ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[Chiara_searches]

Have been posting in the GB recently.

In past six weeks have had nine different men pm me.

Ranging from 'how are you?' to 'On your knees bitch. Please'
:rolleye:

I think some of them may be alts from SeanH's 'fan' club :moreeyerolling:

Whoever they are, it's strange that have had more idiot pm's in such a short time span than have had in 6 yrs.

Must be the GB effect :muchmoreeyerolling:

You are braver than I. I try to be tolerant, but I find the GB intolerable.

 

[Aurantica]

Thanks...my first av was too dense, I think, if that's a good technical term. But my second one loaded up, so I'm all good. I think yellow looks good on me, no?

Yellow's such a pretty colour, it looks good on almost anyone.

 

[shy slave]

You are braver than I. I try to be tolerant, but I find the GB intolerable.

I know what you mean.

Since returning to vanilla I don't really belong here in quite the same way as I did.

I lurk more than post on the GB.
Some people over there are great, others are moronic.

There is a different way of talking over there.

Maybe I need a board for 'perverts who used to play and now just think about it!' lol

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

An unshared buzz is a wasted buzz. I was hoping for something hot and sticky.

BBBBZZZZZZ!!!!

Un-fucking-believable!

My earlier comment has just encouraged more idiot pm's from lurkers.

People really should get out more.

You are braver than I. I try to be tolerant, but I find the GB intolerable.

I love the GB when I really want to relive middle school.

Constant fights in the halls, cliques, bullies, class clowns, passing notes, tripping the nerdy kids or new kids with their tater tots in the cafetorium, hormones vented in odd, 12-year old sorts of ways, a Darwinian vibe, and completely unmoderated. Oh, and terrible, terrible gym uniforms. No Sadie Hawkins dance, though.

Of course, I also met some best friends in middle school, some of whom are still my best friends.

 

[minx1]

I know what you mean.

Since returning to vanilla I don't really belong here in quite the same way as I did.

Thats really odd eh, because I always think of you belonging here

I recently experimented with putting my ad back up on collarme lol...now there's a range of responses! I've had (one again) men who dont even come close to what I've said Im looking for and opening lines that start "apart from .....and .....what are your limits?"
Um, hello, nice to meet you and you are...????? lmao nothing quite like exchanging pleasantries or good old fashioned introductions. sheesh

 

[minx1]

oops so good I said it twice

 

[shy slave]

DGE - that's a pretty good description of the GB lol!

Minx - Collarme is hard work. As is alt and informedconsent. It was talking to, and meeting mindless idiots on those sites that helped make my mind up to return to vanilla.
I miss alot of things, but somehow could not find that person who ticked enough mental/emotional/physical boxes.
It all became too lonely, frustrating and ultimately began to change who I was.

Still can't believe I now live with a GB'er though.

Shows I must be a masochist after all.

Good luck with the ad, I hope you find the perfect someone amidst the 'interesting' people out there

 

[Mads]

I'm coming out of lurkville just to say...

'On your knees bitch. Please'
:rolleye:

Please? Eh? Whats this, "do it or I'll ask you nicely"?

I'd also like to point out, it wasn't me

*heads back to the depths*

 

[FloggingMolly]

hi sub
Hi there...does the thought of being the sub of a hung teen boy turn you on? It did my mom ;-)

Oh dear...

 

[satindesire]

Oh dear...

You know it's a good day when "Yo Mama" jokes tell themselves.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Oh dear...

ROFLMAOCOHCT!!

 

[Primalex]

I recently experimented with putting my ad back up on collarme lol...now there's a range of responses! I've had (one again) men who dont even come close to what I've said Im looking for and opening lines that start "apart from .....and .....what are your limits?"

Does your profile there state something about married men?

 

[shy slave]

I'm coming out of lurkville just to say...




Please? Eh? Whats this, "do it or I'll ask you nicely"?

I'd also like to point out, it wasn't me

*heads back to the depths*

Come back!

Yeah the 'please' made me laugh.

You sure it wasn't an alt of yours......?

 

[Cleopatra]

I love the GB when I really want to relive middle school.

Constant fights in the halls, cliques, bullies, class clowns, passing notes, tripping the nerdy kids or new kids with their tater tots in the cafetorium, hormones vented in odd, 12-year old sorts of ways, a Darwinian vibe, and completely unmoderated. Oh, and terrible, terrible gym uniforms. No Sadie Hawkins dance, though.

Stop, you're making me misty...

 

[Aurantica]

Ok... theres one of the funniest exchanges I had. Keep in mind that despite being sub, I sometimes like to play' with my food.

Original message:
Am I wrong, or are you a fan of being humiliated?

If so, we should talk more.

Let me know if I've read you correctly.

