ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[DeepGreenEyes]

My moustache might make me seem like a douche, (which was kinda why I photoshopped it in the first place) but your actions are those of a douche.

Look, by your own words she doesn't want to explore your fetish as far as you want to. That's your answer. You have to respect her boundaries-- at least if you respect her at all.

(and this isn't even the person I was talking about in my first post!)

I've kept the image in layers, it would be easy to edit the merkin layer

Your facial hair is evidently in need of serious douching up. Or down. Or other douchery to be named later.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Your facial hair is evidently in need of serious douching up. Or down. Or other douchery to be named later.

I defer to your superior knowledge of barbering

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I defer to your superior knowledge of barbering

Thank you for being so seville about it.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thank you for being so seville about it.

I'll think of some brilliant ripost after I've gone up the stairs.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I'll think of some brilliant ripost after I've gone up the stairs.

Nice landing.

 

[satindesire]

On Fetlife

NoobMaster 45M
Faraway, United Kingdom
written about 7 hours ago:

well well well you are a sexy filthy little minx i have a lovely collar that would look amazing on you and i am currently looking to train and own a sub/slave do you think you would be worthy enough to be my sub you filthy little minx ?

satindesire:

Translation:

I just jerked off looking at your pictures. No, I didn't bother reading your profile -at all-, because I have the social skills of a cockroach. I don't respect you as a person at all because the anonymity of the internet has made me forget that I'm speaking to actual human beings, so I'll open the conversation by calling you names even though you're a TOTAL stranger to me! Want to fuck?

(EDITED FOR REPLIES!)

NoobMaster:

it looks like you can translate English into mandarin that's Chinese to you thick fucking yank

Satindesire:

No, that's clearly Douchebaganeese, I've been fluent since I hit puberty. I learned the language because sad little wankers like you kept fucking talking to me in it and I didn't understand a word you losers were saying!

Now that I am fluent in Douchbaganeese, though, I think you should take your limp little peenie elsewhere. I'm not interested in wannabe "Masters" that don't know how to act towards strangers.

NoobMaster:

hey redkneck your a typical ugly fat yank piece of shit do not reply as i have better things to do than listen to shit from a gimp

Satindesire:

Typical circular douchbag logic. You like my pictures and think I'm hot, but as soon as I reject you, I'm ugly and fat. Sorry to break it to you Bubbles, but you messaged me solely on the fact that you found me attractive. If you've got better things to do, then by all means go and do them, I certainly think owning you with logic and facts is a rather enjoyable way to spend my evening, but then again, I like tearing worthless Trolls like you a new asshole.

 

[ravi64]

NoobMaster 45M
Faraway, United Kingdom
written about 7 hours ago:

well well well you are a sexy filthy little minx i have a lovely collar that would look amazing on you and i am currently looking to train and own a sub/slave do you think you would be worthy enough to be my sub you filthy little minx ?

satindesire:

Translation:

I just jerked off looking at your pictures. No, I didn't bother reading your profile -at all-, because I have the social skills of a cockroach. I don't respect you as a person at all because the anonymity of the internet has made me forget that I'm speaking to actual human beings, so I'll open the conversation by calling you names even though you're a TOTAL stranger to me! Want to fuck?

(EDITED FOR REPLIES!)

NoobMaster:

it looks like you can translate English into mandarin that's Chinese to you thick fucking yank

Satindesire:

No, that's clearly Douchebaganeese, I've been fluent since I hit puberty. I learned the language because sad little wankers like you kept fucking talking to me in it and I didn't understand a word you losers were saying!

Now that I am fluent in Douchbaganeese, though, I think you should take your limp little peenie elsewhere. I'm not interested in wannabe "Masters" that don't know how to act towards strangers.

