ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[BiBunny]

I am sorry, but he was a real keeper. You are totally loosing out here.

I STILL can't stop laughing about that one.

Damn those big words!

Also, wasn't "presumptuous" the only *big* word I used? I mean, I'm sure he meant "moot," too, but just because you don't know what it means doesn't make it a big word, LOL.

 

[chaoticDeviance]

I STILL can't stop laughing about that one.

Damn those big words!

Also, wasn't "presumptuous" the only *big* word I used? I mean, I'm sure he meant "moot," too, but just because you don't know what it means doesn't make it a big word, LOL.

moot is the biggest word I have ever seen! *nods*

 

[BiBunny]

moot is the biggest word I have ever seen! *nods*

I you so much.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

moot is the biggest word I have ever seen! *nods*

Maybe it's a Napoleon word...you know, looks little but thinks big?

 

[daus42]

Maybe it's a Napoleon word...you know, looks little but thinks big?

Is hand tucked into shirt a requirement for use?

 

[satindesire]

Two recent messages here on Lit.

hi

Hi again. Did you need something?

Are you into some fun?

I believe this is the third time I've rejected your cyber-sex advances in the last year. Either you message so many women on here you lose track and can't remember them, or you think if you're persistent enough you'll wear me down and I'll agree. Either way, you're pathetic.

I'm growing tired of you pestering me. If you contact me again for ANY reason other than strictly platonic, I will not hesitate to put you on my ignore list.

Do you understand me? I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOU. EVER. FOR ANY REASON.

u have a nice display pic. wanna cyber with me?

Nice wallet. Want to give me a thousand dollars?

Note, the above worked shockingly well. I should use that reply way more often.

 

[Aurantica]

Three seperate PMs from three seperate people:
x
Arsehead:being kissed on the armpit...good or bad?

I didnt even bother to reply to this one.



Re: so

Arsehead
what do you do with the bodies...just dump them?

Me: The only way to know is to find out!

arsehead : that sounds too much like that movie The Vanishing
oh well, I'm dying to know...what should I do?

Re: Hi
________________________________________Quote:
seriouslyintoanal:
hi

Me: Hey there. After recieving your stunningly eloquent and well-written PM, I have just one question: Are you fucking kidding me?

SIA: No, I am just saying Hi and then will ask you this question:
Are you into some fun?

 

[satindesire]

Re: Hi
________________________________________Quote:
seriouslyintoanal:
hi

Me: Hey there. After recieving your stunningly eloquent and well-written PM, I have just one question: Are you fucking kidding me?

SIA: No, I am just saying Hi and then will ask you this question:
Are you into some fun?

Oooh, you must have gotten the same PM from the same "WayTooIntoAnal" asshat as me!

 

[Aurantica]

Oooh, you must have gotten the same PM from the same "WayTooIntoAnal" asshat as me!

I'm pretty sure I did.

 

[satindesire]

I'm pretty sure I did.

It's always gratifying to a scientist when a theory works itself out into fact.

 

[Chiara_searches]

I don't get too many PMs, so I never seem to have much to share here...but I love reading this thread.

What I'd like to know is why in the past week I have received PMs from three different people...all of whom have PM'd me within the last month and all of whom I've previously answered with an honest (something along the lines of) "No, thanks, I don't do online anymore and I'm in a relationship where what you propose is intellectual cheating in my book." I'm going to borrow SD's responses, if that's okay.

Here ends my daily rant. Thank you for listening.

 

[satindesire]

I don't get too many PMs, so I never seem to have much to share here...but I love reading this thread.

What I'd like to know is why in the past week I have received PMs from three different people...all of whom have PM'd me within the last month and all of whom I've previously answered with an honest (something along the lines of) "No, thanks, I don't do online anymore and I'm in a relationship where what you propose is intellectual cheating in my book." I'm going to borrow SD's responses, if that's okay.

Here ends my daily rant. Thank you for listening.

Please do. I encourage it, as a matter of fact!

 

[Kalliope]

From: RandomAsshat
Subject: have you
Message: been a naughty girl today?

Me: Ehh, not really. You?

RA: not yet...find anything good on LIt this morning ?

Me: Oh, sure! Here's a feew good ones:
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=756470
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=775200
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=774609

RA: Get to cum last night?

Me: Hey you should really read this thread; I think it'll answer that question for ya. Enjoy!
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=387054

---

Not the best on here by a long stretch, but I got a chuckle out of it.

 

[satindesire]

From: RandomAsshat
Subject: have you
Message: been a naughty girl today?

Me: Ehh, not really. You?

RA: not yet...find anything good on LIt this morning ?

Me: Oh, sure! Here's a feew good ones:
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=756470
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=775200
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=774609

RA: Get to cum last night?

