ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[MasterSnatch]

This thread is always great for laughs, thank God we guys get spared this bullshit most of the time. One more benefit to having a penis.

 

[Essene]

This thread is always great for laughs, thank God we guys get spared this bullshit most of the time. One more benefit to having a penis.

You've just been added to my list.

 

[cherokee_dove]

Originally Posted by ASSHATSLAVE
Hi maam, I am so very sorry to bother you but my mistress has me locked up in the gates of hell. She wants me to ask you want color and type of panties you she wants to tease me with no release. If I do not get enough women to tell me she will warm my bottom. Please help I do not want my bottom warmed. Please help me. She is even talking about using the strap on on me.

Well, since you pm'ed without asking permission of me; maybe i should ask your Mistress to specifically use the strap first?

Now go away, you bother me.

 

[cherokee_dove]

And then directly afterwards, this; from the same asshat.

please may i pm you

NO! Now go to your Mistress and let her see this pm. Ma'am, since your slave pm'ed without permission; i humbly ask of You to use the strap first.

Thank You, and no more pm's.

 

[00Syd]

Well, since you pm'ed without asking permission of me; maybe i should ask your Mistress to specifically use the strap first?

Now go away, you bother me.

I do believe that same asshat pm has been sent to others?

 

[cherokee_dove]

I do believe that same asshat pm has been sent to others?

Then it might be a good idea for that one to come up with a new theme, cause its getting old...lol

 

[DeservingBitch]

I do believe that same asshat pm has been sent to others?

Yes. I got it three times.

I ignored the first two. I'm not going to provide free humiliation material.

The third time, I politely told him that I would love to talk with his Mistress and could he please ask her to PM me? Haven't heard from him since.

 

[satindesire]

Yes. I got it three times.

I ignored the first two. I'm not going to provide free humiliation material.

The third time, I politely told him that I would love to talk with his Mistress and could he please ask her to PM me? Haven't heard from him since.

Hn, you're pretty smert! ^_^

 

[DeservingBitch]

Hn, you're pretty smert! ^_^

You just realize that now?

 

[satindesire]

You just realize that now?

Yeah, I don't pay much attention to who's posting what, with a very few exceptions. Sorry.

Edited to add: Nice shoes. ^_^

 

[DeservingBitch]

Yeah, I don't pay much attention to who's posting what, with a very few exceptions. Sorry.

That was me being funny above. Or trying to.

ETA: you should see the ones i got today.

 

[satindesire]

That was me being funny above. Or trying to.

ETA: you should see the ones i got today.

Humor is sometimes lost on me, when it's in the form of sarcasm. I'm not a sarcastic person myself, so I don't quite get the rules and intricacies of what's brash and funny, and what's just mean.

Well, you got a camera, dontcha?!

 

[the_pet]

~obviously from a caveman~ insert grunt

Quote

"you look good, my msn is XXXXXXXXXX"

End Quote



that's ALL it said too, i had to laugh, no beating around the bush there and maybe i shouldn't be so judgemental, perhaps they don't speak english

you look good.... (everytime i say it i laugh)


pet

 

[RawHumor]

~obviously from a caveman~ insert grunt

Quote

"you look good, my msn is XXXXXXXXXX"

End Quote



that's ALLit said too, i had to laugh, no beating around the bush there and maybe i shouldn't be so judgemental, perhaps they don't speak english

you look good.... (everytime i say it i laugh)


pet

Hell. You mean you're not just waiting around for some man to validate you by telling you that you're good enough for him?

*scratches my PM to Pet that was going to say "Hey. You. Yeah, you'll do."*

 

[FungiUg]

*scratches my PM to Pet that was going to say "Hey. You. Yeah, you'll do."*

Damn. I wondered why my "Oi! You! MSN now!" pick up line wasn't working.

 

[the_pet]

Hell. You mean you're not just waiting around for some man to validate you by telling you that you're good enough for him?

*scratches my PM to Pet that was going to say "Hey. You. Yeah, you'll do."*

.....is that like "get in the truck bitch"?!

 

[satindesire]

.....is that like "get in the truck bitch"?!

I concur.

 

[RawHumor]

.....is that like "get in the truck bitch"?!

Sort of, but "get in the truck bitch" is far more assertive. I tend to be a bit more laid back than that... and let you know how lucky you are for me to have found you worthy.

 

[RawHumor]

Damn. I wondered why my "Oi! You! MSN now!" pick up line wasn't working.

Some women are so fickle around here. It's like they want roses for you to even talk to them. Sheesh!

 

[the_pet]

Some women are so fickle around here. It's like they want roses for you to even talk to them. Sheesh!

.....Hey i didn't tell you send them and you sent the wrong color by the way (snicker)

 

[RawHumor]

.....Hey i didn't tell you send them and you sent the wrong color by the way (snicker)

*grumbles*

Next time I'm sending daisies.

 

[Etoile]

Just got this one:

I was really curious to ask you a question. I really hope its ok to ask. I just wanted to worship you with the words and I hope you feel that. I would be very happy to know of your lovely thoughts too. The honour would be mine completely.

Would you enjoy it if my tongue gently tingled your beautiful mound all over, as waves of pleasure wash through your body, as you delight in my softest kisses up and down the line of you sweet mound? my hands sensually massaging your breasts making you feel desired and special as you writhe beautifully in rhythm to my hungry licking, fulfilling you in the deepest of ways.

Can you imagine me rubbing the full length of my sweet cock softly up and down the line of your pussy whilst i look you deep in your eyes? rubbing your clit sweetly against my hot organ, until you are ready to cum, and i slip it deep inside your pussy to finish you off?

My reply:
"If you think vaginal penetration is what finishes a girl off, I suggest you go back to 9th grade sex ed class."

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Just got this one:


My reply:
"If you think vaginal penetration is what finishes a girl off, I suggest you go back to 9th grade sex ed class."

*snaps fingers...* Damn!

Back to the drawing board...

 

[madetotakeit]

He says he's from Germany but for some reason I'm thinking Guantanamo Bay...

Hi
How are you?
I would like a little bit write with you..
But maybe also more.._wink

What I search..
A woman for conversation and Sex

I love bondage.
I search a Woman to bound..
I use my Fantasy..
This is for your Fantasy.._wink

I will bound you.
Completely defenseles.

I want to stimulate your clit. Very intensively. I will use dildo and vibrator or other Sextoys. I want to lick your pussy and your clit. And I want to fingered your pussy. You should come to orgasm.
I observes you at the orgasm. If you get a very hard orgasm and your body is being shocked from the orgasm. I watch you and do simply continue. I am relentlessly. You must take the orgasm. After your orgasm, I give you not a pause, but I stimulate your clit/pussy directly to the next hard orgasm.
When your pussy is dry, I take oil and continue. I let you come, again and again. Until you can take no more. Then I give you a little pause and continue. Until you can REALLY take no more.
I love it_wink I love to see when you convulse from the orgasm. If you maybe squirt..?_wink It never becomes boring for me.
When you not will take a orgasm.. I dunk you in water. Again and again until you entreaty the orgasm. Or I dunk you in the water when I stimulate your clit/pussy. Or when you become a orgasm.
I will you as my slave for forced orgasms!
I will see the reaction from your body of the orgasms.
When you cum again and again.
When you have very intensely orgasms.
I love it when your body is being shocked and convulse.
I will see how many orgasm you can take.
And I search a woman for water and dunking plays.
You like this?

But.. I like not spanking and pain.

I hope you understand my bad English_wink
Write back.
*Asshat*

 

[Etoile]

I'm totally stealing his "Entreaty the Orgasm" line.