Aussie's Self Pleasure Study Club

[Mrtenant]

Excellent question....
waits for others to weigh in....

How do I get the dopamine/sex association going?? There seems to be a massive disconnect for me

I am usually a bit of a tool around here (could be a pun) I'm gonna flail a little bit as my thoughts are not all cohesive because of recent offline circumstances.

I will say, it is a matter of knowing thyself. What can trigger you? When? Why?
Does it take a memory woven into a fantasy?
Also, there is an understanding that solo sex, is still sex. Do yourself right.

One of the things I have said to MrsT, is that there is a party in my pants, and you have the only other invitation (other than me). Use it, or like any other party, I lose interest in sending out invites to the person that never shows.

In which case- as always, My body. My choice. I can take things in hand, I have an agile mind, I have no shame in my game. I know what works for me. I have to believe in my sexuality. I know what gets Mr. Happy happiest through trial and error, reading how to's if necessary.

Curiosity corner here. I mentioned this briefly earlier. How many people really know and can exercise a high degree of control over their sexuality? As in edging, or orgasm without ejaculation (men) or orgasm with squirting (women). Many people don't know how to do these things. Learn flexibility. Joyfully grow your skills.

What also helps are symbols, trinkets, voices, tone, scents as triggers, etc.

Ex: There is a perfume a lover I was once with over 30 years ago that triggers me every damn time.

Use these in your exploration. Tshirts with his scent. A candleholder that only gets used when its party time. A song. A tone of voice. A barette that is only worn during sex. It's almost pavlovian.

I feel like I'm rambling. Hope that helps.

 

[Endless_Night]

< Curiosity corner here. I mentioned this briefly earlier. How many people really know and can exercise a high degree of control over their sexuality? As in edging, or orgasm without ejaculation (men) or orgasm with squirting (women). Many people don't know how to do these things. Learn flexibility. Joyfully grow your skills. >

It's not that I don't find this interesting. I do. It's just, for me, the idea of fine tuning control of my sexuality is like a twenty year old planning for retirement. If anything, my sexuality has control over me!

My interest, arousal, orgasms, entire sexuality is so tied to my BDSM leanings as to veer almost more into fetish than kink. (If one presumes fetish = requirement.) On top of that, the emotional connection has to be juuuuust riiiiiight.

Getting to the orgasms at all is a mountain to climb. What you propose is far beyond my current ken.

In fact, Lit, while a godsend in helping me to understand my proclivities, has actually narrowed my options in other ways. I used to get by on masturbation and fantasy. Now that I've actually sampled my kind of sex with the prerequisite emotional connection via e-sex, fantasy just doesn't do. *shrug*

I mean, it's cool that you explore this stuff, but for me it's like…your talking another language.

One from off planet.

 

[base10]

It's not that I don't find this interesting. I do. It's just, for me, the idea of fine tuning control of my sexuality is like a twenty year old planning for retirement. If anything, my sexuality has control over me!

My interest, arousal, orgasms, entire sexuality is so tied to my BDSM leanings as to veer almost more into fetish than kink. (If one presumes fetish = requirement.) On top of that, the emotional connection has to be juuuuust riiiiiight.

Getting to the orgasms at all is a mountain to climb. What you propose is far beyond my current ken.

In fact, Lit, while a godsend in helping me to understand my proclivities, has actually narrowed my options in other ways. I used to get by on masturbation and fantasy. Now that I've actually sampled my kind of sex with the prerequisite emotional connection via e-sex, fantasy just doesn't do. *shrug*

I mean, it's cool that you explore this stuff, but for me it's like…your talking another language.

One from off planet.

When having sexy time by myself, my default measure for so long has been just to fire up porn, specifically bdsm porn, watch that for a while until my mind takes over to the end. I sometimes actually make sure to get myself off in another way. It isn’t always possible, but actually try to make sure effort to use different forms of arousal.

 

[Endless_Night]

When having sexy time by myself, my default measure for so long has been just to fire up porn, specifically bdsm porn, watch that for a while until my mind takes over to the end. I sometimes actually make sure to get myself off in another way. It isn’t always possible, but actually try to make sure effort to use different forms of arousal.

This is great! Except porn doesn't work for me. (Again, why do the people all seem so ugly. )

At one point stories worked. The right kind of story written the right kind of way, but, as mentioned above, not so much anymore.

Yes. For anyone wondering.

