ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[FloggingMolly]

SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Loose lips sink alts! :caning::

possibly the greatest smiley ever

 

[Aurantica]

:: Makes mental note to nominate Aurantica to the BDSM Fora Grammar Nazis. ::

You know, a lot of people would be offended by that. Just because I poke fun at people too asshatty to use normal spelling and punctuation doesn't mean I deserve to be called a Nazi.

 

[FloggingMolly]

Boytoy
Hi...never really know how to write pm's but here goes...

Im 33, from Ireland and learned that since being on lit...I like to be a sub...being controlled, dominated and instructed.

I love fucking my ass...tasting it...deep throating (with my toy) cum eating...pinching my nipples...ball play and anything else you wish to educate me with...

Check out my profile pic and if you like add me on yahoo...

Clearly some reserach into target audience is required.

 

[wicked woman]

On another site as a first PM from a guy half my age, who clearly didn't bother reading the part of my profile where it said submissive.

what are your thoughts on kneeing guys in the groin, have you ever in the past? and if not could you see yourself trying it?

uumm never gave it a thought...no.....absolutely not


so much for introductory niceties.

 

[ImOnIt]

He should introduce that way to people in the street. I'd knee him.

 

[kiwi_submissive]

Here's one I received.

My hot blonde girlfriend wants to lick my cum off your ass.


OK so my question is why is there no such thing as an ugly blonde? Why are they all hot and should I feel vaguely annoyed that I wasted time reading that?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

:: Makes mental note to nominate Aurantica to the BDSM Fora Grammar Nazis. ::

You know, a lot of people would be offended by that. Just because I poke fun at people too asshatty to use normal spelling and punctuation doesn't mean I deserve to be called a Nazi.

No offense intended AT ALL. I'm a proud member of the BDSMFGN. Perhaps there could be a more PC expression for the group, but it (the group) has a long and honored history here and in the Talk forum.

 

[Aurantica]

No offense intended AT ALL. I'm a proud member of the BDSMFGN. Perhaps there could be a more PC expression for the group, but it (the group) has a long and honored history here and in the Talk forum.

I would be okay with being called a Grammar Vigilante.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

He should introduce that way to people in the street. I'd knee him.

I get sloppy seconds.

Here's one I received.

My hot blonde girlfriend wants to lick my cum off your ass.


OK so my question is why is there no such thing as an ugly blonde? Why are they all hot and should I feel vaguely annoyed that I wasted time reading that?

I want to know when you get a PM with "My ugly to slightly-below-average-looking girlfriend wants to [gratuitous sex act here] you!"

No offense intended AT ALL. I'm a proud member of the BDSMFGN. Perhaps there could be a more PC expression for the group, but it (the group) has a long and honored history here and in the Talk forum.

Like the Soup Nazi:

"The Soup Nazi is also the nickname of the titular character played by Larry Thomas. The term "Nazi" is used as an exaggeration of the excessively strict regimentation he constantly demands of his patrons."

Not to be confused in any way with the Aryan death machine.

 

[Cleopatra]

SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Loose lips sink alts! :caning::

Busted.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I would be okay with being called a Grammar Vigilante.

 

[satindesire]

I just got an asshat PM and I'm looking forward to reading (and posting) the reply...if I get one.

 

[Aurantica]

The thing that disturbs me most is that she appears to be armless.

 

[FloggingMolly]

The thing that disturbs me most is that she appears to be armless.

they're just hard to see when tied behind her back?

 

[FloggingMolly]

Would love to get a hold of you for a few hours. abuse all your pretty little holes, fill you with cum and let my wife suck it out................. have a look on my cock n on my slutty wife.............

would you like my cock in between your tits? see my album

nice album babe. i love your tits and arse. do you get horny? (without you bf)

I saw your pics and you diserve a CUM TRIBUTE.

I will make it to you through webcam (LIVE TRIBUTE)

I just need your MSN, SKYPE or YAHOO.

Kisses.

proof that other sites are worse than lit

 

[kiwi_submissive]

proof that other sites are worse than lit

I am sorry to laugh, really I am, but it's hard to imagine anyone would think that someone could take those seriously or even be interested.

Thanks for sharing

 

[Aurantica]

they're just hard to see when tied behind her back?

Or maybe she's just armless. Like the guy. He's missing half a shoulder.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Busted.

Back off, Cleopatra!

Or should I say...alt for NEFERTITI!!!???

As my grandfather used to say: "Billy, correct hyphenation of a compound modifier can make a woman seriously wet."




Which was weird, because my name isn't Billy.

 

[minx1]

As my grandfather used to say: "Billy, correct hyphenation of a compound modifier can make a woman seriously wet."




Which was weird, because my name isn't Billy.

*splutter*

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

While we're on grammar, I saw this one today, which made me laugh.

"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse."

 

[Aurantica]

Just got a new one:

so

Did you end up taking a long hot bath?


I've got to give him credit for properly spelling and puncuating it, but the one-word subject line cracks me up.

 

[mackkjackk]

crap .. i use one word sunject lines like that..

i'm such a doosh ..

na but seriously the subject line always annoys me

 

[minx1]

While we're on grammar, I saw this one today, which made me laugh.

"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse."

Love it

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Just got a new one:

so

Did you end up taking a long hot bath?


I've got to give him credit for properly spelling and puncuating it, but the one-word subject line cracks me up.

Admittedly, I'll dot hat in a subject line too, because it won't send the fricking message without something in there, and half the time I don't wanna put anything at all

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?


Apparently a lot of people. Including asshat-pummeled pyl's.


http://theidiom.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/oxford-comma.jpg?w=420&h=315