ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[unregistered]

 

[satindesire]

First email:

---i am the person who wrote in yesterday with my question on my ex and you are the one who got my question cancelled. i never got the chance to reply back so i will now. who the fuck do you think you are, i have read your profile write up and let me tell you that you are a thick bitch who stumbled across a problem that required responses way beyond your usual trail of thoughts. your nothing but an old washed out slut and your respons was not required or appreciated. you carry on and advise people on how to be into sexual fetishes, fucking smutty freak. thats why your husband sticks around is it as it seems that's all you have to offer. id keep on trying to be a good christian as well because you fell at the first hurdle rom your last response that i read, which was then deleted. you are a nasty, ugly minded bitch and you used blasphemous language openly, hope you go to hell for that. as for modelling, fuck me you look like an old pron queen, so was you successful in sucking cocks all around America. stupid cow your a nobody, ive travelled around America, wooopeee fucking do. you've been on here two minutes and your rated poorly, i never was, so shut your fucking ugly mouth up you thick bitch, your advice is shite, your a typical gobby, thick, vacumous, fucking yank and this is a false profile, so i will be watching out for you on my real one. Lastly fuck off and stick to being the old slag you are dishing out your shitty, grubby comments, SHE DEVIL!!!!!!!!



Second email:

--that was meant to say porn queen not prom by the way so dont think i was giving you any compliments. And as for the kid that you had, giving it date of birth and time it was oushed out, tell people who care you freak, who gives a shit when it was born, another kid to overpopulate the world and no doubt it will grow up as thick as you are. get over yourself you prized slapper.

 

[graceanne]

First email:

---i am the person who wrote in yesterday with my question on my ex and you are the one who got my question cancelled. i never got the chance to reply back so i will now. who the fuck do you think you are, i have read your profile write up and let me tell you that you are a thick bitch who stumbled across a problem that required responses way beyond your usual trail of thoughts. your nothing but an old washed out slut and your respons was not required or appreciated. you carry on and advise people on how to be into sexual fetishes, fucking smutty freak. thats why your husband sticks around is it as it seems that's all you have to offer. id keep on trying to be a good christian as well because you fell at the first hurdle rom your last response that i read, which was then deleted. you are a nasty, ugly minded bitch and you used blasphemous language openly, hope you go to hell for that. as for modelling, fuck me you look like an old pron queen, so was you successful in sucking cocks all around America. stupid cow your a nobody, ive travelled around America, wooopeee fucking do. you've been on here two minutes and your rated poorly, i never was, so shut your fucking ugly mouth up you thick bitch, your advice is shite, your a typical gobby, thick, vacumous, fucking yank and this is a false profile, so i will be watching out for you on my real one. Lastly fuck off and stick to being the old slag you are dishing out your shitty, grubby comments, SHE DEVIL!!!!!!!!



Second email:

--that was meant to say porn queen not prom by the way so dont think i was giving you any compliments. And as for the kid that you had, giving it date of birth and time it was oushed out, tell people who care you freak, who gives a shit when it was born, another kid to overpopulate the world and no doubt it will grow up as thick as you are. get over yourself you prized slapper.

Wow. Someone is really full of themselves. Did you get this from lit? And what was that all about?

 

[satindesire]

Wow. Someone is really full of themselves. Did you get this from lit? And what was that all about?

No, dearcupid.

And it was about the fact that this woman came onto the website and asked if a "marriage can last when the man just got married because his parents died and he didn't want to be lonely anymore."

Since she didn't give us enough information to really guess at that, so I asked her to please give us some more information.

She ended up saying that it was her ex husband, and that he had told their daughter that the ONLY reason he was getting remarried to another woman was because he didn't want to be lonely anymore becasue his parents died.

Well, we put ourselves in his shoes and told her the truth from our perspective from what little information was given (WHICH...is what she ASKED for!) , that he probably loved this woman and just said that to keep from hurting their daughter's feelings.

She argued this point very angrily...We tried our best (we meaning myself and a bunch of other advice-givers) to help her. She hated our answers and made that VERY clear, by being a TOTAL and complete bitch to the people to tried very hard to help her and were actually not mean or hateful to her in any way. She bragged very arrogantly that because SHE had the "top rating" and was the "top agony Aunt" on the site, SHE gave better advice than this and that certain posters needed to just GET OUT and stop advising her, because their advice wasn't welcome. (She did not say this to me, but to two other very nice moderators who tried to help her.)

So, I called her out. I told her that she was acting like an ungrateful slag (in actual much nicer terms than that, I'm just keeping it short.) and that she was actually really there asking for people to agree with her and tell her what she wanted to hear, rather than for REAL advice, and since she was the BEST advice giver, and the TOP agony aunt with the TOP rating...then she should give herself some advice instead of asking us when we were so bad at it compared to her.

She made a new account, emailed me those emails, then immediately deleted the account. I reported them, since harassment is actually against the site rules there period. She did it that way because she was a coward and didn't want to get booted from the site or lose her "top rating" by being downrated for being a bitch.

So there's the story.

