ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[PatchIsMe]

I want to go on record by saying that being a super soaker is nothing to be happy with. For one thing those nifty little breast pads don't do squat, so you're constantly wet. You have to change the towel you sleep on at least once a night. Sometimes you get so wet it drips on the floor and you have to clean it up. And your baby is more likely to be colicy if your milk comes out to fast, cause they have to gulp to swallow it and they ingest a lot of air.

Lol I suppose it is much like the straight hair / curly hair argument! The women with straight hair would love to have some curls and the curly haired girls would love it if their hair would just lay flat!

 

[graceanne]

Lol I suppose it is much like the straight hair / curly hair argument! The women with straight hair would love to have some curls and the curly haired girls would love it if their hair would just lay flat!

Very likely.

 

[MisterSir]

Dear Holly.
I would like to offer you a job opportunity with Velso Estate Solutions Ltd. I have found your resume in the CareerBuilder job database. Our company is looking for a highly-motivated customer service agent for working remotly. We are offering quite an attractive salary and bonuses. Our company’s speciality is in selling various real estate all over the world. Our trademark is famous for its high-quality client service and support. So, if you apply, you should provide a professional service for our clients from USA and Canada. We are experiencing trouble with supporting our USA and Canadian clients, that's why we are looking for a person, who would promote our services in these countries and consult our clients.
Title: Regional agent
Base Salary: $1500, paid bi-weekly, total $3000 per month, excluding bonuses.
The bonuses are calculated by our manager after analizing your success in job performance. You will also receive a stable 5% bonus from every sold real estate.

Please contact me if you are interested with this opportunity.

Sincerely,
Mark Farringer

Thank you, Mark Farringer, I just have three problems with your offer.

1) I'm male and my name is not Holly.
2) I'm from England.
3) I have absolutely no interest in being "analized" ever. EVER.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Thank you, Mark Farringer, I just have three problems with your offer.

1) I'm male and my name is not Holly.
2) I'm from England.
3) I have absolutely no interest in being "analized" ever. EVER.

A quick Google of Velso Estate Solutions comes up with this "I Deceive" blog, which identifies VES as an apparent "money mule" operation. Sounds like fun.

 

[RawHumor]

Lol I suppose it is much like the straight hair / curly hair argument! The women with straight hair would love to have some curls and the curly haired girls would love it if their hair would just lay flat!

Same with breasts.

Those that have A/B cups wish they had D's... those that have double D's wish they had B's or C's.

 

[CurlyKat]

Apparently my week away from internet access warrented a terrific welcome back PM......

"Has master paper trained you? I want to see those tits and nipples. Send me a picture showing them."

I'm really, really fighting the urge to send back "don't be an ass" or something to that extent. Wouldn't want to encourage him, though.

 

[minx1]

3) I have absolutely no interest in being "analized" ever. EVER.

ooh I quite fancy that one. Each to their own

 

[StrayKat]

Same with breasts.

Those that have A/B cups wish they had D's... those that have double D's wish they had B's or C's.

Funny, I am happy with my breasts size and my hair.

 

[HisSexyPet]

Apparently my week away from internet access warrented a terrific welcome back PM......

"Has master paper trained you? I want to see those tits and nipples. Send me a picture showing them."

I'm really, really fighting the urge to send back "don't be an ass" or something to that extent. Wouldn't want to encourage him, though.

Send him the picture from post #3136 on page 126 of this thread...giggles

 

[minx1]

Funny, I am happy with my breasts size and my hair.

I always wanted smaller breasts...so i could wear a strappy t without a bra. Now I have smaller ones, I wish they were bigger again
I'm one of those whose boob size seems to be directly related to weight lol

 

[CurlyKat]

Send him the picture from post #3136 on page 126 of this thread...giggles

*evil giggles*

 

[StrayKat]

I always wanted smaller breasts...so i could wear a strappy t without a bra. Now I have smaller ones, I wish they were bigger again
I'm one of those whose boob size seems to be directly related to weight lol

I have what I would call generous D and I am used to bras since I was 12. I guess I would like to wear things without bra as well, but then when I see how men generally react on my breasts I say wearing a bra is small price to pay
But yeah, if I could get smaller hips and ass and keep my tits the same that would be perfect

 

[DVS]

Lol I suppose it is much like the straight hair / curly hair argument! The women with straight hair would love to have some curls and the curly haired girls would love it if their hair would just lay flat!

I don't have an opinion on squirters, but I'd like to have some hair. It's been a long time and winter is coming. It gets cold on the top of my head and it's really true that 90% of body heat goes out the top of your head.

