Bad Random Life Tips.

[Saltfountain]

Pineapple is the perfect topping for pizza

 

[mnbreastluver]

Wear a condom on your tongue for a week so that you can appreciate food more when you take it off.

 

[Klqka]

Stick your dick in crazy, also vacuum cleaners

 

[mnbreastluver]

Roll your dick in powdered hot cheetos before a blowjob to give it an extra helping of flavor.

 

[mnbreastluver]

You know those little bags of silica gel that say “do not eat” on them? Eat them to finally escape the matrix. You’ve been lied to your whole life.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Looking for a cheap and dangerous thrill? Go down anywhere in Mexico and shout: "¡CHINGA TU MADRE!"

It is advisable to run for your life once you're done!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you are a man and too lazy to shower often just limit yourself to masturbate only while taking a shower, you will have several showers in a day and improve your hygiene greatly.

 

[mnbreastluver]

In order to prevent identity theft, maintain a credit score of 350 or less.

 

[stickygirl]

Explain the facts of life to your neighbour's children; they'll be grateful you saved them an embarrassing chore.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Go ahead and wear those heels to that lawn party. It’ll be a great look

 

[NoUseForAnyName]

Cut your chili peppers without gloves while wearing contacts lenses....will increase your appreciation for your eyesight immensely after taking those lenses out.

 

[Mei5ter]

Go ahead and wear those heels to that lawn party. It’ll be a great look

But it's a fabulous leg workout and scarifies the grass too!

 

[stickygirl]

If you've got more players than mice in Mousie Mousie, use a couple of tampons.

 

[SirConradPeckereye]

If someone won't wake up, take ghost pepper sauce with a qtip and apply to their lips.

 

[Saltfountain]

Toothpaste on a sounding rod is the perfect way to keep your peehole clean

 

[jarigi]

If you fall from a high rise balcony, remember to twist and land on all fours like a cat.

 

[Sinstories]

More Fireball is always the answer

 

[Backagainpart4]

Cut your chili peppers without gloves while wearing contacts lenses....will increase your appreciation for your eyesight immensely after taking those lenses out.

Sadly I did that once.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Tell everyone you meet today that you have a huge erection. It'll make everyone feel more self-confident.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you shit your pants while out on a shopping trip, you can cut two holes in the bottom of a reusable shopping bag and use the handles as suspenders, making yourself a handy pair of lederhosen.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you run out of lube. IcyHot is a good substitute

 

[mnbreastluver]

When you get pulled over for drinking and the officer tells you to say the alphabet starting with M It’s a trick. Just say Malphabet.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Need a meal that's going to make you feel full all day? Try a gram of uranium-235! As it decays, only one gram of uranium emits some 20 billion calories (over billions of years)! And you'll get that nice radioactive green glow!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Maximize social media presence by posting all your problems and drama online. Your followers will appreciate the constant updates on your personal life, and you'll never have to worry about personal accountability! Bonus points for vaguebooking and cryptic posts that leave everyone wondering.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you can't afford a wedding ring, buy a fake one and accidentally drop it in the ocean while proposing. This will buy you time.