What I find amusing from all of it is the only thing she can insult me with is saying that I caused overpopulation (she has a daughter as well as me.), That I was American (Oh My Gawd, I'm a Yank! Whatever shall I DO?!) that I was old (she's older than men),and that I was ugly...Yeah. Sure. I'm Soooo ugly.

Pffffft!

And because I modeled, I MUST have been a porn star, because I look like one.

Porn stars are hot. That's why porn is so popular and those women make so much money.

She also said the only reason my husband was sticking around was because I was into "freaky shit". Um, so what's the insult about that? I'm good in bed! Oh noes! That hurts my fweewings!

 

[neci]

First email:
xxxxx
Second email:
xxxxx

wow is right. what a jack ass. the Porn Prom Queen is a cool title though. can i make you a pretty crown? i'm thinking pink glitter, shiny stones, silver and gold. i enjoy reading your posts. just so you know.

 

[satindesire]

wow is right. what a jack ass. the Porn Prom Queen is a cool title though. can i make you a pretty crown? i'm thinking pink glitter, shiny stones, silver and gold. i enjoy reading your posts. just so you know.

I'd love that! I lost my tiaras when I broke up with my ex, and I miss them. Used to wear them all the time.

Porn Prom Queen. Love it! I'm so changing my title!

 

[graceanne]

I'd love that! I lost my tiaras when I broke up with my ex, and I miss them. Used to wear them all the time.

Porn Prom Queen. Love it! I'm so changing my title!

Make sure to change your title at the other forum, too. It should really annoy her. LOL

 

[satindesire]

Make sure to change your title at the other forum, too. It should really annoy her. LOL

I can't.

 

[neci]

I'd love that! I lost my tiaras when I broke up with my ex, and I miss them. Used to wear them all the time.

Porn Prom Queen. Love it! I'm so changing my title!

yay!!!!!

here you go....
penis tiara

i like this one too....
http://www.crystaltipstiaras.co.uk/high_res/Tiaras%2023.jpg

Make sure to change your title at the other forum, too. It should really annoy her. LOL

hehehe maybe an acronym, the PPQ!

 

[satindesire]

I'll take this one:

http://weddingo.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/waterlily_tiara.jpg

Or this one:

http://www.prlog.org/10134312-tiara-and-tiaras.jpg

 

[graceanne]

I can't.

Bummer.

Could you put it in your sig line?

yay!!!!!

here you go....
penis tiara

LOL! looks like a great gag gift for an adult party. Last year my best friend got invited to a Christmas party at the bar she works at, and she brought this pair of underwear that have a spot for the man to put his dick in and it looks like an elephant.

Kinda like this:

http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/mens elephant.jpg

i like this one too....
http://www.crystaltipstiaras.co.uk/high_res/Tiaras%2023.jpg

Ooh, pretty!

hehehe maybe an acronym, the PPQ!

You know, we're gonna have to call her that from now on, right?

I'll take this one:

http://weddingo.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/waterlily_tiara.jpg

Or this one:

http://www.prlog.org/10134312-tiara-and-tiaras.jpg

Both are beautiful!

 

[neci]

I'll take this one:

http://weddingo.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/waterlily_tiara.jpg

Or this one:

http://www.prlog.org/10134312-tiara-and-tiaras.jpg

oooooh! i love pretty shiny things!

LOL! looks like a great gag gift for an adult party. Last year my best friend got invited to a Christmas party at the bar she works at, and she brought this pair of underwear that have a spot for the man to put his dick in and it looks like an elephant.

Kinda like this:

http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/mens elephant.jpg

that's just fun! i wonder how many Doms on this board would willingly wear one of those without having to be tied down...

You know, we're gonna have to call her that from now on, right?

hehehe, sounds like a plan!

 

[graceanne]

that's just fun! i wonder how many Doms on this board would willingly wear one of those without having to be tied down...

We should make a poll.

 

[sinnocence]

Lolololol. She called you a she devil. Who says that?

 

[graceanne]

Lolololol. She called you a she devil. Who says that?

An older woman.

 

[satindesire]

An older woman.

And yet I'm the "old slapper".

We should make a poll.

Do it! I DARE YOU! =3

hehehe, sounds like a plan!

DAMMITDAMMITDAMMIT!

 

[dunk_911]

Lolololol. She called you a she devil. Who says that?

ron burgundy

 

[Aquila1]

I do really like the use of the word vacumous though. I think I will make it my new word of the week, so when I am vacuuming the floors I can be an evil vacumous bitch

 

[satindesire]

I do really like the use of the word vacumous though. I think I will make it my new word of the week, so when I am vacuuming the floors I can be an evil vacumous bitch

I know, right? I'm the one who's apparently a moron yet she can't even use real words to insult me.

That's just imsulping to my enteliphants.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

This one came out of the blue, and while I appreciate the effort... I had to say, eh?

Mrs. Jackson continued stamping the dates on the charts and returning the bar code scan to the proper place. These types of things were very very important to the stable order of her world. It was a clean well-lighted place that she craved where she could lose her (just married at 26 years old) head in a good read.

