ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[TarevaChine]

Hi...never really know how to write pm's but here goes...

Im 33, from XXXX and learned that since being on lit...I like to be a sub...being controlled, dominated and instructed.

I love fucking my ass...tasting it...deep throating (with my toy) cum eating...pinching my nipples...ball play and anything else you wish to educate me with...

Check out my profile pic and if you like add me on yahoo...

ASSHAT@xxxxxx

Well this is one way to start a conversation........

 

[brokensub]

GOD, I love this. It is a thing of beauty.

I think he wants to by you mace.

DGE, I read this 5 minutes ago and I'm STILL giggling.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Well this is one way to start a conversation........

Yes. If that's the small talk...

DGE, I read this 5 minutes ago and I'm STILL giggling.

Make the ASSHAT PM thread part of your day: it's mockery the whole gang can enjoy!

 

[brokensub]

Yes. If that's the small talk...



Make the ASSHAT PM thread part of your day: it's mockery the whole gang can enjoy!

That sounds like a plan I can live with. A minor change to my morning schedule.
Coffee
News
ASSHAT PM thread

I'll start tomorrow!

 

[ManInIronMask]

wow

I'm wondering if any of my PMs have had the dubious distinction of being on this list. I do know a lady who just posted a few replies up to whom I actually sent out an unsolicited PM. I'm gonna be a bit more wary now.

 

[Etoile]

Just got a "what I would do to you" PM...never got one of those before. Big long story. Quite sure I'm not the only one who got it.

 

[seela]

Just got a "what I would do to you" PM...never got one of those before. Big long story. Quite sure I'm not the only one who got it.

Nope. I haven't gotten one in ages, so it was kinda fun to get a PM, no matter how asshattish it was.

Actually I was really surprised to get this one, as I haven't gotten any asshat PMs after I went invisible. It helps a lot.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Nope. I haven't gotten one in ages, so it was kinda fun to get a PM, no matter how asshattish it was.

Actually I was really surprised to get this one, as I haven't gotten any asshat PMs after I went invisible. It helps a lot.

This

I tend to only get them in direct response to something I've written somewhere, and that's pretty rare

 

[seela]

This

I tend to only get them in direct response to something I've written somewhere, and that's pretty rare

Me too. I don't know, must be pretty telling about the quality of my posts.

Although when I used to get asshat PMs, it was pretty entertaining to see, if I i can get them to talk about something completely different than what they originally wanted. I have managed to turn the conversation from a lame attempt to cyber into a very educational exchange about linguistics in just one message.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I think the ultimate would be to get an ASSHAT PM in response to a post about an ASSHAT PM. "saw you're post attaching me/hot!! do u want 2 ciber I am only waring white tube sox mmmmmmmmm"

This

I tend to only get them in direct response to something I've written somewhere, and that's pretty rare

Me too. I don't know, must be pretty telling about the quality of my posts.

Although when I used to get asshat PMs, it was pretty entertaining to see, if I i can get them to talk about something completely different than what they originally wanted. I have managed to turn the conversation from a lame attempt to cyber into a very educational exchange about linguistics in just one message.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I think the ultimate would be to get an ASSHAT PM in response to a post about an ASSHAT PM. "saw you're post attaching me/hot!! do u want 2 ciber I am only waring white tube sox mmmmmmmmm"

You're a sick, sick man. I like that.

 

[seela]

"saw you're post attaching me/hot!! do u want 2 ciber I am only waring white tube sox mmmmmmmmm"

Either DGE speaks fluent asshat as a foreign language, or he has sent a couple of asshat PMs in his days. That's eerily accurate.

 

[Ladythunder]

this has been my week, making up for years of inactivity, so I took my real me (no face) av off and put up an art project instead but, without belaboring the point, all of these came in yesterday;

A what I would do with you

1 horny 'housewife'

that is a delicious name...

paints a thrilling picture of you.

and last but not least, Mr. Can you tell me what its like to give a blowjob? No? How about anal?

