Bad Random Life Tips.

[stickygirl]

If you see a cat stuck up a tree, pull a gun on it and explain its choices. Either way you'll be a hero

 

[mnbreastluver]

After being pulled over by a cop on the road, quickly lunge for your driver's license to show the officer just how enthusiastically cooperative you are

 

[stickygirl]

If you're short of small change ask a beggar - they have plenty

 

[SirConradPeckereye]

If you killed it at axe throwing.... ALWAYS bring a knife to a gun fight

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you shake your salad dressing bottle in your cube long enough, your co-workers will think you're masturbating and not bother you until you're done with lunch.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Always drive with tacos. That way, at every stop light, you get to be the guy eating tacos. You’ll be the cool one, unlike those other taco-free chumps

 

[mnbreastluver]

Please stay away from trucks full of jack knives. Almost all truck accidents seem to involve jack knife trucks. Maybe jack knives belong on trains.

 

[MrsPassion]

When meeting someone for the first time practice proper etiquette and lick their palm when they extend their hand for a handshake, if they try to retreat chase them and ask why they deny your pledge of loyalty.

 

[Rob_Royale]

That woman making eyes at you across the bar? The one with the prison facial tats? Probably your soul mate.

 

[MrsPassion]

If you really want to drive him wild….motorboat his toes.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Save time doing taxes by not doing them, the IRS will figure it out for you

 

[Shenanigans90]

If you think your partner doesn’t listen to you, scream out another persons name when you’re in throes of an orgasm.

 

[OtherMan]

If you think your partner doesn’t listen to you, scream out another persons name when you’re in throes of an orgasm.

… possibly her mom’s… yeah… that’s the ticket.

 

[jarigi]

^^^^^
A one way ticket.........Simpler to just cut your dick off now.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Garden naked in your backyard and your neighbors will build a fence free of charge.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Put nudes on your resumes and job applications to stand out from everyone else

 

[willlph]

Gas Station Sushi is always a win

 

[Misshotndeep]

 

[mnbreastluver]

When grocery shopping, if you see someone else’s cart with things you were going to buy in it, feel free to take them and put them in your cart. It’s not stealing because the other person doesn’t own them until they pay for them.

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

View attachment 2227272

I now have plans for tomorrow

 

[Filipinawife]

Get the money first

 

[mnbreastluver]

When you die, have them put your ashes in an hourglass so that you can continue to be included in family game night.

 

[mnbreastluver]

You’re friends will appreciate your comments on how to improve themselves.

You want them to do well, right?

 

[Misshotndeep]

If you love them enough they will change for you. Never give up.

 

[VoraciousValue]

When you pick up chicks on the beach, ask them up front not to shoot your wife in the head.