Bad Random Life Tips.

Wear a condom on your tongue for a week so that you can appreciate food more when you take it off.
 
You know those little bags of silica gel that say “do not eat” on them? Eat them to finally escape the matrix. You’ve been lied to your whole life.
 
Looking for a cheap and dangerous thrill? Go down anywhere in Mexico and shout: "¡CHINGA TU MADRE!"

It is advisable to run for your life once you're done!
 
If you are a man and too lazy to shower often just limit yourself to masturbate only while taking a shower, you will have several showers in a day and improve your hygiene greatly.
 
Explain the facts of life to your neighbour's children; they'll be grateful you saved them an embarrassing chore.
 
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If you shit your pants while out on a shopping trip, you can cut two holes in the bottom of a reusable shopping bag and use the handles as suspenders, making yourself a handy pair of lederhosen.
 
Need a meal that's going to make you feel full all day? Try a gram of uranium-235! As it decays, only one gram of uranium emits some 20 billion calories (over billions of years)! And you'll get that nice radioactive green glow! :D
 
Maximize social media presence by posting all your problems and drama online. Your followers will appreciate the constant updates on your personal life, and you'll never have to worry about personal accountability! Bonus points for vaguebooking and cryptic posts that leave everyone wondering.
 
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