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

You're a sick, sick man. I like that.

Coming from a truly disturbed individual, that makes my heart soar like the hawk.

Either DGE speaks fluent asshat as a foreign language, or he has sent a couple of asshat PMs in his days. That's eerily accurate.

THAT DOSE IT!!!!

my tubesox r now around my ANKELS!!! doesnt that turn u on, doesnt it? send me pics NOW or should i say slut u r my slav!!!!!!

 

[seela]

THAT DOSE IT!!!!

my tubesox r now around my ANKELS!!! doesnt that turn u on, doesnt it? send me pics NOW or should i say slut u r my slav!!!!!!

Oh man, you really know how to talk to a woman. *fans self*

 

[satindesire]

Youtube Troubles

This is a conversation on a youtube video comments page.

I commented on the ridiculous way a person on the video was dressed, and this is the conversation that followed:



@satindesire like (Otherperson) said swag  u probably wear your pants to your nipples n your little sweater tucked in! little bitch
asshat 6 days ago


@asshat I dress like a normal person. At least I wasn't cursed with the crappy genes that you were, with those messed up braces on that mug I bet you get at least 300 channels. Can I come over and watch pay per view on your teeth? Moron.
satindesire 5 days ago


@satindesire your a dumbass are you goth or something? n who cares if i got braces im probably hotta then youuu
asshat 2 days ago

@asshat Don't call someone a dumbass when you can't even spell, you waste of air. No, I'm not a goth, I'm a perfectly normal person with normal teeth and a normal face. Go eat a sandwich you ignorant scrawny piece of shit.
satindesire 2 days ago


@satindesire ya im scrawnystop descirbing what you wanna be do u have to critsize people really do you? i waste my air and your a waste of space
asshat 1 day ago


@asshat Stop starting shit with people that you can't handle, junior. If you don't like being criticized, don't come at people with an attitude like you're smarter than them. For the record, you started this conversation, and I'm happy to show you what a huge mistake that was by owning your face.
satindesire 22 hours ago


@satindesire i didnt start it i made a comment because you said whats the point? n whats all this about my face get over it!

asshat 32 minutes ago


@asshat No, you DID start shit with me, you lying ass motherfucker. You replied TO ME specifically, don't try and play this like you're some kind of innocent bystander and I'm some kind of ass who just decided to fuck with you. You said "like (otherperson) said swag u probably wear your pants to your nipples n your little sweater tucked in! little bitch" I think we both know by this conversation who the little bitch is, punk ass anorexic little shit.
satindesire 1 minute ago


@asshat You better think twice before you go fucking around with people whose business you don't belong in, stupid fucker, and if you don't wanna get showed up by a LITTLE WHITE GIRL LIKE ME you better step up your game or step out.

 

[kiwi_submissive]

Hmmm I got a nice loooooooonnnnngggg story from one. There is no punctuation at all in it so I almost went blue in the face and passed out from reading it as there were no full stops, so I could not pause to take a breath.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

Hmmm I got a nice loooooooonnnnngggg story from one. There is no punctuation at all in it so I almost went blue in the face and passed out from reading it as there were no full stops, so I could not pause to take a breath.

You do realize that it's possible to read in your head, thus freeing you to breathe as you would please?

 

[kiwi_submissive]

You do realize that it's possible to read in your head, thus freeing you to breathe as you would please?

I did try that, but I had to read it to my flatmate and trying to translate it into some form of understandable english, read it out loud and figure out where to punctuate it just confused me.

 

[teknight]

You're a sick, sick man. I like that.

Shouldn't you move this to the Fetish forum?

 

[Stella_Omega]

I won't post the text. Suffice it to say that some hetero LORD DOMLY DOM OF CASTLE DOM is showing his underwear in my general direction because he is desperate for attention and validation.

Why he wants validation from a butch dyke who has already spoken her mind about hetero DOMLY DOM LORDS I don't know.

