ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received
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Porkwarrior
Midlife Man Whore
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I think I found something that might be able to get me some sleep...it was oddly hypnotic trying to read that. As if it was one of the computer generated optical illusions, with something buried in that absolute WALL of text.
Porkwarrior
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rktktvi
Literotica Guru
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OMG.... could you imagine if he wrote all of that gobblety gook ~just for you?~ This is where we hear the horror movie music coming in...
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
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I couldn't make it as far as you did, Ahlam. I stopped after, "Hi there I am 27 year old experienced Dom." That's when the credibility gap didn't creep in, it *leapt* in.To be fair...you were warned not to read
That said: I wouldn't either, sorry!
Damn, that is some wall...
Anne
Aurantica
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FungiUg
Waves at Cats
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Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
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Fungi sighting! wØØt!Damn these terse doms.
Aurantica
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For easy laughing-at I will post some of the more bizarre sentences below.Damn these terse doms.
You can't do anything as the spreader bar prevents you from being able to close your legs is further complicated by the fact that you cannot move your hands are see anything that is going to.
I feel being overwhelmed and I warn you Don't you dare you move your hands, if anything I want you to squeeze your tits harder.
Yes, Master We will see how you do I bring my hand up to your tits and I just cup each one individually and then for for your nipple and being to squeeze and without thought you reach out to stop me. Get your hand back under your ass Master, its too much You will learn to take and now get your hand back to where it belongs before your punishment gets worse
Sir_Winston54
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Can we make the *author* of that ... whatever it is ... read it aloud?
Porkwarrior
Midlife Man Whore
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Want some fun? Take a shot of Helium and start reading it aloud. Let's make it a game, see how far you can make it before the Mickey Mouse from hell voice wears off.
bhndblueyes88
Literotica Guru
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Want some fun? Take a shot of Helium and start reading it aloud. Let's make it a game, see how far you can make it before the Mickey Mouse from hell voice wears off.
I have made a decision. This right here ^^^^^ is what Hell is.
Hajar
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Well that was painful to try to read
BiBunny
Moon Queen & Wanderer
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Today's winner:
"Hey! Howbig are your tits?"
He's the one who was so all-fired excited to ask me about my tits that he left out the space between "how" and "big," FYI. I just blocked him without saying anything because if they want attention and/or humiliation from me, they're gonna have to pay for it.
Does this shit really work? There's no way it does. No way.
"Hey! Howbig are your tits?"
He's the one who was so all-fired excited to ask me about my tits that he left out the space between "how" and "big," FYI. I just blocked him without saying anything because if they want attention and/or humiliation from me, they're gonna have to pay for it.
Does this shit really work? There's no way it does. No way.
midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
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It works if you consider the possibility that all the guy really cared about was knowing that you might read his message. Think of it like people who play the lottery. For many of them, the only pleasure they'll ever get from buying all those tickets is the dreaming they do until they learn, once again, that they've wasted their money. But for a couple of days they imagined owning a Corvette or buying their own island with built-in sluts.
daus42
Carpe Vino
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Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
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I just have to share this fetlife kerfluffle, (partly because I think I show pretty well within it) and just because of wow.
That might be the crowning jewel in this thread
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Willowsong38
Really Experienced
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RedheadedSlutL
Experienced
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not really an "asshat"
I was warned about the types of private messages I might get.
been lucky I guess - none were that bad...maybe because I wait tables in a town with a lot of guys and am used to clueless/desperate/crude
The first one was sort of lame and all up between my legs...(um, hi?)
but the one that finally made me laugh was like a lot of them just sort of "Hey, how are you?" I don't mind those but why would I reply?
what made it funny was his name implied sort of like whambamthankyoumaam (not the real name of course) and there was nothing of any interest in his message. so I thought...yep..good name!
Update: Ok I got one...guy is definitely wearing his ass as a hat...
" I would love to
Bend you over my desk right now, with my thick cock driving deep inside your juicy wet cunt. My hands pinching and tugging your nipples as you grind back into me, forcing my cock deeper inside you. Grabbing you by the hair and pulling your head back, telling you what a filthy whore you are as you slam yourself back with gutteral grunts and moans, lost in the lust of being taken and used again and again with your juices running down your thighs as the wet sucking sounds of your pussy squelch in time with the slap of my heavy balls against your clit.
__________________
Always happy to talk and meet with insatiable women from all over the world."
no reference to me at all...I mean couldn't he have at least edited his story to say "grabbing you by your RED hair"????
I was warned about the types of private messages I might get.
been lucky I guess - none were that bad...maybe because I wait tables in a town with a lot of guys and am used to clueless/desperate/crude
The first one was sort of lame and all up between my legs...(um, hi?)
but the one that finally made me laugh was like a lot of them just sort of "Hey, how are you?" I don't mind those but why would I reply?
what made it funny was his name implied sort of like whambamthankyoumaam (not the real name of course) and there was nothing of any interest in his message. so I thought...yep..good name!
Update: Ok I got one...guy is definitely wearing his ass as a hat...
" I would love to
Bend you over my desk right now, with my thick cock driving deep inside your juicy wet cunt. My hands pinching and tugging your nipples as you grind back into me, forcing my cock deeper inside you. Grabbing you by the hair and pulling your head back, telling you what a filthy whore you are as you slam yourself back with gutteral grunts and moans, lost in the lust of being taken and used again and again with your juices running down your thighs as the wet sucking sounds of your pussy squelch in time with the slap of my heavy balls against your clit.
__________________
Always happy to talk and meet with insatiable women from all over the world."
no reference to me at all...I mean couldn't he have at least edited his story to say "grabbing you by your RED hair"????
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edited version:
Asshat: Hey sexxxy freak do u like being fucked in the ass?
Me: Nice to meet you, Asshat. Do you like being punched in the balls?
Asshat: ...Yes. Yes I do.
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