Damn, I want to move to the south. I hate the cold.

Do mothers squirt more in northern or southern states, do you think? Just asking.

 

[neci]

I don't have an opinion on squirters, but I'd like to have some hair. It's been a long time and winter is coming. It gets cold on the top of my head and it's really true that 90% of body heat goes out the top of your head.

Damn, I want to move to the south. I hate the cold.

Do mothers squirt more in northern or southern states, do you think? Just asking.

my vote is for the south... the heat does something you that just don't get up north
but that is also a big guess, seeing how i have never been squirted on by a yankee mommy

 

[satindesire]

I don't have an opinion on squirters, but I'd like to have some hair. It's been a long time and winter is coming. It gets cold on the top of my head and it's really true that 90% of body heat goes out the top of your head.

Damn, I want to move to the south. I hate the cold.

Do mothers squirt more in northern or southern states, do you think? Just asking.

I really don't think temperature really affects the ability to squirt milk a lot. I know that I produce more after taking hot showers, but it doesn't change if I can squirt or not. I've always been able to, ever since my milk came in about 4 days after Brooke was born.

 

[Cattypuss]

I have just had this exchange today via PMs...

Very young wanker with 8 posts to his name contacts me out of the blue with a rather to-the-point message:


VYW: "What's the youngest guy you'd sleep with?"

Cattypuss "74. Now leave me alone, Sonny."

VYW: "Oh ok - that's hot".

 

[satindesire]

I have just had this exchange today via PMs...

Very young wanker with 8 posts to his name contacts me out of the blue with a rather to-the-point message:


VYW: "What's the youngest guy you'd sleep with?"

Cattypuss "74. Now leave me alone, Sonny."

VYW: "Oh ok - that's hot".

I would have told him something way more ridiculous, but then again, I'm not as nice as you are.

 

[Etoile]

Or you could go the other way and say 12, but that has the potential to be squicky, not funny.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I tell asshat that I am only looking for friendship and that it will go no further. He says he is ok with that. Then he wants to know if I have a PYL. He states that I don't receive enough discipline and that he can help out because I'm a sub and subs need discipline simple as that.

His last response was that I have a very good Dom. I guess his way is to try and see if he can lure pyls away from their PYLs.

 

[BlitzKrieger]

I tell asshat that I am only looking for friendship and that it will go no further. He says he is ok with that. Then he wants to know if I have a PYL. He states that I don't receive enough discipline and that he can help out because I'm a sub and subs need discipline simple as that.

His last response was that I have a very good Dom. I guess his way is to try and see if he can lure pyls away from their PYLs.

In my book, that's not a Dom, or any sort of PYL, at all. That's a predator. A bad one, from the looks of it.

 

[BiBunny]

Really? Subs need discipline? Someone should inform my owners of this at once. 'Cause they're laboring under the delusion that I don't need anything; they just really like me fucking them and doing their laundry.

 

[satindesire]

I tell asshat that I am only looking for friendship and that it will go no further. He says he is ok with that. Then he wants to know if I have a PYL. He states that I don't receive enough discipline and that he can help out because I'm a sub and subs need discipline simple as that.

His last response was that I have a very good Dom. I guess his way is to try and see if he can lure pyls away from their PYLs.

Tell him he needs to brush up on his ESP. His psychic look into your life needs windex.

 

[ultramarineblue]

In my book, that's not a Dom, or any sort of PYL, at all. That's a predator. A bad one, from the looks of it.

Absolutely. I just can't help pestering him back.

Really? Subs need discipline? Someone should inform my owners of this at once. 'Cause they're laboring under the delusion that I don't need anything; they just really like me fucking them and doing their laundry.

I love that.

Tell him he needs to brush up on his ESP. His psychic look into your life needs windex.

Windex

His last response was, "subs need spankings. Tell Him you need to be in tears by the end."

He's one of those that is into the capitalization. Ugh. He wouldn't last long around here. The pyls would run him off in tears.

 

[MisterSir]

His last response was, "subs need spankings. Tell Him you need to be in tears by the end."

He's one of those that is into the capitalization. Ugh. He wouldn't last long around here. The pyls would run him off in tears.

Bring him here. It's been altogether too long since the last blowhard wandered over with a gigantically inflated opinion of himself (like, a whole three weeks! And I missed most of the action there because I was at work, I'm probably owed it)

 

[ultramarineblue]

Bring him here. It's been altogether too long since the last blowhard wandered over with a gigantically inflated opinion of himself (like, a whole three weeks! And I missed most of the action there because I was at work, I'm probably owed it)

That is an entertaining thought.