Today she had desk duty and when the handsome older man (he looked ancient-almost 38 years old, she thought) asked for some help, she was only to happy to oblige.

Johnson followed the pert pretty hair in a bun up the stairs to the fourth floor alcove where the precious historical documents and blueprints were kept behind lock and key. As Mrs. Jackson removed the docs from the glass case, she noticed Johnson was closing the door and locking it. He truned to her smiling, and said "I just want to make sure I understand how to retrieve the documents I'm interested in" he said, re-assuringly.

Mts. Jackson felt her quim shiver, as she felt the power of this handsome bearded stranger radiating off of him and onto her.

"Its a little warm in here" she murmured as she took of the tight band holding her hair up ina tight bun. Her armpits were damp and she unbuttoned just the collar button of her librarian's blouse, letting in some sorely needed air. She was getting aroused yet she did not know why. "We have sex every night" she tought to herself about her husband and her's sex life. Yet she knew she needed more. She needed someone to take control of her spirit and guide it, channel it, use it, as she had so much to give, she thought to herself (unconsciuosly, no doubt).

Johnson calmly said to 'take off your clothes" and she grew flustered, reddening in her face as she almost buckled over the chair with the power of his words. She was dizzy and almost fainted as the blood raced to her head and her body throbbed with excitement, though she didn't yet understand why she was having this strong reaction to the bearded stranger.

His beard was quite short and his eyes reflected an old soul and she did as she was told unbuttoning her blouse, and stepping out of her pert skirt, just standing before his majesty in bra and panties (she muttered to herself "Please take me, I'm yours") she grew damp between her legs. His masculaine firm hands held her tightly against his body as he lightly pulled down her panties and unclasped her bra, freeing her bountiful beautiful tits. he kissed her on her mouth, biting her upper lip in such a way as to invite her molten juices to hurry in their free flow moistening her slick pussy.

He kissed her throat and neck lightly and then licked and sucked her nipples til they stood straight out and erect speaking to him (saying bite me, suck me, pinch me).

She reached for his trousers and tentatively unbuckled his belt letting the trousers fall to the floor and he stepped out of them.

His manhood was quite visible, large and hard; it spoke to her saying 'I'm going to please you, young lady" and she dropped to her knees in silent worship fellating his cock and almost gagging on it several times, as she bobbed her head up and down like she had seen the women do that time they watched that x rated movie.

His balls were taut and like leather, wrapped in silky orange colored pubic hair and she made him come on her face shooting his first load of hot white jisz on her tits and face and lips. It went off like a rocket again and again shooting its load of hot white sperm seed on her throat and tits and she continued sucking his tool till it twitched again shooting still more hot seed in her mouth and on her forehead.

Johnson smiled and purringly said "good girl" before standing behind her tight little ass and bending her over the little library desk, tits flush against the glass, face cocked to one side. He slid his massive man-sized cock (he was over ten thick long wide inches) stretching her little librarian's pussy wider and wider till he finally got a beach head and was inside her about an inch or two. He advanced slowly as she gasped in ear-splitting pain/pleasure, sweattng and moaning as she enveloped his enormous cock inside of her. he held her small hips and asked "are you ready?" and she quickly answered "yes, do me, do me hard, do me fast, fuck my cunt with your horse-cock, make me your cum slut, your piss-whore, your librarian slave who you can come and fuck anytime you have the manly need to!"

he slowly started to move inside of her as she continued to moan and gasp at the awful size and width of his tool splitting her seemingly, in two. She flooded his cock with her warm salty juices and as he began touching her clit with his callous-tipped fingers, she erupted (seemed like her first time ever!) in orgasm coming all over his hard cock and bucking and shaking as her little feminine muscles contracted and convulsed bringing her off again and again in his masculine hands and on his pleasure-providing PENIS.

She increased her motion now shaking her hips up and down on him as he fucked her hardy and rough exploding inside of her filling her cunt with his warm salty seed while he squeezed and spanked her tight ass.

Her ass grew redder as he spanked her and she cried like a baby in greatful thanks for her bearded stranger.

"She would know what to do with him the next time he paid her a visit" she thought to herself, blushing.

My favourite bits:

That 38 is almost ancient, and that he had a man sized cock.

 

[MisterSir]

I do use "she devil" rather a lot. Also 38 is ancient to somebody in their teens, who would appear to be the author of that piece of so-called erotica. Also has anybody else noticed the general proliferation of the phrase "tight little ass"? Is there something I'm missing that makes the aforementioned particularly desirable? What a pillock. I crush on a 37-year-old and am I ashamed of it? Fuck and no.

 

[Aquila1]

.........

 

[Aquila1]

This one came out of the blue, and while I appreciate the effort... I had to say, eh?





My favourite bits:

That 38 is almost ancient, and that he had a man sized cock.

....."felt her quim shiver" *snorts* That made something shiver, but I am pretty sure it wasn't from anywhere down below my waist.

 

[chy_girl]

....."felt her quim shiver" *snorts* That made something shiver, but I am pretty sure it wasn't from anywhere down below my waist.

Can quims shiver?

 

[Andrianya]

We need to stop saying quim. It's making me feel ill!