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ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

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I had a random IM from someone claiming to have gynaecomastia (allegedly caused by Klinefelter's Syndrome) once. I chose to disbelieve him, because really, how many people having a chromosomal abnormality decide that the best way of getting themselves therapy is to IM strangers and ask them to ask questions about how it feels to be a bloke with breasts?
 
FurryFury said:
Miss Rebecca,

I know you were worrying about R.J. recently. Have you gotten in touch?

:rose:
Click to expand...

Yes, thankfully and he is okay, so I have stopped worrying. Brief volley of short pm's quite recently to catch up though I don't expect with his current obligations that we''ll be sharing much here with RJ in the immediate future.

Thanks for asking :rose:
 
Ok this wasn't exactly from a BDSM site... And it's not really an asshat... I received this message on Xtube(yes porn is great :cool:). Anyway I thought it was a little too special not to share:

Message from weird guy:

"Do you like cheese???Do you like parmesan cheese??
I like have sex with cheese
Do you masturbate with cheese??Do youlike have sex with cheese?"
 
Little_Kitten said:
Ok this wasn't exactly from a BDSM site... And it's not really an asshat... I received this message on Xtube(yes porn is great :cool:). Anyway I thought it was a little too special not to share:

Message from weird guy:

"Do you like cheese???Do you like parmesan cheese??
I like have sex with cheese
Do you masturbate with cheese??Do youlike have sex with cheese?"
Click to expand...

Was his username Dr. Seuss?
 
Little_Kitten said:
Ok this wasn't exactly from a BDSM site... And it's not really an asshat... I received this message on Xtube(yes porn is great :cool:). Anyway I thought it was a little too special not to share:

Message from weird guy:

"Do you like cheese???Do you like parmesan cheese??
I like have sex with cheese
Do you masturbate with cheese??Do youlike have sex with cheese?"
Click to expand...

I would not fuck it in a sock
I would not fuck it in a lock
I would not fuck it in the rain
Or in a can or in a train
I would not fuck parmesean cheese
I do not like it, if you please!
 
satindesire said:
I would not fuck it in a sock
I would not fuck it in a lock
I would not fuck it in the rain
Or in a can or in a train
I would not fuck parmesean cheese
I do not like it, if you please!
Click to expand...

But what about mozarella? You could get quite tied up in all that stringy cheese... :heart:
 
This guy on collarme leaves me multiple messages. I've told him several times that I'm not interested. So this time I wasn't so nice back.

Asshat- Do you enjoy jacking a man off?

Me-You know what. You've send me several messages. And I've told you several times that I'm owned. Obviously you've not taken the time to read my profile. If you need someone to help you jerk off try an 800 number..Have a great day asshole
 
He's gonna have to call a 900 number...you can't get that kind of stuff for free. ;)
 
"Asshat:
could you teach a male sub how to suck cock?"

Excuse me? What happened to "hey, hi, hello" to begin a chat with a complete stranger? What a fucking moron! :rolleyes:
 
Sprinkles22 said:
"Asshat:
could you teach a male sub how to suck cock?"

Excuse me? What happened to "hey, hi, hello" to begin a chat with a complete stranger? What a fucking moron! :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Sounds like a missed opportunity for passing on a chicken soup recipe that you can drink with a straw (the soup, not the recipe.)
 
Please excuse the length of this horrible conversation.

asshat69: what?

ChickletYIM: who is this?

asshat69: i'm michael

asshat69: how are you this evening my edar?

asshat69: *dear

ChickletYIM: I know about a dozen michaels - mind telling me specifically who you are and how you know me?

asshat69: i don't believe we've met before, why do you think we have?

ChickletYIM: because you're speaking to me.

ChickletYIM: Where did you get my ID?

asshat69: wow, interesting assumtion you're made LOL

asshat69: i think from a chat room

ChickletYIM: nope, i don't go into chat rooms.

asshat69: oh, then maybe in yahho group but woudl have been a few hours ago maybe

asshat69: i hope you don't mind me unsolicited IMing you

asshat69: also hope it doesn't make me a stalker LOL

ChickletYIM: I just don't understand the query about whispering into my ear if you don't know who I am.

asshat69: it was meant to be at attempt at humour but i see it missed its mark altogether LOL

asshat69: you seem awefully concerned and distressed?

