ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

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OMG - And this was after I told him that I wasn't looking for anyone, but thanks.... THIS is the kind of guy that sets my "wanna be Master" and manipulative sex fiend radar off!!!

...

Your instincts are serving you well, Grasshopper! :D
 
BANDIT:heart: & I have a couples profile on a site with "NOT LOOKING" throughout this profile yet we got this.......

Hi
Well I am indeed impressed, you appear to be, not only a woman who is in touch with herself but also one who knows what she wants and is happy to stand up and put it out there. You sound absolutely fantastic. We appear to have much in common.

As a way of introduction, my name is Geoff and I can be best described as a lover of life and all things blissful.

I am an easygoing relaxed guy, who is happy with the direction his life has taken. I believe I am a good communicator and an even better listener. I am a self-sufficient man, 46yrs, 5 10", 78kgs short brown hair and blue eyes, slim and reasonably fit. City bound at present, I prefer the beach or countryside where I can just enjoy the open spaces, nature. I love the outdoors, the sun, sand, sea and surf; I also love to bush-walk, just a lover of all things natural I guess. Photography is not only a passion but has been a lucrative sideline in the past and one, which I still love to explore. I am a gentle soul, open, honest and free spirited. Love the Buddhist philosophy and creative visualisation. Equally at ease in evening attire or bare feet. I love to walk along the beach and watch the sunrise or the sunset. I love the finer things in life, champagne, strawberries and indeed chocolate; where would we be without chocolate;

I am a sensual person and love all life's indulgences... life is too short not to! Wouldn’t you agree?
What I am looking for is a woman of a similar quality, intelligent and healthy, sensual, honest and open, who loves life and knows her passion in life and is happy to share. She would need to have a large capacity to love and laugh, be content with her life and herself (but always looking to embellish both), be alive, maybe have an interesting past and present, and one who enjoys sharing experiences and knowledge on all levels with an avid participator and listener...

Please tell me more about yourself, your passions; your loves; your dislikes, what you enjoy doing? I do believe we have many things in common and I indeed would like to explore this with you.

I live in Concord.... Where do you live? My email address xxxxxx@xxxxx.xxx.xx
Hope to hear from you and talk with you soon.

Jeff

Sent him back a message saying "Thanks for the laugh & does this crap really work on ppl who have no fucking interest in you?"

Oh if only ppl only bothered to read what is in profiles although he likely only saw the pic of BANDITS:heart: legs in fishnets & high heels.
 
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BANDIT:heart: & I have a couples profile on a site with "NOT LOOKING" throughout this profile yet we got this.......

...As a way of introduction, my name is Geoff and I can be best described as a lover of life and all things blissful....

DISCLAIMER:

While there may be some slight resemblance in some preferences, and a mind-bogglingly shocking similarity in names (and an appreciation for Bandit's legs in fishnet stockings, you lucky dog, Gil! *LOL* ) I am NOT the Geoff in the above asshat.

Thank you!

;)
 
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DISCLAIMER:

While there may be some slight resemblance in some preferences, and a mind-bogglingly shocking similarity in names (and an appreciation for Bandit's legs in fishnet stockings, you lucky dog, Gil! *LOL* ) I am NOT the Geoff in the above asshat.

Thank you!

;)


OOPS I didn't even look at his name & would have XXXXX it out.
 
Well, I never get anything I can post here, but tonight I got something that was interesting, if not sexy...for a while. Well, about 2 minutes, at least.

I got one of those Czech scammers...the ones that tell you they are in some far off country, and have no money to get out. They ask you to send them money, so they can get a flight out.

This one girl (I assumed it was a girl...who knows for sure?) saw my profile on another site and contacted me via Yahoo IM. Well, the rest is in the chat, below. I changed both hers and my IDs, to secure true names.

