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ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

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I got one yesterday.....

Hello...

May you please share with me how you please your Master? Umm why is it his business how I please my Master?

Ummm No do you know how to read?

Thanks anyway
 
"I liking you storys very much. You wanna rite srp wiv me?"

Hmmm... lemme think about that one. :rolleyes:
 
"I have been fantasizing for ages about having my prostate stimulated. Would you consider meeting with me to show me how it's done? Contact me here at dumbfucker@upmyownass.com because I would love to play with you."

Sig states that I am owned. Location: Kent UK. In what parallel universe would I travel to Austin to poke your ass?

Maybe you should start by removing your head from it?
 
VelvetDarkness said:
"I have been fantasizing for ages about having my prostate stimulated. Would you consider meeting with me to show me how it's done? Contact me here at dumbfucker@upmyownass.com because I would love to play with you."

Sig states that I am owned. Location: Kent UK. In what parallel universe would I travel to Austin to poke your ass?

Maybe you should start by removing your head from it?
Click to expand...

I think there should be people who make good money traveling to fuck all these poor folks with a strap on. I truly do.

You know, find a need and fill it?

:rose:
 
I think I did something bad. And I was looking for a second opinion.

First of all and bear this in mind, yesterday I was really horny. I live in a small apartment near college and so I share a bathroom with the girl who lives next to me. yesterday in my horny state I went to the bathroom and beat off into her shampo bottle, and also over the course of the day; her toothpaste and brush, and her facial scrub. I want to do more. Is this really evil?
Click to expand...

my opinion.. why are you asking me this?
 
I got one recently from somebody I actually know and have conversed with, suggesting that perhaps the reason I haven't been around Lit much was because I am pregnant. I was like "um, no, I have school and it's the end of the semester." :eek:
 
EmpressFi said:
my opinion.. why are you asking me this?
Click to expand...

Fi, if it hadn't been stated that this dude was a serial PMer, perhaps he thought the paint on your forehead was toothpaste with ummm.... special treats in it, I dunno.
Poor blossom probably thought he'd found a kindred bathroom spirit.;)
KK
 
i just got my first asshat message on collarme.....

Hello,
How are you today and how was your day going on? I was searching for a profile on this dating site finding and looking for my soulmate i dont mind the distance,because i believe with if we're through honest and upfront with ourself we can sort out the distance between us.Well, let me start here by introducing myself to you.My name is *real name*,i'm an Civil Engineering by profession both of parent are gone.I've a son name poorboy,he's just 13yrs old i lost my late wife 6yrs back. I am a very easy going guy that loves to have fun.Here are some few things i love to do Dancing, Dining, Family, Outdoor Activities, Watching Sports, Travel, Cooking, Gardening, Crafts, Playing Music. i would be glad if you can email me directly back to my email address which is XXXX@noway.com or YYYY@uhhuh.com...You're such a wonderful lady which i knows in my heart that God have been keeping for me all this while.I hope to hear from you till then stay blessed in the Lord.

***...
 
Qpet05 said:
i just got my first asshat message on collarme.....

Hello,
How are you today and how was your day going on? I was searching for a profile on this dating site finding and looking for my soulmate i dont mind the distance,because i believe with if we're through honest and upfront with ourself we can sort out the distance between us.Well, let me start here by introducing myself to you.My name is *real name*,i'm an Civil Engineering by profession both of parent are gone.I've a son name poorboy,he's just 13yrs old i lost my late wife 6yrs back. I am a very easy going guy that loves to have fun.Here are some few things i love to do Dancing, Dining, Family, Outdoor Activities, Watching Sports, Travel, Cooking, Gardening, Crafts, Playing Music. i would be glad if you can email me directly back to my email address which is XXXX@noway.com or YYYY@uhhuh.com...You're such a wonderful lady which i knows in my heart that God have been keeping for me all this while.I hope to hear from you till then stay blessed in the Lord.

***...
Click to expand...




My he's forward.
 
Qpet05 said:
i just got my first asshat message on collarme.....

Hello,
How are you today and how was your day going on? I was searching for a profile on this dating site finding and looking for my soulmate i dont mind the distance,because i believe with if we're through honest and upfront with ourself we can sort out the distance between us.Well, let me start here by introducing myself to you.My name is *real name*,i'm an Civil Engineering by profession both of parent are gone.I've a son name poorboy,he's just 13yrs old i lost my late wife 6yrs back. I am a very easy going guy that loves to have fun.Here are some few things i love to do Dancing, Dining, Family, Outdoor Activities, Watching Sports, Travel, Cooking, Gardening, Crafts, Playing Music. i would be glad if you can email me directly back to my email address which is XXXX@noway.com or YYYY@uhhuh.com...You're such a wonderful lady which i knows in my heart that God have been keeping for me all this while.I hope to hear from you till then stay blessed in the Lord.

***...
Click to expand...

I'd say that comes across more as desperate than asshat-ish...
 
Qpet05 said:
i just got my first asshat message on collarme.....

Hello,
How are you today and how was your day going on? I was searching for a profile on this dating site finding and looking for my soulmate i dont mind the distance,because i believe with if we're through honest and upfront with ourself we can sort out the distance between us.Well, let me start here by introducing myself to you.My name is *real name*,i'm an Civil Engineering by profession both of parent are gone.I've a son name poorboy,he's just 13yrs old i lost my late wife 6yrs back. I am a very easy going guy that loves to have fun.Here are some few things i love to do Dancing, Dining, Family, Outdoor Activities, Watching Sports, Travel, Cooking, Gardening, Crafts, Playing Music. i would be glad if you can email me directly back to my email address which is XXXX@noway.com or YYYY@uhhuh.com...You're such a wonderful lady which i knows in my heart that God have been keeping for me all this while.I hope to hear from you till then stay blessed in the Lord.

***...
Click to expand...

That's not an asshat, that's a guy trying to scam you out of the money necessary to travel the vast distance between you... can you say "Nigerian Scam" with a slight twist?
 
i think i'll write back and ask HIM for money to get me over to england :) put a real twist on it....
 
I got a good one the other day to my account over on cm...

"Have you ever been whored out?"

:rolleyes:
 
Daddyslilpet said:
I got a good one the other day to my account over on cm...

"Have you ever been whored out?"

:rolleyes:
Click to expand...
I didn't tell a single person about that time back in Corpus Christi. You can trust me. HONEST!
















oops.:eek:
 
OK... obviously reading comprehension isn't high on the list for many on the CM list. I list myself clearly as a submissive seeking only females and get MANY messages from male submissives wanting me to dominate them. Here's a gem I got just a few minutes ago...

"yiur georgous love to serve you both ..i love nylons and heels ..kneels"

I swear to God I am not making that up. :rolleyes:
 
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