ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[Etoile]

I got one! I got one!

Love the setting
Hi nice to meet you lets chat sometime.
<asshat>

story for you
<tl;dr - it involved sex and stuff>

Re: story for you
What on earth made you think I would be interested in that?

Re: story for you
Sorry for any offense caused. Was not sure what turned you on. Can we start anew here. Loved your pictures. Love full figured women like you.
<asshat>

Re: story for you
I didn't answer your first, so you sent me porn. I'm not offended, just surprised. I'm not sure what exactly you are hoping to start anew.

Your weight loss program
I hope your weight loss program is going well for you.
I saw were you posted you lost some weight.
What are you doing for exercise, diet etc.
<asshat>

Re: Your weight loss program
The sex approach didn't work, so you thought you'd try asking me about my weight?

just persistent
Sorry just persistent.
Why did you not answer me?
<asshat>

Re: just persistent
I wasn't interested.

Re: your weight loss program
Have a nice day hope you enjoy lit. Just to be kind here.
So long have a good one. So whats a nice girl like you doing on a porn site if you dont like this.

Re: your weight loss program
Don't flatter yourself, dear.

 

[chy_girl]

Sometimes the asshat's are simply too confusing for words...


...But if I had to pick one it would be "thick-headed" or "dense," not persistent.

 

[missy_me]

.....

 

[satindesire]

Do youtube messages count?

I favorited a music video from a vampire movie, and one of the comments made me just HAVE to get involved.

Asshat: Ha, ignorant people. Vampirez are very real. Cursez are real. Your just so caught up in all the "human thingz" that you don't see the unseen. You have to believe, but sadly, many don't, simply because they do not see. Arrogant foolz. You may very well see one day..

This person's profile on youtube: I like to think of myself as the GoddesssOfDarkness.
My veiwz on this life are dark and mysterious, as like me.
I like to say i'm very spiritual and i perform ritualz.
I am satanic, but i also look to the wiccanz.
Demonz are my friendz and cursez are my giftz.
Yes, i know there is a god, but i DO NOT worship him/her.
I belong in the darkness. Because that is who i am.
The Goddesss Of Darkness.

My reply to her asshattery: It totally makes it so much more cooler if you use the Z instead of an "S", way to rebel against the foolish masses oh dark lady of mystery and darkness and dark things that are totally dark and mysterious!

Asshat to me: That is just my preference for making my wordz plural. I'm not going to argue with an incompedent fool who patrolz the site to see if society subcumz to the "normal" way to spell. I have my opinionz, and you have yourz. I've had my share of unexplainable and unknown eventz and sequencez in my life to know that these thingz exist.

My reply back: Oh boy! Unexplainable and unknown eventZ! How dark and mysterious and truly mysteriously dark! I am in awe of your dark mystery and mysterious darkness!

 

[Etoile]

Do youtube messages count?

I favorited a music video from a vampire movie, and one of the comments made me just HAVE to get involved.

Asshat: Ha, ignorant people. Vampirez are very real. Cursez are real. Your just so caught up in all the "human thingz" that you don't see the unseen. You have to believe, but sadly, many don't, simply because they do not see. Arrogant foolz. You may very well see one day..

This person's profile on youtube: I like to think of myself as the GoddesssOfDarkness.
My veiwz on this life are dark and mysterious, as like me.
I like to say i'm very spiritual and i perform ritualz.
I am satanic, but i also look to the wiccanz.
Demonz are my friendz and cursez are my giftz.
Yes, i know there is a god, but i DO NOT worship him/her.
I belong in the darkness. Because that is who i am.
The Goddesss Of Darkness.

My reply to her asshattery: It totally makes it so much more cooler if you use the Z instead of an "S", way to rebel against the foolish masses oh dark lady of mystery and darkness and dark things that are totally dark and mysterious!

Asshat to me: That is just my preference for making my wordz plural. I'm not going to argue with an incompedent fool who patrolz the site to see if society subcumz to the "normal" way to spell. I have my opinionz, and you have yourz. I've had my share of unexplainable and unknown eventz and sequencez in my life to know that these thingz exist.

My reply back: Oh boy! Unexplainable and unknown eventZ! How dark and mysterious and truly mysteriously dark! I am in awe of your dark mystery and mysterious darkness!

Dude...NICE ONE!!

I signed up for OKcupid to meet friends in Japan, maybe I'll hook a good one...

 

[Essene]

Do youtube messages count?

I favorited a music video from a vampire movie, and one of the comments made me just HAVE to get involved.

Asshat: Ha, ignorant people. Vampirez are very real. Cursez are real. Your just so caught up in all the "human thingz" that you don't see the unseen. You have to believe, but sadly, many don't, simply because they do not see. Arrogant foolz. You may very well see one day..