DVS: Just wanted to say Hi. I saw that you've been looking at my profile. So....I had to look at yours.
PRETTY SCAMMER: thats cool
DVS: I just didn't want you to think I was unfriendly, when you first tried to contact me, on here. At that time, I didn't know who you were, and just wanted to know. You know these things...you can be talking to a 14 year old boy and not even know it.
PRETTY SCAMMER: yeah
PRETTY SCAMMER: thats true
DVS: So, I saw what you're into, from your profile. Did you view the sexual portion of my profile?
DVS: I didn't know at the time, but it seems very few even fill that section out
PRETTY SCAMMER: No i am not on the site for that shit
PRETTY SCAMMER: i sign up to the site to meet my soul mate
PRETTY SCAMMER: not a fucker
DVS: well, aren't they one in the same? I mean, a soul mate would also be a sexual mate.
PRETTY SCAMMER: i sent you my pics
PRETTY SCAMMER: let me know when u got them
DVS: Recently? I don't know...I'll have to check. Thanks. But, I know what you mean about soul mate, but a soul mate for me would also include a perfect match in sex. Actually a perfect match in everything.
PRETTY SCAMMER: thats true
BUZZ!!!
DVS: Sorry...was looking at your pics.
PRETTY SCAMMER: Ok cool
DVS: I don't mean to burst your bubble, but do you really think you will find that soul mate? I mean, it's possible, but it's also very difficult.
PRETTY SCAMMER: yeah it is difficult to found my soul mate that easy
PRETTY SCAMMER: well i am looking for him thou and i have faith i will meet him soon
DVS: Oh, nothing wrong with that mindset. It's also possible you will find him.
PRETTY SCAMMER: well that would be great if i can find him soon cos i am facing a lot of problem here rt now in west africa
DVS: You are very lovely, with a striking body. That alone should have them flocking to your door. Then, you could just take your pick
PRETTY SCAMMER: which i have no one that can help me
DVS: why, what's the problem?
PRETTY SCAMMER: I'll be glad if u can help me with a little to get my bill pay and be out of here soon
PRETTY SCAMMER: they wont let me get on plane if i didnt get their bill pay at the hotel
PRETTY SCAMMER: thats why i am crying and sad
PRETTY SCAMMER: (sad face smilie)
PRETTY SCAMMER: (crying smilie)
DVS: why won't they let you talk on the phone? That seems rude. It also doesn't sound like a hotel. What hotel is it?
PRETTY SCAMMER: well they dont use a line that i can call out from it and the hotel it is a local hotel in abeokuta city of Ogun state
PRETTY SCAMMER: (sad face smilie)
DVS: and you have a hotel bill you can't pay?
PRETTY SCAMMER: yeah babe
PRETTY SCAMMER: cos i dont have any money with me
PRETTY SCAMMER: i'll be glad if u can help me
PRETTY SCAMMER: i will just book my flight to you there
DVS: Where are you right now?
PRETTY SCAMMER: at the hotel babe
DVS: aren't you using a line out to get on the Internet?
PRETTY SCAMMER: Yeah babe
PRETTY SCAMMER: babe how can u help me?
DVS: then I don't understand. If they will let you use the line for the Internet, why won't they let you use it to call out?
PRETTY SCAMMER: cos the line at the hotel its a local line and its cost to get a call card here
PRETTY SCAMMER: well am not force you if u cant help or if u re doubt me
PRETTY SCAMMER: only if u wish to help me thats all
DVS: I would if I could.
PRETTY SCAMMER: so all i need is $560
PRETTY SCAMMER: how can u be able to help me with that
PRETTY SCAMMER: can u send it online with your card or u cant help me?
PRETTY SCAMMER: its good to know ur mind
DVS: I wish I could. I just don't have a credit card.
PRETTY SCAMMER: oK cool
PRETTY SCAMMER: all is well
PRETTY SCAMMER: if u cant help me thats not the end of the road for me
PRETTY SCAMMER: later
PRETTY SCAMMER has signed out. (3/31/2008 11:22 PM)

DVS: Later dude

The pics she sent were fantastic, to say the least. And she also sent a web page she has. I guess she's a model. Well, you can't believe any of this, though. Who knows if she's for real. It's kind of sad, too, because if she was for real, I'd like to help. But, I know better.

That flight she said she would book herself out on? I'm sure she would be coming to Kansas City, first thing. I mean...there are no other airports she could book to, before Kansas City, to pay me back the $560.

But, I'm sure she was an honest girl.:rolleyes: Well, at least she is fucking beautiful...or should I say the pictures of the girl he's pretending to be for purposes of the scam.
 