Me: Hey you should really read this thread; I think it'll answer that question for ya. Enjoy!
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=387054

---

Not the best on here by a long stretch, but I got a chuckle out of it.

Aw!

 

[Kalliope]

Aw!

Hehe, it is the best thread on Lit, after all!

 

[satindesire]

Hehe, it is the best thread on Lit, after all!

:-> That it is!

 

[Aurantica]

Asshat: Whats the most humliating thing you've been asked to do, that turned you on the most?

Me: Find your own wank material, dipshit.

Asshat: You are a horrible sub!!!!

Me: Actually, I'm a great sub. I'm just sub to somebody else.

Asshat: You might be, but you've been nothing but sour to me. I have found you interesting, and trying to approach you is like picking up a mouse trap. I'm sure your master would prefer you be polite to those who say hello, even if you are someone elses sub.

Me: My master doesnt mind if I bite those who foolishly try to pet me. And for the record, you did not say hello, you asked me to relate a personal experience for your own pleasure. I do NOT owe you anything.

Asshat: Regardless of semantics, I was polite and inquisitive. You don't owe me anything, but I never recieve, without giving.

Me: Yes, actually you do. Or at least you would have if I had told you what you wanted to know.

Asshat, getting entitled and personal: So disappointing. Even the most novice of subs should be able to answer a simple question, regardless of why they think its being asked. Maybe I caught you on a bad day.

Me: I’m not going to stoop to your level. Even the most novice of doms should be able to comprehend why demanding personal stories from a sub just because they are sub is completely inappropriate. You are extremely rude and entitled. And there’s a special little place for people like you: my blocked list.

 

[marieR19]

I have to admit I was upset at this PM at first, because it touches on a very serious issue of mine, but I responded anyways... And got an even more annoying/asshat-y response back.

1. Are you a BBW (obese)? Be honest in your answer.

2. Do you like girls who say they are 80% into girls?

P.S. Have you ever had a male dominant?

My response:

1. How is that any of your business?

2. Yes.

3. Nope, never have. Want to, though.

And then I got:

1. How is that any of your business?

It's my business, because you're a sub, who's looking for a Dom, and I answered your personal, where you state that you are a a sub who's in search of a Dom, and..... the best part of this answer... I asked you a question, and expect a real, honest answer, that isn't filled with brattiness.

2. Yes.

Great. You're in luck, and you'll find out why very soon, if you're a good girl.

3. Nope, never have. Want to, though.

Good, let's see if you answer number one correctly this time?

P.S. What stories catagories on lit do you like best?

So, my response:

1. I don't owe you any sort of an answer. You are a stranger to me and I don't talk about that type of personal thing with strangers. You are not my Dom, and calling me a brat won't get you anywhere. Politeness would, but I guess it's too late for that.

Just because I post on Lit about being submissive does not mean I'm going to respond submissively to rude demands to answer personal questions from a stranger.

..... And I promise not to feed the trolls anymore.
edited to add: And the "personal" they are refering to? A thread I posted years ago. Not even applicable anymore.

 

[satindesire]

What a pretentious asshole!! I'm sorry you had to deal with that moron.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

It still just does not compute with me why people think that just because someone is a sub, they'll jump all over anyone being all DOMLY MCMASTERDOM. I mean, come on. Come on, not even dogs would put up with such behavior. It just astounds me how stupid people can be.

 

[sinnocence]

...
Me: My master doesnt mind if I bite those who foolishly try to pet me...

I love the whole convo you posted but this was WIN.

 

[Kurokami]

It still just does not compute with me why people think that just because someone is a sub, they'll jump all over anyone being all DOMLY MCMASTERDOM. I mean, come on. Come on, not even dogs would put up with such behavior. It just astounds me how stupid people can be.

Really, still? Most days, I just sort of wander around in a state of numb, wide eyed horror. I went past astounded years ago

 

[bhndblueyes88]

Really, still? Most days, I just sort of wander around in a state of numb, wide eyed horror. I went past astounded years ago

I'd like to pretend like I have some form of hope, but I think I'm just incapable of wrapping my mind around this degree of stupidity. It just does not compute. So I can't prepare myself for it. I just can not comprehend some people's behavior.

 

[Aurantica]

I love the whole convo you posted but this was WIN.

Why thank you. I do really appreciate that.
Gets me all warm and fuzzy inside.

 

[Lord_Steve]

ahaha aurantica you are catnip for krazykats


there's something so endearingly pathetic about approaching a sub online and being all "ME TARZAN YOU JANE ok we cool? SUCK MY DICK because that is like a thing you are into, generally, right? TALKING TO WOMAN IRL IS SO MUCH WORK BUT YOU, YOU ARE MY SUBMISSIVE WAIFU DREAMGIRL LET'S U AND I MAKE A SEXUAL ALPHABET"