ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[VelvetDarkness]

So, um... I guess the question here is...

Are Asshats vegan? I've been snacking on a few lately. This was the latest pointless pm.

I noticed you have Yahoo messenger, you seem really interesting, would you like to chat on there? Maybe on cam?


cheers

Yeah, I have such a burning desire to cyber and cam with every creep too lazy to say anything about himself or fill out his profile, who fires off a copy/paste pm at every vaguely female username.

I happen to be fascinating. You, like the other horny teens typing with just one hand, are not.

 

[graceanne]

I actually got this in my email but it was so funny I wanted to share:

Good day and how are you today?

There is information I think might interest you. First kindly confirm if you are the owner of this email address.
I am ..., I work with Barclays Bank. I do not know if I am talking to the right person, But I will like you to confirm if you are the owner of this email ID. Already I have your name and details in our file in the office, but somehow I am not comfortable and too sure that I am communicating with the right owner of this email.

That is why I did not mention your Name, if you can prove that you are the owner of this email ID, then I will furnish you with the information that I have for you, when I am convinced I am talking to the right person and will proceed with you.

I am taking this preventive measure because I do not want to talk to the wrong person because of the sensitivity of the information regarding the issue.

Other details will be forwarded to you as soon as I am convinced that I am communicating with the right​

So lemme get this straight. He knows who I am, but he wants me to tell him who I am so he'll know I'm who I am so he can give me 'sensitive information'? ROFL

Riiiiiight. And if I buy that you've got a bridge to sell me, right?

I also forwarded it to K, and he laughed his ass off.

 

[unregistered]

 

[RawHumor]

Well.... banks and legitimate business ventures always use personal e-mail addresses for major transaction communications and butcher the English language.

 

[minx1]

Well.... banks and legitimate business ventures always use personal e-mail addresses for major transaction communications and butcher the English language.

You know, whenever I see your name on this thread...I always automatically think ''oh gawd who has he been sending asshats to now!''

*sniggers*

 

[RawHumor]

You know, whenever I see your name on this thread...I always automatically think ''oh gawd who has he been sending asshats to now!''

*sniggers*

Ah yes, my very first PM to you... back when you were shy and sweet.

 

[minx1]

Ah yes, my very first PM to you... back when you were shy and sweet.

Yeah....just last week

 

[ultramarineblue]

"You and I seem to have a lot in common."

We've exchanged less than a 1000 words total. Of course we have a lot in common. We're both human. We both live in the same state. We are both into kinky stuff. Wow.....we have so much in common we should live happily ever after.

 

[graceanne]

Graceanne, How can you let this opportunity pass you by? Maybe some person you've never met, who lives overseas, has left you a fortune!! OR, you could have won a foreign lottery!

Again? How many freaken foreign lotteries can one person WIN?

 

[satindesire]

"You and I seem to have a lot in common."

We've exchanged less than a 1000 words total. Of course we have a lot in common. We're both human. We both live in the same state. We are both into kinky stuff. Wow.....we have so much in common we should live happily ever after.

*chuckle*

 

[Sir_Winston54]

*chuckle*

Where ya been, nerdmamma? Haven't seen you around here lately... have I just been in the wrong threads?

 

[nh23]

So, um... I guess the question here is...

Are Asshats vegan? I've been snacking on a few lately. This was the latest pointless pm.



Yeah, I have such a burning desire to cyber and cam with every creep too lazy to say anything about himself or fill out his profile, who fires off a copy/paste pm at every vaguely female username.

I happen to be fascinating. You, like the other horny teens typing with just one hand, are not.

I got that one too. Except mine said I was beautiful. I suppose because I have a AV pic.

 

[satindesire]

Where ya been, nerdmamma? Haven't seen you around here lately... have I just been in the wrong threads?

I've been in Eufala getting lots of exercise. I started the early stages of labor, already 2c dilated (contractions daily for the last few days) and Brooklyn has moved all the way down into the birthing position, so we've been walking A LOT to get the process moving along.

Oh, more good news. Mister has been reading a lot of Literotica for the last few months and he's decided to join us. He's actually making his own screen name right now.

I got that one too. Except mine said I was beautiful. I suppose because I have a AV pic.

Well, proof that asshats can be right about some things

 

[nh23]

Well, proof that asshats can be right about some things

Awww..you're so sweet.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I got that one too. Except mine said I was beautiful. I suppose because I have a AV pic.

Ah... but he stalked me on an SRP thread. I gotta win... right?

 

[nh23]

Ah... but he stalked me on an SRP thread. I gotta win... right?

He's all yours chickie.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I've been in Eufala getting lots of exercise. I started the early stages of labor, already 2c dilated (contractions daily for the last few days) and Brooklyn has moved all the way down into the birthing position, so we've been walking A LOT to get the process moving along.

Oh, more good news. Mister has been reading a lot of Literotica for the last few months and he's decided to join us. He's actually making his own screen name right now.

Yay! Tell him to get his screen name sorted. Someone's got to tell us you're still alive when you're up to your neck in diapers.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

He's all yours chickie.

Hmm... somehow it's a hollow victory.

 

[satindesire]

Awww..you're so sweet.

Nah, just honest honey.

Yay! Tell him to get his screen name sorted. Someone's got to tell us you're still alive when you're up to your neck in diapers.

If it's available, he said he's picking "VinnieGrimm" to match his myspace and gmail account.

 

[Hisbeauty]

Well, as Gracie posted...i have gotten the Nigerian emails...

But the latest take on that was this "mechanical engineer" who's grandma supposedly died and left 300 or 1000 puppies and how many did i want to adopt??? Considering where i am living now...NONE!!! i like animals, but what's the catch?

There are some really different people out there.

 

[00Syd]

You have really nice eyes. What's hidden beneath?

.....

Thanks for the compliment, random person who's profile photo is of a massive black cock. Don't think I'm going to answer your question, sorry.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

You have really nice eyes. What's hidden beneath?

.....

Thanks for the compliment, random person whose profile photo is of a massive black cock. Don't think I'm going to answer your question, sorry.

Random or not, he's right. You *do* have really nice eyes.

 

[00Syd]

Random or not, he's right. You *do* have really nice eyes.

Aw, see? The compliment is so much nicer coming from someone I know and respect.

 

[nh23]

Hmm... somehow it's a hollow victory.

He's back! I need you to take care of your friend for me.

My original response to his PM was.

I'm owned. Sorry.

So today he sends me one that says:
Then take your Yahoo ID off your profile

I wasn't so nice today:
Learn to read and you'd fucking know I'm not available. It's right in my sigline. Fuck Off

 

[MisterSir]

I've been on CollarMe for less than a day and already I have a message from a guy who doesn't realise I am neither gay nor submissive in any way. Hoo fucking ray.