Yes. I am actually as difficult and picky as I seem in real life.

More.

 

[base10]

This is great! Except porn doesn't work for me. (Again, why do the people all seem so ugly. )

At one point stories worked. The right kind of story written the right kind of way, but, as mentioned above, not so much anymore.

Yes. For anyone wondering.

Yes. I am actually as difficult and picky as I seem in real life.

More.

Maybe we just need a different fetish. But my mind has also been drifting to bdsm for as long as I can remember

 

[Endless_Night]

Maybe we just need a different fetish. But my mind has also been drifting to bdsm for as long as I can remember

Perhaps. I do find it interesting that kink has opened doors for me that, before, had remained locked. Things, like multiple orgasms. Too, when sexually engaged I am HIGLY sexually engaged. Perhaps the lack of otherwise kicks my body and mind into hyperdrive.

My sexuality is certainly a challenge. The most difficult part may be that it seems to require a partner.

I dislike feeling it's a requirement.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Enny. You and I are cut from the same cloth

 

[Endless_Night]

Enny. You and I are cut from the same cloth

I know.

I'm sorry.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I'm not. It's working for me. I've decided to stop trying to be everyone else and just accept my quirks and work with them.

I've had some exceptional experiences. I may not be good at pleasuring myself, but that doesn't mean I don't know pleasure

 

[Endless_Night]

It's so annoying! I'm such a controlling little soul. It just Kills me not to be in control of this stuff.

Who's in charge?

I wanna speak to the management.

 

[Mrtenant]

It's not that I don't find this interesting. I do. It's just, for me, the idea of fine tuning control of my sexuality is like a twenty year old planning for retirement. If anything, my sexuality has control over me!

My interest, arousal, orgasms, entire sexuality is so tied to my BDSM leanings as to veer almost more into fetish than kink. (If one presumes fetish = requirement.) On top of that, the emotional connection has to be juuuuust riiiiiight.

Getting to the orgasms at all is a mountain to climb. What you propose is far beyond my current ken.

In fact, Lit, while a godsend in helping me to understand my proclivities, has actually narrowed my options in other ways. I used to get by on masturbation and fantasy. Now that I've actually sampled my kind of sex with the prerequisite emotional connection via e-sex, fantasy just doesn't do. *shrug*

I mean, it's cool that you explore this stuff, but for me it's like…your talking another language.

One from off planet.

I hear ya. Well stated.

To be fair, it is is tough for me to be a Ballchinian here on Earth.

 

[base10]

Perhaps. I do find it interesting that kink has opened doors for me that, before, had remained locked. Things, like multiple orgasms. Too, when sexually engaged I am HIGLY sexually engaged. Perhaps the lack of otherwise kicks my body and mind into hyperdrive.

My sexuality is certainly a challenge. The most difficult part may be that it seems to require a partner.

I dislike feeling it's a requirement.

Well I’d certainly rather have a partner, though thankfully am capable of satisfying organisms myself.

I do wonder why some are so much better than others. I sometimes cum and I feels just like clearing out the pipes and getting a release, while others times is a fully body explosion. If only I could better understand that to have better and better orgasms

 

[base10]

I'm not. It's working for me. I've decided to stop trying to be everyone else and just accept my quirks and work with them.

I've had some exceptional experiences. I may not be good at pleasuring myself, but that doesn't mean I don't know pleasure

If your quirks work for you, own them. While I’ve certainly owned my quirks and fetishes, I’m trying to be better with being up front with others about them. When opening up, it tends to work out well, but it’s difficult for me to open up about it a lot of times

 

[Strixaluco]

In fact, Lit, while a godsend in helping me to understand my proclivities, has actually narrowed my options in other ways. I used to get by on masturbation and fantasy. Now that I've actually sampled my kind of sex with the prerequisite emotional connection via e-sex, fantasy just doesn't do. *shrug*

I can relate to this, has happened to me too. Not much masturbation "alone" after getting used to awesome e-sex.
For me it just wasn't a mountain to climb before, it just became one because of this.

 

[Hyacinthus151]

I'm not. It's working for me. I've decided to stop trying to be everyone else and just accept my quirks and work with them.

I've had some exceptional experiences. I may not be good at pleasuring myself, but that doesn't mean I don't know pleasure

That’s what’s important, we aren’t all wired the same so don’t expect the same experiences and drive. Amazing book called “Come as you are” helped me realize this when I was feeling like maybe my sexuality was too much.