This person's profile on youtube: I like to think of myself as the GoddesssOfDarkness.
My veiwz on this life are dark and mysterious, as like me.
I like to say i'm very spiritual and i perform ritualz.
I am satanic, but i also look to the wiccanz.
Demonz are my friendz and cursez are my giftz.
Yes, i know there is a god, but i DO NOT worship him/her.
I belong in the darkness. Because that is who i am.
The Goddesss Of Darkness.

My reply to her asshattery: It totally makes it so much more cooler if you use the Z instead of an "S", way to rebel against the foolish masses oh dark lady of mystery and darkness and dark things that are totally dark and mysterious!

Asshat to me: That is just my preference for making my wordz plural. I'm not going to argue with an incompedent fool who patrolz the site to see if society subcumz to the "normal" way to spell. I have my opinionz, and you have yourz. I've had my share of unexplainable and unknown eventz and sequencez in my life to know that these thingz exist.

My reply back: Oh boy! Unexplainable and unknown eventZ! How dark and mysterious and truly mysteriously dark! I am in awe of your dark mystery and mysterious darkness!

Thiz reekz uv preteen. Honeztly, I'm zcared to think that an adult could be zuch a lozer.

 

[satindesire]

Dude...NICE ONE!!

I signed up for OKcupid to meet friends in Japan, maybe I'll hook a good one...

Here's hoping! *Crosses fingers!*

Thiz reekz uv preteen. Honeztly, I'm zcared to think that an adult could be zuch a lozer.

In her picture, she looked about 17ish. But even 17ish is still too old for that kind of awezomnezz.

 

[Essene]

Here's hoping! *Crosses fingers!*



In her picture, she looked about 17ish. But even 17ish is still too old for that kind of awezomnezz.

Ugh! Thatz zkary! Hmm...Mebbe zhe learned how to zpell from the lolcatz.

 

[satindesire]

Ugh! Thatz zkary! Hmm...Mebbe zhe learned how to zpell from the lolcatz.

wut's rong wif da wai lolcats spel?

 

[Essene]

wut's rong wif da wai lolcats spel?

Nuffin! Nuffin a all! I lovz lolcatz.

 

[infinity706]

Do guys get ASSHAT PMs? I never see any posted here. Unsolicited PMs I get from Lit women are almost always very sweet. I can only think of a couple of people that were obnoxious. I don't know if this speaks to the pleasantness of women in general, or the ridiculous male/female Lit ratio, or what.

Guys get asshat PMs. Of course, I get a ton intended for women, as well, since half the site seems to think I'm female. I've probably gotten at least 100 asking for cybersex, webcam requests, roleplay, requests for naked pictures, and completely stupid ones that I couldn't understand. Some of them have come from female sounding names, as well. Fortunately, though, there have also been plenty of men and women that can use PMs intelligently.

 

[FloggingMolly]

oh god I probably have loads, but they're all from people on lit, and I wouldn't want to embaress them

 

[satindesire]

oh god I probably have loads, but they're all from people on lit, and I wouldn't want to embaress them

That's why you change the name to "asshat" as per the rules of the site.

 

[Essene]

Guys get asshat PMs. Of course, I get a ton intended for women, as well, since half the site seems to think I'm female. I've probably gotten at least 100 asking for cybersex, webcam requests, roleplay, requests for naked pictures, and completely stupid ones that I couldn't understand. Some of them have come from female sounding names, as well. Fortunately, though, there have also been plenty of men and women that can use PMs intelligently.

Dearz infinity706, iz u girlz or boyz? If no haz webcamz, I haz zexy pic fur u. U haz zexy pic fur me? Iz lik tuh dew u sybur ztyle.

-Me

oh god I probably have loads, but they're all from people on lit, and I wouldn't want to embaress them.

Iz dunt mined, I haz embaruzzment fetizh.

 

[FloggingMolly]

All completely unsolicited, no convos beforehand. Poss more to follow tomorrow (He says its bedtime now )

First we have a romantic meal. Under the moonlight, candles flickering in the breeze. You're wearing a gorgeous short dress. Me in a suit and tie. Your eyes sparkle against the night sky. The stars don't even compare to the beauty of your eyes. Your smile is wide and full, sipping the wine from your glass. I come around to your side and kiss you on the lips, softly, gently, with passion. I take your hand and have you feel my heart beat. Fast, full of life. I caress your face in my hand and kiss you again. This time with even more passion, I roll my tongue around the inside of your mouth. Tasting every part of you. As I release you, your face is full of happiness.

