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ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

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Damn. Too bad I trashed all of my unsolicited disgusting material.

One who couldn't even retain villiage idiot status ended up dead in the "story-line" twice; tried to rape me and then switch.

gnat: I am your sub! You can do whatever you want!

Licia: My sub understands how to treat others with respect and courtesy. Even the villiage idiot knows not to walk into a stranger's house. You are not my sub, nor will you ever be. N-bigfucking-O. Stay away from my house.
 
"i have been practicing my ropework on my teenage neighbor heidi. she is an emo/punk and a catholic virgin. after school she calls me over and we spend a few hours together. i have become like an older brother to her with the benefit of having my lips kissing her lips and also her mouth"

smacks forehead
 
WickedSpitFire said:
"i have been practicing my ropework on my teenage neighbor heidi. she is an emo/punk and a catholic virgin. after school she calls me over and we spend a few hours together. i have become like an older brother to her with the benefit of having my lips kissing her lips and also her mouth"

smacks forehead
Click to expand...

Um, I know I'm probably gonna regret asking this, but is a catholic virgin different than a not-catholic virgin? I mean is the the Madonna engraved on their hymen, or something?
 
graceanne said:
Um, I know I'm probably gonna regret asking this, but is a catholic virgin different than a not-catholic virgin? I mean is the the Madonna engraved on their hymen, or something?
Click to expand...

I wouldn't have the slightest idea. Catholics tend to throw holy water at me when I get near.
 
What a mistake answering this one...lol...Taboo!

"my dad is in his 40's and i would love to introduce you. he and i have a very open and interesting relationship."
 
LOL loving this thread, it has inspired me to create a profile on collarme. Less than 30mins later and I get my first message:

Hi Pooksgirl, Welcome to collarme. First of all I am real. So look forward to not being disappointed. You may be interested to know that I offer free of charge online obedience training for beginning subs. I have a good deal of experience and am training 2 subs at the moment. The training is not about stripping for me on a cam, but you will be given tasks to perform, both online and offline! Tasks within pre-agreed limits, but they may include dresscode, online behaviour, orgasm control, pain training, public tasks etc. If you are interested to learn more, reply to this message and confirm: 1. That you are indeed 18+ 2. That you commence this training voluntarily. I will then send you your first task. Note: - you will be free to end to training at any time... just let me know. - The training is absolutely free of charge. Objective is that we both and enjoy it, and tthat should be enough - It is strictly online. Hope to hear from you. G.


Ohh ohhh I can't wait to get started with my training!:cool:
 
pooks_girl said:
Hi Pooksgirl, Welcome to collarme. First of all I am real. So look forward to not being disappointed. You may be interested to know that I offer free of charge online obedience training for beginning subs. I have a good deal of experience and am training 2 subs at the moment. The training is not about stripping for me on a cam, but you will be given tasks to perform, both online and offline! Tasks within pre-agreed limits, but they may include dresscode, online behaviour, orgasm control, pain training, public tasks etc. If you are interested to learn more, reply to this message and confirm: 1. That you are indeed 18+ 2. That you commence this training voluntarily. I will then send you your first task. Note: - you will be free to end to training at any time... just let me know. - The training is absolutely free of charge. Objective is that we both and enjoy it, and tthat should be enough - It is strictly online. Hope to hear from you. G.
Click to expand...


No, I'm not the author - but, what exactly is wrong with that? I mean, what do you expect?

He is able to write whole sentences.
He is able to spell.
He says what he is looking for.
He is polite.
He is funny.

This is STILL not enough for you?
 
I got this winner today:

ok first off ur verry cute and dont look no wair near ur age and i lov a kinkey bi girl thats strait ford s bu like younger guys?

What. The. Fuck?
 
BiBunny said:
I got this winner today:

ok first off ur verry cute and dont look no wair near ur age and i lov a kinkey bi girl thats strait ford s bu like younger guys?

What. The. Fuck?
Click to expand...

will u ford my straits, kinkey girl? cause that is so fucking HOT when I am drunk PMing with a pants fulla swollen creek!!!!
 
I just got this one on another BDSM webite.... Good lord. It was originally all one block of text but I've broken it up out of mercy for whoever reads this.

iam looking for f cam slave, if ur interested pm me now? i will make an online agreement with u, to describe the shape of our relation,there is the conditions:

1: u have to be my slave online to the rest of ur live, u have to be my properitey . to be my slave means that i will control all ur live detilas even the small things like what ur wear ,what ur eat.,..., can u do it?
2: u have to do what ever iam order u to do , never say no.u have to know that i will make a brainwash for u , u will be like my dog or my cow , or my robbot ,just obey orders, u will be like a toy .can u do it?
3: u have to take it in a serioues way ,it is not for fun . to be slave is a live style.and u have to be honest with me never lie on me, do what ever iam order u to do ,can u do it?
4: u have to know that when ur become my slave ,u have to love me more than u love ur self.i will become number 1 in ur live, can u do it?
5: u have to know that iam have the right to punish u when ever i want and in any way ,even if ur not do any thing wrong,and thier will be no limits for u , like hard pain ...., can u do it?
6: when ever iam order u to send pics or open cam ,u have to do it ok? 7: u have to know that , when ur accept become my slave, iam own
7 demonds slave. one of my slave will enter ur bodey and flowing in ur blood, it will control ur mind(thats true not lie) and if ur not replay to my orders it will damge ur mental health, u will see it in ur dreams, and hear it is voice in ur head when ur alone, can u do it? R U ACCEPT THIS CONDITOINS?



Wha... What ... The. Fuck.
 
Aurantica said:
I just got this one on another BDSM webite.... Good lord. It was originally all one block of text but I've broken it up out of mercy for whoever reads this....

[Deleted to save the eyes and minds of any readers from a second exposure.]

Wha... What ... The. Fuck.
Click to expand...
One would presume that at least one of the following conditions applies to the poster:
  • English is not his/her/its first language.
  • English is not his/her/its second, or even third, language.
  • He/She/It is illiterate.
  • He/She/It does not know how to use Google Translate.
  • He/She/It lives in his/her/its mother's (or grandmother's) basement.
  • He/She/It is a virgin.
  • He/She/It will always *be* a virgin.
Suggested resolutions:
  • He/She/It should immediately have all access to the internet permanently cancelled.
  • He/She/It should immediately be sterilized, on the (extremely slight) off-chance that he/she/it might, through some fantastic cosmic comedy of errors, reproduce.
  • He/She/It should immediately be blocked from any potential communication with you on that website, and you should warn all your friends and acquaintances - and even enemies, should you have any - to do likewise.

ETA: Good lord. I find it hard to believe that I took enough time to actually type all that out. He/She/It is some sort of alien contagion and must be deleted from our universe at the very first opportunity!
 
Aurantica said:
I just got this one on another BDSM webite.... Good lord. It was originally all one block of text but I've broken it up out of mercy for whoever reads this.

iam looking for f cam slave, if ur interested pm me now? i will make an online agreement with u, to describe the shape of our relation,there is the conditions:

1: u have to be my slave online to the rest of ur live, u have to be my properitey . to be my slave means that i will control all ur live detilas even the small things like what ur wear ,what ur eat.,..., can u do it?
<SNIP>
R U ACCEPT THIS CONDITOINS?



Wha... What ... The. Fuck.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the Enter key work, but my brain still hurts. Is this supposed to be English or do you participate in one of those crowd-sourced Build-A-Language bondage sites that are all the rage these days?
 
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