ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[Sir_Winston54]

<snippage of disgusting stuff> What's the deal? Is my perfume? Did I post "Please pm me with meaningless drivel" one night, while I was drunk and can't remember?

*Cue Twilight Zone Music*

No. There's a wwweb page that only weirdos can find, that says to send all meaningless drivel and sick sexual stuff to Keroin. I'm a weirdo so I found it, but since I already "know" you, I sent all my drivel and sick stuff to one of the other targets on the page.

I'm kidding, of course. Just wanted to make that clear.

 

[notalwaysweak]

I got a relatively minor one a little while back that included the line 'You look like you're a considerably with it dude.'

Gee, thanks. Except that I'm not a dude. I would've hoped my avvy made that clear!

 

[ZRT]

I got a relatively minor one a little while back that included the line 'You look like you're a considerably with it dude.'

Gee, thanks. Except that I'm not a dude. I would've hoped my avvy made that clear!

It's not very common, but I have known guys who call women 'dude'.

 

[WriterDom]

You look like Ryan O'Neal.

I do? Never heard that before.

 

[Homburg]

Bwahahahaha!!!

Received a PM entitled "You are" with the following text.

a giant douche. Grow a penis that is more than an eighth of an inch long, and while you're at it put some hair on your tiny balls. Seriously, you make me want to puke with how immature and childish you are, and it scares me to think that you have any contact with other human beings, let alone as a dominant. I spit on you, and hope you rot in hell. Be a fucking man and don't be a little bitch and respond to this.

I wonder if anyone can guess who sent this?

*snort*

 

[graceanne]

Bwahahahaha!!!

Received a PM entitled "You are" with the following text.



I wonder if anyone can guess who sent this?

*snort*

Now I'm glad I avoided that thread.

http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h284/graceanne1978/Drama_Queen360x347.jpg

 

[BlitzKrieger]

Bwahahahaha!!!

Received a PM entitled "You are" with the following text.



I wonder if anyone can guess who sent this?

*snort*

I got one too from that same individual. lol I think we hit a nerve. Maybe if he had more rum he would be a happier guy?

 

[Homburg]

I got one too from that same individual. lol I think we hit a nerve. Maybe if he had more rum he would be a happier guy?

Maybe. Alcohol tends to bring out the asshole even more blatantly with some people.

 

[Keroin]

I wonder if anyone can guess who sent this?

*snort*

OK, so I had a bad morning and that comment you made about Steve Irwin really pissed me of and...

Oh wait, sorry, just realized that was the PM I composed in my head but never actually sent! Oops.



Um, wow, whoever sent that is a real jerk.

*Whistles and shuffles out of thread*

 

[ZRT]

I am so wounded.

Don't I even rate as a medium douche?

 

[satindesire]

I am so wounded.

Don't I even rate as a medium douche?

At least Douche Diet.

Just One Calorie.

 

[ZRT]

At least Douche Diet.

Just One Calorie.

...you're not helping my supremely wounded ego here.

I mean, I got nary a PM, and unlike Homburg I was being actively derisive and condescending.

Fucking beta version gets all the glory again.

 

[ZRT]

Upon further consideration and a boldfaced rearranging of events so as to suit my wounded pride, I will conclude that he feared my rapier wit would further lacerate his own ego so much that he dared not enter into a joust with me.

Yeah.

And, like, nobody's scared of Homburg. So he felt safer that way.

Bingo.

God, I love my flexible reality.

 

[graceanne]

God, I love my flexible reality.

Hooray for flexible realities!

 

[Homburg]

Fucking beta version gets all the glory again.

Beta does it better. Release version was too buggy.

 

[Homburg]

This one was just too funny.

Lol... you know, the minimum age here is 18; they should do a better job of kicking the 5 year old pussies out. Laughing vigorously at your idiotic squabbles makes my day. You are a giant douche.

My reply:

So the guy calling me a "giant douche" is casting aspersions on my age? Do you actually read what you write?

I'll be going to bed with a smile on my face.

 

[graceanne]

This one was just too funny.



My reply:



I'll be going to bed with a smile on my face.

Doesn't it feel like a battle of wits with an unarmed man?

 

[satindesire]

Doesn't it feel like a battle of wits with an unarmed man?

Hoo! Hah! Dodge! Parry! Hah!

(Brownie Points for the quote guess)

 

[BiBunny]

Hoo! Hah! Dodge! Parry! Hah!

(Brownie Points for the quote guess)

Robin Hood, Men in Tights? I'm probably dead wrong, LOL.

 

[CurlyKat]

Robin Hood, Men in Tights? I'm probably dead wrong, LOL.

One of my all time favorite movies!

 

[BiBunny]

One of my all time favorite movies!

Mine, too. I do so Mel Brooks.

 

[ZRT]

Beta does it better. Release version was too buggy.

And after all the times I've been patched, too...

 

[rida]

Upon further consideration and a boldfaced rearranging of events so as to suit my wounded pride, I will conclude that he feared my rapier wit would further lacerate his own ego so much that he dared not enter into a joust with me.

Yeah.

And, like, nobody's scared of Homburg. So he felt safer that way.

Bingo.

God, I love my flexible reality.

I just envisioned a line of dildos with the following names:

""Flexible Reality" for the ones that like it their way"
""Harsh Truth" when nothing else cuts it"
""Giant Douche" for the ones that like it big and wet"
""Diet Douche" still wet, just slimmer"



For the ones that feel like throwing vegetables, please pile them in the box at your -------------------------> right

 

[Homburg]

And after all the times I've been patched, too...

Pobrecito.

Now he's moved on to internet tough guy BS.

I sincerely wish I could meet you right now so I could quite literally kick your ass.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Pobrecito.

Now he's moved on to internet tough guy BS.

Give him a place to meet you. Just make sure MIS or Viv is there with a videocamera so we can enjoy the fun, too. On second thought, have 'em *both* there with cameras so we can enjoy it from two angles!