I take you hand again. As we head to our room, we stop and dance as much as often. You're an excellent dancer. Full of life and pleasure. As we reach our room door, I pick you up and carry you through and gently place you on the bed, kissing your neck and rubbing your legs. You giggle as I bend down and kiss your feet and toes. I work my way up your leg and stop at your thighs. I look into your eyes and you bite your lower lip. I slowly take you clothes off and leave you naked on the bed.

I crawl in between your legs and kiss every part I pass. As I reach your panties, I can see that they are moist from your juices. I lick the outside of your panties and kiss them. Mmm, tastes good. I squeeze your panties into your pussy, making them even wetter. Then I take them off and put them to the side. I own them from now on . I kiss your wet, moist pussy. I hear you moan and see your face show signs of pleasure. I keep going and then I force my tongue inside you. Licking every inch, pleasing you, making you wet. I never come up to breathe. I keep going. I never stop, never want to make you sad. I begin to fondle your breasts as I eat your pussy.

Your moans become louder and louder. Your legs wrap around me and pin me into your lovely lips. Faster and faster I go. I begin to finger you fast and forcefully. I feel your juices all over my face and hand. Knowing your close to cumming, I keep going. I rub your pussy fast and stick my face in. You cum in my mouth as I press my face into your pussy. I taste your juices and cum in my mouth as I swallow every drop. Tastes so good. My new favorite thing to drink. Your breathing labored, I come up beside you and kiss you. Letting you taste your juices from my lips. I rub your breasts and tickle your pussy while I kiss you. Your moans echoing in my mouth.

Then you push me onto my back, and take off my clothes. My penis, already erect and hard. You play with my balls and kiss my stomach. I tell you to stop, but you keep going. (Reason being, if I were to cum during a blowjob, I don't think I'd be able to perform sexually. But for the sake of the fantasy, I can do anything You kiss the head of my penis and stroke the shaft of my penis. It feels so good. As you wrap your lips around my penis, I massage your breasts, and rub the back of your neck. My whole body begins to quiver, and shake. Wanting more. Needing more. I lift my body and reveal my ass. You gasp and rub the outside of my ass. Spanking ensues, and my whole body spasms from the pleasure. You kiss my balls and then you kiss my ass. (hehe) You begin to probe my ass and keep sucking on my penis. Both together feels so good. I can feel myself about to cum. I tell you and you keep stroking and probing and sucking and licking and kissing. Just as I'm about to cum, you aim my penis onto my face and I release my load onto my face and chest.

You eye me hungrily and begin to lick my chest. Long, sensual licks. You reach my face and lick off every drop of my semen. I take you in my hands and kiss you passionately. Tasting myself from your lips and tongue. My penis becomes soft and flaccid. You show me your saddened face and I become sad too. I patiently wait until you turn away from me. I then force you to your knees and begin to lick your ass and pussy from behind. I then take my penis and slap your ass and pussy lips. You begin to laugh and moan in pleasure.

With my newly, fully erect and ready to go penis, I take you tightly, and slowly push myself into you. Deeper and deeper I go. Slow at first. You moan loudly and begin rubbing your pussy with my penis inside you, as deep as I can go. Pumping faster and faster. Thrusting myself inside you. Your warm, wet pussy around my hard penis. Thrusting forcefully and rubbing your pussy at the same time. Moans of pleasure and passion fill the room and the walls begin to shake. At the same time, we orgasm and make a mess of the bed. I collapse and you fall right on top of me. Our breathing, both tired and deep. You lay on top of me and stroke my cheek. I caress your face and bring you close to me and kiss you.

Both of us satisfied, we sleep in each others arms. Our bed a mess and full of our juices and sweat. The sun wakes us up. Both of us rested, we decide to see if we can recreate that night. First we shower, and order breakfast to regain our energy. Once we finish our meals, we brush our teeth and get dressed. I take your hand and bring you outside our room. Waiting for us, for you, a bouquet of flowers. You cradle the flowers and I cradle you. I take you inside the room, and the night before, happens again

You look very sexy, I love your tits, I would love to slide my hard cock between them. Do you like being tit fucked and having cum squirted on them and your face?

have you ever been slapped

 

[midwestyankee]

Do guys get ASSHAT PMs? I never see any posted here. Unsolicited PMs I get from Lit women are almost always very sweet. I can only think of a couple of people that were obnoxious. I don't know if this speaks to the pleasantness of women in general, or the ridiculous male/female Lit ratio, or what.

The only time I've ever received an asshat PM was during a period when I had up an amiguous avatar that featured a nekkid woman.

 

[neci]

okay. i normally don't post these, because i'm not that into public humiliation. this one was just too creative to pass up.


edited.
i just changed my mind. sorry. i'm in a weird mood.

okay. editing again. i took it down, because as crass as it was, it was a "story idea" - or at least that was part of the come on. who knows. i just need to sleep.

i wish i had saved some of the really bad "super asshat" ones. one guy PMed me multiple pictures of his cock. at first i said, please don't send me anymore pictures. i was polite. the fucker actually sent me more, and requested i be ruder. i was. needless to say, i never got another PM from him. his cock was pretty damn nasty too. that's sad considering how much i like cock.