But, I'm sure she was an honest girl.:rolleyes: Well, at least she is fucking beautiful...or should I say the pictures of the girl he's pretending to be for purposes of the scam.

I ran into something similar on Yahoo chat not so long ago. A woman (or so she said) contacted me and asked me what I was looking for in a woman. I told her I wasn't looking for a woman, but would be happy to tell her what I liked in women friends, lovers, etc. So conversation led from there, at the end of which she announced that I was the one for her! I reminded her that I wasn't looking for a woman because I already had a partner (I think me not being married confused her).

Anyway, the next time we chatted she asked me for money for food (after telling me she missed me so much, when we'd only chatted the once) so I laughed at her and put her on ignore. I mean, if she can afford the internet... I'm sure she can afford food. Not that I think her story was true.

Perhaps this asking people on the 'net for money is becoming a trend?
 
But, I'm sure she was an honest girl.:rolleyes: Well, at least she is fucking beautiful...or should I say the pictures of the girl he's pretending to be for purposes of the scam.

Shortly after 9/11 I was contacted by some dude. Normally those guys go instantly on ignore, but I always give them a chance. This guy was obnoxious but didn't want to cyber so I didn't put him on ignore. We chatted off and on for a few months, it turned out he was Lebanese but was living in . . . some Middle East country. I can't recall which. This kinda made me nervous, but not nervous enough to iggy him. Then one day he started telling me how his company was going bankrupt, etc etc and could he keep some boxes of his stuff at my house? :eek:

I didn't even answer - he went right on ignore. I should have contacted someone about him, but at the time I didn't think of it. I just wanted to put as much space between me and him as possible.
 
Just got this one.

Him: i love your pix you are gorgeous! im 22 5'7 short dirty blonde blue/green eyes good build (military) shaved 8 inch cock

Me: Umm.....okay? :confused:

Him: too much?

Me: I have no idea what you expect me to do with the above mentioned information. I'm quite confused as to why you felt it necessary to send me your bodily measurements and description. Are you trying to engage me in cyber sex? Because you really are going about this the totally wrong way.

Have you had much luck using this tactic in having cybersex with people on this site? I honestly want to know.

************

At this point he will either A) Hotly defend the fact that he was not searching for cyber sex or B) Not answer me. Let's wait and see what happens.

**********************

Okay, I've given him over 5 minutes to reply and nothing. So here was the coup de grace:

Me: So I'm guessing you were trolling for cyber.

Okay, here's the deal. Not every girl in the AM pics thread is looking to cyber. As a matter of fact, a lot of girls got together and made a thread to talk about PMs like the one you sent me. You might wanna take a look so that you can learn what to do and what not to do from now on, if you want to have some decent conversation. Ever.

Just because a girl has naked pictures up on a porn site doesn't mean she's a lackwit cyberslut looking to pant via text while you wank off. Please keep this in mind before you PM someone else.

It's quite rude and unwelcome to send messages like that.

********

THE END MUTHAFUCKAAAA!!!!!
 
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He doesn't send those only to people who have pics up. The remark about the pics is just replaced by a "What do you look like?"

At least he made it pretty clear what he wanted. I recently got a PM that just said "Hi" that was it - from somebody who doesn't have any posts.
 
I enjoyed reading this thread, but

But I was one such Asshat myself,
spraying enough 'Ready made Template PM' around on Lady Ads and praying one of them turns out to be good.

although I got fed up & stopped that 'spray & pray' activity recently, now I laugh and regret I wasted lot time in that unproductive hobby.