ChickletYIM: I would just like to know why I am getting unsolicited IMs from a stranger.

asshat69: i just told you

ChickletYIM: Yes, and now I know.

asshat69: if you don't wish to chat then i'll give you a hint - try just telling me so and we can stop waisting eahc other's time? LOL

asshat69: you're getting all stressed out over nothing LOL

ChickletYIM: Sorry it upsets you so much that I wanted to know specifically why you were talking to me. I'm not stressed, just annoyed.

asshat69: and i told you and you're still distressed over it

ChickletYIM: For instance, if you were going to tell me that you were talking to me because you saw a picture of me and thought I was hot, that'd be one group of mike's to lump you in with. If you're kinky, there's another.

ChickletYIM: No, you didn't tell me.

ChickletYIM: you said possibly a yahoo group, not which one, or why you chose to message me.

asshat69: so if you're annoyed then just say good bye to me, very simple my dear!

ChickletYIM: What is it about *me* that you decided I'd be a good person to IM randomly?

ChickletYIM: just wanting to know.

ChickletYIM: As far as I know I'm not listed as single, available, or looking for partners or chat buddies on any site I belong to.

asshat69: you want the truth, i'm starting to learn there was nothing particulalry about YOU! LOL

ChickletYIM: So I'd like to know what about me gave that impression.

ChickletYIM: In fact, on half the sites I belong to, I specify that I do *not* want chat buddies.

ChickletYIM: So, which one was it that you found me through?

ChickletYIM: and what was it that made you want to talk to me?

asshat69: omg, i've experience some damn good naggers but right wa up the top of the list LOL

asshat69: you're hilarious

ChickletYIM: And you speak such broken english that you barely make any sense. But let's move past the communication issues for the answers.

asshat69: are you pulling my leg? you're not reallylike this are you? LOL

ChickletYIM: This is exactly what I'm like, especially to rude strangers that don't know why they're talking to me.

asshat69: you're cracking me up, now you're about to teach me english

ChickletYIM: Would you like me to?

ChickletYIM: I don't know if I'm quite talented enough.

asshat69: you don't like me but you're also so curious that you can't tel me to go away. i'm very flattered

ChickletYIM: Just tell me where you found me and why you messaged me so we can both move on.

asshat69: i told you, in some yahoo group that i don't recall

asshat69: and i chose you out of all the thosand of other women becasue of you wit and intelligece LOL

ChickletYIM: I highly doubt that - I don't *post* on any of the yahoo groups I belong to.

asshat69: i need to archive this conversatiojn so i can recall it whenever i need a giggle

asshat69: you may not post but your ID is clearly on at least one group

asshat69: perhaps one of the swinger/sex groups perhaps?

ChickletYIM: I understand that, but the mystery of why you would chose to bother me is still unanswered.

ChickletYIM: So do you make a habit of annoying everyone on a sex positive list?

asshat69: i told you - becasue you have such and engaging personality

asshat69: not everyine, i reserve that special treatment for you my dear LOL

asshat69: ok, you're going to make me pee yourself if you keep nagging like this
Click to expand...

At this point I was bored; I put him on ignore, and moved on.
 
Chicklet said:
"you're going to make me pee yourself"
Click to expand...

Huh? How does that work?

Now me personally, I always think that starting out a conversation with a total stranger without introducing myself and by being condesending is such a good idea. :D
 
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FungiUg said:
Huh? How does that work?

Now me personally, I always think that starting out a conversation with a total stranger without introducing myself and by being condesending is such a good idea. :D
Click to expand...

Master Dooby's brother Master Peewee ?

Bravo Miss Chicklet , very well done :rose:
 
Good Lord, Chicklet, you have way more patience than I do. After the first two minutes, I'd have blocked him and reported him as spam. :cool:
 
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