"M"

P.S. Are you a BBW?


My reply:
You are wrong on both counts.

Goodbye.



Him:
Really? that's funny, since you seemed into humiliation, based on your comments here:
Oh, and I'm not into BBW's, which is why I asked you if you were.

However, your attitude is a turn off, so I'm not interested anymore.

Tataa.......

"M"


P.S. Don't write back, unless it's an apology. Otherwise, you're wasting your time.

Dear "M":
Thank you so much for writing me the above message. I've had a long day and needed a laugh. For the record: I am 19, 125 pounds, 5'10 . I run, bike and showjump. I found your PM to be hilarious and rest assured, my friends do too.

 

[Chiara_searches]

<snip>

Dear "M":
Thank you so much for writing me the above message. I've had a long day and needed a laugh. For the record: I am 19, 125 pounds, 5'10 . I run, bike and showjump. I found your PM to be hilarious and rest assured, my friends do too.

I find it hilarious. I love when people jump to conclusions about you based upon one or two posts. That always makes me laugh until my sides hurt. I'll have to remember the trick of "playing with my food" if I ever get any of these types of PMs.

 

[satindesire]

Ok... theres one of the funniest exchanges I had. Keep in mind that despite being sub, I sometimes like to play' with my food.

Original message:
Am I wrong, or are you a fan of being humiliated?

If so, we should talk more.

Let me know if I've read you correctly.

"M"

P.S. Are you a BBW?


My reply:
You are wrong on both counts.

Goodbye.



Him:
Really? that's funny, since you seemed into humiliation, based on your comments here:
Oh, and I'm not into BBW's, which is why I asked you if you were.

However, your attitude is a turn off, so I'm not interested anymore.

Tataa.......

"M"


P.S. Don't write back, unless it's an apology. Otherwise, you're wasting your time.

Dear "M":
Thank you so much for writing me the above message. I've had a long day and needed a laugh. For the record: I am 19, 125 pounds, 5'10 . I run, bike and showjump. I found your PM to be hilarious and rest assured, my friends do too.

Oh noes! Whatever shall you do?! You were so depending on his interest in you, after all.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Stop, you're making me misty...

Here's a handkerchief, ebroidered with all of my alts, Cleo.



But you can't have my tater tots.

 

[satindesire]

Here's a handkerchief, ebroidered with all of my alts, Cleo.



But you can't have my tater tots.

Can I call her now for my free reading?

/nerdlaugh

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Can I call her now for my free reading?

/nerdlaugh

http://paranoiafiles.com/images/miss_cleo.gif

She's definitely NOT the Miss Cleo with psychic powers.

Because she thought I was an alt for a really long time, and part of her still does. Don't lie, Cleo!

 

[minx1]

Does your profile there state something about married men?

Yeah, initially I hadnt actually spelt it out, but thought the fact I was saying I was searching for a committed, monogomous relationship said it for me. I since amended it to specify people who are available, but maybe it needed to explicitly state not married or in an existing relationship.

Most take no notice of what's written and have a stab anyway.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

When choosing my handle, I honestly didn't consider the passionate and brain tickling come-ons it would provoke such as...


"I am curious how curious you are about the size of my cock."

"Curiouz how much you like to suck cock"

"Curious how much com you can swallow Curious...lets talk." (yes, com)

"I am curious if you would like to wrap that little curious hand around my hard cock."


Curious what curious things these curious men will come up with next...

my delete button

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

When choosing my handle, I honestly didn't consider the passionate and brain tickling come-ons it would provoke such as...


"I am curious how curious you are about the size of my cock."

"Curiouz how much you like to suck cock"

"Curious how much com you can swallow Curious...lets talk." (yes, com)

"I am curious if you would like to wrap that little curious hand around my hard cock."


Curious what curious things these curious men will come up with next...

my delete button

Oh, that's awesome.

 

[satindesire]

Here's what you say next time.

"I am curious how curious you are about the size of my cock." I tried to measure it, but NASA won't let me borrow their electron microscope.

"Curiouz how much you like to suck cock" About as much as you'd like to get stabbed in the eye with a really sharp candy cane.

"Curious how much com you can swallow Curious...lets talk." (yes, com) I already have my own domain name, thanks. Would you like a link? It's wwwdotfuckyouintheearsideways.com

"I am curious if you would like to wrap that little curious hand around my hard cock." If I made a fist that small the intense gravitational force would collapse my hand into a micro black hole and suck your teeny weenie into it's event horizon forever. Have a nice day.

 

[seela]

"I am curious if you would like to wrap that little curious hand around my hard cock." If I made a fist that small the intense gravitational force would collapse my hand into a micro black hole and suck your teeny weenie into it's event horizon forever. Have a nice day.

Epic win.