21.
Still a virgin.
Never really had a proper relationship.
Enjoys the music of Lady GaGa.

Enough said.

 

[ZRT]

Here's four facts about me that should explain:

21.
Still a virgin.
Never really had a proper relationship.
Enjoys the music of Lady GaGa.

Enough said.

...who the fuck is Lady GaGa?

 

[MisterSir]

...who the fuck is Lady GaGa?

The mutant offspring of that berk who wasn't Annie Lennox out of Eurythmics and Liz Enthusiasm, the lead singer from Freezepop. Now admit it, you don't understand a word I just said past "mutant offspring".

 

[ZRT]

The mutant offspring of that berk who wasn't Annie Lennox out of Eurythmics and Liz Enthusiasm, the lead singer from Freezepop. Now admit it, you don't understand a word I just said past "mutant offspring".

Actually, I made it to 'Eurythmics' before you lost me. I was around for the eighties, m'boy.

 

[MisterSir]

Actually, I made it to 'Eurythmics' before you lost me. I was around for the eighties, m'boy.

But don't you ever listen to the radio? Or even go in stores where it's playing? It's not like she's this one-hit wonder popular for a month who disappears and joins a cult in Texas, just being old isn't an excuse!

 

[ZRT]

But don't you ever listen to the radio? Or even go in stores where it's playing? It's not like she's this one-hit wonder popular for a month who disappears and joins a cult in Texas, just being old isn't an excuse!

Well, she obviously isn't on the station I listen to.

And all the stores I go to play easy-listening type stuff.

Now if she did join a cult in Texas, I might get to know her.

 

[graceanne]

But don't you ever listen to the radio? Or even go in stores where it's playing? It's not like she's this one-hit wonder popular for a month who disappears and joins a cult in Texas, just being old isn't an excuse!

I've never heard of her, either.

 

[nh23]

Well, she obviously isn't on the station I listen to.

And all the stores I go to play easy-listening type stuff.

Now if she did join a cult in Texas, I might get to know her.

I've never heard of her, either.

This is one of my favorite songs by her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ngf5Oo_XrjI

I'm normally a hard rock/metal fan, but Lady Gaga is cool.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

This is one of my favorite songs by her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ngf5Oo_XrjI

I'm normally a hard rock/metal fan, but Lady Gaga is cool.

She has a spankable ass, too.

 

[nh23]

She has a spankable ass, too.

I see her being more of a spanker than a spankee.

 

[MisterSir]

This is one of my favorite songs by her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ngf5Oo_XrjI

I'm normally a hard rock/metal fan, but Lady Gaga is cool.

Yes, a message that the video can't be seen in my country is totally bitching. I have a soft spot for this mash-up some enterprising soul came up with.

I see her being more of a spanker than a spankee.

Disappointingly so. I get shit for admitting I think she's attractive, but even if her idea of fashion is a bit bonkers she does have an excellent body, and I would certainly not kick her out of bed.