NoobMaster:

hey redkneck your a typical ugly fat yank piece of shit do not reply as i have better things to do than listen to shit from a gimp

Satindesire:

Typical circular douchbag logic. You like my pictures and think I'm hot, but as soon as I reject you, I'm ugly and fat. Sorry to break it to you Bubbles, but you messaged me solely on the fact that you found me attractive. If you've got better things to do, then by all means go and do them, I certainly think owning you with logic and facts is a rather enjoyable way to spend my evening, but then again, I like tearing worthless Trolls like you a new asshole.

That young lady is as snarky as i have known well done

 

[Sir_Winston54]

NoobMaster 45M
Faraway, United Kingdom
written about 7 hours ago: ... etc.

There's a *reason* we love you...

Actually, many more than just "a."

 

[satindesire]

That young lady is as snarky as i have known well done

There's a *reason* we love you...

Actually, many more than just "a."

Thanks guys!

Destroying Trolls is one of the most fun things I do on the internet.

 

[lk70]

OH I am SO happy this thread is still here!

 

[satindesire]

Yahoo

rahulrejoice_asshat (3/22/2012 1:20:04 AM): hi
Missus Random (3/22/2012 1:20:07 AM): Hey
rahulrejoice_asshat (3/22/2012 1:20:12 AM): hi
Missus Random (3/22/2012 1:20:19 AM): Hey.
rahulrejoice_asshat (3/22/2012 1:20:49 AM): hi tel
Missus Random (3/22/2012 1:21:07 AM): Hey Rick.
rahulrejoice_asshat (3/22/2012 1:21:18 AM): m rahulrejoice
Missus Random (3/22/2012 1:21:56 AM): Ninja regret yak sauce in a good time bar over town, want to ovary my pickaxe in a shovel grave dead man?
Missus Random (3/22/2012 1:23:34 AM): No? Too bad. My uncle has cagefighting down front yard chicken guts. Han Solo always shoots first. Hoo Hoo Hoo.

 

[DanielaRo]

Him:
Hey sexy, wanna chat?
Me:
No ty, I have a master, not allowed to.
Him:
Come on..he wont know
-grabs you from behind and gently bites your ear-
Me:
I said no you freak.. Can't do it.
Him:
Slut, how can you talk with me like that?
You need to be punished for that, bitch.
-bends you over and slaps you-
Me:
You want to chat with me? Good, my Master is x. Let's see what he will say about that.
------------------
) after that no reply ever. Spoke with my Master and laughed alot about that
It's not the worst I received, but the funniest

 

[kiwi_submissive]

Marry me

Please.

 

[DanielaRo]

Stil mine wins

 

[RedButterflySlut]

I get this message about once a week from the same dude. He's even changed his S/N name with the same message. I've never replied to him, ever, or shown any interest in him. And he keeps on sending it.


"Looks interesting..... What brings you to this digital pool of perversion? Looking to push some boundaries? Maybe run into a dangerous looking man in a dark alleyway at night? Finding out you've missed your period a little under a month later? "

 

[bhndblueyes88]

I get this message about once a week from the same dude. He's even changed his S/N name with the same message. I've never replied to him, ever, or shown any interest in him. And he keeps on sending it.


"Looks interesting..... What brings you to this digital pool of perversion? Looking to push some boundaries? Maybe run into a dangerous looking man in a dark alleyway at night? Finding out you've missed your period a little under a month later? "

That last bit creeps me out the most...

 

[unregistered]

 

[satindesire]

That's hella-creepy.

So "Hella" worked it's way up from NorCal all the way over to Ohio then?

 

[Etoile]

So "Hella" worked it's way up from NorCal all the way over to Ohio then?

By way of South Park.

 

[unregistered]

 

[WickedSpitFire]

Oi. This thread was hard to find!

I don't know if these messages are the BEST of the WORST, but I was told this would be the appropriate place to copy and paste the messages I got this evening for all to point and laugh at.

This was all unsolicited, mind you.

From Him: Welcome back,Your response to my mail may help me label you ,my labeling may not be scientific or correct but I am experienced in the ways of the world.Tell me some thing about yourself including your what was your alt earlier .I am XXXXXX all of XXXX years.