 

[kittyn_]

I'm just curious why they seem to think it's a good idea to send unrequested, long, and invariably rather boring stories. Not to mention I just want to edit them for grammar and word useage and send them back. I wonder if they'd even 'get' it?

 

[Nightbird]

At least the spelling wasn't half bad.

 

[chy_girl]

*snip

Asshat: Ha, ignorant people. Vampirez are very real. Cursez are real. Your just so caught up in all the "human thingz" that you don't see the unseen. You have to believe, but sadly, many don't, simply because they do not see. Arrogant foolz. You may very well see one day..

This person's profile on youtube: I like to think of myself as the GoddesssOfDarkness.
My veiwz on this life are dark and mysterious, as like me.
I like to say i'm very spiritual and i perform ritualz.
I am satanic, but i also look to the wiccanz.
Demonz are my friendz and cursez are my giftz.
Yes, i know there is a god, but i DO NOT worship him/her.
I belong in the darkness. Because that is who i am.
The Goddesss Of Darkness.
*snip*

Ok, let's just skip the part where I'm fairly certain that one can't be satanic and wiccan at the same time due to very... big, unresolvable, contrasting theological elements of said religions...

....Ouuuuch! RED! REDREDRED! Though I'm sure her teachers would say the same thing every time she turns an assignment in.

I'm just curious why they seem to think it's a good idea to send unrequested, long, and invariably rather boring stories. Not to mention I just want to edit them for grammar and word useage and send them back. I wonder if they'd even 'get' it?

No. No they wouldn't. They would only take that as encouragement. Sad but true...

*sigh*
I wish I was allowed to play with the asshats... especially since the PM's have picked up drastically after a very long dry spell.

 

[satindesire]

Today:

Asshat PM:

"...hey, you wanna do some cyber sex or exchange some pics???? would love to with you!!!! hope to hear from you soon, you sweet thing you!"

Upon looking at the person's posting history, I noticed that 90 to 95% of his posts were directed towards "looking for sexy girls to cum on cam for" and etc. I also had a sinking suspicion that he had, in fact, read my profile warning him NOT to send messages like this and was only looking for humiliation to wank to, so I politely informed him that I would not "do some" cyber with him or exchange pictures, and if he emailed me again I would put him on my ignore list.

I usually am much more creative with my insults, however, I don't believe this person would take it the way it would be intended, and the last thing I need is to genuinely tear someone a new textual asshole and have him wank to it. *Shrug!*

ETA: He -did- PM me again, which I expected him to.

Asshat reply:

oooooohhhhhhhhhhhh, i'm SO SCARED!!!

My reply:

I never intended you to be scared, it was a simple warning that you chose not to behoove. Enjoy the ignore list.

Good day.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

"Hey! I just joined and love this place. Anyways I'm 27 m NY Indie rock style and I'm pretty hooked on jerking off annd I am super turned on by girls that love to masturbate and I'm hoping to meet some girls that are into it. If ur interested write back sometime!"




OMG a dude hooked on jerking off? Who'da thunk it?

 

[slowrimmer]

OMG a dude hooked on jerking off? Who'da thunk it?

ooooo

Ah, first I know I don't post on this board so sorry if its bad form or something. But Oh My. Found this thread yesterday and had to start reading it from the start.

For my 2cents its about the funniest thread on Lit. Thanks to you all for taking the trouble to post this stuff which I'm sure at times must make you hold your heads in your hands, if only to control the tears of laughter.

Oh, and as I'm sure I've been, or will be, even partly guilty of this at some stage . . . I apologise in advance

 

[FloggingMolly]

I read you bio, this little story I wrote would be appropriae I think............

..... I imagined you in your underwear looking at me provocatively.............

Oooo yes your arse would be ripe for a spanking, just peel your knickers off and lay over my lap, my throbbing prick would be wedged in your abdomen...

and then I'd spank your bare arse with my hand whack! whack! whack! yes it stings doesn't it and as you whimper a little I spank you harder and harder and order you to finger your soaking pussy until you are on the edge...........

You know what I'd do next - well I'd make you wank my cock for me until I spunked all over your hot red arse and then I'd massage it in soothing your inflamed skin and you would be cumming then baby, oooh yes cumming all over my hand you fucking little slut...........

New disclaimer added to signature, so they cant say they werent warned

 

[neci]

"he likes to party"




OMG a dude hooked on jerking off? Who'da thunk it?

same guy?

he likes to party

i think so.