I can't decide if I should nod and smile politely and let him ramble on? It's all grist for the writing mill-- but it's kinda making me want to throw up because he's so lonely and I don't want to be his friend and he is not. My. problem. I mean-- he believes in the Natural Order for krissake. And (when he remembers,) He capitolises Himself.

Oh and by the way? He really does call himself by a title, a-color-plus-an-animal, Von Something-germanic, of a palace-in-another-language-and-then-a- color).

When you want to use the color red in your fakass title? Don't do it in German for English speaking people, they hear childish jokes about "rot" in their heads and it's even harder to be polite.

 

[satindesire]

I won't post the text. Suffice it to say that some hetero LORD DOMLY DOM OF CASTLE DOM is showing his underwear in my general direction because he is desperate for attention and validation.

Why he wants validation from a butch dyke who has already spoken her mind about hetero DOMLY DOM LORDS I don't know.

I can't decide if I should nod and smile politely and let him ramble on? It's all grist for the writing mill-- but it's kinda making me want to throw up because he's so lonely and I don't want to be his friend and he is not. My. problem. I mean-- he believes in the Natural Order for krissake. And (when he remembers,) He capitolises Himself.

Oh and by the way? He really does call himself by a title, a-color-plus-an-animal, Von Something-germanic, of a palace-in-another-language-and-then-a- color).

When you want to use the color red in your fakass title? Don't do it in German for English speaking people, they hear childish jokes about "rot" in their heads and it's even harder to be polite.

PLEASE post the text.

PLEAAAASE! I gotta see this now.

You're doing the whole..."I have a secret....and I'm not telling YOU!" thing and that drives me nuts worse than a steering wheel on my belt!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

PLEASE post the text.

PLEAAAASE! I gotta see this now.

You're doing the whole..."I have a secret....and I'm not telling YOU!" thing and that drives me nuts worse than a steering wheel on my belt!

Damn you, sd! Now I have a mental picture of you wandering around with a big old steering wheel on your belt, and I want to turn it and see what happens!

 

[Aurantica]

PLEASE post the text.

PLEAAAASE! I gotta see this now.

You're doing the whole..."I have a secret....and I'm not telling YOU!" thing and that drives me nuts worse than a steering wheel on my belt!

Seconded. Its funner when they get all mad and poofy.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Seconded. Its funner when they get all mad and poofy.

Oh man...
Baron (ColorAnimal) von (German township)
Master of Schloss Rot.

We can call him Baron BlueBadger which at least is less trite than most Pack Predator critters.

It's just as funny to me this morning as it was last night. Master of Schloss Rot! I didn't make any zombie jokes.

He was complaining that Newbies have no idea of The Rules which We have learned(if we are Real Lifestyle Players) and that ProDommes ignore the Rules and talk loudly five feet away from Flogging Scenes Which Require quiet and concentration (In which case they should not be played in public venues, is my personal feeling, and anyone who acts as if a public dungeon club is their personal space needs their head examined) and We should Do Something about these rude upstarts.

you can probably guess that I asked him who "We" is, and which protocol do these Universal Rules derive from, and who will make up for the lost revenue for the club owners if they get exclusive. because they have leases and insurance to pay.

"We" is The Lifestyle (I'll take "tautologies" for five hundred, Alex) and there are classes i can go to if I need to learn about protocol, and it was better back in the old days.

This morning I found a PM from him in which he tells me that back in the eighties he was wearing full leather (at a sex club in North Hollywood no less) and he felt a slap on the butt and it was two men who had thought he was gay and he folded his arms and stared at them and they folded to their knees and begged his pardon.

I said I was not surprised that guys *in North Hollywood* thought he was gay, since, in America, straight men don't generally wear full leather *to sex parties* *Because they don't want to be mistaken for gay* and I did not comment on the "falling to their knees " part.

But I am a petty and vindictive person. So I bring it here.