From Me: I appreciate the offer, but I don't need any help. A label is not something that can be applied by another person, it's something I must give to myself. I'm actually a little offended at the prospect of my response helping you label me. Because you can't label me. Only I can.

From Him: It was not meant to offend you but to help you judge your self, from the look of it you are at best a switch and probably not a full sub

And so. I am left scratching my head a little.

 

[Netzach]

Oi. This thread was hard to find!

I don't know if these messages are the BEST of the WORST, but I was told this would be the appropriate place to copy and paste the messages I got this evening for all to point and laugh at.

This was all unsolicited, mind you.

From Him: Welcome back,Your response to my mail may help me label you ,my labeling may not be scientific or correct but I am experienced in the ways of the world.Tell me some thing about yourself including your what was your alt earlier .I am XXXXXX all of XXXX years.

From Me: I appreciate the offer, but I don't need any help. A label is not something that can be applied by another person, it's something I must give to myself. I'm actually a little offended at the prospect of my response helping you label me. Because you can't label me. Only I can.

From Him: It was not meant to offend you but to help you judge your self, from the look of it you are at best a switch and probably not a full sub

And so. I am left scratching my head a little.

If you're really a sub you'll do whatever he tells you to do, of course.

Grrrr. I'm in a mood. The "community" likes to pretend this doesn't really happen often, that it's not the invested people who do stuff like this, that it's only horny net geeks, but I've experienced my self-labeling being taken out of my hands and put into everyone who meets me since the instant I set foot in the scene, when I was very much completely uncertain where I fell on the spectrum. I've been told I'm really not a switch, I'm a sub. I'm really not a sub, I'm a Domme. I'm really not a switch I'm a slave, I just don't know it.

I've had people tell me this as a come-on, as a joke, as an assessment, and as a genuine desire to "help" me.

It's not funny, it's not cute, it's not consensual. God it pisses me off. And it happens 99.99999999999 percent of the time to women.

Rant off, sorry.

 

[graceanne]

Oi. This thread was hard to find!

I don't know if these messages are the BEST of the WORST, but I was told this would be the appropriate place to copy and paste the messages I got this evening for all to point and laugh at.

This was all unsolicited, mind you.

From Him: Welcome back,Your response to my mail may help me label you ,my labeling may not be scientific or correct but I am experienced in the ways of the world.Tell me some thing about yourself including your what was your alt earlier .I am XXXXXX all of XXXX years.

From Me: I appreciate the offer, but I don't need any help. A label is not something that can be applied by another person, it's something I must give to myself. I'm actually a little offended at the prospect of my response helping you label me. Because you can't label me. Only I can.

From Him: It was not meant to offend you but to help you judge your self, from the look of it you are at best a switch and probably not a full sub

And so. I am left scratching my head a little.

Seriously? He literally said he was wise in the ways of the world?

I'd say this dude is about 17. And he told you you're a switch so you'll go out of your way to prove to him that you're not.

I swear, they don't even try to be creative about it. What scares me is they keep doing it, so it must occasionally work.

 

[seela]

Oh I wish I would have saved the one PM I got from someone, who said he has about gazillion years of experience and has been validated as a Master by this or that institution and therefore is a better fit for me than my current partner will ever be. My posts showed, to him, great potential and he could have helped me grow and become the the best woman I can possibly become. It was also very practical that I am from a faraway land, to which he wished to move in. But that, of course, was just an added bonus, in reality he only wanted what's best for me and my blooming slave-woman-hood.

 

[WickedSpitFire]

Seriously? He literally said he was wise in the ways of the world?

I'd say this dude is about 17. And he told you you're a switch so you'll go out of your way to prove to him that you're not.

I swear, they don't even try to be creative about it. What scares me is they keep doing it, so it must occasionally work.

Seriously. Copy paste. And check the box of acclaimed age being over 50. Not that it matters when yes, you talk like you're 17. I really don't understand how this "works" <insert dramatic air quotes here>. It just left me scratching my head and telling him to shoo.