The author is a psychologist and basically describes our sex drives as a balance between gas and brakes. Some people are wired for all gas, others all breaks, and everything in between. Sometimes there is a reason why your heavy on the gas, it’s a quick escape from negative emotions or maybe the complete opposite.

ADHD is a super power tough to focus. Hyper focus on sex and you might forget to eat, but hyperfocus on something else and it might not even enter your mind. “Ferrari brain with brakes.”

Being comfortable with who you are and what you enjoy is what matters.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

We are massive Nagoski fans in here. Great book!!

 

[Endless_Night]

Ordered!

And this very much describes my experience. The ADHD hyper focus is such a thing. Get me on a project? Forget about obstacles. That project will bloom! Yet my mental engagement is such that sex (or practically anything else) ceases to cross my mind.

Of course, sexual engagement is the same. If all the pieces have come together in the *right way* sex has ALL my focus. All day. Every day. All.

Before the ADHD diagnosis, I'd come to the conclusion my sex pattern was just somehow cyclic, and I suppose, in a way, that's true.

I wonder how it would be with a partner that understood my pattern and shared my proclivities. Would it be the same? Sex forgotten while in Project Mode? Or would they keep me on track, carrying me through the unfocused periods so that orgasms were integrated as a habitual routine? (Which sounds drab, but I don't mean it so. )

Too, the hyper focus on other things means going long periods not working on sexual issues that could use improvement, which can be something of an impediment in itself.

Idk. It hadn't occurred to me until recently how much the ADHD impacted my sexuality. Interesting stuff.

That’s what’s important, we aren’t all wired the same so don’t expect the same experiences and drive. Amazing book called “Come as you are” helped me realize this when I was feeling like maybe my sexuality was too much.

The author is a psychologist and basically describes our sex drives as a balance between gas and brakes. Some people are wired for all gas, others all breaks, and everything in between. Sometimes there is a reason why your heavy on the gas, it’s a quick escape from negative emotions or maybe the complete opposite.

ADHD is a super power tough to focus. Hyper focus on sex and you might forget to eat, but hyperfocus on something else and it might not even enter your mind. “Ferrari brain with brakes.”

Being comfortable with who you are and what you enjoy is what matters.

We are massive Nagoski fans in here. Great book!!

 

[LovelyLadyLicker]

I really like this thread. It brings back memories of when I first touched myself. Since I grew up in a conservative small town rife with prude religion, I didn't realize my fingers could hold so much power until I was 18. I felt I had the authority to look up porn and of course, the first thing I gravitated to was lesbian porn. It was softcore, but that and the many saucy stories on Wattpad had me wet with excitement in no time. I think I watched films and read stories for an hour with a swollen, sensitive oasis between my thighs before I curiously slid my hand down and felt fireworks explode in my head following a gentle caress against my clit. I remember counting orgasming about 23 times that night, and even more the next night. I couldn't believe such an amazing feeling could be had in quiet innocence.

Fast forward a few years and I'm reading as much as I can on the clitoris that was never taught to me. I'm realizing why I have a difficult time sitting still in chairs with hard, flat, smooth surfaces; why I prefer to hump instead of being penetrated, and why most of my pleasure is experienced at the entrance of my tight vagina. For a long time, I thought I needed fat, girthy cocks to make me feel something, but it was where I needed to be touched that mattered all along. The bulbs of my clitoris enjoy my gentle stimulation on the outskirts of my vagina and I can get off by squeezing my thighs together and pressing against my chair of choice alone. I know all of the sensitive buttons I need to press to make myself squirt just right, such as curled upwards inside of me, or pressing down just above my clit. But that doesn't make squirting any less overwhelming.

My mind needs to be engaged more than anything because that is the real source of my arousal. One misspoken word or awful memory can bring me back to square one if I'm not focused. But when I am fully immersed in the experience, I can aspire to achieve my goal of surpassing my orgasm account of 33. One can only dream.

 

[Joxlrg]

I really like this thread. It brings back memories of when I first touched myself. Since I grew up in a conservative small town rife with prude religion, I didn't realize my fingers could hold so much power until I was 18. I felt I had the authority to look up porn and of course, the first thing I gravitated to was lesbian porn. It was softcore, but that and the many saucy stories on Wattpad had me wet with excitement in no time. I think I watched films and read stories for an hour with a swollen, sensitive oasis between my thighs before I curiously slid my hand down and felt fireworks explode in my head following a gentle caress against my clit. I remember counting orgasming about 23 times that night, and even more the next night. I couldn't believe such an amazing feeling could be had in quiet innocence.