Let me post my 'own' 'Readymade Template PM' [I've named that notepad file 'lit nice reply']
Hello Miss,
I was passing by and came to your profile,
How are you today?
Right now I’m just lone & bored & need a friend to chat, play games on Yahoo messenger. we can get naughty if you want otherwise I'm happy to have you as my buddy


Something about me,

I’m 21 yrs old, male.
Face-good
Ht. 5 ft 7 inches,
Weight 60 kilogram.
Hair - black, eyes brown,

I don't smoke or drink or drug or anything bad.
I've an athletic body,
My interests include, literature & computer action games, porn addict, but now fed up with that stuff. Also a computer expert in case you need some help fixing your computer with online instructions


So let me know if you’re interested... more about me on my threads...
[size=+1] My Non-Naked Pictures [Ampic. thread][/size]

My Threads:-

Some Funny Quotes
[size=+1] Does ‘TONGUE’ size really matter? [/size][mockery of 'size related threads' in How to Section!]
[size=+1]Cum & say Hello to Colton[/size] [Playground thread]



My Humor Stories:-
[size=+1] Lady finder a.i. Chat autobot [/size]
[size=+1] A 'Fake' Dom remembers[/size]
 
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This guy was just flat REFUSING to get the hint. I was trying to be nice, because hes an idiot, and probably didn't realize what an asshat he is. But he just was not getting it.


Asshat: age?
Me: who are you?
Asshat: asshat, 23 m - you?
Me: where did you get me sn from?
Asshat: lit
Me: well, I assume your looking for someone to cyber with
Me: correct me if I'm wrong
Asshat: maybe ;)
Me: but if you had looked at my profile for longer then it took to see my photo and sn, you would have clearly seen that in my "biography" that I a spoken for
Me: which means that I am in a relationship
Me: which means that I'm probably not going to be looking for someone to cyber with
Me: sorry
Asshat: i don't want to be your boyfriend ... just your sex toy for a night .. or weekend
Me: well, as I'm loyal to my boyfriend, not really interested in anyone else, and not really into having sex toys, thats not the most enticing offer
Me: again, sorry
Me: hope you find what your looking for
Asshat: do you like women?
Me: Sure, as friends
Asshat: and as more than friends?
Me: No. I think if I did probably would have said so in response to your last question
Asshat: so you would like .. being taken hard from behind .. as a gorgeous older woman kneels in front of you, holding your hips in her hands, tasting you?
Me: No. Didn't I just say that I'm not into women?
Me: and before that. didn't I tell you that I'm not interested in cybering?
Me: so no need for you to talk about sexual things, really.
Asshat: but i'd luv taking you in your dorm room .. while your roommate watches
Me: Well, tough shit, because your not going to
Me: if you keep talking about sexual things I'm going to block you.
Me: why don't you find someone else to annoy?

And then, nothing.

What an asshat.
 
I recently did a purge of my files of cyber stuff. I look back on most I've cybered with and wonder WTF was I thinking? Oh yeah, I wasn't. LOL!

I was damned hot though. That was a nice time in my life. I think I just about wore my lap top and my husband out.

Good times . . .

:rose:
 
And that, 00Syd, is why my screen name isn't on my profile! (Or if it is, it's an old one.)
 
Joining Collarme proves to be quite amusing.

hi,this is X,39 years old mistress and organisator..u wanna be sold?

Somehow I think I will decline the kind offer of a random stranger to sell me.
 
I got that one as well. :rolleyes:

Did you also have such a hard time deciding whether to take her up on this generous offer? ;)

What's an organisator? :confused:

X does a great job of explaining this herself
I am organisator..it means I organise for meetings.works.bdsm.to be sold.rented.slaves to owners and owners to slave..I organise all about that
also escording,and all kind of work..housemaids,secretary,just sub being etc
 
At least it was short

The latest and greatest:

hey
hey just wondering if u have msn , i am male 20 eng , hopefully here from u soon ___ x x

Me: any particular reason you asked?

No response.

By the age of twenty aren't most people capable of differentiating between 'hear' and 'here'? And know not to say 'hey' twice in a row? Or how to capitalize? Perhaps I ask for too much but really, talking to a woman like she's an imbecile :mad: utterly disgraceful! Then again this thread makes me laugh, so I guess asshats are good for their sheer entertainment value.
 
...X does a great job of explaining this herself
I am organisator..it means I organise for meetings.works.bdsm.to be sold.rented.slaves to owners and owners to slave..I organise all about that
also escording,and all kind of work..housemaids,secretary,just sub being etc.
She does? :eek: If you say so.
But, now that she's explained organisator...she also said she "organisates" escording...if I understood her correctly. :rolleyes:
Does she happen to explain escording too?
 
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