Fast forward a few years and I'm reading as much as I can on the clitoris that was never taught to me. I'm realizing why I have a difficult time sitting still in chairs with hard, flat, smooth surfaces; why I prefer to hump instead of being penetrated, and why most of my pleasure is experienced at the entrance of my tight vagina. For a long time, I thought I needed fat, girthy cocks to make me feel something, but it was where I needed to be touched that mattered all along. The bulbs of my clitoris enjoy my gentle stimulation on the outskirts of my vagina and I can get off by squeezing my thighs together and pressing against my chair of choice alone. I know all of the sensitive buttons I need to press to make myself squirt just right, such as curled upwards inside of me, or pressing down just above my clit. But that doesn't make squirting any less overwhelming.

My mind needs to be engaged more than anything because that is the real source of my arousal. One misspoken word or awful memory can bring me back to square one if I'm not focused. But when I am fully immersed in the experience, I can aspire to achieve my goal of surpassing my orgasm account of 33. One can only dream.

May I just say that if you haven't written and or published a story here on Lit.. I wish you would do so..
I love your writing and you can convey your feelings in written word very well..
Just my 2 cents

 

[LovelyLadyLicker]

May I just say that if you haven't written and or published a story here on Lit.. I wish you would do so..
I love your writing and you can convey your feelings in written word very well..
Just my 2 cents

Why thank you! I've been told this many times and have recently taken the first step to writing my first erotic story. It's pretty softcore, but my rule of thumb is if I'm blushing, I'm doing something right

 

[Joxlrg]

Please either provide a link to it or where I may find it so I can read it..
I would love to
When you finish it that is...

 

[LizVegas79]

Hello Pervs

I have a confession. It's not really a confession because to me it's completely normal. But apparently it's blowing people's minds a little...

I don't really masturbate. It's not something I grew up doing, didn't build a habit around it and haven't had the inkling to put any real effort into figuring it out. Until now.

I've managed to somehow explore my sexuality within the confines of my mind and partnered sex. I haven't always acknowledged or even centered my need for pleasure and as I grow older I learn that shit has got to change. I want to feel good and I am worthy of that.

So, dear friends, grab a vibrator and come with me now on a journey through time and space to the land of (the mighty boosh)

I plan on using this space to journal my adventures and maybe have y'all chime in with whatever comes up for you. I dunno, I just think lit is the perfect place to chronicle my adventures of being a geriatric millennial that finally decided to rub one out on her own.

Wanna join Aussie's Self Pleasure Study Club?
Let's feel good together.

Sign me up! I LOVE your idea of keeping a journal of our private times Aussie!

No matter how embarrassing they might be right? (I literally brought myself to my knees last week in the shower!)

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Hello there, pervs!

It's been a while since I've been in here. Not only did cobwebs start appearing in my crotch, they kinda also made it here a little...

I kid, I kid.

This place is spotless. Thanks to the maintenance staff working hard in the background!!

Anyways, I read this article about women preferring to read erotica to having sex and I'm starting to get it. I can't totally see why masturbating is way better than some of the sex I've had over the years. When I find the right porn, I can have a really great time with myself. And yeah, I would much rather do that in the moment than have to try and figure out how to coordinate four people's schedules so that I can have sex, because that's kinda what's gotta happen.

(Pro tip to my dudes out there raising tiny humans with another person, if you wanna get laid, take ownership of everyone's schedule. Make the effort to figure out childcare etc. Don't just turn up horny!)

So this one is for the ladies-

Would you rather read erotica or have sex?

 

[Mav Unlimited]

I am not a lady…hold on…*checks* yes, I’m not a lady but I’m pretty sure I prefer reading erotica to having sex. Probably because I’ve never had really good sex. And I don’t expect I will anytime soon either.

 

[Strixaluco]

I'd rather read than have one-night-stands. In a couple of long relationships the sex also turned to be something that was inferior to reading - when there even was any.

But I've had online sex in an online relationship that pretty much made me stop reading erotica for as long as the relationship lasted. Not to even mention the sex in some of my offline relationships, including the current one, that is so awesome I don't really care for anything else, including masturbation.